An hue and cry after conscience, or, The pilgrims progress by candle-light in search after honesty and plain-dealing represented under the similitude of a dream ... / written by John Dunton ...

AN HUE and CRY After CONSCIENCE: OR, The Pilgrims search after Honesty and Plain-dealing.

MUsing with my self one day, how un∣prosperous Vertue and her atten∣dants were in the World, and how Vice Triumphed every where; the thought possessed me with a Melancholy damp that sat heavy on my mind; to divert which, I could imagine no better expedient, than to wander in solitary places, and condole the unhappy estate of erring Mortals. When Travelling towards the private re∣cess of nature, I was somewhat refreshed with the fragancy of the Fields and Groves, who breathed sweet Odors, whilst the Winged Choirestors from eve∣ry Bough and Blooming Shrub, warbled tribute Praises to their Maker, and all the fleecy Flocks that spread the Flowry Plains

expressed their bleating joy, cheared with the Morning Sun, whose thristy Beams drunk up the Pearly Dew, the considera∣tion of which incited me to contemplate the Harmony and order of the Creation; how from the Worlds Original all Crea∣tures (Man excepted) have made good the ends to which they were Created: And that he alone, who is so proud of being Rational, should suffer himself to sink be∣neath the meanest Animal, in dissenting from the will of his Creator.

Whilst these Imaginations run strongly in my mind, a sudden drowsiness sat heavy on my-Eyes, and as it were compelled me to repose on a Grassy Bed, inameld with Na∣tures sweets, and far removed from noise and clamour, that still reign in places Populous, where giving way to the soft Charmer, soon I fell a sleep, and sleeping dreamed a Dream. I dreamed, and be∣hold a Man stood by me, whose Eyes see∣med brighter than the Morning Star, more piercing than the sight of Eagles, on his Brows sat Gravity and Wisdom, and in his front in mistick Characters understanding ••eep Ingraven, and as he stood he lifted up his voice, and cryed, The Secreis of the 〈◊〉〈◊〉 are before me, he that will DISCO∣VER 〈…〉〈…〉 follow the Light of vnderstand∣ing.

And when he had cryed, I saw in my Dream a light spring up, as of a Burning Tapor, whose brightness dazled my Eyes, which he taking in his Hand, moved a soft∣ly pace towards a Spacious City, whose glittering Piramides reflected the Sun Beams, and as he moved by a strang•• Sympathy, methought he drew me after him, nor was I displeased, as being much desirous to see the end, or what the Ap∣parition (for so I conceived it at first) could make out of wonder or unusual my∣stery. When coming to the Gates, I heard a doleful wailing, and looking up beheld a Woman cloath'd in raggs, mea∣ger as Famine, for her Eyes were sunk, her withered Breasts hung down, and on her faded Cheecks want and necessity im∣pressed their Seals, and after her cry'd many Infants for their dayly food, but all in vain, for I perceived she had nought to feed them with but Tears, which flow∣ed in Rivolets. She had it seems been round the World to ease her mysery, but found no relief, for every where the Door was shut against her, by reason Avarice her Mortal Enemy, had incenced Mankind to cast her off, vowing her destruction, for opposing his incroachments in the days of old. She passed us, and I looking

after her, as grieved at such a sight, saw•• Charity in Hebrew Characters, inwove•• on her tattered Garments, whereat I sighed and thus expressed my self.

Hard fate said I, that she who was admir'd In days of old, and decently attir'd, Wellcom'd in every place, made the de∣light, And darling of Man-kind thus put to flight, Shou'd feed on Air, and dwell in shades of night.

I would have proceeded, but was put be••sides my intention upon the approach of a Female form half naked, who with ex••tended Arms endeavoured to grasp th•• Flying Air, she came not on the groun•• as the former, but rod on empty Clouds which she had long expected the Eart•• would fill with its ascending moisture though in vain, for still the vapours fle•••• ascance flag'd their Wings, or rising hig•••• were drunk up by the Sun Beams, whic•• made her sigh and utter frequent Lamenta••tions, that intimated she had a long tim•• been deceived by Flattery, who had give•• her a prospect of many desireable things with a promise that she should posse••

them, but after all left her upon the bor∣ders of the Land of Doubting, where she had yet some glimering of light, and ima∣gined she saw things at a distance, which she was hasting towards, as eagerly de∣••iring to possess them. Now in my Dream I perceived she had not passed above a fur∣long, but she entered a dark Region, called, the Province of Despair, and there continued wandring in the Air, till the dissolved to nothing, but as she glided along on her Garments, which were made of the Skins of Cammelions, her name was written in the Colour of an evening Mist, by which I understood she was Hope, and pondering with my self, I imagined I had once been familiar with her, but seeing how she lost her self, in vainly placing her mind on things below, I thus discanted.

When Hope on Worldly things her mind does place, She feeds on Air, and only shades does chace; Yet Flatt'ry leads her on, till she at last Doubting, her self upon Despair does cast, Who makes her nothing, or does chain her fast.

By this time methought we had passed the Gate, and the Prespect represented many stately Buildings, replenished with Inhabi∣tants of all Crafts and Occupations, with every thing desireable for the support of life, and to gratifie the expectations of those that Worldly pomp and pajentry delight, more than sollid joys, when me∣thought I was very desirous to know who it was that like a Load-stone drew me af∣ter him, which the Man perceiving by the earnestness of my countenance, pulled out a Scrole, and opening it, I read there∣in many wonderful things, and conceived them to be true, because they were deli∣vered under the Seal of Wisdom, chief Se∣cretary to Vnderstanding, and upon the Back-side was written in Letters of Gold DISCOVERY, which he told me was his Name, and that Wisdom whose Servant he was, had sent him from the Land of knowledge, to discover the ways of vice and folly, who have of late made many inroads into the Region of vertue and understanding; where assisted by Flat∣tery and Dissimulation, they have alinated divers from ways of Honesty and Plain-dealing, paths now allmost unfrequen∣ted and over-grown with Moss, which in the days of old were wont

to be fill'd with Iustling Crouds, who fre∣quently contended for the way. Being thus far satisfied, I was about to give my opinion concerning his undertaking, and to inform him what little satisfaction such a discovery would give the World, as now it stands, but had not time before in my Dream; I beheld an Image pale as Death, with trembling Steps and fluttering wings, advancing towards us, deeply sighing and complaining of the hard usage it had met with from Ingratitude, Avarice, and Ex∣tortion, with divers others, who for the good Offices it attemped to do them, had often put it to torture by ••earing it with hot Irons, scosing and laughing it to scorn; nay made an Invasion upon it's life, by in∣deavoring to smother and stifle it; which it had a long time born in hopes to prevaile by mild perswasions and meekness, against such rash proceeding; but in the end be∣ing used worse and worse, and beginning to complain of such out rages to the Maker of the World, whose Steward she is. A Pestilent Fellow called Atheism, who has lately Invaded Sion, councelled those with whom I lived to turn me out of doors, whose council they gladly Embraced, hard∣ning their hearts to that degree, that they became stones, which I perceiving and

finding I could not live on such Diet, I as willingly consented to leave e'm, and am now going to the Celestial City, to give an account of my Steward-ship, where I doubt not but I shall find better reception. Now whilst I was wondering who this should be Discovery whispers me in the Ear and told me it was Conscience; how Conscience said I, and with that I cryed out, O Ingrateful world, and art thou treated so, who oughtest to be the square and ballance of Good men, and ••egulator of the actions of the just, thou true Essential good! thou Soul of virtue! and thou Ray divine!

Now in my Dream methought I was a∣bout to Embrace her, but like a shade she flew from my extended Arms, and vanish∣ed in a Mist: yet in token of her kindness, left a strong ••••pression of her tender∣ness upon my Soul, which made me break into this Rapture:

Wilt thou blest Guider of our ways be gone, Like Heaven's swift flame, no sooner blaze but done; Return, return, thou Comfort of mankind, L••t some at least so great a blessing find, Let some have light, though half the world be blind.

Scarce had I ended, when in my Dream I beheld two men coming towards us Laughing as loud as possible, whose un∣seasonable Mirth, DISCOVERY note∣ing, and knowing they trod the paths of Unrighteousness, cryed out, woe be to you that laugh now, for you shall weep hereafter. This put me upon the Inquiry, when I was quickly informed they were Vsery and Extortion, who had been the chief Agents in starving out Charity, deluding of Hope, and banishing of Conscience. By this time having a full view of 'em, me∣thought they so much Resembled a Taley∣man and a Broker, that I could fitly com∣pare them to no other, and as it fell out I was not mistaken in my aime, for as they approached, I perceived they fell into the following discourse:

Usery.

A Iew say you was he that first Invented the Taleys, and brought 'em ac∣quainted with Usery and Extortion?

Extortion.

Yess, so our Father Covetous∣ness informed me, and that he learned 〈◊〉〈◊〉 of a Turk.

Use.

No matter where since by that means money's rais'd from six, to sixty in the hun∣dred, these are prosperous days with us Bro∣ther, now we may inlarge our thoughts.

Ext.

Mine are inlarg'd already, desire

has no wider Room than I afford to court the Glittering Oar. O Mammon, Mam∣mon! how much I admire thee, while with bounteous hand thou showrest on me what most delights my Soul.

Use.

Yess he is a good Benefactor to us, and wee'l prove as true to him, since we have gotten such acquaintance with him; he loves I see to have all our Service and Friendship to himself, for as long as we conversed with Charity, he was shy and Cautious.

Ext.

Ay, and kept aloft for fear we should convert what he gave us to any o∣ther use than what he intended.

Use.

Right, but now you talk of Charity, prethee what's become on her, since we gave her such sharp answers as made her despair of doing any good with us?

Ext.

Why I believe she may be dead by this time, she has been very sick and cra∣zy this many years.

Use.

I heard a Country fellow say about a Twelve month agoe she was gotten amongst the Villagers, who lodged her for a while on a Pease-straw Bed, and fed her on mouldy Cheese and skin Milk, but at that rate they soon grew weary of her, and sent her away with a Pass signed by Iustice Curmudgeon.

Ext.

A Wood man, now you put me in mind on't, told me he saw her since in

a great Forrest, and that she was Gnawing the Bark of the Trees.

Use.

Good lack, well past doubt she's pin∣ed to death by this time; but it's no matter whether so or not, since she's like to trouble us no more.

Ext.

Ay, ay, you say very right: But can you think it? The other day Hope came to my House and told me she hop'd I would lend her some Money upon her own Band, that she hop'd for great preferment, and that she hop'd she should grow Rich and keep a good House, that she hop'd to see prosperous and flourishing Times, be∣yond what she had done: That she hop'd she had many Friends, and many the like Expressions.

Use.

This was a very pritty fancy, I hope quoth they. Ay, ay, she may hope and yet be deceived for all that, but let me tell you, though by the way she was mighty silly to hope for money of any of our profession, upon those grounds, we hop'd and hop'd again, but all would not do till we took other courses. But prethee what Answer did you make her?

Ext.

Why first I ask'd her if she had no∣thing but hopes to live upon, for if you han't said I, you must take up with the Chammelions who ••ed on the Aire.

Use.

She told me she hop'd better, and she

hop'd I would lend her some money.

Ext.

Ay said I, if you have any Land to Mortgage, Plate or Jewels to Pawn or so.

Use.

She hop'd, she said, she should have both. Then said I, I hope you'l be gone and trouble me no more, till that day comes for no Penny no Paternoster, and with that she went sighing out of my Shop: and I believe by this time she finds that her hopes are vain.

Ext.

Ay doubtless, but she that trou∣bled us most in the dawn of our undertak∣ings. Was Conscience sawcy? Conscience, who wou'd ever be rebelling against our Inclynations.

Use.

