The canting academy, or, The devils cabinet opened wherein is shewn the mysterious and villanous practices of that wicked crew, commonly known by the names of hectors, trapanners, gilts, &c. : to which is added a compleat canting-dictionary, both of old words, and such as are now most in use : with several new catches and songs, compos'd by the choisest wits of the age ...
Head, Richard, 1637?-1686?
Page  1

Villanies Discovered: OR THE DEVILS CABINET Broken Open, &c.

THe task I have undertaken is so difficult, and the Persons I am about to desoribe so many, and their Vices and Practices so Villainously va∣rious, (though they all con∣center in one Hellish de∣sign) that I know not how to begin, nor how to end when I have begun, for their Rogueries are infi∣nite, and would everlastingly practice them, did not Hemp of their own beating, and a Rope of their own making, put an end to the further pro∣gress of their matchless Villainies.

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However, I shall endeavour to give you an exact account of these Caterpillars, with their hidden and mysterious way of speaking, which they make use of to blind the eyes of those they have cheated or robb'd, and inform one another with what they have done, or designe to do. There is no profest Rogue whatever, (if he be qualified for his thiev∣ing faculty) but must be well vers'd in Canting: and to the intent that they may not fall short of being excellent proficients in all manner of Ro∣guery, they lay the ground work thereof in Cant∣ing, for by this they are able to converse with, and understand those of the upper Form of Villa∣ny, and by constant frequenting their company, become acquainted with Canting words which are most new, and what are thrown aside as too com∣monly known, the use whereof if not timely left off, may be the Instruments which may unhappily be∣tray them to their condign punishments.

The principal Professors of this Gibberish or Canting, I find, are a sort of People which are vulgarly called Gypsies; and they do endeavour to perswade the ignorant, that they were extracted from the Egyptians, a people heretofore very fa∣mous for Astronomy, Natural Magick, the Art of Divination, with many other occult Arts and Sci∣ences; and these Strolers (that they may seem to have their derivation from these ancient black Magi) are great pretenders to Fortune-telling, and to colour their impostures, they artificially disco∣lour their faces, and with this tawny hew and tat∣terdemallion habit, they rove up and down the Country, and with the pretension of wonderful prediction, delude a many of the younger and less intelligent people.

And that they may not prejudice their Society Page  3any ways by foolish babling, betraying the hellish secrets of the fraternity, they swear all that are admitted into their Fellowship: for did they not take that course, they could not be safe among themselves from homebred treachery. For as they live together, so they lie promiscuously one with another; so that as they know not how to claim a propriety in the children begotten, the Mothers nely being sensible whose they are by conception, so all things else are in common among them. This general interest tyes them more firmly together, than if all their rags were twisted into ropes to bind them indissolvably from a Separation.

However they have a Form of an Oath, with Articles annexed thereunto, which though it binds but slightly, yet they keep it for the most part in∣violably, which every one must take before he is admitted into this ragged society, administred by the principal Maunder, or Roguing Stroler.

The Form of the Oath, with the Articles thereunto annexed, which these Gypsies and other Stroling Canters take, when they are first admitted into this Society.

HIs name is first demanded, and after some little pause, a Nick-name given him, by which he is ever after called, and in time his other name is quite forgotten. Then up he stands in the middle, and directing his face to the Principal, he swears in this manner; as it is dictated to him by one of the most experienced:

I Crank Cuffin do swear to be a true Brother, and will in all things obey the commands of the great tawny Prince, and keep his counsel, nor Page  4divulge the Secrets of my Brethren.

I will take my Princes part against all shall oppose him, or any of us, according to the utmost of my ability: nor will I suffer him, or any there∣unto belonging, to be abused by any strange A∣brams, Rufflers, Hookers, Palliards, Swadlers, Irish Toyls, Swig-men, Whip-jacks, Jark-men, Bawdy-baskets, Dommerars, Clapperdogeons, Patrices, or Curtalls, but will defend him or them as much as I can against thse or any other Outlyers whatever.

I will not conceal ought I win out of Libkens, or from the Rufmans, but will preserve it for the use of the Company.

I will never leave nor forsake this Company but observe and keep all the times of appointment either by day or by night, in any place whatso∣ever.

I will not teach any one to Cant, nor will I disclose ought of our mysteries to them, although they flaug me to the death.

Lastly, I will cleave to my Doxy Wap stiffly, and will bring her Cloaths, Hens, Turkies, Piggs, Geese, or any thing else I can come at, as winnings for her wapping.

Having adopted a new Brother, a general stock is raised for Booz; as for Peck, that they can pro∣cure without money; the Booz being fetcht, some are sent to break the Rufmans, for firing, others to filch Tybs of the Buttery, Cackling cheats, Mar∣gery Praters, Red-shanks, and Grunting cheats; their Morts are their Butchers, who presently make bloody work with what living things are brought them. The fire kindled under some re∣more hedg or obscure place, the food is diversly dressed; you must not imagine that they had a Page  5Jack, or Dripping-pan, to roast their meat with; or when it was drest, they were overcurious of sauce, napkins, or trenchers; but to work they go when all is ready, Tooth and Nail; and having eaten more like Beasts than Men, they drink more like Swine than humane Creatures.

The Reasons, or Causes, of their following this course of Life.

THey are a lazy and idle fort of people which cannot indure to take pains for an honest livelihood, but rather then labour, strole up and down all the Summer time in Droves or Compa∣nies, and by telling fortunes (that is, by deluding young Country wenches, and other foolish and credulous people) they pick up a great deal of Money, not onely what is freely given, but they will dextrously pick pocket whilst they are telling these simple people what shall hereafter befall them. For whilst one of these cunning Gypsies holds the hand, pretending to read therin strange things which shall come to pass, another secretly and nimbly dives into their pocket; what money is taken from thence, is instantly conveyed to ano∣ther, and so to a third, and by a fourth so cun∣ningly hid, that the strictest search shall never find it out. If you tax them therewith, they will make a thousand imprecations, oaths and protestations that they have none of it, wishing the ground may open and swallow them up if they meddled there∣with, yet if some perty reward be offered to the discoverer, or the severe lash produced, or sound∣ly threatned, whatever was lost shall be instantly restored.

Page  6

I have heard when silver hatbands were in fashi∣on, h several of them were stoln off the hats of such who were so indiscreet as to inquire of these roguish Impostors what shall befall them, and by such means, that one would admire how it could be done, for whilst the Mother did earnestly look in the hand, the child at the back pin'd up with a skewer (after the Irish fashion) reaching over the Mothers head takes off the hatband; I am credibly informed that these childeren were taught to do it t two year old. Besides picking of pockets, they are very dextrous in stealing any thing that comes near their hands, either within doors or without, which they instantly convert into Money, and that into drink, of which they all share alike, all things being in common amongst them; this is it which makes them take such delight in this villainous way of living; in this following story you shall more fully understand their way.

In the Year one thousand six hundred seventy and one, I rode from London to visit some friends at Rochester, by the way I met with a crew of str∣ling canting Gypsies, whilst I was busying my eyes about them with more curiosity than discretion, I was surrounded by them and so beset with them or every side, that I knew not what to think, having before moso many palpable symptomes of approach∣ing danger; however, I thought it prudence not to express any fear, and therefore undauntedly I demanded their business, and the reason of their thus thronging about me? Sir, said one, which seem'd to be the lustiest and most confident fellow of the whole Company, we come from a far cour∣try (speaking in a strange tone, and stranger Eng∣lish) and are the true children of the Wise men of the East, we are skil'd in the dark and secret my∣steries Page  7of Nature, and suck'd from our Mothers breasts the knowledge of the stars, and can tell what hath or will befall mortals, by the lines in their hands; hereupon he desired me to let him look into my hand, and he would tell me things I should be glad and willing to understand. Whilst he was busying himself in telling me my fortunes, I with much earnestness observed his countenance, which methoughts I knew, notwithstanding its tawny dye; I view'd it again and again, and by often comparing the present lineaments of his face, with those my memory had formerly retained of him, I grew confident this man must be one of my former acquaintance. Having throughly view'd my hand, and seemingly taking some information from my face, he began to tell me some truths that I knew to be so, (for like a cunning Rogue he had not forgot me) though he would not take the least notice of me; and that I might not suspect him, he presently roved from the discourse of what he experimentally knew of me, and talk'd at random of I know not what; Having finished his predicti∣ons, instead of giving him a reward, I desired that I might see his hand, and in requital of the pains he had taken to tell me my fortune, I told him, I would tell him his; With some unwillingness he gave me his hand, and looking into it, after some pause, I spake after this manner: Sir, I can but reverence and admire you for your great skill, and must respect your person, in spight of the meaness of your apparel. What you have informed me with, for the most part is so true, that had you been my bosome and most familiar Friend, you could not have told me more; and that I may make proof of my knowledge in your mysterious art of divination, give me leave to tell you some things, the truth whereof your self shall be Judge of.

Page  8

First, You are an English man, and have not one drop of Egyptian 〈◊〉 in you; the place of your na∣tivity was Excester, where you made some proficency in the learning at the Grammar School; but so noto∣rious arch and Roguish you grew, that before you arrived to sixteen years of age you had like to have been hanged twice. From this famous Western City, you were transmitted to London, where you had not ser∣ved above half the time of your Apprenticeship, be∣fore you had committed so many villanies, that Lon∣don was resolved to spew you out of your Native Country; for one fact (you wot of well) more noto∣rious than the rest, transported you to Virginia.

My skill in Palmestry, Physiognomy, and Astrolo∣gy, will not inform me more than what I have re∣lated: You know how you have behaved your self there, and since your return, and You and I both know what will become of you at last, if you do not shun this wicked and lazy course of life, and endea∣vour to live other wise.

Hereupon I clapt spurrs to my Horse, but could not stir one foot, for this sturdy Rogue had fast hold of my bridle Reins. Now did I think he would have hinder'd me from ever telling Fortunes more, but I was soon convinced to the contrary, when I saw in what humble manner he beseeched me to stay, that he might have a little time to dis∣course with me: I granted his request, and did so far prevail with me, as to lie that night at an house of his appointment.

Without much ceremony in taking leave of one the other, on I rid to the place appointed for our meeting, it being not many miles distant from the place where I met with this ragged crue of Tatter∣demallions, I got in four hours before Sunset: I might have been there sooner had it not been for Page  9the obscurity of the place on which this stately Maunding Mansion, this Begging Dormitory stood, which I found out more by the description my Captain Gypsie gave me of it, than any other in∣formation I met with by the way.

Arriving at the house, with what tokens I brought with me, my reception was as kind as they could make it; and preparations were instantly made, not onely for my sake, but for the welcome of the Strolers they expected.

The house was not very splendid you may ima∣gine, yet large enough to contain three times tha Company. Whilst I was pensively sitting, think∣ing on what I had seen, and studying how I might divert my self till their coming, my Hosts daugh∣ter brought me some Ale, of which I had no soon∣er tasted, but I was forced to commend the good∣ness of it.

She was homely, yet cleanly clad, and very tall. The Father and Mother, what with age and arti∣ficial means they heretofore used to discolour their faces, look'd like the twins of a lecherous He-De∣vil, begotten on an overgrown age-ridden Lapland Witch; for it seems this pair of House-keepers had formerly used the trade of stroling and telling fortunes, but growing old and unable to travel, had by the assistance of the Brotherhood, erected this Fabrick for their reception.

The goodness of the Ale made me drink freely of it, and the liberty I took to indulge my appetite, made me as freely talk. This perswaded my Host and Hostess that they might take some freedom to, nor was the daughter therein a jot behind us; I might now properly say, we were as merry as so many Beggars: and that I might not want Musick to increase my mirth, the Father, Mother, and Page  10Daughter did interchangably sing, but in such a language that I should never have understood what they sung, had they not been so kind to be their own interpreters. The songs which they sung in Canting I have added to this treatise.

I drank to so high a pitch, that I was forced to forsake my Company and betake my self to sleep, trusting them to do with me as they pleased, but awaking after two hours, and considering how foolishly I had done, I examined my pockets but found nothing missing, then turning my self about, there lay my untouch'd Bed-fellow, the Hosts daughter by my side, who tired with expectation was fallen asleep, it was unkindly done of me to slight the present my loving Landlady had sent me, and I could not but be troubled at the dissatis∣faction I read in the eyes and face of the poor fool'd and cheated Girl.

By that time, I got up, in came the Egyptian Prince, according to his hour, with his Concu∣bines children and the rest of his retinue, who were instantly conducted into the largest room in the house, commonly called the Hall, where eve∣ry one being seated, and store of booz and fogus, (Drink and Tobacco) brought them, I was ac∣quainted with their arrival, and of his Higness desire to have some conference with me.

I obey'd the Summons who upon my approach ars and welcom'd me into their Society: there were few complements past between us, instead thereof the brown bowl past often, none refusing their liquor, nay, these of four years old were taught 〈…〉 the bottom of the cup; in an hours time the room and all in i became invisible, for no∣thing was to be seen, but the smoak that proceeded from their Pipes of an inch long.

Page  11

The fury of this smoaking rage being somewhat abated, and having pretty well drench'd their Ve∣suvian throats, they began to sing their wild tunes: endeavouring to make harmony out of the greatest discord imaginable.

I would fain have had some discourse with my old acquaintance, but he desired me to defer it a little longer and hereupon he calls a lusty rogue to him, and comands him to sing a Canting song, which was made upon the Budge, that is, such who steal into houses in the night carrying off what next comes to their hands; of which tribe, as he told me, he was formerly one, which he desert∣ed for the continual hazard attending the Professers thereof, and betook himself to this, in which there is no great danger of life, only a fleaing of the skin now and then or so; and thus he sang.

1. Canting Song.

Of the Budge.

THe a Budge it is a delicate trade,
And a delicate trade of fame,
For when that we have b bit the blow
We carry away the c game.
But if the d Cully e naps us,
And the f Lurries from us take,
O then he g rubs us to the h Whit,
Though w'are hardly worth a i Make.
And when that we come to the Whit,
Our k Darbyes to behold,
And for to do our pennance there
We booz the Water cold;
Page  12
But when that we come out again,
And the merry l Hick we meet,
Weel m file him of his n cole,
As he o pikes along the street.
And when that we have filed him,
Perhaps of half a p Job
Then every man to the q Boozing Ken
And there to r fence his hog.
But if the Cully napps us,
As a thing it is unfit
To take away the cole from us
And rub us to the Whit.
And when we come unto the Whit
For garnish they do cry,
Marry fogh, Pox on you, you son of a bich,
You shall have it by and by.
Then every man with his s Mob in his hand,
And so we kiss and part,
From hence we are divorced
To the t Nubbing-cheat in a Cart.
And when we come to the Nubbing-cheat
For running on the Budge,
There stands uJack Kitch, that son of a bitch,
Who owes us all a grudge;
For when that he hath nubbed us,
And our friends x tips him no cole,
He takes his y Chive and cuts us down
And tips us into the hole.
But if we have a friend stands by
z Six and eight pence for to pay,
Then they may have 〈…〉 back,
And carry us quite 〈…〉
Page  13
For at St Giles, or St. Martins
A burying place is still;
And there's an end of a running Budge,
And the Son of a whore hath his will.

This song being ended, I was askt how I liked it, I told him the tune might be passable, but in the composition there was much more impudence than sense or reason; he presently replyed, how grosly Sir you are mistaken, to expect from such either sense or reason; for had they either, they could not be so impudent as to continue in such courses which bring some or other of that Gang to Page  14the Gallows every Sessions. I was somewhat sur∣prized at this sudden reply from a person so incon∣siderable to outward appearance, but the remem∣brance of his former good education and natural arts, lessen'd my admiration. Whilst I was thus nusing with my self, another of this Hellish con∣regation put me out of my dumps, by voluntary inging after this manner.

2. Canting Song.

The Beggars Curse.

THe Ruffin cly the nab of the Harmanbeck
If we maund Pannam, lap, or ruff peck
Or poplars of Yarum; he cuts bing to the Ruffmans,
Or else he boldly swears by the Lightmans,
To put our stamps fast in the Harmans,
The Ruffin cly the Ghost of the Harmanbeck.
If we heave a booth we cly the Jerk,
If we niggle or Mill a Boozing Ken
Or nip a bung that hath but a win,
Or dup the Giger of a Gentry Coves Ken,
Straight to the Cuffin quire we bing,
And then to the Whit, to scour the cramprings,
From thence at the Nubbing-cheat we trine in the Lightmans
The Bube and the Ruffin cly the Harmanbeck and Harmans.
Thus rendred in English, word for word.
THe Devil take the Constables head
If we beg milk, bacon, butter or bread,
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Milk, Pottage to the hedge bids us hie,
Or swears by this light i'th stocks we shall lie.
The Devil haunt the Constables Ghost,
If we rob but a Cabbin w'are whipt at a post;
If a pittiful Ale-house we rob or break open,
Or cut a purse hath but one single token,
Or come stealing in at a Gentlemans door,
To the Justice w'are hurried though never so poor
Then next to the Goal to be shakled with irons
And then to the Gallows which many invirons,
Where up we are truss'd i'th' day time; the Pox
Take the Constable and the Devil take the stocks.

Now it was thought high time to interline their inging with drinking, which they did with a wit∣ss. The strangeness of their adventure, as it ossest my brains with admiration, so it seized my fancy with some kind of delectation, and to ex∣pr sme sense of satisfaction, I seem'd in some measure as merry as they; my complacency to their humours so obliged them, that striving to outdo each other in singing, I thought with the Nightingal, they would have dyed in the attempt; had not supper come in in the mean time to stop their Mouths. I lied the chear well enough, being good provision, and well dress'd, but the sight of the opposite Guests had so turn'd my sto∣mack, that not one bit would go down with me.

I could not forbear laughing out-right, when I consider'd my sitting at the table. I was seated at the upper end, as deserving the place by the merit of my garme s, the two poles admitting of no greater difference than between their cloaths and mine. Any one of indifferent judgment seeing me so inthron'd, would have sworn I had been King of the Beggars, or that I had been some Low-Country Page  16Factor sent over to traffick with these Rag-merchants.

Our stomacks were so sharp, that we tock not the tythe of the time a Dutchman doth in the filling his belly; to be short, we fell again to drinking; and now to gratifie me for my company, the fair Barbarian Princess would needs take upon her to sing also; this Princess you must know was the principal and most beloved Concubine of this Gyp∣sie King, and had been so to three before him, one whereof was so severely (flaugg'd at the Tumbler) whipt at the Carts-arse for several mis-demeaners, hat he dyed thereof, the other was (nub'd) hang'd, and the last (marrinated) transported.

She was not so old but that her Prince acknow∣ledg'd her the most bucksom thing he ever saw, and ndeed by her countenance I could guess no less; but so foul and athsome by reason of her Raggs and Hellish paint, that he must have a stronger stomack than I, that hath a mind to swop his Joc∣kum with her: the song she sung was this.

3. Canting Song.

Being a Wenches complaint for, and praise of her lusty Rogue, who rambled the Coun∣try with her.

NOw my Kinchin Cove is gone,
By the Rum pad maunded none,
In quarrons both for stamps and bone
Like my Clapperdogeon.
Page  17
Dimber damber fare thee well
Palliards all thou didst excel,
And thy Jocky bore the bell,
Glymmer on it never fell.
Thou the Cramprings ne're didst scowre
Harmans had on thee no power,
Harmanbecks did never toure
For thee, though Drawers still had loure.
Duds and cheats thou oft hast won
Yet the Cuffin-quire couldst shun
And thy Deusavile didst run,
Else the chates had thee undone.
Cank and Dommerar thou couldst play
Or Rum-Maunder in one day,
And like an Abram-Cove couldst pray
Yet pass with Jybes well jerk'd away.
When the Darkmans have been wet
Thou the Crackmans down didst beat
For Glymmar whilst a quacking cheat,
Or Tib o'th' Buttery was our meat.
Red shanks then I could not lack,
Ruff-peck still hung at my back,
Grannam ever fill'd my sack,
With lap and poplars held I tack.
To thy Bughar and thy skew,
Filch and Jybes I bid adieu,
Though thy Togeman was not new,
Yet the Ruffler in't was true.
Page  18
In English thus.
NOw my little Rogue is gone,
By the High-way begs there none,
In body both for length and bone,
Like my Clapperdogeon.
Pretty Rascal fare thee well,
Born beggars all thou do'st excel,
Thy Sweep-stakes still shall bare the Bell,
No Fire-ship yet aboard it fell.
Bolts my Bully ne'r did wear
Never thou the stocks didst fear,
For thee no Constable did swear,
For thou hadst Mony and to spare.
Cloaths by stealth thou oft hast got,
Yet the Justice took thee not,
But through the Country thou didst trot,
The Gallows else had been thy lot.
Dumb and Madman thou couldst play,
Or a drivling Fool all day,
And like a poor man thou couldst pray.
Yet stap'd with Passes seal'd away.
When the Evening hath been wet,
For Fire the Hedges down didst bear.
Me then with stoln Duck didst treat,
Or else a fat Goose was our meat
Mallards then I could not lack,
Bacon hung always at my back,
Page  19
Nor Corn wanted in my sack,
With good Milk pottage I held tack.
To thy Dog and Dish adieu
Thy Staff and pass I ne're must view,
Though thy Cloak was far from new,
In it my Rogue to me was true.

