Nuncius infernalis, or, A new account from below in two dialogues : the first from the Elizium Fields, of friendship : the second from hell of cuckoldom : being the sessions of cuckolds / by Charles Gildon ... ; with a preface by Mr. Durfey.

TO M^r. WILLIAM BATTISHIL Of the MIDDLE-TEMPLE, Gent.

Honoured Friend,

THERE is certainly something still wanting to Happiness, whilst our good Fortune remains a Secret; nor will the Greatest be able to satisfie, if se∣cluded from the Knowledge of the Publick. This is a sort of Vain-Glory (however blame∣able it may seem) that has been and is the Parent of e'ry Noble Deed, for the Greatest men of all Ages (I will not except Rough Cato himself) had never aim'd at Vertue, and mighty Actions, had it not been for the Glory that attended them; and that Glory con∣sisted in their being KNOWN to all. Thus Good Luck, like a Young rich Heir, full of lusty Vigour, and brisk Spirits, thrusts forward, and shoulders it's

way through the Croud, and Hurry of the World, coveting to draw the Eyes of all to behold it's Gay Trappings and Golden-Train, whilst Misfortune, like an Anchoret, seeks the Coverts of Dark Cells, and un∣frequented Deserts, to hide it self from the prying Con∣tempt of pittyless Mankind.

This Vain Glory, perhaps it is, that makes me not content with the frequent enjoyment of your Conver∣sation, and the elevated Bliss of your Friendship; but I must thus take hold of the first opportunity of boast∣ing my Felicity. Tho I am highly sensible that I shall not have a few, that will be ambitious to Out-rival me in your esteem. Nor can the Fate of Candaules de∣ter me from discovering the Charming Beauties I am possess'd of in You, since the Noble Setledness of your Temper secures me from a Change. Constancy, the Es∣sence of stedfast Honour, first-born of Fortitude, and the sure Companion of all other Heroic Vertues, is so graft∣ed in your Nature, that is You; and you can as soon cease to Be, as cease to be firm to whatever you pre∣tend to.

Truly happy therefore will that fortunate FairOne be, who shall subdue you to the Empire of Love: Happy as her Charms are Great! For nothing less than the greatest Accomplishments of Youth, Beauty and Wit, can do it; and when that Tripple Force concurs, what Heroe, or what God resists? And if the certainty of their lasting be the Soul of the Joys above, then it cannot be but a vast

addition to Hers, to be secure of an uninterrupted En∣joyment of her Conquest, which she must be, when once you have told her you Love.

In this Vertue too, your Friends have no small share, when once you have chose. The Annals of Time has been very barren in Examples of Friendship, affording us in so many thousands of Years not above Six; nor was there any even of them more exact than you in all it's sacred Rules, even to the highest and nicest Points. The Precepts of Tully fall short of your Prac∣tice. You greatly resolve to partake of no Happiness of which you are not the Author; and therefore begin your Friendship there where the rest of the selfish Town end theirs, that is, in the Clouds, and Storms of Fortune, as I my self can witness, whom you embrac'd, when the base Ingrates, whom generous Obligations ought to have bound faster to me, fled from me.

What shou'd I mention the rest of the Vertues that adorn your Mind and Person? Your impartial Justice, both in Action and Sentence on Books and Men, your Temperance in flying many of those throngs of Plea∣sures, which eagerly invite you beyond the bounds of Moderation; few being able to know when 'tis well, whilst the Syrens of Youth, Vigour and Plenty, sing such bewitching Songs. Your Liberality, Magna∣nimity and Prudence, with the rest of the Excellencies that build up a Heroe, are but a part of them that compose you. What shou'd I mention that uncom∣mon

Grace, Modesty? the Queen of Vertues, and the certain Off-spring of true Worth, too bright and dazling for the Vulgar Make to approach, who there∣fore embrace it's opposite Vice Impudence, as more a∣greeable to their servile Natures, and more conducive to their God, their Gain: For tho the unshap'd Cub of sordid Ignorance, it has still been so successful to obtain more Preferments in Courts, Cities, and Camps, and (that which is most hard) with the Fair too, in one Age, than all the Perfections and Merits of Mind and Person, since the Golden One. Nay, your very self, Onust, (if I may use that word) as you are with such vast Accumulations of Excellencies, will never carry the Prize either in the Lists of Love or Interest, if you retain this in the Pursuit, as this following short Fable of Calcagnius Apollonius will not unpleasantly inform you.

Fortune and Vertue, having for their seconds Folly and Wisdom, once contended in the Olympic Games, whilst all Mankind were the Spectators, who all con∣cluded that Fortune and Folly wou'd lose the Race; and therefore being won by their Gay Youth, and taking Prettyness, e'ry one shed Tears of Compassion for them. But the Event prov'd quite contrary. For Fortune be∣ing blind, car'd not whom, nor where she struck, on e'ry side, without any Consideration or Law; Folly on the other hand, impudent and inconsiderate, and as little what she said or did; Vertue and Wisdom gave

way, were exploded, and hiss'd out by both the great Vulgar and the small; and Fortune and Folly clap'd, huzza'd, and admir'd. Thus the Modest Man so sel∣dom prevails in his Pretensions. Cast therefore off this sterile Good, if you are for the Chase of Interest, Dignities, or (I am sorry I must add) Love: This never will succeed; believe me, I have try'd it; tho there be this difference betwixt them that Impudence, is the fond-led Minion of the unthinking Many; and Modesty the Darling of the Wise, and Heaven. By this 'twill appear, I mean not that bashful Vice, or foolish Rusticity which covers the Country Virgins in the Company of Strangers with Blushes; but that which is consistent with a generous and complaisant Assurance, all beyond which (however successful and applauded) is nothing but Arrogance and Impu∣dence.