Ay indeed, I for my part found her very troublesome, although I had her in a Kerb-Bridle; for when she saw me in a thri∣ving way, by lending money upon Bond and Iudgement, and within a day or two, or so, sease upon all my Chapmen had, and clap him into the Bilboes to make him sell or mortgage his Land. She would tell me of grinding the Face of the Poor, and begin to check me at a strange rate, for which unseasonable sa••cyness I have knock'd her down twenty times in a day, yet she would still be Rebel∣ling.

Ext.

And I think I used her severely enough before I could be rid on her; ne∣ver

were Bees smoaked with Brimstone, as I smoaked her with the fuel of Obstinacy, by stopping my Ears to her Clamour, and contradicting her in all her motions.

Use.

She was no fit Companion for us, for she would often be talking of Heaven and Hell, and urging Scripture to us, as if we minded that.

Ext.

And presenting us with Widdows and Orpheans tears, the crys of the op∣pressed, and the distress of those we have genteely out witted and gulled of their Estates, with twenty the like trivial mat∣ters; but since we are rid of her no more on't.

Now I saw in my Dream that Discovery came near and interrupted their dis∣course, &c.

Discovery.

Gentlemen are you of this City—If you are—

Ext.

If we are! Why what if we are, or what if we are not? But to be plain with you Sir, we have Lodgings every where; but our Mansion Houses are in the Land of Covetousness, a fruitful place I'le assure you.

Disc.

Very fine Sir, But are you acquainted with Plain-Dealing and his Brother Ho∣nesty?

Vse.

No indeed Sir, they are none of

our Acquaintance, nor do we desire they should; they were our Neighbours once, but proved so unprofitable and trouble∣some, that none of our profession cared for living by 'em: So we together with our Brethren of the faculty, got a decree to banish 'em out of all places where we were Concerned; and now I believe it will be a hard matter to find 'em in these parts, for as I take it, they talk'd of Iour∣neying to America, to take up with the Na∣tive Indians, when we washed our hands of 'em.

Disc.

Pray Gentlemen of what Profession are you, that Plain Dealing and Honesty should be so offensive to you, I'le assure you, I have heard a very good Character of 'em in the days of Old.

Ext.

Ay Friend it may be so, but those days are past, and we know better things for all that, than to have any thing to do with 'em,—a couple of sneaking Fellows as they are; I am sure I am five hundred Pounds the worse for the little Society I had with 'em, and I believe my Brother here is little less, for we are Trades-men if it please you Sir.

Disc.

How Trades-men, and stand at defiance with Honesty and Plain Dealing?

Vs••

Yess truly, and live better by far

since we routed 'em, than ever before.

Disc.

But know you not that the way of the Wicked shall not prosper, and that every Work shall be brought into Judg∣ment, whether it be good or evil.

Ext.

Ha! What dos he talk Scripture to us?—Stay let us see,—who can this be?—Uds-lid 'tis the Ghost of Conscience in Disguise, with a Candle in her hand, Fly, fly I say, least she again possess us, and trouble us worse than ever.

Now I beheld in my Dream, that they hasted to a gloomy coverture loving dark∣ness, rather then light, because their deeds were evil. And we passed on to another Path of the City, which by the many In∣dentures that stuck up in the Windows, I conceited to be Sheep-Skin Row, where I be∣held a man coming out of a dark place with a Libel in his Mouth, and on it was Written in a mixture of Letters, Forge∣ry, being habited like a Scribe, for his Coat was Laced with the defrauded Or∣phans Sighs, and Spangled with Widdows Tears; wherefore I conceived it vain to inquire for Hones••y or Plain Dealing in that place, and would have passed him, but Discovery would needs discourse him: Now I perceived when he Addressed him∣self, the man started to meet a Person at

noon day with a light in his hand, as doubting it might be Diogenes in search of an honest man, and would have turned out of the way, but that he imagined Consci∣ence lay sculking on the other side in a dark Celler, whose greeting he dreaded more than an Army with Banners; and therefore altering his resolves, he came blundering on, when thus I fancy'd I heard 'em Dia∣logue.

Disc.

Well met Sir, pray why in so much hast?

Forgery.

Because I am going Sir about business of consequence, delays you know Sir often breeds danger.

Disc.

Are you acquainted in these parts?

Forg.

Yess verily, I think I am, all these Houses call me Master, I layed their Foun∣dation upon the peoples Ignorance, and made Spendthrift and Prodigality build the rest upon their own ruine.

Disc.

Policy indeed goes a great way, but Sir, can you direct me how I may find one Goodman Honesty in these parts?

Forg.

Truly I have heard something of him in my time, pray what should he be, a House-keeper or an Inn-mate, or what Country man is he?

Disco.

Directly Sir I can't inform yo•• but this I have heard, he seldome stays long

in a place, because few delight in his Com∣pany, he has a Brother too they call him Plain-Dealing.

Forg.

A couple of plain Country fel∣lows I'll warrant you—Well unless you find either of them at my Neighbour Sim∣plicities at the Sign of the Fools Cap, a little before you, I know not where you'l light on 'em, and so fare you well, for I must hast to make my Neighbour Sickleys Will, least he shou'd be return'd Mortus est before I come; but if he be, it matters not much, I can put his Hand to it, I have put many Dead-mens-Hands to Wills be∣fore now, and wip'd the Noses of such as gap'd for his Inheritance.

Disc.

Where was your Conscience then, was it asleep.

Forg.

Alass Sir, I had sent her packing many a day before that, upon her check∣ing me, for counterfeiting Corporation Seals, and Mortgaging their Lands with∣out their knowledge.

Dis.

And how came you off in that case? It must certainly be known in the end.

Forg.

O never Sir! For I repayed the Money, and took up my Mortgage after I had used it as long as my occasions requi∣••••d. But now I think further Sir I must bid you adieu. Oh Dear! I had almost

forgot, I should have been at Mr. Knave∣ries two hours since, to affix a Hand and Seal to a band of 1000 L. by way of imi∣tation—Your Servant Sir.

Now in my Dream I beheld he hasted towards the Castle of Deceit, whereupon we inquired at Mr. Simplicities as we were directed; but instead of Honesty and Plain-dealing, we found Folly and Ignorance, sit∣ting in two wicker Chairs, in great State, and about them many attendance who waited by turns, but having no business with them, we hasted to Papers-tree, a place for many Letters famed through the World, and there we found a grave Per∣son sitting in a Volumnious place, incom∣passed with the labours of 5000 Mortals, Antient and Modern, here or no where thought I we may be informed, and by the information cease our further search, but my expectation failed, for I found soon after that the Mans Head was wonderous Airey, being made up for the most part of Romance and strange imagination, yet Discovery would inquire, though I had be∣fore informed him, he would loose his la∣bour. Now at his approach I perceived the Man was not a little affrighted, for 〈…〉〈…〉 ground, he imagined 〈◊〉〈◊〉 might be the Ghost of some deceased

Author whom he had Hackneyd to death; but finding his mistake, and recollecting himself, he pull'd of his Hat, and made a crindging congie, which gave me op∣portunity to discern Self-Interest, in large Characters on his forehead, but Discovery not presently perceiving it, fell to asking him many Questions, as thus.

Discovery.

Sir does this place call you Master, know you all your Neighbours here about?

Self-Interest.

To both I answer in the affirmative, but pray Sir why inquire you?

Disc.

'Tis some thing I want that makes me so inquisitive.

Self-Int.

If wares you want of this kind I can furnish you with all Sorts, I have what you please, you see not half my store, will it please you to walk further.

Now I perceived Discovery had a mind to enter his Cabinet of Rarities as he term'd it, to make some observations, which willingness he perceiving, he lead us into a dark entery, crouded on either side with Leather and Past-board, where by the light Discovery brought, I beheld Rebellious Principles peep out at one Cor∣ner, Sedition at an other, false Doctrine stood there Triumphant, and the Italian

Art of Poisoning barefaced, Mahomet was rank'd with the Prophets, and old Hobbs with the Evangelists, Mugletons Sermons lurked in private, and the rank Weeds of Atheism reached the ceeling, Debauchery the baen of youth, took up a shelf for her own conveniency, and Arian Heresy was rampant, on the other side were musty Legends, beautified with the conveniency of a new Title, promising wonderous things, though not one word in the fol∣lowing pages, and next them stood In∣croachments upon the proprieties of his Breathren in iniquity, and an Additional Impression in Partner-ship, seal'd with the Ignorance of his Coleague. And for all this was he taken for a Saint and a Hero, but when as you may perceive the light of Vn∣derstanding came to Scrutenize him, all prov'd otherwise.

Now I dreamed that Discovery began to ask him other questions, but especially if he was acquainted with Honesty and Plain-dealing, or knew the place of their aboad, but he protested he was altogither igno∣rant of them, only had read that they were many years since Familiar Companions with divers of the Philosophers, and some few of the Hermites, as for himself, he said he managed his Trade well enough and

needed not their assistance, and finding we were not Chapmen for his turn, he whist∣led for a drudg in Petty-coats, and telling us his Dinner cool'd by this delay, dis∣mis'd us with, your Humble Servant Gen∣tlemen.

Thus far travelling in vain, me thought I began to be weary, and intreating Dis∣covery to stay a while, sat me down on a pair of stairs to rest my self, where I had not been long, but I heard a noise above accompany'd with divers imperfect mur∣mours, which at first I took for a Leet, or Court of Pypouder; but hearing at the same time a knocking, and the noise re∣newed of two pence, three pence, who bids more. I verily believe they were exposing Honesty to sale by Inch of Candle, by rea∣son of the lowness of the rate: Desirous to be informed I intreated Discovery to accompany me into this place of clamour who consenting, we no sooner came to the top of the ascent, but we beheld a De∣minitive Fellow, with staring Eyes, Hair tuckt up, and his Mouth drawn from Ear to Ear, standing in a kind of a Tubb or Quakers Pulpit, with a Book in his Hand, as if he intended to edifie the People that were grumbling out their Sentiments, when all on a sudden opening as loud as

Mugleton in the height of his damning dayes, and whilst the Auditory stood with their Mouths at half cock, expecting the issue of a long preamble, comes to the Text and cryes, Here Gentlemen you have the true Art of Phoenix catching, and infal∣liable Receipts for the Philosophers Stone, here are directions how to make Pearls of Dew drops, and how a Man by easily stopping all the Rivers that run into the Ocean, may drain it, and catch Whales dry shod, with∣out the tediousness of a Greenland Voyage. By this an old Woman of fourscore may be di∣rected to restore her self to fifteen, and young Gentlemen who have made over their Estates by conveyance, find means to wrest them out of the Hands of a griple Vserer. He that has a generous flame for learning, let him buy this, and he's made for ever. But if any of you have good Money in your Poc∣kets and yet will starve your Brains, you deserve to be posted for Sots and Block∣heads to posterity.—Six pence once, se∣ven pence once, eight pence once, nine pence once, twelve pence once, twelve pence twice, thrice. 'Tis yours Sir.

Now in my Dream I beheld they all crowded about the party that had bought this supposed piece of rarety, and what shou'd it be but T••m Thumb in Folio with

Marginal Notes, whereat the buyer per∣ceiving his Mountain expectations, had brought forth a Mouse sneak'd away like a Cur that had lost his Tail, here I fur∣ther observed that when any Book of va∣lue through defect of bidding was likely to go under rate, the Supervizor of these fallacies had one at Hand to save it by bidding higher, or inflaming the bidders in emulation to each other, advancing it at it's double value, and if inquiry be made for whom he Purchases, he has a name at his Tongues end, pretending a commission, but all is false, for in the end the Books return'd from whence it came: Now in one corner of the Room, I perceived Deceit lay lurking close, but Folly flew about on Wings of Ignorance, and Self-conceit prompting the eager multi∣tude to purchase Books at a third part dearer than their Neighbours would afford the very same Books; for but that that sets 'em agoing, is the rumour of some eminent mans choice, Library Books, which the Ignorant imagine are no where to be found but there, when in plain English, this Emi∣nent mans Library is the Bookseller him∣self, and no body else: Wherefore dis∣pairing to find Honesty and Plain Dealing

in this place, we never so much as made inquiry, but en'e trudged down the same way we came up, but scarce had time to take the Aire. When in my Dream I be∣held a man coming out of a Dirty place, rubing his Nose with a pair of dark co∣lourd Hands, his Visage was grim, and looking this way and that way, as if he feared some danger, clap'd down a Trap-door after him, and so came towards us, giving us a full but before he was aware, which made him retreat six or seven pa∣ces, and there making a full stop, stood peering at us, for having been so long in the dark, or at least by Candle-light, I perceived he was grown mope Eyed: But Discovery desirous to unravel him, began to Sift him in this manner:

Discovery.