And now Prince Prig could forbear no longer, but that he must put in for a Continuer of this harmony; when he began to sing, he fix'd his eyes stedfastly on this fair, foul, bucksome, loathsome, courtly ragged Mistress of his, by which I guest the lines might concern her; and so they proved by the sequel.

4. Canting Song.

The Rogues delight in praise of his Stroling Mort.

DOxy oh! Thy Glaziers shine
As Glymmar by the Salomon,
No Gentry Mort hath prats like thine
No Cove e're wap'd with such a one.
White thy fambles, red thy gan,
And thy quartons dainty is,
Couch a hogshead with me than,
In the Darkmans clip and kiss.
What though I no Togeman wear,
Nor Commission, Mish, or slate,
Page  20
Store of strummel wee'l have here.
And i'th' Skipper lib in state.
Wapping thou I know dost love,
Else the Ruffin cly thee Mort,
From thy stampers then remove
Thy Drawers and let's prig in sport.
When the Lightmans up do's call
Margery Prater from her nest,
And her Cackling cheats with all
In a Boozing-Ken wee'l feast.
There if Lour we want I'l mill
A Gage or nip for thee a bung,
Rum booz thou shalt booz thy fill
And crash a Grunting cheat that's young.
Bing awast to Rome-vile then
O my dimber wapping Dell,
Wee'l heave a booth and dock agen
Then trining scape and all is well.
The English thereof.
MY honey Chuck, byth' Mass I swear,
Thine eyes do shine than fire more clear,
No silken Girl hath thighs like thine,
No Doe was ever buck'd like mine.
Thy hand is white and red thy lip,
Thy dainty body I will clip,
Let's down to sleep our selves then lay,
Hug in the dark and kiss and play.
Page  21
What though I no cloak do wear
And neither Shirt or Sheet do bear,
Yet straw wee'l have enough that's sweet
And tumble when i'th' Barn we meet.
What thy Grandam lov'd do'st thou,
The Devil take thee else I vow.
Off then with thy stockings and shooes
And let us do what others use.
When the morning up shall call
From her nest the Hen and all
Her tender Broodlings thou and I,
Will to the Ale-House swiftly fly.
If we can't our reck'ning pay
Somthing I'l filch and steal away,
Drink off thy liquor then thy fill,
Some suckling Pig for thee I'l kill.
7. Therefore to London let us hie
O thou my sweet bewitching eye,
There wee'l rob and kiss pell-mell,
Escaping Tyburn all is well.

Lastly, The most ill-shapen ill-look'd Rogue in the whole Company, sung as followeth.

Page  22

5. Canting Song.

Sung commonly at their general Randez∣vous, or the night before they divided themselves into Tribes or Parties, to strol the Country.

BIng out been Morts and tour and tour,
Bing out been Morts and tour,
For all your duds are bing'd awast
The been Cove hath the lour.
I met a Dell, I view'd her well,
She was benship to my watch,
So she and I did stall and cloy
Whatever we could catch.
This Doxy Dell can cut been whids,
And wap well for a win,
And prig and cloy so benshiply
All the Deuseavile within.
The boyl was up we had good luck
As well in frost as snow,
When they did seek then did we creep
And plant in Ruffmans low.
To stroling Ken the Mort bings then
To fetch lour for her cheats,
Duds and Ruffpeck romboil'd by Harmanbeck
And won by Maunders feats.
Page  23
You Maunders all stow what you stall
To Rum-coves what so quire,
And wapping Dell that niggles well
And takes lour for her hire.
And Jybe well jerk'd tick rome confeck
For back by Glimmar to maund
To mill each Ken let Cove bing then
Through Ruffmans Jauge or laund.
Till Cramprings quire-tip Cove his hire
And Quire Ken do them Catch
A Canniken will quire Cuffin,
So quire to been Coves watch.
Been Darkmans then booz Mort and Ken,
The been Coves bing awast
On Chats to trine by Rum-Coves dine,
For his long lib at last.
Bing out been Morts and tour
Bing out of the Rome vile fine,
And tour the Cove that cloyd your duds
Upon the Chats to trine.
Thus in English.
GO forth brave Girls look out, look out,
Look out I say good Maids,
For all your cloaths are stoln I doubt,
And shar'd among the Blades.
I met a Drab I lik'd her well,
With whom I us'd to dally,
Page  24
What goods we stole we straight did sell,
And then abroad did sally.
This bouncing Trull can finely talk,
She will do for a penny,
Through every Town which she doth walk
Fails not to filch from any.
The house being rais'd aside we step
And through the mire did wade
The Hue and Cry to shun we crept
In Hedges where we laid.
To the Brokers then my Hedg-bird flies,
For goods she brings good coin,
Which though the Constable after hies
Our tricks away purloin.
You Maunding Rogues beware how you
Do steal, for search is made,
And have a care you damned whore,
Who will not do till paid.
A Licence got with forged seal
To beg (as if undone
By fire) to break each house and steal
Ore hedg and ditch then run,
Till shackles soundly pay us home,
And to the Gaol compell us,
Hells plague the Justice heart consume,
So cruel to good fellows.
Sweet Wench, Ale-house and Beer good night,
The honest Rogues departed,
Page  25
To hanging by the Justice spight
To his long home he's carted.
Away sweet Ducks with greedy eyes
From London walk up Holborn
Pursue him stole your Cloaths; he flyes
With hempen wings to Tyburn.

It now grew very late, which with the great quantity of drink made most of the company be∣take themselves to sleep, dropping one after ano∣ther, leaving none at last but my former acquain∣tance and my self together, a thing I all along de∣sired.

Being alone, prythee, said I, give me a reason why thou dost so degenerate from thy Birth and Education as to follow so lazy and so damn'd a course of life, than which their is nothing worse under the Cope of Heaven: have patience, said he, and I will endeavour your satisfaction in every thing that concerned me since my leaving the place of my nativity to this time, and that in this short re∣lation.

Page  26

An account of the notable and notori∣ous life of a late and eminent King of the Gypsies, yet living, taken ver∣batim as he himself related it.

I Need not acquaint you, said he, with the passa∣ges of my life while I was a School-boy at Ex∣cester, since I know they are not unknown to you; I shall therefore inform you when I came to Lon∣don to be an Apprentice, I presently imagined I should not serve my time, that strict course of life being so disagreable to my loose inclinations, and therefore from the first week I never intended to mind my trade, although you know it was as credi∣ble and reputable as most in the whole City.

I was naturally very lazy and slothful, and ever hated any thing that was Gentile, I have often rose from dinner to make an end thereof with those who beg'd at the door, and took as much delight there∣in as others sitting at Noble-mens Tables; so slo∣venly, that though my Master brush'd my coat for 〈◊〉 every day, yet he could not beat the sloving •••on't, nor that roguery, which being bred in the 〈◊〉 will never out of the flesh; when he saw no∣thing would reduce me to observe the rules of de∣ency and civility, he took an occasion knocking late at his door to shut me out, and from thence I re∣solv'd never to return to him again.

All the day time I rambled up and down the out parts of the City, and being almost famish'd I roolv'd rather to beg than starve, which I did so artificially, that I got victuals enough every where; at night I found convenient bulks to lie on, it being then Mid-summer, I lay not in that manner in fear at thing cold.

Page  27

I liv'd after this manner for a Month, and began to be much in love with my begging Profession, and had continued it had I not accidentally fallen into the acquaintance of a notable lazy companion like my self, whom I found sunning himself in Lincolns∣in-fields. With little difficulty and less time we became intimately acquainted, and thereupon sworn brothers. We beg'd together, lay together and louz'd together, and were inseparable; it was he that taught me first to steal, and by his means first soundly whipt. For it was our custome in the close of the Evening, to beg at doors, which if we found open, we boldly enter'd, and if we espi∣ed none in the way, what was next at hand we rub'd off with; if we saw any, we straightwaies applyed our selves to our whining notes and pitiful looks, begging for Gods sake to bestow their charity on two Orphan Twins, who were both troubled with the Falling-sickness: some were so pittiful and credulous as to give their Alms, but the most (see∣ing us sturdy and lusty young Lads) fright'ned us away with the threats of the whiping Post, but these menaces did not scare us from our continual filch∣ing notwithstanding. But the Pitcher goes not so often to the Well but that it comes home broken at last. For one night watching at a door for an op∣portunity, seeing the coast clear I whipt up stairs, and happily the first thing my hands fastned on, was a Hair-Chamlet Cloak; overjoy'd with the good∣ness of the prize and minding not the distance of the stairs from me, I came sooner to the Stair head than I was aware of, and fell to the bottom of the stairs, making a noise like a Devil in a Drum: this unexpected misfortune did put my experienc'd Tu∣tor and Comrade to the run, and with all so al∣arm'd the house, that there was no hole left for me to creep out at.

Page  28

Search being made, I was found with my Cloak lying at the stair foot, not able to stir; but my merciless foes did soon put life in me by by boxing and kicking me one to another; they had done me a kindness had they kick'd me out into the street; but hold there, after all this mis-usage I was car∣ried before a Justice, who presently sent me to Newgate.

Sessions, as good luck would have it, was at hand, otherwise, I know not how I should have lived a fortnight with a penny a day in Bread and Water: Being brought to the old Baily, I had my Tryal, and received sentence of severe whipping, which was accordingly performed, and return'd to Newgate to lie there till I had paid my fees; which was so long (having no friend to help me) that I there became intimately acquainted with the whole Gang of ROGUES, distinguished by Files, Lifts, Gilts, Budges, Runners, Heavers, &c. Who seeing how forward I was to be one of them, promised me, if ever we met abroad, they would instruct me in a trade should bring me in a lively∣hood, which I found would have put me out of one, had I longer followed their instructions.

I now despair'd of coming out, and whilst I thought so, my little Tutor sent a youngster to me (for he durst not come himself, being too well known by the Keepers) who brought me more Money than would discharge my Fees, with dire∣ctions where I should find him.

I instantly addrest my self to the Master-Keeper, telling him that I had a friend had sent me some money and therefore I desired to know what I was indebted and I would pay it, provided I might be discharged; he readily told me, and now we were possest with one and the same joy, that he Page  29was freed from me, and I from him.

I was no sooner out, but I fell a running, as if I intended to run out of my wits, and never stopt till I came to my Comrade: you may imagine there was no small joy at meeting, and to wash down sorrow, we concluded to booz it rumly.

Over our Ale he recounted me all his adven∣tures since my surprizal, and how successful he was in them all; then taking me by the hand, said, come boy ne'r be disheartned for one ill bargain I'l put thee in a way which shall recompence thy whipping.

Night approaching we did several exploits and came off well, the next day and night we continu∣ed them with the like success, and now we had got Money enough to new cloath our selves, which we did, having first unhusk'd.

What I had promised me in New-gate, I had per∣form'd abroad, for meeting with one of my fellow Collegiats, he was over-joy'd to see me, and espe∣cially at such a time when he could serve me; for, said he, I am now going to meet with some accord∣ing to appointment, who will make Ʋs All, he might have added, Be Hanged.

Taking my Comrade I went with him, where we found a jolly company drinking after a strange rate to their good success that night; in a little time I understood their meaning; for, said one, let us cease from this excessive drinking, you know what a weighty business we are to go about, no less than fifteen hundred pound in ready Mony, besides Plate and Jewells: hereupon they were advised, and fell immediately to plotting and rightly contriving the business.

It was agreed upon, that I and my Comrade should be the Forelorne-hope, or more properly the Page  30Perdues; for our charge was to get into this house designed to be rob'd, and abscond our selves in some obscure place and so at such an hour let in our Masters.

At first I knew not what to make of it, judging it so hazardous, that I trembled when I did but think thereon; my Comrade perceiving how ti∣morous I was, shook me by the hand, bidding me be of good courage, he would warrant all well. Hereupon I resolv'd on the exploit and away we went together.

A little before night my Comrade had lodg'd himself, but I knew not where, and being loath to be behind hand with him, I got underneath the stairs in a hole descending into the Collar, so con∣venient, as if it had been made for my purpose. There was a Clock in the house, which I watch∣fully told and observed, and when it struck twelve (which was the fatal hour appointed) out I got and met full-but with my Comrade, who was as di∣ligent as my self to let them in, they being ready without, enter'd and leaving us two Sentinels at Door, they mounted the Stairs, and in a trice had secured all that were in the house by Gagging and binding them; just as they were within ken of their booty; the Gentleman of the house (who had been at play and had quarrell'd with some Gentlemen,) came home attended by several Gen∣tlemen, and guarded with a Constable and strong watch, but wondred to see two young Sentinels at his door; as soon as we saw him we betook our selves to our heels, having no time left to acquaint the rest with the present danger; the Constable seeing us run, let loose a couple of his Night∣hounds, and stay'd our farther progress; in the mean time the Gentleman enter'd his house; they Page  31within finding themselves discovered, drew, and attempted to cut their passage through; but the Constable hearing a great noise with clashing of swords, securing me and my comrade, presently ran to their assistance; and to be short secured them all, with whom we were sent to bear them Company in the Counter that night: in the morn∣ing being carried before the Justice, there was mat∣ter of fact, and proof enough to send us to New∣gate; being tryed at Sessions, we were all found guilty of Burglary and accordingly received sen∣tence of Death, which was executed accordingly, onely I and my Comrade being very young, had the benefit of Transportation.

Seven years in our exile, we did what our Ma∣sters commanded us and our time being ex∣pired, we resolv'd to return for England, but death put an end to my Comrades Voyage, however I alter'd not my resolution, but sail'd for England, where in several places I made trials to live honest∣ly, but could not, For what is bred in the bone will never out of the flesh.

Now knowing that if ever I was taken again on any Fellonious account, I should assuredly be hang'd; and being so lazy that I hated the thought of working, I resolved to follow the life of a stro∣ling Gypsie, into which Society I was joyfully re∣ceived: I grew so good a proficient in the mysteries of this trade, that with a joint consent I was cho∣sen at a solemn meeting, their Prince or King; and for these reasons; First, because I was young and well proportion'd; Secondly, because I was lustier and stronger than the rest; And Lastly, because I had more than common learning, and more wit than they had, put them altogether.

Now the reasons inducing me to follow this life, Page  32were these; First, a lazy disposition; Secondly, a lecherous inclination; And Lastly, profit. As to the first, we do nothing for a livelyhood but walk up and down in Summer time, which is rather a pastime than pain; and in Winter, retire to such quarters as are suitable to the season, not stirring thence till spring. As to the second, our females are all in com∣mon among us, and though their skins be disco∣lour'd, they have as good flesh as can be coveted by an youthful appetite. And lastly, as to profit; It is incredible to think how much we get by For∣tune-telling, among the ignorant, the poor wen∣ches being ready to pawn their Petticoats to pro∣cure us money, to tell them how fruitful they shall be, when Married; or whether William or Tho∣mas loveth them or not: But the greatest profit we reap is from our By-blows, these Children our Morts carry at their backs are all of them Bastards, and most of them none of their own begetting; for when young Gentlewomen have trod awry, and the Fathers are not to be disgraced, the Bantlings for a good round sum are sent to us to be nursed, where they are never like to come to the knowledge of their true Parents. Here he made an end, if you shall approve of what is already written, I wil shortly inlarge my self on this subject.

Page  33
Beggars Holiday.
CAst our Nabs and Cares away,
This is beggars Holiday,
In the world look out and see,
Where's so happy a King as he?
At the Crowning of our King,
Thus we ever dance and sing.
Where's the Nation lives so free,
And so merry as do we?
Be it peace, or be it War,
Here at liberty we are;
Hang all Harmanbecks, we cry,
And the Cuffinquiers too by.
We enjoy our ease and rest,
To the fields we are not prest.
When the Subsidy's increast,
We are not a penny ceast;
Nor are we call'd into the Town,
To be troubled with a Gown;
Nor will any go to Law
With a Beggar for a straw.
All which happiness he brags,
He doth owe unto his rags.
Page  34

AN ALPHABETICAL Canting Vocabulary. Canting before the English.

