The constant couple, or, A trip to the Jubilee a comedy, acted at the Theatre-Royal in Drury-Lane, by His Majesty's servants / by Mr. George Farquhar.

SCENE, Lurewell's Lodgings.

Lurewell and Parly.

Lure.

HAS my Servant brought me the Money from my Merchant?

Parl.

No, Madam, he met Alderman Smuggler at Charing-Cross, who has promis'd to wait on you himself immediatly.

Lure.

'Tis odd, that this old Rogue shou'd pretend to love me, and at the same time cheat me of my Money.

Parl.

'Tis well, Madam, if he don't cheat you of your Estate; for you say the Writings are in his hands.

Lure.

But what satisfaction can I get of him?

Enter Smuggler.

Mr. Alderman, your Servant, have you brought me any Money, Sir?

Smug.

Faith, Madam, trading is very dead; what with paying the Taxes, raising the Customs, Losses at Sea abroad, and maintaining our Wives at home, the Bank is reduc'd very low.

Lure.

Come, come, Sir, these Evasions won't serve your turn, I must have Money, Sir,—I hope you don't design to cheat me.

Smug.

Cheat you, Madam! h••ve a care what you say: I'm an Alderman, Madam; cheat you, Madam! I have been an honest Citizen these five and thirty years!

Lure.

An honest Citizen! bear witness, Parly! I shall trap him in more Lies presently —. Come, Sir, tho I'm a Woman, I can take a course.

Smug.

What Course, Madam? You'l go to Law, will ye? I can maintain a Suit of Law, be it right or wrong, these forty years, I'm sur•• of that, thanks to the honest Practice of the Courts.

Lure.

Sir, I'll blast your Reputation, and so ruin your Credit.

Smug.

Blast my Reputation! he, he, he: why I'm a Religious Man, Madam, I have been very instrumental in the Reformation of Manners; ruin my Credit! ah, poor Woman: There is but one way, Madam, —you have a sweet leering Eye.

Lure.

You instrumental in the Reformation! how?

Smug.

I whipt all the Whores Cut and Long-Tail, out of the Parish—:•• Ah! that leering Eye! Then I voted for pulling down the Play-house—: Ah that Ogle, that Ogle! —Then my own pious Example—Ah that Lip, that Lip.

Lure.

Here's a Religious Rogue•• for you now! — as I hope to be sav'd I have a good mind to beat the old Monster.

Smug.

Madam, I have brought you about a hundred and fifty Guineas (a great deal of Mony as times go) and —

Lure.

Come, give it me.

Smug.

Ah that hand, that hand, that pretty soft, white — I have brought it you see, but the condition of the Obligation is such, that whereas that leering Eye, that pouting Lip, that pretty soft Hand, that—you un∣derstand me, you understand I'm sure you do, you little Rogue—

Lure.

Here's a Villain now, so'covetous that he won't wench upon his own Cost, but would bribe me with my own Mony. I will be reveng'd.—Upon my word Mr. Alderman you make me blush, what d'ye mean, pray?

Smug.

See here, Madam

(Puts a piece of Mony in his Mouth)

Buss and Guinea, buss and Guinea, buss and Guinea.

Lure.

Well, Mr. Alderman•• you have such pretty yellow Teeth, and green Gums, that I will, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Smug.

Will you indeed, he, he, he, my little Cocket; and when, and where, and how?

Lure.

'Twill be a difficult point, Sir, to secure both our Honours, you must therefore be disguis'd, Mr. Alderman.

Smug.

P••shaw! no matter, I am an old Fornicator, I'm not half so Religi∣ous as I seem to be. You little Rogue, why I'm disguis'd as I am, our Sanctity is all outside, all Hypocrisy.

Lure.

No man is seen to come into this House after Night fall; you must ••herefore sneak in, when 'tis dark, in Woman's Cloaths.

Smug.

I gad so, cod so—I have a Suit a purpose, my little Cocket, I love to be disguis'd, I cod I make a very handsom Woman, I cod I do.

Enter Servant, whispers Lurewell.

Lure.

Oh! Mr. Alderman, shall I beg you to walk into next Rome, here are some Strangers coming up.