Pray you Sir what make you stand at this distance? Why so Agast, do you take us for Goblins?

Dissention.

I know not but you may, or if you are not, I take you to be little bet∣ter than mad men to burn Candle at this time o'th day.

Disc.

Friend it behoves us so to do, for we are upon the search, and have many dark pla∣ces to discover.

Diss.

How! upon the search! Alas then I am undone, for if they find out ••

private Gimcracks, I'm ruined for ever: Nay, I believe they see me come out. What a dull Rogue was I, that I did not take better Observations through my peep∣hole, before I ventured to open the Trap.

Disc.

Why are you thus disturbed Friend, is our presence so Offensive?

Diss.

No no, no disturbance at all, no∣thing but a little Qualm came over my Stomach, 'tis usual.

Disc.

Are you of this World, or that be∣neath us, that you came crawling out of the Ground like an Insect?

Diss.

Ha! am I discovered then! What shall I do? But Gentlemen, did you see me creep out of my Cave?

Disc.

Yess we think we did, and are desir∣ous to know your profession?

Now in my Dream I beheld the man tremble and shake, looking this way and that way, as if he considered which way to run. But Discovery assuring him, that if he would answer him plainly, to such Questions as he demanded, no harm should befall him: he was a little comforted, and promised to do this.

Disc.

Sir your profession, that's the first particular.

Diss.

Why Sir, I'm a Terrestial Incen∣diary, an imbroyler of Friends, a mear

beautifew: I have Engins that cast forth Granadoes, which have set Citys and Towns in a blaze of discention.

Disc.

How! what's all this you run upon?

Diss.

Night and day Sir I have often la∣boured to promote mischief in that dark Celler. I have a Gimerack that has groand frequent with other mens proper∣tys; as also Sedition, and little less than Treason many a fair Fortnight: O I have done many things for some great men of the Paper professors, that have procured 'em a Vension Pasty on a Holy day, or so; though when they came to the touch Stone, they had the face to disown 'em, and made me Iack hold their staff: Many a time have I heard a. HOG in Armour grunting about my Trap-door, but was not able to turn it up with his Snout: Ay many a fair business have I done for my self, for when I saw my Patrons in part∣nership for Supernumerarys, unknown to each other I was upon the same lay, and Supernumerated 'em both, and that I think was but one Knaves trick for ano∣ther.

Disc.

And where was your Conscience all this while?

Diss.

O Sir that dropt into the Lie pan, as I was straining one day upon a Surfeite

taken by feeding upon the fruits of Ho∣nesty, and a Lad that I kept call'd Intrest, pist out her Eyes, so that she could never find the way back again.

Disc.

The fruits of Honesty! Why 'tis Honesty himself that we are in search of: can you direct us where we may find him?

Diss.

No truly Sir can't I, nor know I now where to help you to one Apple of the Tree of his planting, nor will it suit with my business to be concerned in such an undertaking.

Disc.

Has Plain-dealing nothing neither to do in your profession?

Diss.

No I think not, for should he once come amongst us, all of our Trade have such an Antipathy against him, that he'd either be knockt o'th head with the Barr, or goarg'd with Ink till he scowr'd his Guts out.

Disc.

Then your's is a kind of a dangerous profession.

Diss.

O Yess, a very dang'rous one; why it has in times of old been formidable to the Nation. O had you heard what Roaring Bulls flew from the press, between forty and forty eight; Ay, and at divers other times you would have trembled.

Disc.

were they so dreadful then?

Diss.

Dreadful! Ay, I'le warrant you

it appeared they were dreadful, for they then shook the Islands: But I can stay no longer, yonder comes one whose sight I must avoid, least he correct and revise me before I am ready for him.

Now in my Dream I beheld the man left us and slunk into a dark Entery, which it seems was a thorowfare, leading to the Land of Blackness, so that we saw him no more: But as Discovery conversed with him, I saw the word Imprinted pined on his sleeve, from whence I conceited him a Typographer, and from that time forward, named him the Engin of Dissention. But we had not gone far er'e we came into Feigning Street, and this I perceived was chiefly inhabited by Hypocricy, who had a World of votarys, and a train of green approv'd Sinners to wait on her when ever she had a mind to take the Aire, for you must know this is represented as a Female Iniquity, though too frequently incident to either Sex; She's a great enemy to Faith, and the only Sister to Dissimulation; she was dressed in the Habit of a Nun, pretending to the greatest strictness ima∣ginable, her Cheeks were furrow'd with ••asting Spittle, which many took for tears, sighs she had ever at command, and eve∣ry now and then would strain a gentle

groan, and would be still reproving Vice in those that were most vertuous and sin∣cere, talk much of watching, fasting, Prayer and Alms; but all this talk was but in publique to gain Applause or Inte∣rest for in private, and with those she durst trust with the Secret, she would re∣vel it all day, and in Adulterous Arms spend many a night, counting Religion than a Ceremony, a meer shade: She's much in fashion w••th our modern Strum∣pets, who having so far mortified them∣selves that actual sin decays in them, who then, and not till then wou'd seem Reli∣gious: But having quite forgot the noti∣ons embrace Hypocrisie, Who is ever rea∣dy to receive 'em with her open Arms, and she serves well enough, if nature ne'r restores their vigor; but if she do, off goes that shadow of a Cloak, and to the Trade they fall again.

Whilst these representations were be∣fore me, I perceived in my dream that two in Female form approach'd us, talk∣ing as they came: Their habit was grave and countenance composed demure, their Eyes fix'd on the ground, their gaite stea∣dy and even, when within hearing me thought I heard 'em argue thus.

1 Woman.

How this Stratagem deceives

the World, and takes the easier sort in the Net of crudulity.

2 Woman.

Right it does so, 'tis the se∣curest Cloak for Vice to ••••roud it from the Eyes of Men that ever was deviz'd.

1 Wom.

I act it so to the Life, that ma∣ny veryly believe me really honest. O had you seen me the other day what set faces I made, what forced sighs I fetch'd whilst tears which I command at will flow'd down my Cheeks, you would have been concerned to see how the unthinking Peo∣ple pitty'd me, and at the self same time expressed a joy, that they had gained a proselite so truly penetential.

2 Wom.

Knew they that you were 〈…〉〈…〉 the Streets, and tread the paths of wickedness?

1 Wom.

They did, and so much the more re••oyced that they had drawn me from wickedness.

2 Wom.

And what is it you further in∣tend in this new undertaking?

1 Wom.

Why, to keep 'em still in ig∣norance, till I have made my day get what I can, and cured the scars received in ho∣nour of Venus, who is still my Loadstar, though I seem to steer an o••her course.

2 Wom.

Hypocrisie's a misterious thin••, •• thing to dark for mortal Eye to penetrate, 〈…〉〈…〉 wisely managed.

1 Wom.

It is—Ha—my Heart mis∣gives me we are overheard.—See—see how close you Lurcher stands.

2 Wom.

If so your Interest will be ruined. But see they come up nearer, set a good face on't, and perhaps they'll not believe their Ears.

1 Wom.

Ay—ay—I'll warrant ye.—Ha what art thou Man with the burning Ta∣por in thy Hand.

Disc.

Why so shy, and why this Garb of Hipocrisie still, think you we are Ignorant who and what you are, and that we overheard not your discourse.

2 Wom.

I say thou art Satan yea the great Deceiver who hast broken thy chain, and art come to vex, yea to fret, yea to torment us, therefore avoid, avoid I say.

Disc.

Come pull of this Garb of Hypocrisy and deceive the World no longer.

Upon which I further beheld in my Dream, that they left us in hast, but had not been gone many paces, before they went into a little Brandy-Shop, to refresh themselves with a Cup of the Creature, whereupon we passed on but were not got out of Feigning-street before we met a Man in homely attire, wonderous grave, and of a seeming honest countenance, who without any scruple came up with us, and

demanded our business in that place? We told him we were in search of Honesty and Plain-dealing: Why than said he, as for Plain-dealing you need not search any further, for I am the very Man. Now I thought to my self our Journey would be at an end, for if we found one, he could easily direct us to the other, and there∣upon was about to express the satisfaction I conceived, but Discovery wink'd at me to be silent; and thus began to Dialogue with him.

Discovery.

Sir if you are the party read this Credential: it contains business of moment, tending to your happiness and future prosperity.

Counterfeit.

Credential me no Credenti∣als Friend, for I am the Man I tell you with∣out reading your Credential.

Disc.

These are to let you know that I am sent to you from Wisdom the Queen of Vertues, to import many things to you; know you her Seal Sir?

Count.

It may be I do, or it may be I do not: But what is your business with me now I am found?

Disc.

I must first be satisfied whether I am not mistaken before I can impart any Secret to you.

Count.

Sir if you are so shy I care for none

of your Secrets, yet I tell you I am Plain-dealing.

Disc.

Where is your Brother? how faires the Darling of Virtue?

Count.

Sir I have no Brother, I have a Sister indeed.

Disc.

How Sir, is not Honesty your Brother?

Count.

No Sir, nor none of my Acquain∣tance neither I'le assure ye.

Disc.

Than you are an Impostor Sir, that have assumed a name that ne're will be your due, and if I mistake not, you are Counterfeit, Brother to Dissimulation, false as empty Clouds and wandering Fire.

Count.

And what then Sir, may not I be a Plain-dealer for all that?

Disc.

No Sir you never can: 'tis such as you who putting on a Garb of seeming Virtue, under that disguise act such villa∣nys, as make the truly virtuous be dis∣pis'd.

Count.

Nay Friend, if you are Angry, turn the Buckle of your Girdle behind you, and so farewell.

Now I saw in my Dream he flung away in a great rage, and we kept on our course; but stumbling upon Sloath that lay in the middle of the Street, I started, and in startling awake & beh••ld i•• was a 〈◊〉〈◊〉; so

lifting up my Eyes and finding my self in a spacious Meadow, I was fully convin∣ced that all that had passed was but a Dream. The birth of Imagination Mid∣wif'd by fancy, proceeding from the ram∣blings of the Soul, which in its eternal Wake makes strange discoveries; but long these thoughts had not travers'd my more Capacious understanding, e're sleep that Emblem of Death courted my Eye∣lids afresh, and in his carresses grasped them so hard that my Sences melted in the Arms of sweet Repose. When I Dream∣ed and beheld in my Dream that sundry Phantasius were triping round me, repre∣senting, Folly, Iealouzie, Self-conceit, Pride, Ambition, and a thousand such like Airey vanities; but whilst I was making obser∣vations on their many antick shapes and studdied postures, the Curtain was drawn before the Queen of Faryland, whose Pallace is called the Castle of Delusion, a strong place, to which many give them∣selves up voluntary prisoners, where they wander from Room to Room; lead con∣tinually by the Spirit of Vncertainty, till they fall into the Quagmire of Dispaire, and there they are lost for ever. But this Sceen being over, and it clearing up again, •• on a suddain found my self in the

place were before I left of the search, and fancyed it to be the Town of Vanity by the many representations that tended to no other effect; scarcely had these thoughts took place, but looking over my shoulder I beheld my old Companion Discovery, and was not a little glad I had so luckely stum∣bled on him; yet had not time to vaile my Bonnet and pay my Respects, e're clapping me on the Cheeks, he whispered in a soft tone, Why have you thus unkindly absented your self in the Dawn of my Pro∣gress, seeing there are many wonders in the Mist of Deceit (A gloomy Region) that are yet to be discovered by the light of Vnder∣standing. I blushed at this methought, and would have replyed, but was hinder∣ed by the unexpected approach of a Fel∣low laden with Mutton-Taffata, and Calves-Skin; at first I supposed him a Knight Arrant with Shield in his Hand, but afterwards found him a Past-board bearer; his Pockets ratled with Gim∣cracks of divers devices, and at his Arse hung dangling a Glew-pot, and a Pipkin of mouldy Past, many Cording quires with much Thread; and on the Skirt of his Doublet stuck a hafted Bodkin, with long Eyed Needles. Now in my Dream I wondered who this should be, once I

thought it might be Time, but perceiving neither Hour-Glass nor Seith, I took him to be an Actor in some Farce, who thus had dressed himself in Redicule to move a Laughter; but had not guest, long before Discovery obliged him to make a full stop, though e're he could be steady, he start∣ed like a Huffing Hector at the Salute of a Serjeant. Yet recollecting himself, cryed Sir your Business with me; whereupon I perceived they began to Dialogue as followeth.