A A A.
AUtemA Church
Autem MortA Married Woman
Abram CoveA Poor Fellow
B B B.Page  35
BlufferAn Host
Bounsing-cheatA Bottle
BugharA Dog
Boozing-kenA Tippling-house
BordA Shilling
BungA Purse
BeenGood or well
BeenshiplyVery well
BingTo go
Bing awastTo go away
BubeThe Pox.
As for Example,
The Mort hath tipt the Bube to the Cully.The wench hath clapt the Fellow.
Bleating-cheatA Sheep
Belly-cheatAn Apron
BettyAn Instrument to open a door.
BiteTo cheat or cozen
As bite the Cully, that is, pu the Cheat on such a Fellow. Or the Cove was bit, The Man was cheated.
Bite the RogerSteal the Portmanteau
BudgeOne that steals Cloaks or ought else, slipping in∣to an house in the dark
BrushTo fly.
As the Cully is brush'd or rub'd, that is, He is march'd off, or broke.
Bulk and FileThe one jostles you up whilst the other picks your pocket.
Been darkmansGood night.
BlowerOne mans particular Wench.
BatnerAn Oxe
Blow off on the Ground∣sils.O. Q. P. on the Floar or Stairs
Blot the Skrip and jark it.To be engaged or bound for any body.
Page  36C C C.Page  37
CokerA lye
Cove, or CuffinA Man
Cuffin-QuireA Justice of Peace
CrampringsBolts or Shackles
ChatsThe Gallows
Calle or TogemanA Cloak
CouchTo lie
Couch a hogsheadTo go to sleep
Mish or CommissionA Shirt
Cackling cheatA Chicken
Crashing cheatsTeeth
CloyTo Steal
CutTo Speak
Cut been whidsTo Speak well
Cut quire whidsTo Speak evilly
CanakinThe Plague
Cly the jerkTo be whipt
ClapperdogeonA Beggar born
CullyA Fool or Fop
ColquarronA Mans Neck
CroppinkenA Privy or Boghouse
CrackerAn Arse
ChaftBeaten or bang'd
ClinckerA Crafty Fellow
Chap'dDry, or Thirsty
Cackling FartsEggs
Cobble-colterA Turky
D D D.
DeuseavileThe Country
DommerarA Mad man
DarkmansNight or Evening
Dell or DoxyA Wench
DeuswinsTwo pence
DupTo enter or go into an house,
As Dup the Ken, Enter the House, Dup the Booz∣ing-Ken, and booz a gage; go into the Ale-house and drink a pot.
Deuseavile-StampersCountry Carriers
E E E.
EarnestA part or share,
As for example, Tip me my Earnest, Give me my Share or Divident.
F F F.Page  38
FlickerA Glass.
Flicker-snaptA Glass broken
FlickTo Cut
As Flick me some Pannam and Cash; Cut me some Bread and Cheese
Flick the PeeterCut the Cloak-bag
Fam-grasp the CoveTo agree with an Adver∣sary.
FilchA Staff with an hole in the end thereof, in which upon occasion, your Rogues will fasten an hook, to pull things cunning∣ly from an Hedge, or through a Casement.
FermeAn hole
Famble-cheatsRings or Gloves
FlagA Groat
FlogTo whip as in Bridewell,
As the Prancer drew the Quire Cove at the Crop∣ping of the Rotan through the Rum pads of the Rum vile, and was flog'd by the Nubbing-Cove. That is, The Rogue was drag'd at 〈◊〉 Carts-arse, through the chief streets of London, and was soundly whipt by the Hangman.
As tip me a gage of Fogus, Give me a pipe of To∣bacco.
Fencing CullyA Receiver of stoln Goods
FibTo beat,
As Fib the Coves quarrons in the rum ad for the lour in his burg. Beat the Man on the high-way for the money in his purse.
Flog'd at the TumblerWhipt at the Carts arse.
FenceTo spend
As Fence your Flag, Spend your Groat,
Floggin Cove,The whipper of Bridewell, or any other that whips people commonly called at Dublin in Ireland Bellores.
Page  39G G G.
GropersBlind men
Grunting peckPorke
Gentry MertA Gentlewoman
GageA pot or pipe
Grunting chatA Sucking pig
GiggerA Door
GybeAny writing or Pass
GlazyerOne that creeps in at case∣ments, or unrips glass windows to filch and steal.
GiltA Picklock,
Where note that some of them are so excellent at it, that they are furnished with all sorts of Gilts or Keys, fon a Church door to the smallest Cabinet, and al∣most at first sight will dexterously open any door, tunk, chest, or any lock whatever.
Glym JackA Link boy
Glym StickA Candlestick
GiggThe Nose
As give him a rum snitch, or •••ichel the Gigg, that is, Fillip him on the Nose.
H H H.Page  40
HarmanbeckA Constable
HarmansThe Stocks
HeaveTo Rob,
As Heave a Booth, To rob an house
Half bordSixpence
Husky lourA Guinny
HogA Shilling,
As for Example;
You Darkman-budge, will you fence your hog with me, at the next Boozing Ken. That is, d'ye hear you House-creeper, will you spend your shilling with me, at the next Alehouse.
HoodwinktBeneghted or belated
HeaverA Breast
I I I.
JagueA ditch
JarkA Seal
Jokum gageA Chamber pot
JobA Guinny
K K K.
KenAn house
KinchinA little child
Kinchin CoveA little man
KidnapperA fellow that walketh the streets, and takes all advantages to pick up the younger sort of people, whom with lies and many fair promises he inticeth on board a ship and tran∣sports them into forreign plantations.
L L L.Page  41
LightmansDay, or Day-break
LibbenA private dwelling house
LibbedgeA bed
LurriesAll manner of cloaths
Lifter, or PlyerA Crutch.
M M M.
Mow heaterA Drover
MowerA Cow
Mish topperA Coate
MaundTo beg
Margry PraterAn Hen
MillTo Steal
MakeAn half peny
Muffling cheatA Napkin
MumpersGentile Beggars, Such as will not accept of Victuals, but money or cloaths, and these beg under the pretence of being decay'd Gentlemen, Tradesmen, or such who have been burn'd out or shipwrack'd
MilkenAn house breaker
MunsThe Face,
As tout his Muns,Mark his face well
Moon CuserA Link boy
MarinatedTransported into some sor∣reign Plantation.
N N N.Page  42
NabgirderA Bridle
Nubbing KenThe Sessions house
Neck stamperA Pot-boy
Napper of NapsA Sheep-stealer
NabAn Head
Nab-cheatAn Hat
NapTo take, or cheat with the Dice, that is, by certainly securing one chance.
NaskinA Goal, or Bridewell
Nazie CoveA Drunkard
NizieA Fool or Coxcomb
NubThe Neck
Nubbing CoveThe Hangman
Nubbing cheatThe Gallows
O O O.
Old Mr GoryA piece of Gold
P P P.Page  43
PanterAn heart
Prig-starA Rival in love
PalliardOne whose Father is a born Beggar
PapplarMilk pottage
PriggTo Ride
Priggers of PrancersHorse-stealers
PriggsAre all sort of Thieves
Peck or PeckidgAny sort of meat
PlantTo lay, place, or hide
PrancerAn horse
Prating cheatA Tongue
PeakAny lace
PikeTo run
As Pie on the been,Run for it as fast as you can.
PeeterA portmantle
PadThe high-way
Plant your whids, and stow them,Be careful what you say or speak
Prig-napper.A Horse-stealer
PeeperA Looking glass,
As track the Dancers and pikes with the Peep∣er, Go up the stairs and trip off with the Looking-glass.
PeepingDrowsie, or Sleepy
Q Q Q.
QuarronA Body
Quacking cheatA Duck
QueerBase or roguish
Queer KenA Prison
Queer MertA pockie Baggage
Queer CoveA Rogue
R R R,Page  44
Rum gutlersCanary wine,
As Rum hopper, tip us presently a Bounsing cheat of Rum gutlers; Drawer fill us presently a bottle of the best Canary.
Rum dropperA Vintner
Rarling CoveA Coatchman
Rum glimmarKing of the Link boys
RumboyleA Ward or Watch
Rum VileLondon.
RuffinThe Devil,
As the Ruffin nap the Cuffin-quier, and let the Harmanbeck trine with his Kinchins about his Colquarron; That is, Let the Devil take the Justice, and let the Constable hang with his chil∣dren about his neck.
Rum boozing WeltsA bunch of Grapes
RogerA Cloak-bag
RidgcullyA Goldsmith
RufflerA notorious Rogue
Ruff peckBacon
RedshankA Mallard
Rum padThe highway
Rum PaddersThe better sort of High∣way men.
Rum CullyA rich Coxcomb
Ratling MumpersSuch who onely beg at Coaches.
Romboyl'dSought after with a War∣rant
Rum hopperA Drawer
S S S.Page  45
SqueekerA Bar-boy
Smacking CoveCoachman
ScoutA Watch
SwagA Shop
SmudgeOne that lies underneath a bed, to watch an opportunity to rob the house.
ShopliftOne that filcheth Commo∣dities out of a Shop, under the pretence of cheapning or buying them of the Shop-keeper.
ScoureTo wear
SkewA Dish
SlateA Sheet
SkipperA Barnel
Shoulder shamPartner to a File
Stam fleshTo Cant;
As the Cully Stams flesh rumly; He Cants very well
Stow your whidsBe wary
Stalling KenA Brokers shop, or an house that will recive stoln goods.
Smelling cheatA Garden or Nosegay
SalomonThe Mass
Stow your Whids and plant 'em, for the Cove of the Ken can cant 'em,Have a care what you say, the Man of the House understands you.
SmiterAn Arm
Stall whimperA Bastard
As the Cully did freely blot the Skrip, and so tipt me forty Hogs; that is, One enter'd into bond with me for forty shillings.
TTT.Page  46
Touting KenA Tavern Bar
TourTo look out
Track up the DancersGo up the Stairs
The Cul SnilchesThe man eyes you
Tip the cole to Adam TilerGive your pick-pocket mo∣ney presently to your running Comrade.
Tip the MishGive the Shirt
Tib of the butteryA Goose
TipTo give
TrineTo hang: or Tyburn
Tick-rumA Licence
Tres winsThree pence
Toppin CoveThe Hangman
TumblerA Cart
Topping cheatThe Gallows
WinA penny
Wicher-cullyA Silver-smith
As five Rum padders are rub'd in the darkmans out of the Whit, and are pik'd into the Deusea∣vile: Five Highway men in the night broke New∣gate, and are gone into the Country.
Witcher bubberA Silver Bowl;
As for example, The Cull is pik'd with the Witch∣er bubber; The Rogue is March'd off with the Sil∣ver Bowl.
Witcher-tilterA Silver-hilted sword
WicketA Casement;
As tout through the Wicket, and see where a Cul∣ly pikes with his Gentry Mort, whose Muns are the rummest I ever touted before: Look through the Casement, and see where the man walks with a Gentlewoman, whose face is the fairest I have ever seen.

Page  47

AN ALPHABETICAL Canting Dictionary. English before the Canting.

AAA.Page  48
A Curious wenchRum Mort
An ApronBelly cheat
An Instrument to break a doorBetty
A part or shareEarnest
An holeFerm
A GroatFlag
A Receiver of stoln goodsFencing Cully
A fine GentlewomanGentry-Mort
A DoorGigger
Any writing or PassGybe
A Guiny, or JobHuskie lour
A Little childKinchin
A Little manKinchin Cove
A private dwelling houseLibben
All manner of cloathsLurries
All sorts of ThievesPriggs
Any sort of meatPeck or Peckidge
Any LacePeak
A notorious RogueRuffler
An ArmSmiter
An ArseCracker
Agree with a manFamgrasp the Cove
AngryGlim flashy
B B B.Page  49
Beadle of BridewellFloging Cove
Beggar bornClapperdogeon
Boghouse or PrivyCroppinken
BottleBounsing ckeat
Be careful of what you sayStow your whids and plant 'em
Bolts or ShacklesCramprings
Base or RoguishQueer
BaconRuff peck
BrokerFencing Cully
Blind menGropers
Bar of an Alehouse or Tavern.Touting Ken
Be waryStow your whids
Brokers shopStallen-ken
C C C.
Coach-beggarsRatling Mumpers
Cloak-bagRoger or Peeter
Chamber potJockum-gage.
Candle stickGlym-stick
Cut the Cloak-bagFlick the Peeter
Clusters of GrapesRum-boozing Welts
CarriersDeuseavile Stampers
CrutchLifter or Plyer
CopulateWap or Jockum cloy
Crafty fellowClincher
CheeseCash or Cassan
CloakCalle or Togeman
Cheat or cuzenBite
Page  50D D D.
Drawers of WineRum hoppers
Day, or Day-breakLightmans
Dry or thirstyChapt
E E E.
Enter or go into an houseDup
EyesOgles or Glaziers
Ends of Gold and SilverSpangles
F F F.Page  51
Fellows that pick up people for transporta∣tion commonly called SpiritsKidnappers
Fool or CoxcombNizie
Fly or runBresh
Fop, or one that may ea∣sily be wrought uponCully
G G G.
Gentile BeggarsMumpers
Garden or NosegaySmelling cheat
Goes up the StairsTrack up the Dancers
GallowsTopping cheat
Glass brokenFlicker snapt.
H H H.
High-wayTopping Cove
High-way-menRum pad
HorseRum padders
HatNab cheat
HostessS pouch
Page  52III.
IngageBlot the Skrip.
King of the Link-boysRum glimmer
KnaveryQueer topping
Link-boyMoon-curser, or Glym-Jack
Look through the Case∣mentTout through the Wicker
Married WomanAutem-Mort
Page  53NNN.
Night or EveningDarkman
One that slips into an house in the dark and steals what he can lay hands onBudge
One that creeps in at Casements and lets in others to rob the houseGlazier
One that filcheth com∣modities out of a shop under the pretence of Cheapning or Buy∣ingShoplift
One that lieth under∣neath a bed, or in some other covert place to watch an opportunity to rob the houseSnudge
One whose father is born a BeggerPalliard
O Q P on the stairsBlow off on the Ground∣sll
Page  54PPP.
PorkGrunting peck
Partners to FilesShoulder-shams
Peice of old GoldOld Mr. Gory
PrisonQueer Ken
Pot or PipeGage
Poor FellowAbram Cove
Rings or GlovesFamble cheats
Rich CoxcombRum Cully
RogueQueer Cove.
Page  55S S S.
ShillingBord or Hog
SheepBleating cheats
Steal the PortmantueBite the Roger
Sucking PigGrunting cheat
SixpenceHalf a Hog
Silver bowlWitcher-bubber
StockingsStock drawers
Sought after with a war∣rantRomboyld
Sheep-stealerNapper of Naps
StealMill or Cloy
TTT.Page  56
TeethCrushing cheats
To lyeCouch
To go to sleepCouch a Hog shead
To speak wellCut ben whids
To speak illCut queer whids
To be whiptCly the Jerk
Two penbeDeuswins
Three penceTreswins
To take TobaccoRaise a cloud
To beatFib
To spend or lay outFence
To rob an houseHeave a Booth
To tumble togetherLib
To lay place or hidePlant
TonguePrating cheat
To rune awayPikes
To wearScour
To look outTour
To hangTrine
The Sessions-houseNubbing Ken

Our Canting Alphabet will not extend a Letter farther then T, as far as I can find out; not know∣ing any Canting word beginning with Ʋ, X, Y, Z, although I have made a strict inquiry from some of the most notorious Professors hereof: I have con∣sulted likewise what is printed on this subject, and have slighted no help I could gather from thence, which indeed is very little; the greatest assistance I had in this discovery, was from Newgate; which with much difficulty I screw'd out of the sullen Rogues, who would not speak a word till I had suppled their tongues with the oil of Barley, or ra∣ther thaw'd their obstinate silence with the heat of strong Liquors.

From these I understood, that the Mode of Canting alter'd very often, and that they were for∣ced to change frequently those material words which chiefly discovered their mysterious practices and Page  57Villanies, least growing too common their own words should betray them.

Here in this Vocabulary or little Canting Dicti∣onary, You have all or most of the old words which are still in use, and a many new never pub∣blished in print, and but very lately minted, such too which have passed the approbation of the Criti∣cal Canter. If I seem deficient in the quantity of words, let some else supply my defects, having collected words sufficiently enough for one, if you will have more, take the pains which I have done to be supplyed, and in the mean time be content with what is gathered to your hands.

Page  58

A Character or Description of the Roguish Professors of that mysterious and Diabolical Gibberish called Cant∣ing.

UNdoubtedly there were Rogues and Villains before ever this speech was invented, for whilst the world was in swadling cloaths, we read of men that acted very horrid and vile pranks, such as for their infamy are so registred, as never to be for∣gotten whilst the world indures; and since evil example is more prevalent then good Precept, who knows but the wicked seeds of their lewd acti∣ons have been transimitted to posterity, by which means we have such an infinite increase of all man∣ner of Villany, the Actors whereof I verily believe are much more notorious then heretofore, show∣ing much more ingenuity in their Roguery than in imes past.

I shall begin to speak of the first I have read of, which were the Founders or first publick Professors of Canting, and I find their names male, thus re∣corded.

  • An Ʋpright Man
  • A Ruffler
  • An Angler
  • A Rogue
  • A Prigger of Prancers
  • A Palliard
  • Page  59
  • A Frater
  • A Quire Bird
  • Mumpers
  • Ben-Feakers
  • An Abram Man
  • A Whip-Jack
  • A Patrico
  • An Irish Toyl
  • A Swigman
  • A Kinchin Cove
  • Clapperdogeons

Of all which according to the best light I have received, I shall endeavour to give you an account; the first that falls in my way, is

The Ʋpright Man.

THis was a name antiently used for the Princi∣pal of this Stroling, Maunding and Prigging Crew, and he was elective; when this Upright man dyed (which was seldome otherwise then on the Gallows,) then all of this cursed Fraternity meant an appointed place, and their chose the lu∣stiest stoutest Rogue in the whole pack, to be their chief Leader, whom they called Upright man; and as the Women loved him for his great limbs, whose bodies must be at his devotion when ever he Page  60uncontroulably, so the Men had him in particular esteem, in that he was more a Rogue than any, and could when he sate as President of their Coursel, in great extremity, direct them best how to secure themselves from Justices, Constables, and other Officers; and find out, and contrive notorious plots how they might abse the Country by filch∣ing and stealing, to the further continuance of their loathsome Bestiality; This fellow carries a shor Truncheon in his hand, which he calls his Filch∣man; whatsoever is gotten by the whole Society he shares in it.

This Upright man shall sometimes have in com∣pany with him, young and old, males and females, to the number of forty and upwards, and for the ease of some of the women and children, shall have an Ass or two, or some poor Jade which shall car∣ry a pair of Panniers for the women as they grow weary by travail to put their children in them, which smell more rank then stale fish in Summer time coming from Yarmouth to Norwich in a pair of Dossers.

Some of the Gang are very dly clad with bells, and long sticks with ribbonds hanging at the end angling, with many other mad contrived toyes, meerly to draw the Country people about them wherever they came, and by pretending to tell For∣unes get some mony of the foolish, by way of gift, and some by picing of pockets.

To be sure wherever they came, the poultry and sucking pigs went to wrack, neither did Lambs, Sheep, and Calves escape their hands, if they had any convenience to effect their purpose; all which they handle more severely than a Malefactor having broke Prison and retaken by the Keeper of New∣gate.

Page  27

If a Goose come among hem, they have a trick to make him so wife, as never to be taken for a Goose again. Having seized the Prey, they leave the bloody part to be acted by their Morts or Wo∣men; who are so accustomed to nastiness, that when they have drest their Geese and Hens as well as possibly they can, you may then swear those Birds are foul. The end of some large Heath or Fir-bush, Common under some Covert, as an Hedge or so forth is their Rendezvouz, where ha∣ving supt after their fashion, a consultation is had how to lie that night, if in the height in the fields or in Hay time under an Hay-cock distributing themselves every one with his Mort as he thinks most convenient; if it be at the latter end of sum∣mer, to avoid cold dews and now and then rain, they then apply themselves to some outlying Barn, and if the owner should discover them he is fearful of molesting them, lest they do him a greater mis∣chief, by making his straw-thatcht Mansion too hot to hold him: and now by the way give me leave to tell you a Notable story, very pertinent to this purpose.

A Crew of Gypsies continuing for some time a∣bout one Town in Glocestershire, but divided in the day, though united in the night, all congregated to one appointed place, which was a convenient Barn for their purpose, about an half mile from this Town: Hither they resorted night after night, and in the morning still early got up and separated themselves, looking the Barnes door by the same art they unlock'd it.

This Gentlemans Threshers wonder'd still when they came to see the sheafs of Corn so disorder'd and flung here and there, and in the strangest con∣fusion imaginable; at first they suspected this dis∣order Page  62hapned by their own negligence or forgetful∣ness, but finding it so for a continued time; they resolved to acquaint their Master with what they had observed. The Master being informed of what had hapned, would not believe his servants till he had experimented the truth thereof himself; and thereupon goes to his Barn with his two servants, and there caused them to place before his eyes eve∣ry sheaf in good order, and so locking the door went home; the next morning he calls up his Thre∣shers and away he went to the Barn, and there found the sheafs tumbled and scatter'd up and down, as his men had told him; he very much wonder'd how this should be done, and his Barn door locked; however, he was resolved to try once more, and so caused the sheafs to be placed in order as formerly, and as formerly he found them the fecond time so disorder'd, any, the third and fourth time; this somwhat startled him, and com∣ing home, concluded some evil spirit owed him a spight, in thus disordering and spoiling his Corn: The Threshers hearing their Masters judgment of this accident, on the morrow following, instead of going to thresh, their Master coming down from his chamber, finds his men gazing one upon the o∣ther in his Hall, whereas he thought they were at the Barn, and demanding the reason hereof; they freely told him, that since they understood from his own Mouth that he believed the Devil haunted the Barn, the Devil should take the Barn ere they would be so mad to bear him Company; The Gen∣tleman smiled at their ridiculous fears; and to depose them utterly of any such belief, produced several good arguments, that it could not be, and so prevalent they were, as to perswade them to go to the Barn, with this proviso, he would go with Page  63them and stay there an hour, agreed it was and a∣way they went, where as before they found all things in the like disorder, this made the poor fel∣lows scratch the head, not knowing what was best to be done; at length the Master incouraging them, to work they went the Master standing by his full hour and so went home; he was scarce got within the doors but his men at his heels, and so out of breath that they gaped for air to keep them alive, like a fish out of his proper Element.

The Gentleman seeing them in this strange po∣sture began to be in as much amazement as they were; the good Gentlewoman his Wife coming out accidentally, and seeing the Husband and his two men in this gaping staring posture, knew not what to think, but concluded them mad or possest by some foul fiend, till she asked one of them what he made there; Why forsooth (quoth he) you would not believe our Barn was haunted, but now I will swear it, for if ever any body saw the Devil I am sure we did, I was never scared so in my life with a broad face, a crooked nose and a pair of Goggle eyes. It seems as soon as their Master was gone, a very large dark gray Owle that sate upon a Beam just over against them, was upon the merry pin, or had a mind to be merily disposed, sell a hooting and hollowing after a very extravagant rate, some∣times hissing; sometimes snapping, and (I know not what joyful crochet got into his noddle) then fell to a loud hooping; the men that before thresht in fear, were now scared out of their wits, 'twas e∣nough for them they saw a blackish thing with a broad glouting Countenance, sitting on a Beam, hooting at them, which made them thus betake themselves to their heels, each of them bidding the Devil take the hindmost.

Page  64

The report of these fellows alarm'd the Town, possessing many with a belief that this might be a truth as to the haunting the Barn. A bold fellow in the Town, and one that had been a Trumpeter, makes his address to the owner of the Barn, desiring his leave to lie in the Barn one night; it was granted by the Gentleman with thanks; and the Trumpeter went that very night to the Barn with his Trumpet, and locking the Barn to him, placed himself in a corner thereof convenient for his ob∣servation.

About the usual time of these Gypsies repairing to the Barn, which was somewhat late, they came and enter'd the Barn, every one endeavouring to settle himself as well as he could; the Trumpeter seeing this, resolv'd to try whether they were De∣vils or no by their dislike to Musick, and thereup∣on sounded his Trumpet, at the sound whereof, out ran the Gypsies as the Devil had drove them, and the Trumpeter after sounding, the people there a∣bout ran out to know what was the matter that a Trumpet should be sounded at that time of night; the Trumpeter informed them that he had conjured the Devils out of the Barn they had so haunted, and that they might now dispose of them as they pleased, whereupon they seized as many as they could and securing them till next morning, by a Justice they were order'd to be whipt out of Town: thus with my story I have ended my discourse con∣cerning an Ʋprightman; the next we are to take cognizance of, is

Page  65

A Ruffler.