Smug.

Buss and Guinea first, ah my little Cocket.

Exit.

Enter Wildair.

Wild.

My Life, my Soul, my all that Heaven can give.

Lure.

Death's Life with thee, without thee Death to live. Welcome, my dear Sir Harry, I see you got my Directions.

Wild.

Directions! in the most charming manner, thou dear Matchiavel of Intreague.

Lure.

Still brisk and airy I find, Sir Harny.

Wild.

The sight of you, Madam, exalts my Air, and makes Joy lighten in my Face.

Lure.

I have a thousand Questions to ask you, Sir Harry; How d'ye like France?

Wild.

Ah! est le plus bea•• pais du monde.

Lure.

Then what made you leave it so soon?

Wild.

Madam, Vous Voyez que je vous suy parto••t.

Lure.

O Monsieur, je vouz suis fort obligee—But where's the Court now?

Wild.

At Marli, Madam.

Lure.

And where my Count Le Valier?

Wild.

His Body's in the Church of Nostre Dame, I don't know where his Soul is.

Lure.

What Disease did he dye of?

Wild.

A Duel, Madam, I was his Doctor.

Lure.

How d'ye mean?

Wild.

As most Doctors do, I kill'd him.

Lure.

En Cavalier, my dear Knight Errant, well and how; And how, what Int••eagues, what Gallantries are carrying on in the Bea•• Monde?

Wild.

I should ask you that question, Madam, since your Ladyship makes the Beau Monde whereever you come.

Lure.

Ah! Sir Harry, I've been almost ruin'd, pester'd to death here by the incessant Attacks of a mighty Colonel, he has besieg'd me as close as our Army did Namur.

Wild.

I hope your Ladyship did not surrender tho.

Lure.

No, no, but was forc'd to capitulate; but since you are come to raise the Seige, we'll dance, and sing, and laugh.

Wild.

And love and kiss — Montrez moy votre Chambre.

Lure.

Attande, Attande, en pe•• — I remember, Sir Harry, you promis'd me in Paris never to ask that impertinent Question agen.

Wild.

P'shaw, Madam, that was above two months ago; besides, Madam, Treaties made in France are never kept.

Lure.

Wou'd you marry me, Sir Harry.

Wild.

Oh! Le marriage est une grand male—but I will marry you.

Lure.

Your Word, Sir, is not to be rely'd on: if a Gentleman will forfeit his Honour in Dealings of Business, we may reasonably suspect his Fidelity in an Amour.

Wild.

My Honour in Dealings of Business! why, Madam, I never had any business in all my life.

Lure.

Yes, Sir Harry, I have heard a very odd Story, and am sorry that a Gentleman of your Figure should undergo the Scandal.

Wild.

Out with it, Madam.

Lure.

Why the Merchant, Sir, that transmitted your Bills of Exchange to you in France, complains of some indirect and dishonourable Dealings.

Wild.

Who? old Smuggler!

Lure.

Ay, ay, you know him I find.

Wild.

I have no less than reason, I think; why the Rogue has cheated me of above five hundred pound within these three years.

Lure.

'Tis your business then to acquit your self publickly, for he spreads the Scandal every where.

Wild.

Acquit my self publickly!—Here Sirrah, my Coach, I'll drive instantly into the City, and cane the old Villain round the Royal Exchange; he shall run the Gauntlet thro a thousand brusht Beavers and formal Cra∣vats.

Lure.

Why he's in the House now, Sir.

Wild.

What, in this House?

Lure.

Ay, in the next Room.

Wild.

Then, Sirrah•• lend me your Cudgel.

Lure.

Sir Harry, you won't raise a Disturbance in my House?

Wild.

Disturbance, Madam, No, no, I'll beat him with the Temper of a Phi∣losopher; here, Mrs. Parly, shew me the Gentleman.

Exit with Parly.

Lure.

Now shall I get the old Monster well beaten, and Sir Harry pester'd next Term with Bloodsheds, Batteries, Costs and Damages, Sollicitors and Attornies; and if they don't teize him out of his good humour, I'll never plot••agen.

Exit.