Discovery.

My business is to find out Honesty and Plain-dealing: Can you di∣rect me to their house Friend?

Book-b.

Their house Sir, why do you imagine then that they are House-keepers: No no, never conceit it, for I remember twenty Years agone they were but Lodg∣ers in our Row, and then could scarcely pay their Chamber rent, their gettings were so small; and would you have 'em House-keepers in these dayes, when no body will give 'em Porridge for their Labour.

Disc.

That's hard, But Time informed me, he once knew 'em in a flourishing condi∣tion and high esteem.

Book-b.

Ay he might perhaps in the first Age of the World, but these days

are past, and now they are held in such contempt, that I who am but a Book-bin∣der, scorn to keep 'em Company.

Disc.

Then it seems friend, that you can give me no directions.

Book-b.

No verily not I, they were han∣kering about my door a while agone, but my Wife lead me such a weary life, till I had sham'd 'em off, with sham Turkey, Sheep-skin for Calf, Scabards instead of Past-board, Glew without sowing, and the like, you would not think it. As for Knavery, if you have any business with him, he's a very thriving Gentleman that lives hard by, and one that I have got ma∣ny a fair pound by.

Disc.

I know friend as well as you how to find the man you mention, but our business is not with him, and so good by to you.

Now in my Dream I beheld we passed this insiped thing, but had scarce turned the Corner, before a brisk Fellow bolted out of a dark Alley, was upon us e're we was aware on him, and was hung round with Quires of White and Brown, and so covered with Parchment, you would have took him to been in Armour; round his Neck hung Wax and Wafers; and on his Crown Quills brustled up in Bundles, and in his Hands were ••onds, Indentures,

Releases, Tickets, Warrants, and a world of such like businesses; whilst his Pockets strutted with Sand and Ink-Bot∣tles. This thought I must be a Scribe, and we had past inquirey there before to little purpose, wherefore I was for jog∣ing on; but Discovery catching me by the little Finger, pull'd me back, and thus made his address.

Disc.

Sir. there are a pair of honest Fel∣lows we would fain find out, but hitherto have been successless in our search.

Stationer.

And may be so till this time Fortnight for ought I know; but pray who are they?

Disc.

Honesty and Plain-dealing, there's an Estate fallen to 'em, and I am sent to give 'em notice, that they may return and take possession.

Stat.

An Estate! No no, I can't be∣lieve it, unless it be in t'other World, for Miracles are ceased in this: But howsoe∣ver be it as it will, I can't direct you, Sta∣tioners have no business for 'em.

Disc.

Have you not heard of him of late?

Stat.

Heard of them, yess, but 'tis a pretty while a gone. I remember when I first set up, Plain-dealing came sneaking to my Shop in a Thread-bare Coat, and was for roosting amongst my stacks; but,

taking him for a Spye, I bundled him up and sent him to the Papermill, where they held his Nose so hard to the Grin∣stone, that they quickly obliged him to pack up his Awls and be gone.

Disc.

Have you not heard of his Brother the other party I mentioned, if we could find one he would direct us to the other.

Stat.

When I lived with my Master, I remember I heard him talk much of him, but do not remember he ever gave him a visit, though it seems he had been there formerly, as one more bold than welcom, which I gathered from his discourse, for he often railed against him, and called him Names for the pretended injury he had done him.

Disc.

That was unkind, for I am certain he is so just, that he would not offer the least injury to any body.

Stat.

I know not all the particulars, but certain I am that thus he would rate him, though absent. A Rascal, a Villain, says he, for hindring me from gelding the Quires, and pretending they shrunk in wetting if they happened to be missed, a thousand Sheets cleverly gained in a Mor∣ning will buy a Man a good Breakfast, when those that take his advice shall be

obliged to keep Lent all the year. Nay, when I over reach'd as my manner is, and made felse Numbers do with a little Pro∣testation, this sawcy Iack would be whispring the lye in my Ear, for which impertinency I have often snap'd him, says he, as if I would a bit his Head off, and cryed, what then you Slave, can a Trades-man live without the Faculty.

Disc.

This was very lately sure for he was not used to be so served in the days of our Forefathers.

Stat.

Not so late Sir as you think, for it could not be less than forty years agone, since I heard him tell this story: Nay further told me he was the very Eves dro∣per to Fortune, and would as times go now make a hole in a Mans stock as in∣sensibly as the driping rain eats into the bowels of a Flint, and bid me have a care of him.

Disc.

And you took the Hint I perceive.

Stat.

Ay I'll warrant you, and so has many younger than my self. Alas Sir! I have a Family to maintain out of hard Wax and other Tackling, and therefore let People talk what they will, I know what I could write with a Pint of Ink, but won't give my self the trouble, and so fare ye well.

Now I perceived he had not gone far before he slunk into his Officina like a Snail into a Shell, and we past on to an other quarter: And looking in at the Mouth of an entery, beheld a Firey-faced fellow surrounded with Glass-Bottles, and this put me in mind it might be him, who (as the old Wives tale has it) girt∣ing himself round with Dew Bottles, was drawn up by the Sun into the World in the Moon, but found my self within a while after mistaken, for he proved to be a Son of Bacchus, and was too much de∣lighted with his own Terce, then to make such a perilous expedition, for a Cup of Nectar, which notwithstanding the Man in the Moon Drinks Claret, for ought he knew might prove a Cup of small Beer, when he came to tast it, yet Discovery would enter this place, upon no other ac∣count than the German Proverb, viz. In Vino veritas, here says he, or no where we may stumble upon directions, but no sooner were we entered, but our Ears were saluted with the noise of: wellcom, wellcom Sir. Boy, boy, show up Stairs, and the confused tinckling of a Bell, with the ratling of Quart Pots. I would have been gone, as imagining our inquiry here would be Fruitless, but Discovery over-perswaded

me, and I stayed.

Now in my Dream I beheld we were shewed into a large Room, hung round with divers fancies, wherein the Painter had been very exact in hitting the humour, for here sat one a spewing, there another bleeding with his Pate broke, this had his Face batterd with a Quart Pot, an other his Eye struck out with a Tobacco Pipe, an other lay decently run through the Lungs, on this side two at Logger-heads, on that Bottles and Pots flying like Hail-stones, here one tearing the Cards, there another damming the Dice, and shaking his empty Purse, was ready to tear his own Flesh for madness: The Cieling blushed with Volleys of Oaths of a Crimson dye, that spangled it like Prim∣roses, and on the Floor lay scattred like sedg in Meadow Ditch, bundles of horrid imprecations. These things confirmed my first opinion and put me out of all hopes of intelligence in this place, but these thoughts had scarce taken Air, when up comes Firefacies and Discovery, as loath to loose any time, thus entered into Dia∣logue.

Discovery.

Sir have you not a down right Man in your House called Honesty.

Firefacies.

Not as I know off Sir—but

stay I have a great many Guest in my House, I'll bid the Boy inquire, though I do not remember any such Person has been here since I became Major Domo—No Gentlemen he is not here the Boy tells me he has asked in every Room, and no Body knows him.

Disc.

That's much, pray what Company frequents your House that they are strangers to him.

Firef.

O very good Company, as my Neighbour Luxury, my young Master Spendthrift, Tom Gamster, and now and than old Mr. Vsury on the backside yon∣der; especially when he has got a young Heir in his clutches, that will not sell nor Mortgage without the elevation of Bac∣chus.—As for this Honesty if I mistake not I have heard something on him, but they say he cannot abide to be seen in a Ta∣vern, and besides not a Man that comes to my House, if the Characters I have heard (for excuse me Gentlemen I know him not) be true, but would avoid his Company.

Discovery.

Is Plain-dealing none of your Guest neither?

Firefacies.

How Sir, Plain-dealing—••o I think not; why he's a stoick Philoso∣pher, and deserves to be confined to a

Cave in some large Wilderness, as mat∣ters are carried in this Age.

Disc.

Are you acquainted with him, is he your Neighbour?

Firef.

No Sir, neither though I heard Mr. Self-Ends say, he once lived in Pover∣ty Street: Yet I believe the Catchpoles have been so busie about beating up his Quarters, that he either lies concealed in some odd Nook, or else is removed to Ierico, till his Beard is grown, that he him return in disguise. I must confess I had once some small Acquaintance with him, which he relying on, would not suffer me to mix Water with my Wine, use Stum or Lime-Juice, no nor to dash my White-wine with Sider, he would be find∣ing fault with under filling, & little Bottles, double Scoreing, and putting Ale into my Burnt Claret; when at any time I fur∣nished a Christning or a Funeral, which made me shake my Ears when casting up my Accoumpts at the Years end. I sat down by the Labour in vain, nor coul'd I tell what to do till Mr. Knavery came one Morning with his Brother Deceit, and counciled me to forbid him my House, or I should never be worth a Groat.

Disc.

And you took his advice I'le 〈…〉〈…〉.

Firef.

Ay marry did I, and since I have crept up amain; but what is't you drink Gentlemen, I hope you don't come to trou∣ble my House for nothing?

Disc.

We are Plain-dealings friends, our business is with him if he had been here, but seeing he is not, we must be going.

Firef.

Are you so, Plain-dealings friends say you: Then you are no Company for me. Welcome, welcome Gentlemen: Boy shew the way out here.

Now as we were going out, methought I heard him say,

Fare••••ell Plain-dealings friends, I'm glad yo'r gone, If he had follow'd you, I'de been undone: If he in fashion comes, farewell our Trade, By Knav'ry 'tis we only can be made.

By this time I perceived in my Dream we were got into the street, but had not leisure to consider of what had passed, e're we met with a Matron decently set out, and as Grave as Penelope; this thought I is a lucky hit, here past doubt we may be informed, and Discovery at the first blush was of the same mind; wherefore he proceeded to put the Question to her, when turning up her Head, and stareing

him wishfully in the Face. She demanded what time of the Moon it was, which odd kind of Question made him smile, as like∣wise desirous to know the reason of such a demand. Why said she, I suppos••d you are a little crack-braind, which once a Moon puts you upon extravagancies, or else you would never have undertaken such a business. Honesty and Plain-dealing saith she—No Friend I know them not, and so goodby to ye.

She scarce had left us, when being very inquisitive to know who she was, Disco∣very informed me she was a Dealer in hu∣mane Flesh, and that for the better colour∣ing the matter, she stiled her self a Mid-wife, but her real business was to betray the honour of silly Wenches to the lust of Bully Ruffians, to supply the City Dames with what they wanted at home, to fur∣nish business for Love, intreagues to tra∣pan young Heirs into a Wedlock noose with her over ridden Bona Roba's, and to put off the effects of the Ladies great Bel∣lies, who have been tasting the forbidden Fruit before Hand, or dispence with the Masters familiarity with his Chamber-Maid. Nay, said I then, 'tis no wonder she gave you such an answer.