A Ruffler ever goes under the pretence of a maimed Soldier, if he stroles the Country, he lets not a Gentlemans house escape, having a Catalogue of them all along as he goeth for his more convenient calling upon them, he carrieth in his pocket (for the help of his memory) a List of the old Commanders in the late Civil Wars which were noted Royalists, neither is he ignorant of some of their brave actions; he singles out the Heirs of such deceased Commanders, and then tells them a formal story, that they had the honor to serve under the Command of their worthy Fa∣ther in such a Regiment, at such a fight, as Nase∣by, Edghill, Newberry, Marston-Moor, &c. that in that service he was lamed, that he hath since suf∣fered all the misfortunes of an old Cavalier, and that being unable to work, he is now forced to beg because he scorns to steal; and thus he goeth from one to another, having a good tongue in his head, and his tale at his fingers ends: but by the way, if he meets Country people coming late from Mar∣ket, or any other feasable booty, he will not stick to seise it, though he be hanged for his pains; and thus the Ruffler is metamorphosed into a Low-Pad.

If his residence be in the City, then his usual stands are in Lincolns-Inn-Fields or Covent Gar∣den, where he scorns to beg of any under a person of quality, and then nimbly hops or stumps to a Coach side, beseeching their Honors to commise∣rate the pittiful condition of a great sufferer for his Page  66Majesty, and hath the impudence in a commanding way to crave an Alms, if he is denied, he shakes the head and crys, 'Tis a sad thing that an old cripled Cavalier should be suffer'd to beg for a Maintenance, and a young Cavalier that never heard the whistle of a bullet should ride in his Coach.

If he seeth a Gentleman coming that is his con∣stant customer, he very civilly vaileth his bonnet, without asking a Farthing, and this stops my Gen∣tleman more forceably than all the important pray∣ers of a wide mouthed clamorous mendicant; ha∣ving received his boon, he pronounceth as many blessings as will stand between Temple-Bar and West∣minster; for the cunning Rogue knoweth this to be the way to incourage him the more to a contri∣bution hereafter.

I have been credibly informed that these Covent-Garden Rufflers have their Quarter Customers, and will never call on their Benefactors till their full time of payment be expired, and then wherever they meet them, they will not let them be quiet till they have discharged that which by custome they claim as a due debt: these Rogues get a great deal of money, and some of them spend it as freely, as for example, I knew a Gentleman a good Bene∣factor to one of these Rufflers who had been at Spee∣rings Ordinary, and having lost all his money, go∣ing home one Saturday in the Evening, was accost∣ed by his Pentioner, a subtle Ruffler, who perceiving his Masters countenance somwhat cloudy, ask'd him boldly what was the matter with him; the Gen∣tleman slighting his question, bid him be gone for a saucy fellow; nay, be not angry, quoth the Ruf∣fler, you have been at play I will lay my life on't and lost your Money that you are so pettish; what then, said the Gentleman? What then, quoth the Page  67Ruffler, why never trouble your self, I will lend you fifty pieces, if you will come and dine with me to morrow.

This strangely surprized the Gentleman, who to try the truth of what he heard, promis'd him, he would dine with him: according to the time and place appointed by the Ruffler, the Gentleman came; the house was very poor to outward view, but within very neat and handsome, a cloath was spread, but could not perceive the least spark of fire whereby any meat could be dressed; whilst he was musing to himself on the entertainment he was like to have, in came the Wife with a large Sir-Loyn of Beef, the Son with two Stubble Geese in a dish, the Daughter with a stately Turky, and a Servant Maid with a very large Tart; look you Sir, said the Ruffler, this is all the cheat you are like to have, wherefore fall to; the Gentleman had much a doe, to perswade the Father, the Daughter should sit down, but with much importunity it was granted: I heard him say, though his appetite was as keen as a Turkish Scymiter, yet he forgot to eat, his mind running on other flesh, such as he protested exceeded, in his opinion, all that he had ever seen before, such was this Maidens beauty, not set off with any artificial imbellishments, but naturally shining in its own Orb; and least her person should be despised, by reason of the baseness of her Fathers profession, she was Gentilely clad, but better adorn'd within with the most approved prin∣ciples of a good education, befitting so good a Ge∣nius. Wine both French and Spanish was not want∣ing; and Dinner being ended, to be as good as his word or better, the Ruffler lent the Gentle∣man fifty Guynnyes, on this condition, he would not divulge the kindness received.

Page  68

There is a story somwhat like this of the blind Beggar of Bednall-Green, but how true I cannot tell, but this relation carrieth so much of truth in it, that thereon I will pawn my reputation.

Of Anglers.

ANglers are so called, because they have a Rod or Stick with an Iron hook at the end of it, with which they Angle in the night at Windows or any other place in which they cannot convey their hand, where all is fish to them that comes to net; in the day time they beg from house to house to spy best where to plant their designs, which at night they put in execution; I shall speak more of this Angler when I come to Discourse of the Run∣ner.

Page  69

Of Rogues.

THe very name of Rogue denotes the nature; it is a general title, and appertains to all such who are of dissolute lives and conversations; such who scorning both the Laws of God and man, care not what they act or perpetrate, so they may add to the increase of their sensuality and beastly manner of living. Any criminal whose actions are cognizable by the Law may come under the deno∣mination of a Rogue, as Gilts, Shoplifts, Files, Bulkers, Runners, Padders, Booth-heavers, Vou∣chers and the like.

All these have their particular Societies, and Confederacies, and they are so linked together that they seldome seperate till they hang together. If one be in Prison the rest relieve him, wherefore they seldome discover one another, for they are sworn, if one is taken not to betray the rest; and this Oath they keep inviolably, though all others they break. They have their several Wenches, and several places of meeting, where whatsoever they unlawfully obtain they spend, and whatsoever they spend is to satisfie their unsatisfied lust; wallowing in all manner of debauchery, converting the night into day and the day into night, damning and sink∣ing being four parts in five their discourse; and the rest of their pastime, drinking and whoring. Their company is dangerous, their lives detestable, and their ends miserable.

Page  70

VVild Rogues.

THis term or appellation is obsolete, and now a days not in use. Wild Rogues were former∣ly such who were begotten by very Rogues, such who had been burnt in the hand or shoulder, or been whipt at the Carts arse, whose Mothers had been frequent in Bride-well, and oftner in Newgate: these in their swadling clouts are marked for Vil∣lains; and are then taught all manner of Roguery as other children are taught to read.

First, To go into Churches or great Crowds and to nim golden buttons off mens Cloaks, and being very little are show'd how to creep into Cellar-Windows, or other small entrances, and in the night to convey out thereat whatever they can find, to the thieyish Receivers, who wait without for that pur∣pose; and somtimes do open the door to let in such who have designed to rob the house; if taken, the tendernes of their age makes an apology or an excuse for their fault, and so are let alone to be hang'd at riper years.

Page  71

Priggers of Prancers.

PRiggers of Prancers, are Horse-stealers; for Prig is to Steal, and Prancer is an Horse; these Rogues seldome go without a light Briddle in their pockets, and a small pad Saddle, which they can easily carry in their breeches, and being in∣form'd by their Spies abroad where good horses run at Grass, in the dead of the night will take them up in a moment, and will as soon steal an Horse as another look over the Hedg. If they fear to be dis∣covered by the Field-keeper, then two or three of them will go together and boldly attack him, and having worsted him, bind and gag him, and so ef∣fect their purpose, and will be far enough off, by break of day, from being overtaken; the nearest Fair is then inquir'd after, where with all imagin∣able speed they sell their stoln Horses.

I have heard of some of these Priggers of Prancers that have been such notable Artists, as that they could change the colour of an Horses Cote, or make an artificial star in an Horses forehead, which should last a considerable while, by which means the eyes of the right Owner have been so blinded, that he knew not his own Horse when he saw him: Nay, when they have been confident that they have found their stoln Horse, and by several remarkable tokens are assured thereof; yet the artificial star in the forehead hath immediately spoiled that belief; and so have seen their own Horses sold before their own faces and toled, having always some notori∣ous Rogue as himself to vouch for him. This puts me in mind of a notable Story of a Serving-man, Page  72who was pickt up by a pack of Rogues in the stteets and drilled into a Tavern, where having drank ve∣ry high, they all took an opportunity to leave the Serving man for the Reckoning; this poor man finding himself pawn'd. and not having so much money to discharge the reckoning, watcht his op∣portunity, and so gave the house the slip also; three days after his Master appointed a dinner at this very Tavern, his man used all the argument he could for to divert him from it, alledging there was bad Wine, ill Attendance, and the like; but all would not prevail, but that thither he went ac∣cording to the appointed time; Dinner being on the Table, the Master of the House was invited up for the sake of his good company, being a very jol∣ly and facetious man, at whose approach the Ser∣ving-man knew not what to do. and had but one slender shift to keep him from being discovered, which he did by shutting one of his eyes as if he had been blind, and so continued keeping it shut whilst he serv'd at table; the Vintner stared him so much in the face that his Master took notice thereof, and askt him why he gazed so much on his man; your pardon Sir, said the Vintner, if I say that your man is as like a fellow that cheated me of an eighteen shilling reckoning as ever I saw in my life, and I would swear that he is the same but that this wants an eye, and the other had his sight perfect. At this the Master askt his man how he came to be thus suddenly blind, having lost an eye in less than an hours time; at which the man replied, being a no∣table crafty fellow, that if his Master would be pleased to forgive him, he would tell him the whole truth; his Master granted it, and hereupon the Serving-man inform'd him, how he had been de∣luded by a pack of Knaves, and how to secure him∣self, Page  73was forced to make his escape; that to conceal himself from the Vintners knowledg he had found out that stratagem of winking with one eye; the Master was so well pleased with the story, that he pay'd the Vintner what was left to pay, and the Vintner was so well pleased to have reocived a debt so desperate, that he gave the Serving-man a crown, to help to open his eye again.

But our Priggers Metamorphosing of beasts is much more undiscoverable, by which means they frequently steal and safely sell other mens Horses; but let them have a care; the pitcher goes not so often to the well, but that it comes home broken at last.

Of Palliards or Clapperdogeons.

THese Palliards or Clapperdogeons are Beggars born, who have their Morts in the streets, with children, either of their own, or borrowed ones, lying about them on straw; and in this manner they beg, and with these they beg, extracting thereby the greater pitty; these jades know how to screw their faces into what pittiful posture they please, and have melting words at their fingers ends; as For Gods sake bestow your Charity on these poor Fatherless Children; My Husband was kill'd at Sea, and I being sick and unable to work, am ready to starve, with these poor Infants; by these and the like expressions, with the cryes of the children, which she forceth them to, by pinching or other∣wise, she picks up a great deal of money, whilst he: Page  74Comrogue lies begging in the fields with Clymes r artificial Sores. The way they commonly take to make them is by Spere-wort or Arsnick, which will draw blisters; or they take unslaked Lime and Soap, mingled with the rust of old Iron, these being well tempered together, and spread thick on two pieces of leather, they apply to the leg, binding it thereunto very hard, which in a very little time will fret the skin so, that the flesh will appear all raw, then they take blood and rub it over the leg, which being fully dried makes the leg appear black, letting the seeming sore peep out of some holes out of the Matterish clouts that are wrapt about it.

I saw a fellow not long since sitting by the road side, on a Mudwall in the way to Islington (this was his constant stand on Sabbath days, there being at that time the greatest concourse of people if the Weather be fair) I say this fellow had one hand ti∣ed up in a white cloath, and pinned to his breast, his cloaths were indifferent good, but had a better face by much, I mean an honest harmless look, and seemed so bashful and modest that he beg'd of none but with his pale face and pittiful looks: and this way of begging prov'd more prevalent then the bawling of two or thre fellows that lay a little above him on the ground, with grievious sore legs, seem∣ingly not able to stand or go of them.

I observ'd this fellow several times in this very place, not imagining this silent Counterfeit was of the Society of those clamorous Rogues who lay nigh him, till one day having an occasion to go o ver to the bank-side, in a Garden house, there did I see this lame handed fellow with the other confe∣derate Cripples playing at Nine pins as nimble as a Squirrel in a Bell-Cage.

Page  75

I took no notice of them at that time, no more then what my ears suffer'd by the hideous din of their execrable Oaths; not being longer able to be near them, I return'd home, resolving to take the first opportunity to detect these Rogues. Where∣fore I went with two or three more to the place ac∣cording to the usual time where these Beggars took up their stand to beg, and approaching my modest silent Mumper, I askt him what ailed his hand, or how he came by that lameness? To tell you the truth Sir, said he, I am a poor Translator, or Cobler com∣monly called, and one day it was my mischance, (and then the tears stood in his eyes) as I was working, to run the Awl quite through my hand; neglecting it, it fester'd, so that now it is in a sad condition, and not being able to work, I am ready to starve, having sold all my little stock already, either to cure my hand, or maintain my self, but now all is gone. Alas poor man, said It let me see your hand for I am a Chyrur∣geon. O Sir, cry'd the fellow, I shall die instantly if you open ie. Hereupon I grasped his pretended sore hand very hard, and told him I would see it; at which he roar'd as if he had been on the Dutch Rack at Amboyna; which noise gathered abundance of peo∣ple about us, and every one condemning my hard∣heartedness, till I told them what a cheat he was, and bid them if they would nor credit me, yet be∣lieve their own eyes, and so opened his hand, which was sound and not hurt in the least. Now good people secure this fellow, and you shall see I will discover more of the Gang yonder; the Cripples that lay a little way off hearing me say so, got up, and prov'd such excellent footmen, notwithstand∣ing their pretended lameness, that though several followed them, yet none could come nigh them; which caused so great a laughter, with shooting, Page  76that one would have thought the People half di∣stracted. This fellow whom I had caused to be se∣cured was carried before a Justice, and from thence to Bridewell, where he received the severe lash for his abominable hypocrisie.

A Story much like this I have heard of, done in Dorsetshire. Once a year at a place called Wood∣berry-hill, on the top thereof is kept a Fair, and because it is somewhat considerable, thither resort the Beggars all round the Country, lying at the bot∣tom of the hill begging in heaps. An arch Crack that had observed what counterfeit Rogues the major part of these were, went to the top of the hill, and unpinning a wheel took it off and brought it to the brow of the Hill, which was very high and indifferently steep, and crying out to the Beggars below, have at ye blind Harpers, lets the Wheel go, hereupon the Counterfeit cut the strings to their counterfeit lame legs, and ran for it, and those that had not the time for it, roled one over other, and by this confusion (which was the most pleasant and comical sight could be seen) their Knavery was discovered losing the benefit of that present Fair, and many more afterwards. More might be said of the Clapperdogeon, but let this suffice.

Page  77

Of Fraters.

FRaters are such, who with a Counterfeit Pa∣tent, beg for some Hospital or Spittle-house, or they are such who pretend to have Patents for Briefs, and have hereby within these few years, most intollerably cheated the Country, and in the con∣clusion have brought their heads to the Pillory.

Of Quire Birds.

QƲire Birds are such who have sung in the With, the Naskin; that is, Newgate, Bride∣well, or some Country Goal, who having got loose fall to their old trade of Roguing and Thieving a∣gain, for indeed when once their hand is in, they seldome give out, till they overtake the Gallows.

Page  78

Of Abram Men.

ABram Men are otherwise called Tom of Bed∣lams; they are very strangely and antickly garb'd with several coloured Ritbnds or Tape in their hat, it may be instead of a Feather, a Fox tail hanging down a long stick with ribbonds strea∣ming and the like; yet for all their seeming mad∣ness, they have wit enough to steal Poultry as they go, and will have his change of Wenches, oftner than people change their Linnen.

Of Whip Jacks.

WHip-Jacks are Counterfeit Mariners, who talk of nothing but Fights at Sea, Pyracies, Drownings, and Shipwracks; they have alwaies a Counterfeit Pass or License which they call a Gybe, and the Seals thereunto Jarkes; under this pretence they strole the Country, begging as they go, possessing the People with strange beliefs of their great losses, and that they onely beg to sup∣ply their necessities in their way home; and for their own certain supply, they will not stick to heave a Booth; that is rob a Booth at a Fair, or in some by road rob an house, playing other very no∣torious prankes. These Rogues have learned their Sea terms by which they have cheated such as have been very expert in Sea-affairs, The Whip-Jack Page  79carrieh his Mort or Wench with him too, which he pr to be his Wife, whom he miraculously saved in th Ship-wrack, although all his children were drown'd splitting on a Rock near the Lands end coming from the West-Indies with such like forgeries; but I have known these discovered too, to be cheats, and being brought to the Whipping post have been severely lasht for their pains.

Of Mumpers.

MƲmpers are both Male and Female, a Genti∣ler sort of Beggars, for they scorn to beg for food, but money or cloaths, the money they lay out to pamper the gut, and the cloaths they sell to re∣imburse the pocket.

The Male Mumper in the times of the late U∣surpation, was cloathed in an old trn Cassock be∣girt with a girdle, with a black cap, and a white one peeping out underneath; with a formal & 〈◊〉 countenance he steals up to a Gentleman and whis∣pers him softly in the ear, that he is a poor sequest∣red Parson, that he hath four small children with a siek wife, all ready to perish.

Sometimes he appaared in the habit of some de∣cayed Gentleman, and then he pretends what a great sufferer he hath been for his Majesty, but lately come our of Gaol, and not a penny to help himself.

Sometimes he appears with an apron before him, and a cap on his head, and begs in the rature of a Broken Tradesman, who having been a ong time Page  80sick, hath spent all his remaining stock, and so weak he cannot work.

The Female Mumpers, with a torn black hood and scarfe, will go confidently to an house, and knock at the door, demanding to speak with the Mistress of the house, where after an Apology made for her boldness, she acquaints her how urgent her necessity is; having an husband very sick, with two small children, ready to give up the Ghost; that she was born a Gentlewoman, but marrying a∣gainst her friends consent, she was by them thrown off and disowned, and so by her husbands sikness reduced to this miserable condition.

Sometimes she appears as if big with child, and so begs cloaths or linnen to make clouts: She is very busie in the Palace-Yad in Terme-time; but if she be young, tollerably handsome, and she find Charity grow cold, she will endeavour to repair her pretended misfortune by night-walking.

There is yet one gentiler sort of Mumper than any yet named, of which qualification I never knew but two; these had their horses, and agreed be∣tween themselves as to their particular tidings. Their business was to inquire out among Book-sel∣lers small Treatises not long printed, yet unsaleable, of which they would buy a quantity of a sort for waste paper or little more, and having drawn up or caus'd to be drawn, a general Epistle Dedicatory, they left space at top to insert the name and dig∣nities of the Person they intended to dedicate the book unto, carrying Letters and Ink with them, which they speedily did print, and tollerably e¦nough for that purpose; the Epistle was printed before, so that they need add nothing but the name and dignities. I have heard them confess they had from the meanest Donor, thrice the value of what Page  81the book was sold for at first, and most commonly six-fold. Their travelling time was in the Summer, wherein they got so much to keep them drunk all the Winter, but they being deceased, I believe the Trade dyed with them.

Of Dommerars.

Dommerars or Dummerars, are such who coun∣terfeit themselves dumb, and have a notable art to rowl their tongues up into the roof of their mouths, that you would verily believe their tongues were cut out, and to make you have the stronger belief thereof, they will gape and show you where it was done, clapping in a sharp stick, and touching the tongue make it bleed, and then the ignorant dis∣pute it no farther.

Of Jack-men.

Jack-men are such who can both write and read, who make counterfeit Licenses and Passes, for which he is well rewarded for his labour and pains.

Page  82

Of Patrico's.

PAtrico's are the Strolers Priests, every Hedge is his Parish, and every wandring Rogue and Whore his Parishoners; the service he saith is the marrying of couples, without the Gospel, or Book of Common-prayer, the solemnity whereof is thus.

The parties to be married find out a dead horse, or any other Beast, and standing one on the one side and the other on the other, the Patrico bids tham live together till death them part, and so shak∣ing hands the wedding is ended.

Of Irish-Toyls, or Swig Men.

THese Irish Toyls, or Swig-men, being much alike, I joyn them together, who carry pins, points and laces, and such like wares about; who under the pretence of selling such commodities, commit many Rogueries; I know not what to think of Tour old Shooes, or old Boots, will you buy my Brooms? When the Brooms are sold, that long staff they carried them on would serve to knock a man down, with very much ease; and Have you any old suits, hats or cloaks, may make that professi∣on a good cloak to hide and cover stoln goods.