You see, Sir, shou'd I give way to dilate upon your Vertues, into what endless Digression they wou'd lead me, when one alone has thus long retain'd me; I will therefore pass in silence what all that know you can witness, and what your Enemies themselves (if there be any so curst) must confess. For who is there that is ignorant of your Volubility in Discourse, dexterity in Argument, readiness of Wit, and acute∣ness of Judgment? The Philosophy of your Life (gain'd both from the Study of Books and Men) gives us bet∣ter, and more taking Lessons of Morality, than all the

Argumentative Harangues of the Lazy, unpractising, venal Gown. The sublime Precepts of this Practice, tho' the business of your serious Hours, does not Mo∣nopolize you so, but you sometimes unbend to a Friend, and a chirping Bottle, or else admit Poetry and the rest of Philology to entertain your softer Minutes. And there also the vivacity of your Witt, your true Palate, and Judgment, I have not a little admir'd, as often as you have given me leave to peruse an Author with you; so justly you apprehend those Places that are esteem'd the most abstruse, that you baffle the Dull, and often Erroneous, and generally imperti∣nent Annotations of their Scholiasts.

Such are the God-like Beauties of your Soul, and Heaven has taken care to inclose so rich a Jewel, in a proportionably valuable Form, that it's Works might be perfect; a Form beyond which Fancy and fond Imagination can hardly arrive.

Gratior & Pulchro veniens in Corpore Virtus.

More charming than Euryalus, and not less awful than Aeneas: Os humeros{que} Deo similis, the Masculine Symmetry of your Limbs, and Body, the Ladies the best Judges of them will acknowledge; but let them be∣ware how they gaze upon your Eyes, they are the Thrones of Love, from whence the Little God will in∣evitably undo 'em. Not all the ravishing Sweetness of your Tongue (sure the best learnt in the soft Art of Per∣suasion) can be more fatal to their Ears, than to their

Eyes, your Eyes. To Crown all, Fortune, to convince us, that she throws not all her Favour away on Fools and Villains, has blest you above your Wish (which is always moderate) tho' far short of your Deserts.

Pardon me Friend, for exposing this imperfect, and much unmasterly Sketch of your transcendent Worth, and bear it with the patience of a Friend, as you do my other Defects in Wit, Judgment and Learning, since 'tis only an Error of well-meant Gratitude, or at most a rash Sally of that Joy I cou'd no longer contain.

If I were not persuaded that you are not so severe a Critick, but the partiality of Friendship may prevail with you to pass a favourable Censure where it is not deserv'd; I cou'd not with any face desire your Patro∣nage of this Trifle, which falls so e'ry way short of Wit and Judgment. I must confess I am much asham'd I cannot recommend it to your perusal on those ac∣counts, which wou'd be most acceptable to you; for you will find none of that Happiness of Thought, Gaiety of Elocution, nor biting sharpness of Satyr you meet with in e'ry page of those several Authors you either Study or Read. I shall only presume to thrust in this small piece, as a change of Diet; a dull thing sometimes for variety being directive, provided it be not too te∣dious, and I hope I have not enlarg'd this beyond your Patience. Had I seen the incomparable Boileau before I had writ, I shou'd not have presum'd to have ventur'd in the same way; for Sir, we may perceive some Glimmerings of the Beauty and Witt of that Great

Man, through the abominable Jargon of his Scotch Translator. As for the Author, you were pleas'd to tell me of; I can say nothing to him, not having as yet perus'd him; tho' the Title Page seems to intimate, That he follows the same Fancy: But I assure you, that it was Lucian himself that first gave me the Hint of introducing the Dead, as Interlocutors; and in that only have I imitated him. My Friends Preface has said more for it than I dare; which will atone for the Pennance you must do in the perusal of the Book. But I hope you will give some Allowance for a first Essay of a Raw Beginner in the Trade of Scribling, who can∣not be so regularly Formal as a through-pac'd Sinner.

Now to make an end of this trouble (after this di∣gression (for so I must term all things but what treat of You) concerning the Trifle I beg your Patronage for.) Let me return to the more substantial business of this Epistle, as well as of my Life, and that is the divinely bewitching Contemplation of your self. Nor can I better express the Ejaculations of my Soul upon it, than in the words of Cicero to Dollabella, on his much celebrated Brutus. Semper amabo Marcum Brutum, propter ejus summum ingenium, suavissimos mores, singu∣larem probitatem & CONSTANTIAM, nihil mihi crede, virtue [illius] formosius, nil amabilius: These being the Heroick Charms that endear you to e'ry generous Breast, and raise the Admiration of all that know you, as well as of,

SIR, Your oblig'd and humble Servant and faithful Friend,

CHARLES GILDON.