Now in my Dream I beheld that by

this time we were come into a little croo∣••••ed place, and looking about, I beheld a 〈◊〉〈◊〉 incompassed with Pots and Glasses ••owring upon an old Legend. Thought 〈◊〉〈◊〉 to my self this must needs be one of the ••••ons of Hipocrat••s, and therefore should be ••••ise: But whilst I was thus pondering ••ith my self, the Question was asked by ••y Companion, and the discourse began 〈◊〉〈◊〉 the following Dialect.

Medicine.

Sir for what reason do you ask ••e for Honesty and Plain-dealing, but let 〈◊〉〈◊〉 be what it will, I can assure you, you are ••ome to the wrong place, for they dwell not in 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Street, though I have cause to remember ••••em, for about 20 years since, I lay by the Heels allmost a whole Winter, for harbouring ••••em in my House, though indeed it was my ••ives doings, for I was ever averse to it.

Disc.

Then you had Sir some acquain∣••••nce with them formerly.

Med.

Ay Sir, sore against my will, my ••ife as I told you before would needs per∣••ade me to it, and I could not say her nay, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 as soon as she poor Soul march'd off, I ••••on got shut on'em, she indeed would make 〈◊〉〈◊〉 be giving Medicines to the poor, regulate 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Bill from the conscionable gain of eleven 〈◊〉〈◊〉 in the shilling, to three pence or there ••••ou••s.

Disc.

And was not that well done—I hope you take the same measures still.

Med.

No Sir I know better things I'd•• have you to know; pish! Sir I'd have you to understand Sir, I'm now my own man, and those sneaking fellows shall never have any thing to do in my house. Album Greeckum•••• shall be Album Greeckum now I'le warrant ye; every Dunghill shall affoard me matter•• of support.

Disc.

You promise advice for nothing still Sir.

Med.

Ay to blind the simple: No no, my learning that little I have cost me some money, and a world of labour; and I thin•••• it is but reason I should inch it out to the best advantage, that promise is only to decoy 'em.

Disc.

Yet you'l perform your promise: suppose a miserable Wretch lies in distress, perhaps his life in danger, and each Ditch side affoards the Remedy you knowing, would you not let him know it too?

Med.

How Sir, what to spoile the facul∣ty; no, no, by no means: and to be plain Sir, Poor as they were, I've screwed out many •• pound, for Herbs I gathered in the Garden of my Patient: Now had they known the re∣medy, all that had gone beside my Pocket, nay some times I have (especially where I found the

guilt come ••lush) made 'em sick and well as I have found occasion, keeping 'em on the Rack for my advantage, by perpetual Physick, till nature weakned, and the powrs of life decay'd, they en'e kick'd up their heels, and bid good night to ye.

Disc.

And did your Conscience sleep the while?

Med.

Ha, ha, ha, Conscience quotha! why I had purged her Guts out long before.

Disc.

But this is a transcendant wick∣edness.

Med.

'Tis nothing Sir, with some of our profession: Wickedness! that's a good one: Why would you debar us trying practices?

Disc.

At such a rate, and reason too.

Med.

Nay, nay, reason me no reason, practice is practice: but why do I thus spend my Breath without a fee? Ego Medicus, some and so your Servant Sir.

Now in my Dream I perceived he with∣drew himself into a back Closet, furnish∣ed with more poisonous druggs than the E••onian•• Fields; wherefore not think∣ing it safe to stay any longer within the wind of him, away we trudged, and ••hus I murmured to my self.

Art is indeed to be admir'd by all, But who are they the Sons of Art we call?

Why those that make a Conscience of a Crime, Who know and use that knowledge made sublime By virtue, but if she be absent then, Art is not Art, nor those that use it men.

And so we passed on till we came to a high street, where we beheld many peo∣ple passing, but could not see any favour∣ers of our friends amongst the crowd, that we thought convenient to put the Questi∣on to, as knowing it would be lost labour, by reason we saw Envy, Pride, Hipocricy, Dissimulation, and Fraud walk jig by jole with the greatest part of them; where∣upon we struck off to the left hand, and there in an Alley found a man a Kneading, who by his whiteness, much resembled Innocency at first blush; but it seems, eve∣ry like is not the same, though here we resolved to make inquiry. Now in my Dream I perceived he looked about him, and espi••d us, whom he supposed to be a couple of sharp set Fellows that were com∣ing to leap at a Crust. But this considera∣tion was scarcely Midwif'd into his fancy, ••s the issue of his crazy brain, ere we ask∣ed for those we so much long'd to find; viz. H••nesty and Plain-dealing▪ and we put the

Question hard, but the man who went as •• perceived, under the nomination of Pinch-poor, after a little stamering, made ••s the subsequent reply.

Pinch-poor.

Gentlemen, I suppose you mistake the place, no such Fellows as you mention can live amongst plenty of Bread, there is no Corn in Egypt for them at this time a day.

Discovery.

Did you know them friend? have you had any acquaintance with either of them?

Pinch-p.

No, by my Oven Lidd Sir not ••: I acquainted with them! Sure Sir you must be very weak to put such a Question to a Bread-moulder.

Disc.

Why is it any harm friend to know them? nay to have conversation with them? as for my part I should not think it.

Pinch-p.

Think you Sir what you will, I know what I think, and beg your leave to think on.

Disc.

Do you think any harm on them?

Pinch-p.

Yess by my Maukin do I; harm quotha! Ay, ay, harm enough I'le assure 〈◊〉〈◊〉. The battery of 500 rotten Eggs at 〈◊〉〈◊〉 celeberation of a triple Exaultation would be more welcome than their Com∣••any, for they handle a man ten times worse; how many have suffered for ha∣ving

but the least to do with them, and Sung Lacrime on the wrong side, a Iron or a Wooden Grate for many a Frosty Winter, whilst their Wives and Children were obliged to take up in the extreami∣ties of the Region of Necessity, a place whether neither Bakers nor Mealman cares for coming; for there is neither Corn nor Wind-mills, all the Inhabitants are mi∣serable poor.

Disc.

And ought to be relieved, ought they not?

Pinch-p.

No Sir I think not, but that they are e'ne well enough served for dis∣daigning to follow the fashion of the World; they might have taken notice by my false Ballances puffing and pinching, that the Region of defraud was a very prosperous place.

Disc.

Ay, but those that associate with Honesty and Plain-dealing, ever love to be where Conscience dwells, and she it seems is a stranger there.

Pinch-p.

Ay, and we are mightily plea∣sed with her absence, for did not we set Knavery on the Frontires, strongly to Guard the pass between the Mountains of Self-interest and Deceit, she would be breaking in and raising a Huracane to o∣ver•••••••• our great Diana, the very Foun∣dation of our profit.

Disc.

But how came you at first to divorce her?

Pinch-p.

Ha, ha, ha, what Ignorance you express, by putting that question to a Baker: why that which others call the Popes Eye, we call the Eye of Conscience, and seeing she was troublesome, we blind∣ed her with mouldy Meal, and stuff of twice grown Corn, and then before she had lei∣sure to clear her Eye sight, gave her the slip, and stept into the other quarter, and to prevent her following, dam'd up the passage with great lumps of Dough, pinch'd from the good Wives Loaves, which kept her back till I had time to raise the Fences higher. As for the Gyant I have named, he is maintained ••y my industry, to Watch and Ward, and is so diligent therein, that I live more and more in security.

Disc.

But think you that security will al∣ways last? Know you not there is a Tophet hot as Eternal Wrath can make it?

Pinch-p.

Unless you mean my Oven Sir, I understand you not, a Tophet said he, that's a ••ramp word; what of that, is it a place to Bake Loaves in?

Disc.

'Twas made for such as you, that triumph in your Frauds, who being bundled up, shall there be turn'd into everlasting Flames.

Pinch-p.

O grievous! bundled up said he: why Sir I hope you don't take me for a Faggot: But it matters not whether you do or not, for let me tell you, d'ye hear Sir, I have been so much used to poak in the fire, that the flame you mention will hardly fright me from clubbing with De∣ceit for a fine Livelyhood. But now I think on't, while I stand prating here to no purpose, my Batch will be spoiled; therefore Gentlemen, you'd do well to be going.

Now in my Dream I perceived he hast∣ed to a dark place clouded with smoak, whereupon we took him to be a Fellow capable to leven the whole lump of his fraternity, 〈…〉〈…〉 left him to be correct∣ed by the Wooden Gimcracks.

But we had not gone far, but we met a fin••cal Fellow with a Bundle under his Arm, and perceived his Pockets ratled with Needles, Thimbles, Bodkins, and Sheers, so that at first I took him for a Morice-dancer with Bells, but he proved a meer Hocuspocus, a Moth that had fret∣ted away many a Yard of Back furniture, and by a certain slight of hand, deceived the very sight of men; here thought I 'tis in vain to make any inquiry, wherefore I stepped over the Channel to be marching

on the other side, but was pul'd back by Discovery, who was not willing to let this ninth part of Mortality, Anglice a Taylor pass unquestioned, but stopped him with the following demand.

Disc.

Friend know you Honesty and Plain-dealing, have you made any Garments for 'em of late?

Taylor.

Sir I neither know them nor do I desire to have any dealing with them, few of my profession have occasion for such Customers, if they are so hard to be pleased as is reported.

Disc.

The report friend has cast you into an Error, for they are placable, mild, Gentle and easie, dealing uprightly with all men, not defrauding any, but rendering to every man what is justly his due.

Tayl.

Why there's it now, and would you have a Taylor have any thing to do with them? why the Trade would be un∣done then, for we must ••n'e give over planting Cabbidges in Hell, no slip of va∣lue must be Gentily filched, nor yet a Remnant saved. The report cast me into an Error said he, no, no, that's a mistake, this is just as I heard it; besides, although I am but a Younger Brother of the Craft, yet upon what I have heard, I have bid∣den Honesty and Plain-dealing defiance, and

vowed to make perpetual War with them, and if they dare attempt my Quarters, no Louse was ever mauled as I'le maule them.

Disc.

You talk like a person with a sick fancy, is your Braines crazed friend?

Tayl.

No I think not, Mr. Will with t••e Whisp, but it would make a man mad of our profession, especially to be buz'd in the Ears with your Honesty or Plain-deal∣ing, as if you were turned their Advocate, and went about to perswade us to give them House room. No, no, it will never do, we'l have no spies upon our ways and actions.

Disc.

Friend ••re search after them for o∣ther reasons, our chief design is to find them.

Tayl.

Ay, and search you may till Dooms day for ought I know, for I can give you no directions: no Sir by my Goos would not if I could, for ••ear if you should find them asleep (for I believe they have little else to do) that under pretence of returning me thanks, they should pay me a visit, and imbroyle my affairs, by curtailing my Bills, sealing up the door of my Cabbidg Room, and 'twitting me in the Teeth for cutting out two for one, putting in Brown-paper instead of Buckerum, and

many such pretty devices incident to men of our profession.

Disc.

If Conscience had any Rule in you, you would not speak so hardly of her dear Companions.

Tayl.

Ha, ha, ha, that's very pritty! Conscience say you, that's fine indeed. Why who ever heard of a Taylo••s Con∣science prethee?

Disc.

Say you so, then our farther inqui∣ry as to any directions we can hope for from you, may be spared.

Tayl.

Ay, ay, very well, for it won't availe you the shread of a Garment; and so I leave you to consider on't.