Page  83

Of Kynchen Coes.

KYnchen Coes are little children whose Parent are dead, having been Beggars or else young Boys, such as have ran away from their Master, and instead of a Trade to live by, follow this hind of life to be lowsie by. The first thing these Kyn∣chens are taught is Canting, then Thieving, and at last Hanging. But before they come to take the heighth oe Tyburn, where the Pole is elevated so many degrees, they sail many times along while in the troubled Ocean of sad disasters, wherein they meet with nothing but Sorms and Tempests, raised by the Hurricans of their own irregular actions; sometimes ready to fouader in the large and dangerous Sea of Paddington, and continu∣ally ready to split against the dreadful Rocks of Newgate, or Bridewell.

Page  84

The Female and antient Professors of the Art of Canting, were ranked under these seven heads;

  • Glymmerers.
  • Bawdy-Baskets.
  • Autem-Morts.
  • Strowling Morts.
  • Doxies.
  • Dells.
  • Kynchin-Morts.

Of Glymmerers.

THe Glymmerers are such as ••vel up and down with Licenses to beg, under the pretence that they have lost all by fire: they have their tears at command, which they pour out in abundance, at the sad relation of their great losses, telling a la∣mentable story, how the fire consumed their Barns, Stabies, and Out-houses, and what excellent goods they had which were destroyed therein; these Glymmerers are defended by Upright-men, who use not to walk with them, but keep aloof.

Page  85

Of Bawdy-Baskets.

BAwdy-Baskets are such who walk about with Baskets on their arms, wherein are pins, needles, and laces; and in this number some of your band-string women may come in, who are alwaies taking great pains with their hands in the day, and with their breeches at night.

Of Autem Morts.

AƲtem-Morts are such who are married, ha∣ving always children with them, one in the arms, and another at the back, and sometimes leading a third in the hand. You are not to ask what Church she was married in, or by what Par∣son, as long as a To••demallion shall swear he will justifie himself the husband, before any Justice of Peace in England, talk to him of a Certificate, and you were agood call him Son for a Whore.

Page  86

Of Strowling-Morts.

STrowling-Morts are such as pretend to be Wid∣dows, travelling about from County to Coun∣ty, making laces upon aves, as Beggars tape, or the like; they are subtil Queans, hard-hearted, light-singred, hypocritical and dissembling, and very dangerous to meet, if any Ruffler or Rogue be in their company.

Of Doxies.

DOxies are neither Wives, Maids, nor Widdows; they will for good Victuals, or for a very small piece of Money prostitute their bodies, and then protest they never did any such thing before, that it was pure necessity that now compell'd them to do what they have done, and the like, whereas the Jades will prove common: Hacknies upon every slight occasion: they are dexterous in picking of pockets, which they mind most when they find the mans thoughts most imployed on somewhat else; they are destructive Queans, and oftentimes secret Murtherers of the Infants which are illegitemately begotten of their bodies.

Page  87

Of Dells.

DElls are young bucksome Wenches, ripe, and prone to Venery, but have not yet lost their Maiden-heads, which is commonly done first by the Ʋprightman, and then they are free for any of the Brotherhood.

Of Kynchin-Morts.

KYnchin-Morts are Girles of an Year or two old, which the Morts their Mothers carry at their backs in slates or sheets; if they have no children of their own, they will steal or borrow them from others.

Let this suffice of what I have spoken of the old Professors of the Art of Canting; I shall now pro∣ceed and give you a short Character, with the names of such as are the late Professors hereof.

Page  88
  • The High-Pad.
  • The Low-Pad.
  • The Gilt.
  • The Budge.
  • The Ken-Miller.
  • The Huff, or Hector.
  • The Pimp.
  • The File.
  • The Bulker.
  • The Moon-Curser.
  • The Bawd.
  • The Shop-list.
  • The Stroler.
  • The Whore.
  • The Diver.
  • The Night-Walker.

LEt me take them in Order, and first for the High-Pad, or Knight of the Road; Before he 〈◊〉 this dangerous enterprize in hand, he first urniheth himself with a good Horse, Sword and Pistols, with supernumerary killing Instruments, if need require; And thus equipt, sometimes sing∣ly, but most commonly in company with others, he robs all he can meet with: his usual times for Page  89scouring the Roads, is when the Sun begins to de∣cline, and the place of soure, yet advantagious for the prospect of the eye, so that it may quickly dis∣cern approaching booties; thus enriching their own condition by the ruine of others, each honest mans los being these Rogues gain.

They have a Vizard-Mask and Perruke to dis∣guise themselves therewith, and by that means ob∣scure themselves from the knowledge of such as are constrained to pay them an unwilling Tribute. Nay, they have a trick to alter their voice, so that as their habit, face and hair are helps to their non∣discevery; so their speech (which one should think) is undisguisable, adds very much to their concealment and security.

When they meet with a prize upon the Road, they have a Watch-word among themselves, which is no sooner pronounced, but every one falls to his work. This is the general rule they have among them, the strongest and best at grasp seize first; the weaker only bid stand at first, and afterwards fall in according as occasion requires; the instru∣ctions given them, is to catch the bridle by the left hand, and to have the sword in the right; if any opposition be made to cut soundly, and if likely to be over-powred, to kill as fast as they can, and then either with booty or without, to fly with all ex∣pedition. If they are pursued by an Hue and Cry, they were wont to obscure themselves in some place or other, and let it pass by them. How much the Roads of late have been pester'd by them is un∣known to few, notwithstanding so many of them have been taken and Executed at Tyburn; Now to the intent you may be wary of them, take these following safe and wholsome Instructions.

Page  90

First, If you are about to take a Journy, con∣ceal the time as near as you can, and the charge you intend to carry with you; it is a Custome no less common then indiscreet, for persons to blaze abroad among their reputed friends, the time of their intended departure, and out of meer vain∣glory, tell what sum of money they carry with them; this hath been often times the cause of their being way-laid, for there is not so found a Flock of Sheep, but there may be one scabby, so in a So∣ciety one Judas, that for gain to share a fourth of the prize, will betray a man to these Bully-Ruf∣fins of the Road.

Secondly, When you come into your Inn, have a care you discover nothing of your concern to the Hostler, Chamber lain or Host himself; the two first are commonly bribed, or are in Pention with the High-Pad, and the last in expectation of a share, or good store of Money spent in his house profusely, will either from your own mouth vo∣luntarily, or by pumping, endeavour to discover where the booty lieth, and how much, and infor∣mation instantly given to the High-Pad.

Be not easily perswaded to associate your self with Strangers on the Road, but rather endeavour to shun such as are too forward to press into your com∣pany; if you have a suspition of such company, lag a little behind; and if you see them halt also before, by alighting or otherwise, provide for your safety with what speed you can.

Suspect all those that disguise themselves in any manner, by throwing a long Cloak over there shoulders, wearing a Vizard Mask, false be ard, Perruke, &c. Or if they have none of these dis∣guises, yet still appead suspitious, look their full in the face, and if they turn their heads aside being Page  91unwilling to be viewed by you; this is an infallible mark of an High-way man: there are many more marks to discover these Desperado's, by which I omit, because they will take up too much time in the Description.

I shall therefore give you some instructions for your safety in Travelling: If you ride with a consi∣derable Charge, choose rather to Travel by night then by day; for this is held as an undeniable truth among these Catter-pillars, that none will ride by night that are worth the robbing: besides, these High-way men in prudence take up their Inn be∣times, to avoid the suspition of being accounted and apprehended for Rogues by being abroad so late.

Choose when you travel, the By-Roads; for your High-way men generally select the Roads which are most common and beaten, that they may have their choise of booties, and not streightned in their prize.

If you are five or six in Company, keep a consi∣derable distance one from the other when you come to some noted place for Robbery, and do not hud∣dle all together; this will conduce much to your safety, for by this means the Pads will be affraid to assault you thus stragling, least one or other escape and so raise the Country: What else hath been or may be said of this Subject, I shall refer you to the first part of the ENGLISH ROGƲE; wherein you may be more fully informed.

Page  92

I shall conclude this discourse of them, with this Padding-Song.

A Padding Song.

I Keep my Horse, I keep my Whore,
I take no Rents, yet am not Poor,
I Travel all the Land about,
And yet was born to ne'r a foot.
With Partridg plump, and Wood-cock fine
I do at Midnight often dine,
And if my Whore be not in case,
My Hostess Daughter has her place.
The Maids fit up and watch their turns,
If I stay long the Tapster mourns,
The Cook-maid ha's no mind to fin,
Though tempted by the Chamberlin.
But when I knock, O how they bustle,
The Hostler yawns the Goldings justle,
If th' Maid but sleep, O how they curse her,
And all this comes of Deliver your purse Si.
Page  93

Of the Low Pad.

A Low-Pad is a base Sheep-stealing half-penny Rogue; the lowness and meanness of whose Spirit will stoop for two shillings, though he hang for his pains.

He is not of ability to ride on Horse-back, and therefore skulks under hedges in the Road, and with a long Pole knock a man down as he rides a∣long, or immediately and suddenly starts out from his covert, and seizing the bridle another comes and dismounts him, and so rob him.

The Fields about the Suburbs of the City, in Winter-season, use to be very much pester'd with these Vermin, these dangerous Villains: the most noted places are between Anniseed-Clear and Newington, between Hollow-way and Islington, between the Pinner of Wakefield and Kentish-Town, between Red-Lyon Fields and Totnam-Court, and lastly, Woods-Close hath been very remarkable for these pilfering Rogues, skulking and lying up and down in ditches, and like Quails calling on one the other with a sharp and loud return they will answer each others shrill whistle; this they do to give notice to each other where they lie, so that they may commodiously join with each other in the assaulting of any person they intend to rob. They make choice of Winter Evenings, as most conveni∣ent to obscure their dark purposes.

Page  94

Of the Gilt.

THe Gilt is one that going into a Tavern or Ale-house, no room below stairs will serve his turn, and therefore is showed room above; he carrieth his friend with him, or more, as occasion shall require.

Being mounted aloft, he peeps into this room, and that, if he espies no body in the way, he will boldly adventure in, and with his Gilts (from whence he takes his name) he will readily find out (by frequent practice) one that shall fit any Lock, whither Trunk, Desk, Cabinet or Chest, and if he have time will (very civily) lock them with the same instruments he opened them; having done their business, away they rub to some other place, till they are discovered, and so sent to the Nub∣bing cheat for their art and ingenuity.

Page  95

Of the Budge.

THe Budge by some is termed a Runner: his employment is in the dark of the Evening, to go into any door that he seeth open, and boldly entring the house, takes whatever next cometh to hand, and marcheth off therewith; if he meets any upon his entrance, they shall not need to ask him what business he cometh about, for he will instant∣ly ask whether such a Gentleman be within, if an answer be returned they know no such person; he will straightways crave their pardon, saying, he was mistaken in the house, and will not stay to hear any reply; but if he meets with no oppositi∣on, his confidence will carry him three pair of stairs, though he is sure for his labour to come down by the Rope.

Page  96

The Ken-Miller.

HE is a fellow that waits any opportunity to com∣mit Burglary, he never goes alone, unless now of late time, wherein these Rogues have found out new ways to rob houses, that is by getting in to new built houses unfinished, through which they get into the Gutters of other houses inhabited, and so consequently into the Windows thereof, and so convey what they get either out of the Garrets, and other Rooms lower down, as far as they durst ven∣ture: This course these Rogues take as soon as the day is shut in, and sometimes sooner; but the o∣ther House-breakers watch their opportunity in the dead of the night; who have an Instrument they call a Betty, with which in a moment they will force open any door, at which entring they instant∣ly Gag and Bind all in the house, and so march off with their booty; but let them act ever so warily, these pranks help them to break their necks at last.

Page  97

The Huff.

THe Huff heretofore usually kept his Whore, which upon a plotted occasion must acknow∣ledg her self his wife, who having drawn in some young man to lie with her, gives intelligence thereof to the Hector, who watcheth the minute, catcheth them in the act; and with threats and God knows what, frightens the young man into a compliance of recompencing the injury, either by present satisfaction or by a Bond or so forth; but this hath been so notoriously and commonly used, that this practice is obsolete and quite out of fash∣ion.

Ye still he hath a being, though his way of li∣ving be somwhat different, for now he at first sets up by taking a purse on the Road, which not only puts him in stock, but furnisheth him with good ap∣parel, that may qualifie him to keep Gentile Com∣pany, as occasion shall offer. He understands a Dye very well, and well he may; for, for some years that he was a Foot-boy, or so, there was not an hour in the day past in which he did not exercise his hand with the Dice, either for naughty half∣pence, or Coffee-pence when fortune smil'd, or else by himself, that he might the better cope with his livery Companions, Lace-coated Gamesters; besides, three parts of every nights dream is spent in Come at seven, what chance of the Dye is soon∣est thrown, in topping, slurring, palming, nap∣ping, with how to fix a Die for any purpose.

Practising thus, Sleeping and Waking, he be∣comes an excellent Proficient in all sorts of Game∣ing by which he endeavours to bubble all he meets Page  98with, but if unkind Fortune by meeting with his match hath rob'd him of his Money, he knows where to borrow or steale an Horse with which he may rob the Travailer to Re-instock him∣self.

In short his Cloyster is a Bawdy-House, where all his devotions are tendered.

He is a Protector to all distressed Damsels cal∣led in our Vulgar Tongue Common Whores, and that he may put a better Gloss on the matter, calleth them Cozens, and swears he will Vindicate their (Stinking) reputations with the Hazard of his life, and that he may strike terror into the fearful; he will draw upon any slight occasion not with an intent to hurt, but to wipe off the suspition of being a Coward: for this he knows that the opinion of Valor is a good Protection to him that dares not use it.

In company there is no man more Exceptions and Cholerick, but seldom lets his anger swell into a quarrel; but hopes by his Huffing to blow over a sound Basting.

Yet if he discovers a Coward, he will not rest tell he hath found out some means to quarrel with him, and there must not be expected a reconcile∣ment, till the Gentleman hath given him satis∣faction with a Silver sword.

No man more constantly imployeth his Brains then this Bully-Huff; For his life is a dayly in∣vention, and each meal a Stratagem. When his Whores will not or cannot supply him, he bor∣rows of any that will lend him money, which some∣times is lent him, not so much expecting a re∣payment, as that he will never trouble them more.

To conclude with him, his Prayers are in the Page  99morning that his Cheats may take effect that day, if not, that he may be Drunk before night; he sleeps with a Tobacco Pipe in his Mouth, and dreams of nothing but Villany; and when he dyes it is either on the Gallows, or like Hercules with 〈◊〉 in his Bones.

The File and Bulker.

THe File was formerly called a Bung-Nipper! or Cut-Purse because with a short sharp Knife, and an horn Thumb, he would cut a Purse with all ease imaginable; but since Purses are much out of fashion, the File or Pick-Pocket is a la Mode.

It was wonderful with what Dexterity and Celerity they will pick a Watch, Money, or any thing else out of a mans Pocket; and least they should be detected, and the goods found about them, they have one that attends the Operator who assoon as he hath done his work, immediately conveys what he hath got into the hands of his Comrogue, who trips off with it, so that if they be suspected and searched, there is no such thing with which he is taxed found about him. They have their appointed places to meet where they share.

Their Markets are Fairs, Crowds, Churches and places where great store of People resort, the Bulker jastles them up, and the File doth the work.

Page  100

Before the great and dreaful Fire, I heard of a very Spruce File, who took up his stand commonly on Ludgate Hill, there being frequently a great stop of Coaches, if he could not pick the Pockets of those that were on foot, he would pick out the pin of the wheel of that Choach in which he saw none but Gentlewomen, and by their habit those of the better sort; he would wait on this Coach particularly, for the stop being over as soon as ever the Coach began to move one of the Wheels would drop off, then would he be as of∣ficious as might be to hand the Lady's out, who seldom refused him, he being always well garbed and as with one hand he lifted them, out with the other he drew out what was in their Pockets, some∣times taking away the Watch that hung by their side.

I must not forget one notable story of late, which was this.

A Tradesman of my acquaintance having some business in the Strand, which required not so much hast but that he made a stop at the Pictures which usually hung out near the Middle Exchange, gazing thereon, a Motherly Woman in good habit came and stood by him, and askt him what such a Picture signifyed, Why (said he) its the Story of Noah and his two Daughters; what is it I pray Sir (said she, Iustling up closer to him) I am very deaf pray speak Lowder; with that the Man to satisfy her curiosity opened his throat to some purpose, Speaking aloud that it was the Represen∣tation of Noah being drunk and lying with his own Daughters: Marry is it so, (said she) then fie upon them for a couple of Lecherous Queans, and He for an old doting Drunken Coxcomb; could he find out no body else to do withall but his own Page  101flesh and Blood, however Sir I thank you for your information, I have received a great deal of sa∣tisfaction from you, and so it seems she had having pickt his Pocket of what Money was therein contain'd.

The Moon Curser.

THe Moon Curser is generally taken for any Link-Boy; but particularly he is one that waits at some Corner of Lincolns-Inn-Fields with a Link in his hand, who under the pretence of Lighting you over the Fields, being late and few stiring, shall Light you into a Pack of Rogues that wait for the comming of this Setter, and so they will all joyne in the Robbery.

Some of these were found to be Labourers so called, such who wrought all day in the Ruins of the City and were paid by their Master Work∣men, and at night found an easier way to pay themselves by lying in the Ruins, and as they saw occasion would drag in People into Vaults and Cellars and there rob them.

Page  102

The Bawd Pimp and Whore.

I Put these together because it is pitty to part the Devills Housholdstuf: and indeed she is very much like him, her Envy running Para∣lel with his: For all that the Devil indeavours to do, is to bring Man-kind into the like state and condition, and the nature of a Bawd is to make all fair Women as foul as her self; now because their youth perhaps will not admit of it so soon; she hurries them on to it by degrees; by the ex∣cess of Drink and Smoke, and Venery, and that point by which she indeavors to set off her bad Commodity will in a little time totally ruine.

If you visit her house she pretends to have no Drink, but will send for some that she may be sure of your Money; if you touch her bedding it will infect you, for few comes near it but they are troubled with a fit of the falling Sickness; but yet this I shall tell you, shall well teach you tem∣perance, not suffering you to have too much Liquor for your Money: If she stays a year in a place she is befriended by the Justices Clerk.

The Instruments in chief of a Bawds trade are an Hector or Huff, which seems instead of the Gyant to defend her inchanted Castle from being violated by Knights Errant: The Pimp which brings Grist to the Mill, that is Bawdy Customers to the house, which he picks up under this pre∣tence; goe along with me and I will show you the fairest Wench in Christendom, or raise a discourse of Bawdry, and then swear, there is not such a Page  103Curious fine Sinner in or about the City as there is at such a place, &c.

But the Whore is the Main support of the House. The first will not swagger unless he be paid, the next wont procure unless he may Spunge, and have his Leachery for nothing, and the Whore will not ply unless she hath half share of her own Gettings besides a little Snicking by the by.

The Market places to which Bawds resort to buy Tools for her Trade are Inns, where she en∣quires of the Carriers for Servant Maids, and according as they are handsome she Entertains them, and trains them up in the Mysteries of her Occupation, and having qualified them for the Profession of a Prostitute, the Bawd furnisheth them with Butter fly Garments, and other gawdy accoutrements for which she hath three shares, or as much as they can agree about.

I am sorry I have fouled my Fingers with such discourse, excuse what is already Writ, if you will be better informed, have a care you do not Entertain the Pox for your Companion; let me End with this Song.

Page  104

The Park Song.

OF late in the Park a fine fancy was seen,
Betwixt an old Bawd and a bucksome young Quean,
Their parting of money began this uproar,
I'le have half says the Bawd, but you shan't says the Whore.
Why 'tis my own house,
I care not a louse,
I'le have three parts of our, or you get not a souse;
'Tis I says the Whore that must take all the pains,
And you shall be damn'd e're you get all the gains,
The Bawd being vexed straight to her did say,
Come off with your Dud's and I pray pack away,
And likewise your Ribons, your Gloves, and your Hair,
For naked you came, and so out you go bare:
Then the Buttocks so bold,
Began for to scold,
Hurry-Dun was not able her clack for to hold,
Both Pell-mell fell to it, and made this uproar,
With these complements, thou'rt a Bawd, thou'rt a Whore.
Page  105
The Bawds and the Buttocks that lived there round,
Came all to this case, the pockie and sound,
To see what the reason was of this same fray,
That did so disturb them before it was day;
If I tell you amis,
Let me never piss;
This Buttock so bold, her name was call'd Siss,
By Quiffing with Cullies three pounds she hath
And but one part of four, must fall to her lot.
Then all the Bawds cry'd, let us turn her out bare,
Unless she will yeild to return you half share,
If she will not we'l help to strip off her cloat
And turn her abroad with a slit on her Nose.
Who when she did see,
There was no remedy,
For her from the tyrannous Bawds to get free;
The Whore from the money was forced to yield,
And in the conclusion, the Bawds got the Field.
Page  106

Of the Shop lift.