Upon this he step'd into a blind Ale-house, tip'd off his penny pot, snatch'd his Goose out of the fire, spit upon't, whip'd out again threaded through the Company, and jump'd upon his shop-board, where we left him cross-leg'd, and suddainly turning the Corner, met divers Married Females, who had ta∣ken leave of their Husbands under pre∣tence of visiting a sick friend, seeing their Children at Nurse, taking their farewell of some pretended Aunt or she Couzen, who was Coaching it into the Country or so; when indeed their business was no∣thing less; for looking back, we saw 'em

dive into a Tavern, where their Gallants attended their Arrival to entertain them with Love possest. But we scarce had passed them, when we stumbled upon a drove of Painters and Journeymen Shoo-makers, who came Reeling at a rate that had like to overset us, but bearing up briskly, they recoild and jostling together, decently fell, making the Channel for that time their Dormitorie; so taking them for little better than Rubbish, we left them to fill up the holes, and passed through a little Wicket, where in my Dream I perceived that Envy met us, and stood in the way to hinder our Progress through the Region of Truth, but the Light of Understanding struck her blind for a time, which gave us opportunity to pass by her, which we did with as much speed as possible, to avoid the Hiss∣ing of her feeble Snakes. Now I further perceived that the way growing wider, we met a grave Fellow, who resembled a Philosopher, his Beard was as long as Cato's, and his Head Hoary for want of moisture; and on his Forehead was in∣graven Flattery. Bless me thought I, sure this man must be wrong Named, and may be Honesty thus Branded by Envy, on purpose to deceive us, and render our In∣quiry

fruitless. Discovery at the first was of the same opinion, and resolved to learn it from himself, when coming up and clapping him on the Shoulder, he cryed Halo Grandsir, at which rough salute he seemed to be offended, although he could not well perceive who we were, for Age had made him dim sighted. When thus Discovery began.

Disc.

Father you seem to be a Grave, Wise, and Iudicious man, a man of Elder dayes, which gives me hopes you can inform me whether Honesty and Plain-dealing took their Iourney when they left these parts, or are they ye•• remaining hereabout?

Upon this, methought he put on his Spectacles, and peering in our Faces for a while, replyed.

Flattery.

Who are you Sir, that ask me such a question?

Disc.

One that fain would be satisfied in this demand.

Flatt.

You might as well asked me for the Philosophers Stone or a Phoenix Egg.

Disc.

Are they so hard to be found then?

Flatt.

Ay exceeding difficult amongst men of my profession!

Disc.

What may your Profession be Fa∣ther?

Flatt.

Why friend, some call me a

Merchant, some a Planter; but indeed I am neither, yet I am a well wisher to both, and have help'd them to many a hopeful bargain.

Disc.

A Bargain Father: Of what, pray let us understand a little?

Flatt.

Why in plain terms under the Rose, some call me a Canibal, or devour∣er of Humane Liberty, others a Soul-sel∣ler, and others a plain downright Kid∣napper, though most imagine me a Mer∣chant.

Disc.

A very fine Trade, and is this your profession?

Flatt.

Yess, yess, many a Father have I 〈◊〉〈◊〉 of his Children, many a Master of his Servant, many a bribe have I had of the Wife to ship away her Husband, that she might freely Revel it with him she lik∣ed better; as often has been my gain from the Husband to rid him off a Scolding or Troublesome Wife; nay Unckles have ••aum'd my Fist with Gold to send away their Nephews, that they might injoy their Estates, of which they were lest Gaurdians. O many a Master has sent for me at midnight, to help him off with his Chamber-maid when her belly began to ris•• in Rebellion; ten Guineys have I had of an Apprentice in a morning for the like

service, when the Cook-wenches Belly grumbled. And all this was done under the umbrage of their straying through discontent, or their being gone into the Country to visit their Relations.

Disc.

And did this satisfie their Relati∣ons? was no further inquiry made after them when missing?

Flatt.

Yess, perhaps they might; but then if they were Husbands, Wives, Ser∣vants, or the like, we had got a trick to make the first Inquiry, by publick Cry∣ing them, but never till they were surely shop'd in the B••lboes.

Disc.

But how came you to the Fingering on them? how contrived you to get them so safely into your Clutches?

Flatt.

Oh, many wayes: as when I saw a Young Lad stand discontented, I'de make up to him, and ask him his Name, place of Aboad, and Imployment; in which be∣ing readily satisfied, I'd raile against the cruelty of his Father or Master, telling him it was a shame, and that they were punishable for using such Rigor to so hopeful a Youth: Then would I underfeel his resolves, by telling him of much plea∣sure and plenty, and by what means he might possess it, or that I would help him to a Master, whose kindness should ap∣pear

beyond expression; which wrought upon him to that degree, that he went contentedly, as an Ox to the Slaughter, &c.

Disc.

But met you with none that were rough and untractable?

Flatt.

Yes many, and some came now and then to put a trick upon me, but I shew'd them a trick for their Learning; for getting them to the brims of the Ele∣ment, where I had a little tipling House for the purpose, I used to put Opium in their Liquor, which charming their Sen∣ses into a slumber, under the favour of that opportunity, and the dusk of the Evening, I clapt them aboard my Badger, and then good by Gaffer, they saw no more daylight till they found themselves out of their own Country, and then though all to late, they began to Ban their folly that had prompted them to leap out of the Frying-pan, into the Fire.

Disc.

But some perhaps would not swallow this Bait?

Flatt.

Those I made larger offers, tel∣ling them I was indeed a Merchant, and had whole Islands of my own, to confirm which I had ever a voucher at my Elbow. Then would I send them Aboard with a fine Key a token to secure them, though they kn••w no other then that it belong'd

to a rich Cabbin, for so I told them, fur∣nished with all that was pleasant and de∣lightful, as also that my self would be with them in the Evening, and accompa∣ny them in all hazards, which made them on their arrival, begin to command like Emperours, but their courages were soon cool'd, for the Purser or Boatswain under pretence of conducting them to their Cab∣bin, pulls up a Trap and thrust them head and shoulders into dark durance, where they found a Covey of Fools lamenting their folly, and the Key is returned to bait for other Wood-cocks. As for the Married Cattle, they for the most part Trappan one another under the coaksing flatterys of renewed affection, having al∣ways one of us at hand, to invite the par∣ty to a splendid Entertainment near the River, when occasionally, though it seemd as if it happened by chance, we meet a person who invites us Aboard, and with many perswasions, are urged to induce a complyance, which is no sooner done, but they are left under the Hatches to lament their too much Cr••dulity. As for the Wenches, they are troled thether by such as getting some small acquaintance, pre∣tend love and good will, feigning them∣selves to be Officers of trust and command,

and by that means they work upon the weakness of such Females as are Ram∣pant for Husbands; and thus have I gul∣led and been instrumental in gulling a thousand: Nay I have a trick of binding them, if we fear a search will be made, and by that means I have the value of them for the most part before they are releas∣ed.

Now in my Dream I perceived he would a gon on, Ad Infinitum: But Dis∣covery finding him a very Knave in Grain, & loath to spend any more time to no pur∣pose, we left him in a fit of Coughing, that had just seized him, and struck off to the left; yet had not gone far, but up comes a Fellow in Whiskers, Grim as the first begotten of Belzebub, with Eyes stareing, Hair flareing about his Eare, Bloated Cheeks, and a Nose resembling a Beacon, his Belly strutted, and his Legs were of the largest size; at his Wast hung Keys ratling in Chaines, and behind him Hand-Screws, Double-Da••bys, Cross-bitts, and the like, which made me at first conceit him to be one of the Spanish Inquisitors, for on his Forehead in large Capitals I perceived Oppression, and fan∣••yed that that was his Name, and though I was unwilling to have any discourse with

him; yet Discovery would needs inquire something, if but to unravel the Monster, who bore up like a Ship under Sail: And thus I fancyed they began their discourse.

Disc.

Have you a Habitation in these parts, or are you of some remoater part of the World?

Oppression.

The reason before I give my answer, why you ask I would gladly know.

Disc.

Truely Friend, the cause of this inquiry proceeds from no other reason, than that we are desirous to be informed where a couple of Persons (whom I am injoyed to find out, and in whose search we have been hither∣to unsuccessful) reside, or have abiding place.

Oppress.

Perhaps I may inform you, for I have many under Lock and Key of di∣vers sorts and sizes.

Disc.

Two downright Men they are; one of 'em especially, whom I hear to be gone into Garments of 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Kersey of late.

Oppress.

But their Names Sir, have you not their Names? and then I can better inform you.

Disc.

Honesty and Plain-dealing Men were wont to call 'em, and 'tis by those names I inquire after 'em.

Oppress.

How Honesty and Plain-dealing say you.—No Sir they are not in my cu∣stody,

neither do I remember I had ev•••• any thing to do with 'em. Nor is it the best way to fall into my clutches, for they do, I'll so hamper them, they ne•••• was so hamperd in their lives.

Disc.

Would your Conscience serve you misuse Men who are Vertues Friends?

Oppress.

Vertues Friends, say you; 〈◊〉〈◊〉 ay, to chuse, for I am her Mortal foe••▪ And as for Conscience now you name he•• take notice that she's lockt up in a 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Dungeon, shackled with Extortion, Han••••cuff'd with Bribery, Thumb-screw'd wit•• Oppression, and bound Neck and Hee with the Chains of cruel usage, too sa•••• to trouble me, though, till I fo••nd th•• way to Curb her, she would be medlin•• in my affairs, and pittying those I unmer••cifully beat, and fed with Bread an•• Water of affliction, to extort Money 〈◊〉〈◊〉 of them, those I kept in for fees till the perished, and those I Shipp'd off at Mid••night for Slaves. And if you should chan•••• as I doubt it, to meet with the parti•••• you inquire after, have me recommende•• to them in this Dialect, and warn the•• to have a care how they fall into m•• Quarters.

Now in my Dream I perceived tha•• this dreadful Story put Discovery beside

his further inquiry for not being longer able to hear such a cruelty mentioned, he stopped his Ears, and made hast away, leaving this Monster of a Man, who could not be less than a Mahometan to trudge about his business, yet looking behind me, I perceived him enter a strong place, made of the Bones of Mother Earth, and forti∣fied with Iron Ribs, through which di∣stressed Mortals breath'd their Lamenta∣tions, whose sad condition whilst I was condoling, my Ears were saluted with the shrieks and cryes of a Female, when en∣tring the next Street called the Way of all Fles••, I beheld a mournful Spectacle which sadded my Heart; and what should it be, but the Manes of a deceased Gentleman, whom they were carrying to his long home, followed by a number of Mourners, who in a manner covered their Faces, and breath'd out many sighs to wound the Air, and groans like Peals of Thunder: But above all the beautyful Widdow, whom Tears made lovely, was most outragious. Nor as I then perceived would she be com∣forted, but still exclaimed of her hard Fortune, to be thus deprived as she said by cruel Death, and her ill fated Stars of all her happiness on Earth, just in the Spring-tide of her joys. O! said she, had

I but dyed to follow thee my Love, how should I have been blest you cruel powers▪ Why did you thus divide us? But since you will not take my life, I'll wast my days in tears and groans, I'll banish slum∣ber from my Eyes, and sigh away my Soul, no food shall ever refresh me, no•• the melody of Musique wound my Ear, farewel all joys, all comforts all delights since he is gone to whom I owe my bound∣less Love, never, for thy sake, more will 〈◊〉〈◊〉 renew my Marriage Bed, or see with plea∣santness the face of Man, but retire from all the gawdy vanities▪ till Death prove•• kind, and snatch me to my Lord.

This stream of grief, from one so fair much afflicted me, and methought I was about to step and comfort her, and had done it, but that I beheld one very Officious in that undertaking. By this time we came to the Repository of the Dead, and there she a fresh renew'd her sorrow, and seem'd to give it scope, to that excess, that her Friends had no small trouble to keep her from rushing Head-long on him in the Grave. O part us not? said she, but let me here embrace him, ever cling to his cold stiff Limbs, and with my tears imbalm his senseless Clay, preserve him from the injury of Time, and

drive away those Vermin that would prey upon my Love, and sport with helpless him, in whom my Heart is center'd.