SHe is most commonly well clad, and one that wants more Grace than Wit; She hath seve∣ral large pockets about her, but that which stands her principally instead, is her Gown or Petticoate so tuckt up before that it will contain any thing without falling out: Thus prepared she will bold∣ly goe into a Mercers shop, and there pretend to lay out a great deal of Money, whereas her whole intent is to convey into her lap same Peece of Silk or Sattin which will lie in a little Compass, and that she may the better Facilitate her purpose, she will be very troublesome to the Shop keeper, by causing him to shew her much variety of Com∣modity, to the intent that what she hath stoln may not be easily mist; and having sped in one Shop, she will attempt other Shops of a different Profession; she hath variety of Customers for these stoln Commodities, as Taylors, Piece-Bro∣kers, &c. Where she makes up her Merchan∣dize.

Page  107

Of the Night-Walker and Diver.

I Joyne them together as being but one and the same thing; for she that is a Diver or Pick Pocket is an infallible stroler or Night-Walker.

This occupation is contrary to all others, for she opens her Shop windows when all other Tiaders are about to shut them.

The night approaching she riggs her self in the best manner she can, with some apparent outward Ensign of her Profession; having weighed Anchor and quitted her Prt she steers her course for some one principal street, as Cheap-side or Corn-hill; with a gentle breese she first sails slowly on the one side, and if she meet nere a Man of War between Snow-Hill and the Poultry, she tacks and stands away for the other side, but if she be a tolerable tight Frigat, she is laid aboard before, made fast with the Grapplings, and presently rummaged in the Whold; sometimes she sheers off and leaves my Man of War on Fire.

You shall know her by her brushing you, staring in your face, often haltings in the street by gazing about her, or looking after some or other she hath brusht; but the most infallible Sign is asking of Questions, as what is't a Clock, Or I am a stran∣ger which is my way to such a place.

If she is pickt up she will make an hard shift but she will give a man something whereby he Page  108shall remember her as long as he lives; besides it is ten Pound to a penny but she plays the Diver and picks his Pocket.

Of the Bawd and whore.

THe next sort of Cattell I intend to treat of is the Bawd and Whore, now because the Subject is so copious their being so much Roguery Subtlety and Villany contain'd in the profession of either.

Give me leave to inlarge my self hereon, pro∣mising you in this discourse not to offend the ears of any modest READERS, but shall indea∣vour to discover the truth of their wicked and Lascivious practices, described in the ensuing lives of a Crafty Bawd, and a most Notorious Whore.

Whom for the better carrying on their History, I shall call the first Mother Craftsby and her Niece Mistress Wheedle.

Page  109

The vicious and Remarkable Lives of Mother Craftsby, and Mistress wheedle.

THe World is full of Impostors, and indeed she her self is nothing else but a complicated Cheat: Yet she faine would appear more splendid and better than she is: Men and Women herein contained to imitate several of Natures production, bad men would seem good though their Intentions and Actions tend not to that Center, and that they may palliate their Rogueries, play the Counterfeit with Vertue and Honesty; Peb∣bles well cut, and Bristol-Stones by their borrowed or feigned Luster prove the Rivalls to Real Diamonds, and often delude the ignorant, but when judiciously compared they prove but foils to the others true Worth, and their glittering serves only to surprize the ignorant.

The constant Standards or Conveyers of light and Virtue are neglected, when short liv'd Me∣teors (Spawns of Bogs, and Extracts of Dunghills) drawn by the Suns resistless power to a great er height then they themselves were capable of attaining, to become the wonder of a gazing Multitude, and so much pride therein that being possest with a strange Phrenzy of Ambition, regard not what they do or suffer, so that they make some bustle in the World.

The Persons of whom I do intend my Discourse were solely bent upon this irregular Humour; Page  110Craftsby being now grown Old, the heat of whose youthful blood being by Age now near upon extinguisht, minded her profit only; and that her Niece Mistress Wheedle might not too violently prosecute her pleasurable inclinations, she stopt them in their career by a watchful Eye and Poli∣tick Instructions.

The Subtle Bawd was glad to see her towring Spirit to soar above her mean and low born for∣tune, to the supplying of which defect, she dayly plum'd her head with Ingenious conceits, which in time might be wrought into such deceits as she aim'd at, and so it prov'd for dazled with these false appearances, they both forsook Vertue, the difficult yet the only direct road to Glory, pur∣suing their satisfactions in the crooked and by∣paths of Subtlety and Circumventing all which come with in the verge of their power so to effect their purpose.

It matters not to tell you where they were born, neither do I think them half so wise as they should be, who relating the life of a Malefactor contend about the place of his or her Nativity; some placing it here, others, there, the truest writer in the Moon, although the opinion savors some∣what of Lunacy; let it suffice that my two fe∣male Whipper Snappers, were born in Terra In∣cognita and travelled to London for profit, cariosity and pleasure.

It will be requisite I begin with the life of Mistriss Craftsby, as an introduction to that of Mistress Wheedle, since the former had but just began to act her part on Loves Theater, when the other (her Niece) was then as a meer Novice in such Affairs, being but a blossom in the Cyprian Gar∣den.

Page  111

Mistriss Craftsby had a very good natural Ge∣nius, quick of apprehension, and though she had a very nimble invention, yet contrary to General observation she had likewise a capacious Memory, its faculties were so retentive she never heard any Ingenious expression once which was not after∣wards absolutely her own; her beauty was not much fam'd though her face was very well featur'd and fashion'd, her stature was middle siz'd, her body plump and fleshy, her hair of a dark brown and an eye as black as a slow, with eye brows so large and thick, that Nature seem'd prodigal in planting thereon so much, that if half could have been transplanted 'twould have been more then sufficient to have adern'd the face of some antient Citizen made barren by the coldness of his o're frigid Nature.

She very much affected gaudy apparel, and was a great hater of labour and pains taking, the first she could not purchase in the Country, by reason of the poverty of her Relations, labour she was continually exercised in, which made her enter tain so great an aversion to the Country, that nothing could oppose her Resolution of seeing London, and that which hastned her departure, was the insufferable dislike she took to the con∣versation of her Country Neighbours, there being no proportion between her and their Humours, nor finding any thing agreable in their Rural pastimes. Susans intended departure (for that was her Christian name) being generally spread abroad, a universal grief possest the Inhabitants of that Parish wherein she liv'd, but more espe∣cially two Young men, the one a Wheel-Right and the other a Serving-Man; the last followed her to London, and not finding her lost his Wits, Page  112and was put into Bedlam, where he trifled away his time in Straw and making Congies to a post instead of his Mistress, till he dyed; the other was no less forward in the purchasing of his love than the former who went for London also, and missing his Mistress wheel'd off to Sea, whose flames were quencht in the bottom of the O∣cean.

The time being come for her departure, she mounted on a pack, and sate as if she was riding on a Cammel, in her best Countrey livery, that is to say, she had a straw hat, a green Wastcoat, and red Petticoat, with Hob-naild shoo's which would strike Fire at every step, the Emblem of what Fire works she would make when she arriv'd at her journeys end.

Coming to London, the reputation of a harmless Country-Girle, and a good comely Face, soon in∣troduced her into a service, where having learn'd somewhat more than she understood in the Coun∣try, and by her service having gotten good Cloths on her Back, she imagined the place wherein she lived too low to advance her to that height to which her fancy dayly prompted her; neither were the Amorous pretences and insinvations of her Masters Apprentice able to detain, although the grand Obligation of a promised marriage was contained therein; I concieve the stay of three Years, was too long for one in her longing Con∣dition.

The only place she inquired after was a Mer∣chants House, as creditable in the first place, and next, as there was more probability of advancing her fortunes by matching with some deluded Casheer and she was encouraged to this confidence by the many matches she had heard of in this nature by Page  113such who were as full of hopes as she was, of thriving in this kind.

A Service she soon got in a House as she de∣sired, which, for external splendor and internal accommodations, was little inferior to any Mer∣chants in the whole City.

Here she behaved her self so well, that she gain'd the love and favor of the whole House, and so craftily she counterfeited a becomming modesty that her Masters Casheer entertain'd for her a love within his breast that is not common, the more his Reason indeavored to suppress, it became more Violent, and giving it no vent it was ready to breake that wherein it was Con∣tain'd.

She like a cunning Gypsie percieved well the malady of his mind, but would not take the least notice of it, and instead of quenching that over grown flame which she had blown up by her alluring subtle practices, her winning carriage and seeming compliance to every thing he seem'd to desire, added new fewel thereunto dayly.

He could now no longer keep in that which would have its free course in spight of all oppo∣sitions whatsoever, and now it violently broke out like Powder fir'd, making a report so much the greater by how much it is pent up in a narrow Circumference.

When other careless Souls are dead in sleep, or suffer themselves to be led Captive in leaden Chains, by that heavy headed God Morpheus, the careful Lover is ever watchful, his eyes can find no rest, because of those continual Alarums the panting Heart doth beat on his troubled Amorous breast.

Thus stood the affair between our Lovers, Page  114Susan being informed that he would relate some∣thing of importance that night to her, thought every hour seven till the family was gone to bed, and he every hour seventy till he might have some assurance of his bedding with his Love.

The house being now in a profound Silence, he steals out of his own Chamber, and softly trips down the stairs into the Kitching where his Love attended his coming.

Low was their talk but high was the passion they had reciprocally for each other, that sighs and looks were forc't to supply the place of speech, discovering what their tongues were incapable of uttering, and Kisses supplyd the defects of all the rest.

His warm touches and frequent embraces did melt her into complacency so that on both sides never were their made so many Amorous promises as between these two Lovers, he swore and damn'd himself a thousand times if ever he broke his faith with her, and she vow'd and protested she would never be unfaithful to him, upon this Obligation she condescended the next night he should lie with her with this Proviso, that if she be with Child he should marry her incontinently, but if no such thing hapned to defer it some time longer, this agreement was Seal'd interchangeably by Kisses on each side, and so they went to their re∣spective Chambers.

The Master of the House (whom we shall call Mr. Tradewell) had a Partner and his Wife in the House with him, whom for the better carrying on the Story, we must call by the name of Mr. Sil∣ware. this Merchant was gone into France about some Affair that concerned the Partnership, and left his Wife behind him to the care of Mr. Trade∣well,Page  115who ever had a great respect for her, being a very lovely Woman, and one whose beauty and every part exceeded his own Wives by many de∣grees, the consideration of which had so inflam'd his Heart, that he only wanted an opportunity to make known to her the Fervency of his Af∣fection.

This absence of her Husband gave him all the advantages a Lover could require, neither was he backward in the vsing of such means that might accomplish his irregular defires; he had made several attempts but still was repulst, at length he resolv'd to summon together all his force and give her one home Charge more, or one Vigorous assault before he would raise his Siege; the time designed was the next day, after the night the Casheer and Susan had agreed to the assignation of each others Maiden-Heads the night follow∣ing.

The day being come and when one half or more thereof was spent, Mr. Tradewell singles out his game (fair to Admiration) and resolved to hit his mark.

You may therefore Swear he did not fright her Ear, with the dreadful stories of horred Dutch cruelties in Amboyna, nor what will become of that ungrateful Nation hereafter, but how he might make a Conquest over Chastity.

Mr. Selware heard his temptations with much seeing impatience and reluctancy, offring fre∣quently to be gone, but easily stayd by her as∣sailant; she fretted and fumed at the walls as if they were accessory to her detention whereas the door stood wide open, or had it been lockt one Skreeke or two would have as nimbly opened it as the Key thereunto belonging; having flounst Page  116and flung up and down, She at length (recovering breath) thus capitulates with him: Where note that Fortress or Citadel that admits of a Parley with her Assailent is already half Surrendred.

O Mr. Tradewell I did not think you were a Man so loosly given, how can you thus offer to injure four at once, your Wives Vertue, my Husbands friendship, my Chastity, and most of all your own Soul.

Tradewell had a tongue most excellently well hung, with wit at will, by which he so handled the matter, that he cleared these Scruples, making her believe that forreign Nations publickly per∣mitted (Adjutores Tori;) helpers in the marriage bed; and that it was freely granted by the husband that she should make choice of any one friend whom she pleased, that here at home such things were winked at, else how comes it about it should grow so Fashionable for Women to have a Gal∣lant besides their Husbands, who shall not only participate of the pleasure of the Wife, but the profits also of the Husband.

What harm then (said he) can your consent to my proposals do to your Husbands friend∣ship or your Honesty? as for my Wives Vertue if she thinks Chastity such, let her live Cloy∣ster'd up in my Arms only, if not, let her take the freedome I freely give my self.

He added a thousand things more which his transported passion dictated to him, and laid them so home that with a kind of willing un∣willingness she yeilded to what he requested, but with many Cautions, as Constancy, Secrecy, &c.

These Amorous combatants had nothing now to consider of but to appoint the field where this Page  117Battail must be sought which was the bed of her absent Husband, the hour Eleven, and that he would take care the whole Family should be in Bed by that time; in Order thereunto he gave Order that Supper should be made ready betime, and that his intentions were to rise very early the next day, and therefore he would goe to Bed by time.

This news did not a little please Susan and the Casheer, as thinking they should the sooner and longer injoy their eagerly expected pleasures; every finger that Susan had, supply'd the place of a hand to dispatch Supper, which being ready was disht up, and Mr. Tradewell and his Wise with Mistress Saleware seating themselves.

Susan, according to Custom, waited on her Mistress and the Casheer on his Master: Susan was then so bashful that least ought in her looks should betray what was all-ready complotted, look't down continually, not daring to look up least her wanton glances (which she could not hin∣der) should prove the Traytors to her expected bliss.

The Casheer in the mean time stood like a Statue either staring in Susans face, or else his Eyes wandring he knew not whether, with his Wits in the sweet contemplation of those delights he should be master of e're long, his thoughts were so totally employd hereon, that he was no farther serviceably to the table then for laughter, for if his Master cald for Beer, he brought him a clean plate, if his Mistress called for a Glass of Wine he pre∣sented it to the Maid, and then to mend the Mistake to Mistress Saleware, which caused a great deal of pleasant discourse what should be the occasion of this suddain disorder, none took Page  118more notice of it than Mr. Tradewell, for her Hus∣band was in the like distraction, neither was Mistress Saleware in less confusion.

Mr. Tradewell partly by the strength of imagin∣ation and partly by those flames, the incomparable beauty and over kind promises his Partners Wife had kindled in him, made him even ready to dis∣solve as Snow against the Scorching rays of the Meridean Sun; Fancy made him think he was already incircled in her arms and clung as close as Jvies to the Elme; sometimes he thought he heard the Ravishing twang of her harmonical Lace against her Bodice, making her self unready to be the more ready to his devotion.

As Supper ended so did the discourse, for Mr. Tradewell counterfiting a bad Sentinel fell fast a sleep pretendedly; this made Mistress Saleware retire, to give opportunity to Mr. Tradewell to put her Husband to bed, who (understanding from himself that his business would call him up very Early next morning) awaked him out of his sleep desiring him to take his rest in Bed: Mr. Tradewell starting as one too suddainly disturbed out of his sleep, answer'd (raising himself and rubbing his Eyes) goe to Bed Sweet-heart, I will but goe down and give some instructions to my man what is to be done to morrow, and Order them to goe to Bed, I will instantly return; having given what Orders he thought convenient below, com∣ing up he renew'd the former discourse with Mistress Saleware and confirmed the contract; he return'd to his own Chamber, where he found his Wife in Bed, and undressing himself went to Bed also and to prevent toying with his Wife fell immediately (but feignedly) into a profound sleep.

Page  119

His wife that was not accustomed to be so serv'd could not refrain shedding some tears to be thus frustrated of thse expectations natural heat had ingendred within her; but knowing how ill hu∣mour'd he used to be when prest to any thing he did not voluntary propound and fearing to displease him she accomadated her contentment with hopes remitting the fruition of her desires to some other time, upon these agreable and self pleasing thoughts sleep closed the portalls of her Eyes, so Captivating her senses that her sleep was as profound as her Husbands was counter∣feit.

Every one in the House were now paying the quiet Tribute due to Pains-taking, indulgent Nature excepting the aforementioned Lovers: Mistress Saleware lay (improperly) above Mr. Trade-well, Susan in a little room next him, the Casheer a good way distant; Mistress Saleware and Susan placed their ears to the best advantage that they might hear the first tread of their ex∣pected Amorous visitants, you must think they hearkned with as much attention, as a dying Patient would hear the Physitians sentence of Life or Death, privately whispered into the Ear of some friend standing by.

Nor did the weary Traveller indure more pain and inquietude in waiting that happy day which shall free him from those fears and dangers do on every side environ him, then this our Tradewell did in having those doubts removed which encom∣passed by the comming of the appointed Hour, before it was fully arrived he left his loving Bed fellow, whose Face though not tinctur'd with a Vermillion hue like a Morning Blush, yet was there nothing wanting in her which appertain'd Page  120to her sex, but in every thing was rather redun∣dant.

You may imagine he was very careful of tread∣ing hard, yet though he went softly, he could not hinder the creaking of the boards, which caused a double Alarum, the one to his Mistress of his approach, and the other of fear to himself, least thereby he might awake his Wife and so she find him absent, the consideration hereof made his heart to imitate a Drummer in the beating of a point of War.

Coming to her Chamber door, he cald to her in so low a voice he could not hear himself; yet she could perfectly at a good distance and in∣stantly give him admission.

What they speedily went about you may ima∣gine, and therefore it is needless to give you an account of every Amorous folly these two Lovers were guilty of that time, which lay in Action more than expression, and no wonder since kisses barracaded up their speech.

Having tired each others lipps, they then en∣countred with their Leggs and Arms, but how, my modesty will not give me leave to tell.

No doubt they ran their Posts or Stages with uncontrouled Eagerness; like an high mettled Horse which at first mounting will Carvete and Caper, and without the least touch of Switch or Spur will bounce and foam at mouth, nay fret it self out of Breath; but let us leave these Cham∣pions of Venus, and give an account of what hapned in this interval, as a just reward and a remarkable casual revenge on Tradewells infide∣lity.

About half an hour after this disloyal Husband had left the warm Bed of his hitherto constant Page  121Bed-fellow to go a catterwowling, his Cashier (who was about the age of twenty, a handsome lu∣sty Lad) got out of his Bed, having slept against his will, and not knowing how much of the night had slipt away, rubbing his eyes between sleeping and waking, he gropes his way in the dark to find out Susans Chamber; but instead thereof, entred into that of his Mistresses: The first thing he en∣countred with was the Bed, and finding it so quick∣ly, doubted not but that he was right, concluding the narrowness of the room guided him to his in∣tent and purpose; whereupon lifting up the clothes softly, he laid himself down by her side; he was not long there, e're he began to bustle (not as if he was setling himself in order to his repose) which soon awaked his Mistress, who believing it was her Husband, embraced him with an ardent affection, saying, My dearest Joy, how cold you are? Come, put thy legs within mine, I'le warm them for thee; and then discharg'd a whole vol∣ley of kisses on him: those being over, she talk'd to him again. My dear Husband, I'le tell thee what I just now dreamt: Methought I heard your man open your maids Chamber door, and talkt of things not fit to be spoke; being throughly vext my House should be made a Brothel by your Ser∣vants, I endeavoured to rise to prevent them in their Roguery, struggling to get up, and feeling for thee to tell thee what I was going about, I could not find thee in the Bed; this so strangely did sur∣prize my mind, that through fear, vexation, and I know not what, I instantly awoke, and glad I am that it is but a Dream, and that I have thee in mine Arms.

These actions and expressions clearly convinc't him that he was in an errour, and that she which Page  122exprest so many indearments, and which had so stricktly shackled him within her arms, was his Mistress.

At first he was almost dead with fear, but ha∣ving recollected his scattered Spirits, and bethought himself of this stratageme to preserve himself from discovery, all passages that ever he observed be∣tween his Master and Partners Wife came fresh in∣to his mind, and from all the circumstances con∣cluded that they were now consummating their loves. and that if he could but refrain from speak∣ing, he doubted not but that she would fall asleep again, and so have the opportunity of stealing a way, to be as good as his promise.

But jealously in her dream had so kindled her fire, that abandoning for that time the becoming modesty of her Sex, she grew so impatient of de∣lays, that he found himself incapable of resisting those emotions she had rais'd within him, but suf∣fer'd himself to be taught by her those Love-les∣sons, were designed him by another Love-School Mistress; she had so warm'd her Cashier, that had he been Marble, or a Mysanthropos, a mortal ene∣my to Mankind, he must have then laid aside his innate hate and emnity to be reconcil'd to such a loving Enemy.

This Combat lasted a long time without any considerable advantage perceivable on either side, but being equally tired, they both willingly sound∣ed a retreat. And now it was time for her to con∣sider that these embraces were more vigorous and fierce than such which are the attendants to a Marriage-bed, unusually accompanied with such frequent Repetitions: Besides his conti∣nued silence all this while did strangely startle her, which with the former, gave her sufficient Page  123grounds to suspect she was mistaken in her Bed∣fellow.

The poor foundred Cashier was in a peck of troubles, not knowing how to get out of that La∣byrinth he had casually wound himself into; each minute he dreaded his Masters apprehending him in bed with his Mistress, and what punishment could he expect less than his Masters Dagger plung'd to the hilts in his traiterous breast; here∣upon an universal Palsie seized upon every Limb, but this trepidation of his joynts, his Mistress fa∣vourably interpreted the product of his past de∣lights, or of desire of enjoying more, and not at all the effect of fear.

After a thousand distracting cogitations, the Cashier having weigh'd each particular in the bal∣lance of his green understanding, considered that it might be of a dangerous consequence to ask pardon of his Mistress for what had past between them, and then again to rise when his Mistress was asleep without discovering to her the mistake, would the next day undoubtedly betray the whole matter, by her petulancie, or some little toying and wanton discourse between her and his Master; and who knows not but that she might too amply acknowledge his gratitude for his late supposed works of Supererrogation, which might give him cause to conclude (as it was but just) that his man had suppli'd his last nights absence, for none other in the family could be suspected. The ap∣prehension of danger from the discovery of a se∣cret of this great importance, did put him in so great a confusion, that it was not to be judg'd which was greater, the pleasure he had obtain'd, or the trouble and fear he underwent in the pur∣chase thereof. Whilest his thoughts were ingaged Page  124in this perplexity a stratagem bolted into his head, which in all probability might remedy all; and thus it was, he resolved to take no notice of any thing she uttered saving the Dream, making her believe that he thought himself in bed with Susan and none else, and therefore (grumbling a little first) he thus spoke:

Prethee, my Dear, what didst thou mean by that Dream thou told'st me, the matter I value not, but 'tis the manner of telling it troubles me; thy language therein was more like my Mi∣stress than my Love; Why dost thou call me Ser∣vant whenas I intend to be thy Husband? But I will not chide, since I did not think to have been so favourably received by thee; and since I find thy love cordial (speaking to her with a Kiss) were I interrupted from thy embracements, by the interposition of an Arm of the Sea, wider and more dangerous than that loving Leander once too often crost swimming to see his sportive Hero, I would do it with as much alacrity and willingness as for striding a Brook obtain a Lordship. Dear∣est, said he, what is the matter? Why so silent? Fear nothing, our Mistress, poor Gentlewoman, is fast asleep, she like an harmless innocent little dreams of the ingratitude and treachery of her la∣scivious Husband, who is now at this very nick of time in the height of his enjoyments with Mrs. Saleware. At these words she became more sur∣priz'd and amaz'd than ever Alcmene was of old, af∣ter Jupiter had enjoy'd her in the shape of Am∣phitreo.

But seeing there was no remedy for so strange an Accident which had made her break her Mar∣riage-Vow, she comforted her self in that the fault, if it was any, was not design'd by her, but all the Page  125guilt ought to lie on her disloyal Husband; and indeed I know not how that can properly be cal∣led a fault which was done unwittingiy; besides, she could not but applaud the Justice of Heaven, punishing him in the same manner he had abused others. Mrs. Tradewel was somewhat loath to part with the Company of her new Bed-fellow, but reason perswaded her to it for the avoiding dan∣ger, wherefore slipping a Diamond-ring off her finger she convey'd it into the hands of her Ser∣vant, saying in a very low voice, if you are dis∣creet hug in silence your good fortune, otherwise you shall find a reward sutable to your babbling folly.

Hereupon without replying a word, he got out of the Bed, and passing by the Chamber of his poor cheated Susan, he entred into his own, and went to sleep; how and in what manner she took and revenged this intollerable affront, I shall anon give you a farther account.

Mr. Tradewel had not been in bed with his be∣loved Saleware above two hours, but that Mr. Saleware being return'd from France, and land∣ing at Gravesend, took a pair of Oars and came straight away for London with an affectionate de∣sire to have a speedy sight of his intirely beloved Wife, and about one a Clock landed at Billings∣gate, and thence with all speed went to his Habi∣tation; where coming he knock at the back-door for the convenience of speedy entrance, the Skul∣ling-boy lying just over the Gate, and so soon got in, making the boy to strike a light, and with it went directly to his Chamber, where these two Lovers were more intangled with each other than Mars was by the craft of Vulcan with the Cyprian Goddess. He knockt at the door two or three Page  126times, but his Wife being other wayes employed then to come out of a warm bed and indanger of catching of cold, was as mute as a fish, neither could she in Reason speak till the business she was about was consummated; but he without repeat∣ing his knocks, she was forced at length to ask, who was there, in words imperfect, as just disturb'd out of a profound sleep. It is I, said her Hus∣band. Who are you, she repli'd. 'Tis I, your Husband, said Saleware, don't you know my voice? She thus capitulated with him that she might have time to abscond her Lover; the sud∣denness of the surprize would not permit her to consult long about it, neither was there any o∣ther place of security, but underneath the Bed; which Tradewel was forc't to crawl under; that being done, seemingly in great haste she ran to the door, speaking as she went, My Soul, O my dearest Heart, art thou return'd? The most welcome man to me in the world; whil'st she thought in her heart what envious Devil brought thee hither at this juncture of time, thus to obstruct my early joys?

The door being opened, Mr. Saleware entred in, and as he was about to run and catch her in his arms, the sight of her in a manner naked, display∣ing her delicate Breasts, put him to a stand that he might please his eyes before he feasted his other sen∣ses; this small time of absence had given him new appetite, and so impatient he grew, that he thought undressing himself to be the way about and too long for the renewing his delight, and therefore would have cut it shorter; but she which already had had the satisfaction of a more vigorous and active subject, knew how to defend her self against the weak assaults of an impotent Page  127Husband: to qualifie him, for the present the de sir'd him to have patience, if not, he might be in∣strumental in bringing her into some dangerous Distemper, by catching cold coming sweating out of a warm bed. This perswasion made him the more hasty to go to bed, his Wife in the mean time considering with what difficulty her Gallant almost starv'd with cold) must creep from under∣neath the bed to acquit himself of the Chamber, and the danger of staying longer in it, and withal knowing how impossible it would be to steal from her Husband, or if she did, the creaking of the door might betray her, she suddenly pumpt out of her invention, a pretty device to blind her Hus∣band and secure her friend: Womens wits are ever most ready at a push in the greatest straights.

As her Husband was making himself unready, she caught him about the neck, saying, hold, hold, my dear Heart, prethee let's drink a glass of Wine for joy of thy return, I have half a dozen bot∣tles which were lately sent me as a present, the best thou didst ever taste of in all thy life, prethee step down into the Cellar, there is but one left, it stands in the farthest corner of the Cellar: with all my heart, said her Husband; in order to his going down he reputs on his Doublet, and having button'd it by halves, he stands up to look for his shooes which he had carelesly dropt off his feet, but could find but one, the other it seems tumbled under the bed where Tradewel lay, he be∣gan to grope with his hands underneath the Bed, which had like to have frighted our Inamorata and and his Mistress out of their wits; but seeing his search was in vain, he went to the Table to fetch the Candle, the wife seeing this, lept nimbly out of Bed and pretending to be angry for his stand∣ing Page  128so long barefoot on the cold ground, snatcht the Candle out of his hand, saying, is it possible, Husband, that you should be thus long looking for your shooe and not find it? Come, you shall stand no longer on the bare bords, I'le rather suf∣fer than you; and thereupon lookt for the shooe where she knew it was impossible to find it. The Husband seeing his wife thus walk up and down barefoot, in a great passion told her, that unless she was resolv'd to be accessary to her own death, she would not do as she did; therefore, said he, let me command you to go to your bed, and do not expose your tender body to those injuries which accompany a cold winter season.

Let any one judge whether Mr. Tradewel were not in a sweet pickle at the hearing of these words, and Mrs. Saleware was at her wits ends, thinking now there was no hope of using any other falla∣cie, concluding the best Inventions in this case barren, and that it lay not in the power of the sharpest and craftiest wit to find out a way that may deliver them from this imminent dan∣ger.

Now did Mr. Saleware in a seeming rage ad∣advance to snatch the Candle from his Wife; she pretending to prevent him, with an over-officious care not to put him to the trouble, seemed to flumble (in her starting back) at the foot of the Table, and thereby fell, and by her fall extinguisht snuff and and all; whil'st her Husband was gro∣ping for the Candle, with all speed she got to the bed to advise Tradewel that this was the time, if ever, to make his escape undiscovered, she durst not speak, and therefore she did thrust her arm underneath the Bed and caught him by the foot; Tradewel thinking that the hand he felt was that Page  129of him he had so injur'd, and therefore now did justly fear, knew not what to do, thinking it was to little purpose to endeavour his further conceal∣ment, and judged he had no means left but to crawl out upon all four, and in that posture con∣fessing the whole matter, beg pardon of his injur'd friend; but perceiving that the person that held him by the foot pull'd him but gently, without the utterance of one word, he alterr'd his resolution, knowing it must be his Friend; after this she found the shooe and gave it her Husband, who by this time had found the Candle, which she fear'd he had given to the Devil to light, and now she en∣treats him afresh to go down into the Kitching, and light the Candle (there being always some fire all night long) and thereby fulfil her request; Saleware by the charming perswasions of his sub∣tle wife, condescended to every thing she desir'd; he was no sooner gone, but she hastned her Gal lant with all speed imaginable out of the Cham∣ber; who seeing himself freed and at liberty was the joyfullest man living, notwithstanding he was so benumm'd with cold that he lookt like the third Son of Ice-icle Winter, his shirt (by removing himself on this side and that, for his better secu∣rity) was so black by rubbing the boards, that he lookt like a Small-Coal-man, and his Hair, which like Lime-twiggs had ensnared the Fea∣thers underneath the bed, made his head appear more like an Owls than a Common-Councel∣mans; and which was worse, he had so bepist himself by the fright he was in, that he stunck like a Polecat. In short, his looks were so ghastly, and his face so pall'd and wan, that the most rational would have taken him for a Spectre or Phantasm, so strange was his Metamorphosis in time of this Page  130short though sharp Purgatory; but all this was nothing to what he suffered by his Cashier; one nights repose would resettle him and restore his former quietude and serene temper, but the injury he sustain'd in the abuse of his Wife was remedi∣less: Besides had he been discovered by his Part∣ner, who knows the dangers that jealousie and re∣venge might procure to prosecute an act so foul and so ingrateful: The mischiefs are innumera∣rable they run themselves into, who slighting Heaven by contemning the good Laws of man, are led away by their brutish appetites and inordinate sensuality.

Consider then again, how blind and irrational some are who having wives whose beauties may dispute for eminencie with the choicest of the Creation, whose discretion, modesty and pru∣dence was never call'd in Question by any foul miscarriage, whose honesty and nuptial fidelity is as spotless white as innocence her self; yet I say, these very men regarding neither the Laws of of God nor Nature (More ferarum Quadrupe∣dumque) by invading other mens rights, endeavor their satisfaction with such whose Persons, Wit, Beauty and Behaviour fall as short of that which adorns their own faithful Companions, as the splendour of the serene Sun outshines the gloo∣miness of an eclipsed Moon. In short, men should forbear entertaining such loose and unlaw∣ful desires, if not for the sake of Heaven, yet for the love they ought to bear to their health and honour: But to return where we left.

Tradewel, thus pickled in dust, feathers, and u∣rine, durst not approach his own bed, but thought it very expedient to go to the Chamber of his Ca∣shier, but before he could come at it he must pass Page  131by his Maid Susans Chamber-door, who had not clos'd her eyes in all that time by reason of her longing desire of enjoying her Friend. Impatient of waiting longer she had got out of Bed, and ha∣ving slipt on her Petticoat, she was going out with an intention of going to visit her faithless Friend, at the same time her Master came tripping down the stairs from Mr. Saleware; by a little glimme∣ring light she perceived somewhat in white, at first sight she was somewhat affrighted suggesting that this might be some Spirit, had undoubtedly screekt out, had she not presently bethought her self that in all probability this was her unfaith∣ful Friend who had slighted her for a more excel∣lent beauty above, and was now return'd from those petulant delliances which properly belong'd to her by Oaths, Vows, & Protestations, imboldned with the consideration hereof, she seiz'd suddenly on his shirt as he was passing by, and not regard∣ing the propinquity of her Mistresses Chamber to hers, in these terms she upbraided him, O Sir, have I caught you, are these the fruits of your last nights Promises, can the current of your love so soon run in another Channel? Base perjur'd man, so quickly to relinquish that, for which I must for e∣ver languish.

Tradewel concluded himself surprized by his Wife, and thought she had by her vigilancie dis∣covered this amorous complotment, and being conscious of his own guilt, he endeavoured after this manner to appease the just anger of his in∣jur'd Wife: Dearest, I have offended, let my peni∣tent Confession plead the remission of a fault I ne're was guilty of before. To which she repli'd: The first is a Crime of so high a nature, it can never be forgiven. What violate your Maiden-Obligation and Page  132me who never yet knew man, nor never would know any but for your sake, to whom I'me bound by pro∣mises extorted by you from me? Why, did you pro∣mise only to delude? Could you not finde some o∣ther way to abuse me, but by this the most insuffe∣rable?

Tradewel (finding his mistake) soon banisht his fear, and perceiving what had past between his Maid and man, made the discovery of their folly his own advantage; for presently, as if he had known her from the first interview, thus spake: Well Susan, I never thought you a light Huzzie till now, I had ever too good an Opinion of your honesty by your seeming modest deportment, but for the future I shall banish such good thoughts, so undeserved by you. Get you to your Bed, I shall speedily find out some way that shall prevent Night-Walkers in my house from such like sensual meetings; you may now take your rest to night for you are not like to rest here much longer; but let this be your comfort, I will go instantly to mine and your faithless Servant, and enquire of him what was his reason that he violated that (Sacred) Promise he made, and thus basely dis∣appointed you in your first fruitions. Having ut∣ter'd these words he left her, but in a condition so distracted, that she knew not what to nor what to think.

Tradewel eoming to the door where his Cashier lay, found it lockt, whereupon he softly knockt; the Robber of his Honour (who could not sleep for contemplating on what had casually part be∣tween his Mistress and himself) askt who was there: By the answer return'd, he knew his Ma∣ster was without: Instantly his guilty Conscience flew into his face, accusing him of what he had so Page  133lately done, and now verily believed that in often∣tation his Mistress had told her Husband how luc∣kily (though not wittingly) she was reveng'd of his base disloyalty, and that his Master not know∣ing how to wreak his revenge on her was come to discharge it on him. As Vice is commonly the Ori∣ginal of fear, so he who is afraid ever suspects the worst.

In short, fear had so universally possest him, that there was no room left for one rational con∣sideration; all courage had forsaken this acci∣dental offending Smell-smock, and the expectati∣on of his ensuing punishment had stew'd him in a a cold sweat, or rather was dissolving him into one of the Elements of his first composition; you could not now call him Man, but the Decoction thereof (Neither was mans limbs so shak'd with the cold fits of a Quartan Ague, as this same quaking jelly was by his panick fear; sometimes he thought to leap out of the Window, & adven∣ture an arm or a leg rather than run the hazard of losing — he knew not what; altering that resolution, he thought it better to cast himself on his knees at the feet of his Master, confessing his (not purposed) fault, and implore his pardon; with this resolution, he opened the door, and see∣ing by the light of the Moon (which was just then risen) the pallid and bloodless hue of his shive∣ring Masters face, looking more like that of a Con∣jurer than one transported with a jealous passion, recollected himself and took courage to speak to him. Tradewel seeing his man in so great a con∣fusion, could not but smile to himself, asking him what was the matter? O Sir, said he, your low trembling voice from without, and your frightful appearance within hath so disordered Page  134me with fear, that I am like one besides him∣self.

Although Tradewel was in his shirt half starv'd with cold could not forbear laughing, nor would he lose the pleasure of discoursing with his man at present, although he was sure his body would suffer for it by some distemper hereafter. Come Sirrah, said he, these pretences shall not serve your turn, I know your dissimulation, and your subtle pra∣ctices, I know what contract you made with my maid, how, and when you were to meet, though you disappointed her, but that was, because you were afraid of my detecting your Roguery, know∣ing this night I watcht your appointment to prevent further mischief.

The Cashier was all wonder and amazement; he could not imagine who should discover his dark designs, unless the Devil had don't by declaring himself his profest Enemy: it was but a folly to suspect one or the other, or to blame any; it was now only expedient to make confession and ask forgiveness, which as soon as he had done, his Ma∣ster granted him his request, with this Proviso, he should never attempt the like again. But hold, said Tradewel, there is something more to be said and done, and that is help me to one of your clean shirts, and whatever you think, speak not a word, as you tender your own welfare; let it suffice, that I tell you thus much, that I have been upon other Discoveries this night than barely your lascivious appointment, but what they are, they must be secret to you.

The Cashier got him presently a clean shirt, the sooner to be rid of his Company, which as soon as Tradewel had put on, he return'd to his own Chamber, lying down by his Wives side, with Page  135as little noise as the gliding of a Snake over a smooth Marble; she was in a profound sleep, as one extremely tired, making it appear by her (un∣usual) snoring, the pleasure she took in sleeping, and that she had travell'd that night every whit as far as her Husband. Yet though Tradewel was as cautious as might be of awakening her, yet he could not avoid the tumbling of her legs to and fro, agitated by some pleasant fancies in her dream, which falling on his (as cold, as if they had been pickled in snow, and laid on the Alps a whole Winter) made her suddenly start out of her sleep, no less tormented with that extreme cold, than others with the contrary Element; Tradewel shrunk from her, and she pursued him, laying her hands on his face, breast, and thighs, and dissembling her knowledge of his absence: My Dear, said she, what means this strange and unu∣sual coldness? Art well? Prethee strike a light, I am confident that something is amiss; to which he replied, that he was in good health, and that his coldness proceeded from the bed-cloaths tum∣bling off. That cannot be, said she, the Bed∣staffs would hinder any such thing; and then lay∣ing her hands all about him, said she, is it possible you can be so universally cold, and in a warm bed with a warmer Bed-fellow, come abscond the truth no longer, and what e're it be, discover it, and I will not be offended. If then you'l know the truth, Sweet-heart, said he, I have of of late su∣spected some irregular practices between my Ca∣shier and my maid Susan, and this night I was resolved to try whether I could detect them; to which she suddenly and smartly replied, I now must detect you: Is it not sufficient that you have a wife not loaded with years, her face not deform'd, her body Page  136fruitful, and her heart faithful, but that you must intrench on other mens proprieties? Surely Mr. Sale∣ware and you becoming Copartners, it was not in∣tended you should go Partner in his Wives Com∣modities: Could any man in the world prove so un∣grateful to two at once, one that he should love be∣yond the world, a wife, the other which he should affect the next thereto, a Friend? Would you be serv'd so your self?

Tradewel had not a word to say in his own vin∣dication, but pleaded guilty to all that was al∣ledg'd against him, earnestly beseeching his Wife she would pass all by, and he would never com∣mit the like again; upon that condition she for∣gave him, and the sooner, as knowing she was no loser by his infidelity.