By this time I beheld in my Dream, that the torrent of grief (which I after∣ward found to be all but fained) abated, and she returned to her House, whether ••e followed, as hoping from this Tra∣••eck Sceen of woe, some instructions might be gathered: But we no sooner entered, but the Sceen was changed, for standing unseen, I perceived all had left her, but him that supported her to and from the gloomy Cave of Death, and he it seems 〈◊〉〈◊〉 undertaken to comfort her, not with∣out her own desire, when turning up her ••ail, the Clouds of grief that like a Win∣••er Night, so late or'espread her face, ••ere vanished, smiles assembled in their ••audy Troops to take possession, and Ro∣••••e blushes put chill pailness to the flight, ••hen after some wanton toying, they ••hus began to Dialogue.

Insinuation.

O how I Love thee! My ••dmired, my adored Mistriss. Nay, my ••appyness and sole delight, how much ••m I indebted to thee for this days per∣••ormance—Come let me imbrace my joy.

Dissimulation.

Nay Sir, what is't you ••ean?—O ••ie.—Nay, nay, this must not

be, I have vow'd continency.

Insin.

It must, my happyness, for you I stayed and sigh'd, and thought Death long delay'd thus to befriend me: But since he has proved kind, come be not nice, you know I have loved you long, your Virgin beauties when unsullyed were by right my due, though your too hasty Parents snatched you from my Armes, as charmed by Gold to give you to an other. But now since fate has been propitious and removed the Obstacle, I court afresh and hope to find you plyant.

Diss.

Ay Sir, but what will People say, when they perceive the Storm of grief I raised so soon blown over? Pray think of that.

Ins.

Nothing thou wonder of thy Sex, but that the minds of Woman varey, and are subject to change, and so they do of all thy Sex.

Diss.

But by that means I shall incur re∣proach and infamy.—Could I but avoid that.

Ins.

Infamy and reproach, never fear it, I'll protect you from the malice of blasting Tongues, those Tongues that blot the brightest Vertue, shall not have power to fix a stain on you. Your grief was acted to the life.

Diss.

And do you think it was but acted,

〈◊〉〈◊〉 not real; can you be so impartial?

Ins.

Come thoughts are free my Love, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 more of that, but set the day. Live 〈◊〉〈◊〉 the Living, let the Dead rest silent in 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Grave.

Diss.

The day for what—pray what day, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 day is it you'd have me set?

Ins.

The day to celebrate our happy ••••tials. The day to crown my wishes ••••th their highest Aime. Come blush 〈◊〉〈◊〉 thus, nor turn away your lovely Face; 〈◊〉〈◊〉, shall it be the next?

Diss.

I know not what to say: he was my ••••sband, and methinks I should not so soon ••••••get him; besides I've vow'd Continency.

Ins.

O! look not back on thoughts of sad∣••••••s, 'twill grieve his shade to see you sad, ••••en he is happy; it looks like envying felicitie. Continency no more of that ••••••ethee.

Diss.

Were 〈…〉〈…〉 a little too soon methinks ••••uld love you. Well I have a strugling in Breast?

Ins.

Come loose no time my lovely fair∣••••••••••, to morrow night shall make 〈◊〉〈◊〉 for all the faults and censures of 〈◊〉〈◊〉 day; when in my Arms safe as in 〈◊〉〈◊〉 of Brass, you are stretched at ease, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 find those transports from a Vigorous 〈◊〉〈◊〉, that will charm you into Extasie

melt you into joys unspeakable, trans∣port your Soul in raptures, near resem∣bling those above; such as Age and impo∣tency never could bestow: No Ghost no•• frightful shade shall terrify my Love.

Diss.

Alas Sir, you talk of strange mat∣ters: what are there any Ghost? indeed I must confess I have heard of such things; and I vow now you put me in mind on'em, I sha•••• be afraid.

Ins.

That there are Ghost that wande•• round the Tombs, when Church-Yard•• yaun, and visit by the Midnight Gloo•••• their frighted and amazed Friends 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Learned Authors in all Ages do affirm.

Diss.

O Lamentable! if it be so, pardon my blushes, I must intreat you as a friend to stay all night and watch me, and to morrow 〈◊〉〈◊〉 cast my self into your Arms; for indeed now you have put this into my head, I dare not ly•• alone; but I hope you'l use me kindly, and never twit me in the Teeth hereafter for my suddain yielding, ••or believe me, had it no•• been for fear of lying alone and seeing the Ghost, I would not have Married, or at least not this Fortnight.

Ins.

Fear nothing my delight, I'le eve•• be obedient to your will. Ha! ha! she•• won already: O! the fickle state of 〈◊〉〈◊〉 man kind; but no more on't, least 〈◊〉〈◊〉 the sport.

To her.

Death has been kind, and you as kind as he, Let's hence my lovely Widdow, but that Name No longer than the Morning dawn shall be, Then it shall vanish in Loves Lambent flame.

Now in my Dream I perceived they re∣tired into a Chamber richly hung, where stood a stately Alcove imbroidered with Gold, the soft recumbancy of Love, and there we le••t them, as not imagining, where so much dissimulation and wicked∣ness dwelt; our inquiry would be availa∣ble.

We were no sooner in the Street, but we stumbled upon a plain Country Fellow in a gray ho••••espun Coat, a Girdle near as big as a Horse-collar about his Wast, and a steepled Crownd Hat, much in fashi∣on in the days of Queen Dick, his Shooes were clouted, and his Stockings you wou'd have taken for Roman Buskins. At sight of this Man my heart began to leap, for thought I, this must be Plain-dealing, or ••he Devil's in't: Which Discovery per∣ceiving, smild, and nodded his Head, when ••••••rching up towards him, and running

his Candle almost into his Beard, which made him start; he cryed, wot won you•• bren a mon: And with that pulling hi•• Hat out of his Eyes, I perceived Ignoranc•• on his forehead, wherefore I found I was mistaken; yet Discovery tipping him on the Elbow urged him to discourse.

Discovery.

Friend whether are you Tra∣velling?

I••norance.

Whay waud whoo knaw? If whoo won tall a Body, that whoo will tall whoo whare whoo dwall.

Disc.

I suppose in the Country Friend, but it matters not where, so be it you can in∣form us where Honesty and Plain-dealing have taken up their Quarters.

Ign.

What won you say Haunestay and Pla••••-Daulin, thoat's whaint? No marry dant oy.

Disc.

We thought you might. But again have you not heard of 'em?

Ign.

Oy marry han oy, but oy cou'd n'are zee aum.

Disc.

That's hard, I thought they might be taking the Air in the Country, seeing they have absented themselves from the Town of late.

Ign.

Deer zer dy, oys knaw nauthing on aum, aw oys can zay to the mauter oys heard, oys Vather zay oance they

••aume doan an liggd in whoos Hause.

Disc.

And pray did you hear how he en∣tertained them?

Ign.

Yeas varily, whoo zay whoo at virst waus varey loffing to 'aum, but whoo perceving whoo waud now let whoo re∣mave the Land-Maurks, naw ne mawe a zwath of whoo's Naughbers Grass, or remave his zhocks a Caun an Haw to whoos awn gront, naw ner pauster whoos Houses in his Naubours gront, when whoo waus a sleap ne anter the meausur of whoos Caun, and manny zuch Mau∣ters, whoo won ha naw mawr to done with whoo, but zent whoo a pauking, and then whoo done aw this, and a graut dale mawr as well as whoos Naubour's.

Disc.

And since that time you have not heard of 'em.

Ign.

Naw ne oy, moyn Vather chaurg oy, on whoos Bleasing that oy's ha nau∣thing to done wiw whoo ne mawr oy's ha naw.

Now in r••y Dream I perceived Discove∣ry grew weary of discoursing with this lump of mortality, and therefore desired him since he could give no better account to be jogging on, when after three or four scrapes, and twice bussing of his Hand he left us. But as if Fortune had on purpose

cast Blockheads in our way, we were no•• sixteen paces, before we perceived a slo∣venly Fellow come toward us, gnawing a Custard, and this we took to be a Pastrey Man that was wont to deal in Cat-peys, but it proved to be Gluttony, whom it seems went up and down from Morning to Night, devouring all that came to his Fingering, and so we let him pass, not thinking it convenient to trouble our Heads with him, as knowing him to live upon the spoil of other Mens Tables, and the decay of their Purses, Drunkenness followed him in a wretched condition, spewing and staggering all the way, twice or thrice had he been in the Kennel, and after him wallowed a number of fatt Hostesses, calling to those that were be∣fore to stop him, but he still staggered on till he came to a Prison-Gate, where giving a great reel, he burst open the Wicket with his Head, when his Body following, it closed upon him, and there I left him to bethink himself when he was sober.

Now in my Dream I perceived Vertue hasting towards us half naked, ••lying amain; for Vice with whom she had a long time contended for the Mastry, had it seems gotten the Victory, and was in pur∣suit

of her, she looked me thoughts lovely and gay as the Rosie Morn, when Auro∣••a's Gates give way to the swift courser of the Sun, who gilds the Eastern Clouds with Purple and with Gold, and as she flew towards the Clouds, I heard a voice from the Earth cry after her, return, re∣turn: But it seems she had been so badly used that she took no notice on't, but kept on her way till she was out of sight. Whereupon I began to consider with my self, that although Vice had much inlarg∣ed his Borders, yet I could not conceive but Vertue had many fair Territories, and made some thousands happy with her smiles, doing every where much good, though her reward was for the most part slender, which urged me to believe she might be gone for new instructions. But whilst these meandering imaginations made me heavy and dumpi••h, me thoughts Fornication came on with a Troop of sin∣ners at his Heels, of all ages and Sexes, whereat bless me, quoth I, am I in Sodom, and thereupon starting I awaked, and found it but a Dream.

The precedent imaginations, or won∣derous fancys making a deep impression in my mind. I lay some time amazed at what had past; but perceiving the Sun

was mounted high, and in his burning course & smoat on me, rousing my self an•• rubbing hard my drowsie Eyes, after a Yaun or two & stretched my self, I got upon my feet, when looking round me, I per∣ceived a neighbouring Grove, which at a distance seemed so pleasant, that having much of the day to spend, theither I bent my steps; and entering, was delighted with the spreading shade, which canopi∣ed me from the scorching eye of day. But as if Fate had doom'd me to dull drousi∣ness, my Legs denyed support again, & a dis∣solveing quickly slew through every part, each Sinnew, Artery, and Ligument grew lank; when finding I must yield, down I cast my self on a Mossey Banck, beneath a flowrey shade, whose sweets defused help'd Leaden handed So••••us Boughs, which were of ••orce before, to make the boldest Mortal own his charms.

Sleeping I Dreamed, and in my Dream beheld my self just in the state I was be∣fore, I at last awake, and Discovery was at my right hand, and began to chide me for deserting him; but had not time to utter his resentments, e're a Grave old Fellow briskly bore upon us, wrapt up in Furrs and Velvet, imbroidered and imbossed, his Countenance was oft Eclipsed with

••rowns on his Forehead, in black cha∣racters sat Ingratitude, one hand was open and the other clinch'd. This Man thought I can never help us to our wish, and there∣fore I'de a let him pass, but Discovery be∣fore I was aware, began the following Dialogue.

Discovery.

Sir you appear to be a Per∣son of no small Authority in these parts, I'de ask you a few Questions.

Ingratitude.

'Tis in your power to do it, but be speedy.

Disc.

In the first place, Sir what street do you call this, for I'm a stranger in this place?

Ing.

Men call it Self-Love Street, which leads you 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Misers Row.

Disc.

I fear I'm then out of my way, I am upon inquiry for a brace of men, and fear I have mistook the Street.

Ing.

You know their Names I hope?

Disc.

Ay, Honesty and Plain-dealing, do you know them Sir?

Ing.

No Sir, 'tis not fit I should: I never so much as heard of them.

Disc.

That's strange in one arrived at your Maturity: What may your business be it'h World, that you should be so ig∣norant?

Ing.