The morning approaching, Mr. Saleware came and caressed his Partner, thanking him for the tender care he had of his Wife in his absence, and that they both were much obliged to him for his love; Complements past on all sides, and a gene∣ral seeming satisfaction did o'respread the faces of them all, and now every one betook himself to his proper business: Only Susan could do no bu∣siness at all, because her business was not done; she could not rest satisfied till she had singled out her false Lover; and therefore quickly found an opportunity, she first acquainted him with the greatness of her love, and how it was abused by him; and to be short, if he would not tell her the whole truth of the occasion of this breach of pro∣mise, she would never indure him more. The Ca∣shier hearing this sad sentence, if he were not real in his Relation, and being re-inflam'd again with those adored eyes of hers, and her insinua∣ting pleasing language (forgetting his Mistresses Page  137threats) he tels her the naked truth, informing her, that as he was coming with no other intent than to fulfil his promise to her, by a mistake en∣tring the wrong Chamber, he paid her due Tri∣bute to her Mistress, who was left alone by her ungrateful Husband, who was gone to enjoy Mrs. Saleware in the absence of her Husband, his Ma∣sters Partner.

Susan was ready to sink down to hear that in all probability she had utterly lost her Sweet-heart, knowing like a cunning Baggage, that now adays love is less prevalent than interest: but prethee said she, How did she receive thee? At first, she thought me to be her Husband, till she perceived how many Barrs I had out-thrown him, and find∣ing her mistake, she seem'd like a woman distra∣cted, complaining that her hitherto untaint∣ed Chastity was ruin'd, that I was a Villain, for being the Murderer thereof, and that she wondred with what impudence I durst approach her bed; I was forc't at length to vindicate my self from that bold attempt, to tell her what love I had for you, for the acccomplishment of which we had appointed that night to receive the pawn on each side of each others fidelity. And you have then, said she, discovered me to be the wonton subject of her censure and reproach: no matter, said he. When she understood that what was committed was by mistake, she seem'd satissi'd, and was thank∣ful to Heaven that this mistake had reveng'd her Husbands infidelity; then she charg'd me to be secret and be gone, and as a reward gave me this Ring; before I took my leave I enjoyn'd her to the same secrecie of our Amour. In the assu∣rance that this is a truth, I do forgive what's past, conditionally you ne'r enjoy your Mistress more.

Page  138

Mr. Tradewel carried himself now very obli∣gingly to his Wife, and indifferently to his female Friend, and more than usual friendly to her Hus∣band, but continually quarrelling with his Maid Susan, to the intent that he might make her wea∣ry of his Service, and so be gone; she perceiving this, was resolv'd speedily to make Hay whilest the Sun shin'd, and knew no better way to bring about her ends, then to carry her self most charm∣ingly affectionate to her Friend, the Cashier, and to grant him every thing he desir'd; when he pleas'd he had the Command of her Bed, and dalliances with her where he pleas'd, and as often as he listed, and being now solely Regent over his affections (although now and then he accompa∣nied his Mistress (more to please her than him∣self) she resolved by his overthrow to raise her self; and thus she plotted it: Notwithstanding the frowardness of he Master towards her for her own benefit, she pretended a more than common respect to him, protesting more reallity of service than invention can well hammer out; making this her Prologue to her cunning design; she tells him, she knows that she was seduced, and led a∣way by the crafty allurements of his man, and that she could not but yield after so ma∣ny thousand Oaths and Vows of righting her wronged Virginity, that instead thereof, all his performances were continual slightings; and now at last inquiring strictly into the cause of this sud∣den alteration of his love, she suspected that it might be occasioned by the hopes he hath of his Mistresses love towards him, that she had some∣thing more than bare suspition to make mani∣fest what she said, and that in a little time, if he pleased, she doubted not but to make it appa∣rent Page  139how inconsiderately his Wives love is mispla∣ced on her Servant.

Mr. Tradewel heard this with no small pertur∣bation of minde, however being willing to know the truth hereof, he promised her a reward if she would make him a speedy discovery thereof. In the prosecution whereof, one night when Susan had got the Cashier in bed with her, and having according to custome after tiring been used to sleep with her an hour or two (she being all this while his waking Centinel to raise him when it was time to return to his own bed) I say, she then took the opportunity of conveying two Keys out of his Pocket, the one of his Till, where his Masters Cash lay, the other of his Trunck, which contain'd his wearing Apparel, with other things properly belonging; She opens his Trunk first, by the help of a Candle she had placed un∣derneath her bed in a dark Lanthorn, and there finds the chiefest thing she lookt for, the Ring which his Mistress had given him as a pledge of her love, she found what she lookt for, and therefore lockt the Trunck again, without diminishing any thing therein contain'd, but the Ring. After this she trips down the stairs softly into the shop, and opening the Till, took out one hundred Guinny's, which was in a small bag by its self, and one hun∣dred pound bag of silver, locking the Till again, which money she hid in the Cellar, and so went up again to her own Chamber, putting the Keys into his Pocket, he not missing her all this while, being fast asleep. All things being effected with∣out the least remaining suspition, she awak't her Lover, telling him she had over-indulg'd his hu∣mour in letting him sleep so long, however she was well content to have no rest (and enjoy his Page  140Company) so that he might have it; and so with a hug and a buss they parted.

In the morning early she got up, and taking the money she had hid (with an excuse of going but half a dozen doors off) she carried it off, and put it into the hands of a very trusty Friend of hers, and making very little stay, returns home.

By this time her Master was up, who found her as formerly, very diligent in the Kitching, and be∣ing alone, ask'd her, what further progress she had made in the discovery; I will tell you, said she, within an hour, if you will be sure to step out and be in again; in the mean time I will shew you a Ring, which your Wife gave her man; which by his knowledge thereof, increast his jealousie. He consented thereto, and she in the mean time steps up to her Mistress to know what she would be pleas'd to have for dinner: Ask your Master said her Mistress, forsooth, said she, he is gone (he told me as far as Blackwal, and it is questionable whether he can come to dinner. Blackwal, how can that be! send up the Cashier to me, he will give me better information where he is gone than you can; I will rise by and by, in the mean time I'le think what to have for Dinner.

Susan was over-joy'd her plot took so well, and indeed but according to her expectation; for she observ'd her Mistress always inquire where her Husband was, if gone out, how far, and then ac∣cording to the distance of place she knew how to imploy her time and exercise her self with her man. Coming down she did not go immedi∣ately to acquaint the Cashier with his Mistresses Command, but staid some time ere she told him, extracting from him at the same time Protestations of Constancie.

Page  141

Up he goes to his Mistress, but he had not been there long, e're Tradewel came in, & being inform'd by Susan how affairs stood, he went softly up the stairs, and thrusting at his Chamber-door, he found it lockt; he knockt again and again, but no answer; till at last he spoke aloud, Open the Door, and that quickly too, or I'le force it open: Whereupon she came to the Door in her Smock, and did let him in; she needed not to have con∣fest what she had bad been doing, the disorder she was in, proclaim'd more than her tongue could utter.

Tradewel in a rage askt her where her Minion was; she was so amaz'd, she could not pronounce one sillable; hurried on with impatience, he searcht the room round, but found no body, till he lookt underneath the bed (the Mother would ne∣ver have lookt for her Daughter in the Oven, but that she had been there her self) and there he e∣spied his trusty Squire, having not room enough to kneel for pardon; as he was about to drag him out, his wife that had recalled her wandring spi∣rits, took heart-a-grace, and staying her Hus∣band by the sleeve, said, I pray Sir, be not too rash, consider it was your own case once, and were you not glad by the subtlety of a woman to escape that eminent danger which hung over your head, pray Sir, let this Patern or resemblance of your late Condition intercede for him; your Po∣litie availed you little in that streight, neither will his in this exigencie; you were preserv'd by your Mistresses wit and subtlety, he is undone by my indiscretion and folly, if you applaud the for∣mer commiserate the later.

These melting, yet biting expressions took Trade∣wel off from the height of fury, so that his Re∣venge Page  142knew not how to terminate any otherwise than instantly to call his Cashier to an account about the Cash committed into his charge; and therefore charg'd him to be gone immediately to that intent and purpose.

The Cashier who was never call'd to an ac∣count before, by reason of the large security his Parents gave his Master for his fidelity, which gave the greater liberty to his credulity, in assisting his Brethren who had ran out of Cash, and being conscious how far he had ran out himself, it start∣led him almost as much as this unexpected sur∣prize; as he was going down the stairs a sudden resolution krept into his head to clear his ac∣counts and free himself from the approaching dan∣ger, he could not but in reason expect would sud∣denly fall upon him, by one single act, and that was forthwith to acquit his Masters house, and throw himself upon the guidance of Fortune, which accordingly he put in execution; for im∣mediately he got himself out of the doors with as much hast and fear, as one that had made his e∣scape from a common confinement or his Keeper; not carrying any thing more than what he had a∣bout him.

The News was soon brought to his Master Mr. Tradewel, who was not a jot troubled thereat, but rather rejoyc't that he was rid of a sharer in his Marriage-rights, knowing withal how to give him∣self satisfaction for what his Servant had ran out.

This coming to the ears of Susan, made her transported with joy, how fully her revenge was extended, and how well paid she was for the exe∣ecution thereof, being confident her Cheat could never in all probability be found out; besides her Master to reward her Treachery, vail'd with the Page  143pretence of fidelity gave her fifty pieces, with a promise she might continue as long as she pleas'd in hi, house, with an augmentation of her Wages; she thankt him, and gave him only the hearing in∣tending to stay no longer than she might make some considerable purchase, and so march off.

In pursuance whereof, she singled out Mrs. Saleware at a convenient time, and discovered to her the knowledge of all those amorous Intrigues which past between her and her Master, instancing every remarkable particular, and laying it so home, that Mrs. Saleware could not but acknowledge them all truths by her silence; having wrought her Plot so far, she resolv'd to drive the nail home to the head for what it was designed for, and there∣fore told her, that the ruine of her credit lay at her disposal, but for her part she was so tender of the Reputation of her Sex, that she scorn'd to be a Traytor to its infirmities.

Mrs. Saleware that was apprehensive enough, and knew very well by the method of her discourse what she aim'd at; rold her, she lookt upon her more discreet than to make so great a distraction in a Family she belong'd to, by speaking of such things, which if known, the differences that would thence arise would never be reconcil'd; however said she, to seal your everlasting silence, accept these Guinneys, and my everlasting friendship, if not murder'd by your falshood, and so leaves her.

Susan carries this parcel to her former hoard of money, and not satisfied yet, was resolved to cast her net for more before she left fishing in this Pool. She now goes to her Mistress, and with tears (which she had always at Command) makes a sad Com∣plaint for the loss of her Love, telling her, that he Page  144was betroath't to her, and had it not been for her disloyalty to her Husband, she might have en∣joy'd him still; but now he was past recovery, and though she had understood all those amorous En¦tertainments from his own mouth which were en∣joy'd between them, yet she rather choose to suffer in his love, than stain the credit of her loving Mistress; that all she required at present only was, that she would be pleas'd to revenge her on that dishonest, faithless, and lascivious woman, Mrs. Saleware, who was the source and original of all her troubles, for had she not (said she) consented to the lose embraces of your Husband, my Master, your Servant and my Husband that should be by a mistake in his absence, could never have obtain'd the opportunity of enjoying you by breaking his faith with me.

Mrs. Tradewel heard these Complaints with no small confusion and trouble of mind, but however to gratifie her own as well as her Servants re∣venge, she consented to do herein what she would advise her to. All that I request you to do, said Susan, is to acquaint her Husband how basely your Husband hath abused his Bed, but make him swear he will not discover one tittle you do relate to him; aggravate every circumstance in such manner, that you may make his jealousie swell beyond all sense and reason. This will put him up∣on strange extravagant abuses at first, each of which will be a tickling pleasure to see them exe∣cuted, and this in a little time also will be the means to rid your self of a Rival lodg'd within the bowels of all your concerns.

This advice was so well liked of by Mrs. Tradewel, that she could not rest till she had acquainted Mr. Saleware with this secret, which in effect was Page  145none at all, being known to more than two. Mr. Saleware when he heard it was ready to run di∣stracted, and could hardly be perswaded but that he would either lay violently hands on himself or Wife immediately; but being qualified by his own reason, and such as Mrs. Tradewel produced, he deferr'd his revenge till another time Susan thinking she had done as mueh mischief as she could, resolv'd to be packing, and therein follow∣ed the example of the Rats (according to Re∣port) which will fly from a falling house: She took her opportunity, and getting together some of her Mistresses choice implements of gawdry, as a gold Watch, Pendents, Rings, a Neck-lace of Pearl, with other things of value, she tript off unsuspected, & absconded her self for a while. Not long after Mr. Saleware confest a Judgment, or Warrant of Attorney to a special friend of his, for more by much than his own stock or Partners Mr. Tradewels would amount to; which was his first revenge on his disloyal Friend, what reveng∣ing injuries he inflicted on his Wife, I cannot re∣late, only you may imagine what an abused Hus∣band will do in such a case, when prompted there∣to by jealousie and Revenge.

Mr. Tradewel looking on kis Wife as the occasi∣on of this desperate and irregular course, left her to the wide world, and went for Virginia, where he died, his wise in his absence being exposed to a great deal of misery, what through want and grief, died not long after.

Thus you see how suddenly two flourishing fa∣milies were brought to ruine by exorbitant lust and the subtilty of a revengeful woman; but this was but the beginning or infancie of her early Pro∣jects, thousands whereof in the progress of her Page  146life she nommitted far more cotorious than any hi∣therto related, I have not room to describe them all, wherefore I shall briefly recount to you as ma∣ny as I may.

After her running away from her Master, she apparall'd her self as richly and as modishly as most of the female Gallants about the Town, and went by the name of Mrs. Craftsby, she took her lodging near to those places where the Gentry most resorted, where she not only learn'd the counter∣feit deportment of a Gentlewoman, but likewise by her Habit skrew'd her self into the acquain∣tance of such of her Sex, as were placed in the Spheres of Honesty and Honour.

She pretended her self the Relict of a Knight in Yorkshire, by which Lye she obtain'd the Ho∣nour of being called Madam, and the advantage of being Courted by men of good Estates, so ma∣ny and so importunate, that her Lodgings from morning to night were seldom clear'd from one or more amorous visitants; and although by the most fiery she was hotly beset, yet she would not surrender; till fearing she might withstand her better fortunes, she yielded to the importunities of a Gentleman well stricken in years, but one that had the best estate of all her Suiters. They were not long married, before the old Gentleman found her out what she was, not only a Cheat, but an insatiate Whore to boot, having now a Cloak for her unbridled Lechery; the knowledge whereof made a separation between them; how∣ever she sued for Alimony, and forc't from him a competent maintenance; she now no longer hid her self under the vail of seeming Chastity, but walkt with Vice barefoot every where; and now for profit as much as pleasure, she prostituted her Page  147self to any thing that had money; nay, a Dog, if he had but a shilling in his mouth: By these la∣scivious excesses she was so often clapt, that she became a meer Hospital of Diseases, and was now no longer in a Condition to maintain the re∣putution of a handsome Whore, being metamor∣phosed into the likeness of a loathsome and de∣formed Bawd.

Yet still she had her Wits about her; and con∣sidering she could do nothing of her self, unless she procured some assistance of other; she trotted all the Town over to find out one fit for her pur∣pose; Pat as she would have it, going into a sin∣ning-house near Whetstones-Park, she found a young Plyer there, whose Countenance promised every thing she desired, and having discourst her, found her what she seem'd to be, and her own Niece: whereupon promising her greater advan∣tages than she could reap there, she allur'd her to her House, where as Partners they liv'd toge∣ther.

Her Name was Mistress Wheedle, a plump suc∣culent Girl, with a face no way contemptible, she had a quaint Wit, a charming Tongue, and an humour so brisk ad gay, as if no other Elements but fire and Air had club'd to her composition; these attractions, and her petulant Deportment, drew on a number of Smell-smocks, which court∣ed her for that Trifflle which men so much covet to enjoy and women to be rid of; but she like a ••nning Market-woman plotting to sell her Ware 〈◊〉 the best advantage, received them all with pro∣•••ing Smiles, & dispensed the same indeared Ca∣••••es to every one. This brought her in a large Harvest of presents, and the better to draw them in, she would for such a Ring, Bracelet, or Neck∣lace, Page  148&c. promise some Cully the great kindness; if they were loath to purchase sin at so dear a rate, she woul fall in her price, chosing rather to play at small game than sit out.

In a little time she was so generally known that she was compell'd to study new Artifices to allure in Customers, and those which she refus'd at first, she was now glad to acept of, so that the house became the receptable of all forts of Cullies; not only the Bleeding-Cully, but the Ruff-Cully, the Dark-Cully, the Flogging-Cully, and the Fen∣cing-Cully; in short, no persons how wicked soe∣ver (Whores, Rogues, Pads, Gilts, Files) but were her daily Companions.

This house at length grew so notoriously infa∣mous, that it was known and pointed at almost by every Boy which past that way. Hereupon the Justice takes Mrs. Craftsby the Bawd, to a severe account, and upon examination found her so guilty (not only for Bawdry, but all manner of Roguery, frequently entertaining such in her house, who being detected there, were afterwards hang'd) I say, for these considerations, the Justice made her Mittimus and sent her to Prison; Mrs. Wheedle having had timely notice hereof, made her escape, and soon after the commitment of her Partner, sold all she had, and not contented with this, she turn'd Night-Walker, whilest in the day∣time she exercised other Professions belonging to the ancient Society of Tyburn: Sometimes she plaid the part of a File, and did it with dex∣terity, even to admiration; she was a cleanly conveying Shop-lift, having a very large Pocket or Wallet underneath her under Petticoat, in which she would, cheapning Commodities in di∣vers Shops convey insensibly something of every Page  149thing; but at last endeavouring to play the Girl in a Tavern with one of her Bully-Huffs, they were both discovered in the act, carried before a Justice, and by him sent to Newgate; at the en∣suing Sessions, Mrs. Craftsby the Bawd received the Sentence of Carting, Mrs. Wheedle and her Gallant, of being carted to Tyburn, where they ended their wretched lives, whilest the other li∣ved more hated than the last were pitied.

By this Story (which is a very truth) you may see the evil Consequences which heavily wait on Lust and such exorbitant actions; and therefore my advice is to all, that they imitate the Aegyptian Niceta, by sayling by the Scylla of carnal pleasure, and the Caribdis of incontinencie; and yet not endanger the Shipwrack of their Chastity; and I could with I knew how to teach you to drink out of Circes Cup, and not be converted into Swine; & how you may hear the Syrens sweet & charming voices, and not yet be not inchanted by them. The best Rules I can give you are contain'd in this Distich:

Otia, Mensa, Libri, Vaga, lumina Verba, Sodales,
Hoec tolle, banc minue, hos muta, boec claude, hac fuge, vita hos.
Sloath, Dainties, idle Fellows, wandring Looks,
Shun with all speed, and change your wanton Books.

To begin with Idleness, Otia telle, be not unim∣ploy'd, for that is the fittest season the Devil hath to perswade thee to any thing that is evil; and therefore that man qui nil agit (which doth no∣thing) may be truly said, male agere, to do ill.

Page  150
Otia si toll as perire Cupidinis are us
Contemptoeque jacent & sine luce faces.
Shun Sloth, and Cupids Bow thou'lt break
And's Torch contemn'd will shine but weak.

Next Mensam minue, that is, pamper not your self by feeding too high. Adultery was never the Daughter of Temperance; Chastity ever lives more secure in low Cottages, than in sublime Pal∣laces.

Beware of obscene Books, as Drollery, wanton Poems, lascivious Stories, &c. Ovid himself, Loves-School-master, gives good advice, when he faith,

— Teneros ne tange Poet as.
And yet his Art of Loving, or rather his Art of Bawdry, with wanton Martial, lascivious Catull us, Tibull us and Propertius are taught in Schools pub∣lickly; wherefore
Ite mali versus animam qui perditis, ite.

Fourthly, Vaga lumina claude. Lust sometimes creeps into the Soul by a Kiss, or through the Ears, but chiefly through the Eyes. Hence proceeded that Law of Zeleucus, that punished Adultery by the loss of the eyes, as first promoter of that sinful Act.

ruitque videndo.

Lastly, fuge Sodales, I mean shun only bad Companions. He that continually wallows with Swine in the mire, must expect to be in the same filthy condition. The Plague is not more spread∣ingly Page  151Infections than ill manners. Example is e∣ver more prevalent than Precept, and one scabbed sheep will infect the whole flock.

Sicut Grex totus in agris
Ʋnius scabie cadit

Wherefore he that is ingaged in a vitious Socie∣ty, let him forsake it, and he that is inconcern'd therein, let him have a care how he falls into it.

Hinc Niger est hunc, tu Romane cveto.

Be of that mind that Apollonius Tyanaeus was of, when he desir'd the Gods, that they would give him such a discerning mind, as Noscere bonos, malos vitare, to know the good, and shun the bad.

To conclude, make other men your Example, lest you be made an Example to others.