My Name's Ingratitude, I kept a

Shop the other day, but now I live upon my Means.

Disc.

Ingratitude, why that's a hateful Name, a Name that the very Heathens spit at.

Ing.

I am sorry for your ignorance Sir, if you knew how I am Courted, you'd be of ano∣ther Opinion.

Disc.

How Courted when so old and withered: But pray Sir by which Sex is it ye are Courted?

Ing.

O! by both Sir, my Antichambers are each morning crouded with such as come to make me presents, and congratulate my welfare.

Disc.

'Tis much it should be so: But what is't they expect?

Ing.

Why there's the business, they seek by such means to Ingratiate themselver into my favour, that I may do them some good turn 〈◊〉〈◊〉 other.

Disc.

And you'l do't, if it be in your power?

Ing.

I flatter them with such gaudy hopes, till I inrich me by their spoils, and then good night to them.

Disc.

And is this fair? can you dis∣pench with this?

Ing.

Ay very well, I've got a fair Estate by't, and Wedded many a Woodcock to my in∣trest.

Who for the good turns they did me, hoped to be preferred, or made at least amends at Vsance▪ but when I found they could do no more, but press'd me hard for some Retali∣ation, I laugh'd them into madness, and sent them railing from my door.

Disc.

And does not one good turn de∣serve another?

Ing.

Not with me Sir, 'Tis a thing I un∣derstand not, I've seen those starve at my ve∣ry door, that often have relieved me.

Disc.

Conscience would direct you bet∣ter.

Ing.

Conscience! Ay, ay, that's a good one; let me alone till I take her directions. Nay, I'le warrant you she'l never trouble her head to prescribe me Rules and Methods.

Disc.

You have her Sir I hope.

Ing.

No Sir I han't, I'le tell you that, for if I had, she'd ne'r so tamely a suffered me to hold so many Persons in the Chain of Vain-hope to be my Heirs, whose Noses I intend to wipe when I have drained them dry. No, no Sir, I have stifled Conscience long e're this.

Disc.

As how: Pray by what means could it be done?

Ing.

By turning my aged Father out of Doors, when out of Paternal Love and kindness to promote my Marriage, he had

made o're to me what ever was his, and seeing him without a sence of pitty beg his Bread, and break his Heart with grief, by using Artifices to prove a Whore of her that bore me decently, to bar her of her Dowrey, by swearing him out of his life, who was my Faithful Friend, and once had saved mine, because I knew that he had layed so deep an Obligation on me that whilst he lived I must ever have made acknowledgements, and therefore at one bold stroak I rid my self of such an ill conveniency, and if from these you gather that either Honesty, Plain-dealing, or the Puny thing called Conscience be of my ac∣quaintance, I'll leave you to your dear mistake.

Disc.

I am confirmed they are not, nor ever dare they dwell with such impiety; and least your breath infect, or putrify the Air to shed contagion on me, I'll avoid you as a Bazilisk.

Now in my Dream I beheld that Disco∣very hasted on with all speed, and drew me after him, leaving this piece of inhu∣manity to travel to the Regions of De∣struction, and had not gone far, but a Fellow crost the way with lofty looks, and often stumbled as I perceived, because his Eyes w••re ever elevated, his Feet were

ever in a dancing motion, touching but lightly the detested soil. As for his gaudy accou••raments, he seemed a walking Mer∣cers Shop, set out with the advantages of every other Trade, that usually contri∣butes to promote our ages vanity. In his face sat Youth and Age, his countenance was feminine, though I perceived him to partake of either Sex, his Pockets struted with Perriwigs Powders, Patches, Paints, Washes, Pomades, and a thousand such impertinencies; his Eyes were upward, and therefore he stumbled upon us before he was awar, when Pride (for so was his Name) somewhat declining from his stif∣fer State, he cast a disdainful look, and asked us in a haughty manner, how we durst oppose his way, but little minding his frowns Discovery began to sift him.

Disc.

Sir, who are you that are thus made up of redicule?

Pride.

Who are you Sirrah, that dare be so sawcy to demand such a question?

Disc.

One that knows you perhaps better then you know your self.

Pride.

That's very brave indeed that such a sneaking Fellow as you should have gained such knowledge. What you are some Mope Eyed Light-monger, that knows not the difference between ••oon day

and Owl-light, and are going a Lowbelling for Wood-cocks I'll warrant ye.

Disc.

If so Sir, I doubt not but I have found an overgrown one in meeting you.

Pride.

How dare you say this to me, fly my anger, or you are dead.

Disc.

Hold, hold Sir, put up your indig∣••ation, and let us parley a little.

Pride.

Dare you be thus impertinent to me? I'll make you know your distance Sirrah.

Disc.

If your anger is over Sir, I would ask you a question. Thus low I beg such a fa∣••our.

Pride.

O do you so! well you may go on, though I hope you will learn more manners for the future.

Disc.

May it please you Sir, to inform me where I may find Honesty and Plain-dealing.

Pride.

Impertinent Coxcomb to ask me such a question. No Sirrah I have no knowledge of any such Beggarly Fellows, my conversation is with those of a higher 〈◊〉〈◊〉.

Disc.

Ay Sir, I know you have confidence enough to exault your self above your betters. Yet Pride will have a fall, you are he that tramples upon humility, and dispise Vertue: Nay you are the eldest born of Satan, that

has troubled the World in all ages, one that threw your Father down headlong into Re∣gions of eternal gloom, and have plung'd ma∣ny millions after him, and damn'd more Souls than Atheism and Ignorance.

Pride.

Sir stop there, I'll not indure this ralery. Know your distance.

Disc.

A little longer you must. Your an∣ger will be Bootless. You I say are the causes of Division, Emulation, Treasons, Wars and Rebellion: Wherefore there's no hopes to be imbet••er••d by you, so I'll keep my way.

In my Dream I perceived this Tart dis∣course so thorrowly netled Pride, that swelling with indignation till he well nigh burst, he was about to revenge the affront as he termed it, but Discovery cast the mist of Self-conceit before his Eyes, which so dozed his little understanding, that before he could find his senses, we were out of reach. But Fate soon crost us by casting ambi••ion in our way, a thing that walks on Piramides, whom we found to be more turbulent than the former, for his discourse was of nothing but aspiring greatness, Blood and Reve••ge, grasping at Crowns, Scepters, and such like in∣signes of Royalty: Though as I perceived he was made up of nothing but Airy ima∣ginations, corded together with insatiable

desire and thirst of Glory, but so loosly that they often slipt, and indangered his fall∣ing in pieces, and therefore not finding a solid substance, we let him pass, when close at his Heels followed Ruine and Disgrace: Being almost out of hopes of finding any Person of whom we might in∣quire, we left this Street, and struck off into Humility-Lane, where we had yet some hopes of retriving our lost labour, but found our selves deceived, for Pride and Ambition it seems had been there and taken Hostages of the Inhabitants to be at their devotion, which did not a little trouble me, for I had flattered my self, that here our search might end; but whilst I was musing on many things, up comes a Fellow whom I afterward under∣stood to be Self-conceit, and it seems he had been a great Romancer, and understood something of Logick, he appeared very Airy, and was as brisk as Bottled Ale; thought I to my self this is a Rambler, and may perhaps inform us of more then we are awar on, and therefore I urged Dis∣covery to give him the meeting, who tak∣ing the hint, readyly complyed and fell to questioning him.

Discovery.

Friend how far are you Tra∣velling this way?

Self-conceit.

But to the next street, called Vanity Buildings, a very noted Pile I'le assure ye, and a place much frequent∣ed.

Disc.

Are you known in these parts Sir?

Self-c.

Good lack a day! what a questi∣on there is: known, yess Sir, my Name is Self-conceit, I am the Eldest Son of Mr. Folley, descended of a very Antient Fami∣ly; there is hardly a House in these parts but I have some Relation or other Lives in it.

Disc.

Your Kindred it seems then are ma∣ny, and have spread themselves wide?

Self-c.

In truth you are in the right on't, for I cant number them, though when I see any of them, I know them by a mark peculiar to our Tribe; that is, their fine way of speaking in their own praise.

Disc.

But Sir, to let that pass, do you know one Goodman Honesty and his Brother Plain-dealing in these parts, are they any of your Tribe pray?

Self-c.

O Hoyty Toyty! Goodman Honesty, and so forth. No Sir, we are all Masters, or at least all Good men: Why I hope you don't take this for a Country Village? No, no, you see we are all fine Folks, we have neitheir Good∣man's,

Gaffer's, nor Gammer's amongst us, I thank ye Sir.

Disc.

Perhaps they may Sojourn here about for a night or two?

Self-c.

No, no, I can assure you there's no entertainment here about for such homespun Fellows, all the Lodgings are taken up by great Folk I'le assure you: Though I am a great Shollar, and a Man of Prodigious parts, if I was a stranger, unless I went very Gay, I should not be Entertained.

Disc.

That's much: But a great Shollar say you! are you a great Shollar?

Self-c.

Ay marry am I: Pray Sir do you question it?

Disc.

No Sir not now, but I am glad to hear it, for it may prove advantagious to my present inquiry.

Self-c.

O me! will it indeed and in ve∣ry good earnest?

Disc.

Ay doubtless: I think you say you are a Gentleman and a great Schollar?

Self-c.

Ay, ay, you are in the right on't, for although I must confess my Fa∣ther was but a Weaver, yet I think my self by improvement as good as the best; for you must know a man of parts is a Gentleman, take him at which end you will.

Disc.

Ha! then you are the Son of a Wea∣ver it seems, but only you are refined into Gen∣tility, by Learning and the like?

Self-c.

Yes, yes, you are in the right on't.

Disc.

You have Read many Books I sup∣pose, and are a great Linguist?

Self-c.

Very good, you hit me to a Hair, I wonder how you came to have such knowledge on me: O fy, how I under va∣lue my self with that thought, for who can imagine that a man of my prodigious Parts and I earning should not be known every where; why 'tis such as I that find Fame imployment, her Wings would grow rough, and render her incapable of flight, did we not find her business. I dont know any think to the contrary, but my Name may be known in the Indies by this time, for I have sent many a piece of Paper abroad in Writing.

Disc.

A Letter or so perhaps about Mer∣••handize?

Self-c.

No, no, I'le assure you I have writ Love-Letters and Madrigals, the fin∣est pieces of Wit I think this Age can ••oast off: nay I have been in Print in Fo∣••••o too, and many other fine things I'le as∣••••re you.

Disc.

And by this some would guess you

really 〈…〉〈…〉 you pretend, a great Schol∣lar.

Self-c.

Ay, ah, how can they do other∣wise?

Disc.

Well Sir, to grant that you are so, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 you tell me the Mens names I inquire for in Latin, an odd request, yet you may do me a ••indness in it, for who knows but they may have strained them to that pitch, the better to 〈◊〉〈◊〉 themselves, for they have many Ene∣m••es I can assure ye.

Self-c.

In Latin say you, let me see Honesty and Plain-dealing.—Hum,—in Latin say you?—why alas! I have left my Dictionary at home. Honesty and Plain-dealing say you? why I'le vow 'tis a very strange thing I should be so dull a sot, as not to have it in my mind: Pish it makes▪ me scratch.—well I have it at my tongues end, yet truly Sir I must beg your pardon, I can't inform you at present, but I'le go and inquire if you'l stay a little.

Disc.

No Sir it needs not; I only asked to underfeel your Schollarship.

Self-c.

Underfeel me Sir! and what of that? Now you have underfelt me, I hope you take me for a Schollar don't you?

Disc.

No indeed Sir I don't, you'd Laug•• 〈◊〉〈◊〉 if I should: a pretender perhaps 〈…〉〈…〉

Self-c.

How Sir, how! why I have read abundance of hard words I'le assure 〈◊〉〈◊〉, as Manus and Domus, and the like.

Disc.

Manus and Domus, pray Sir what 〈◊〉〈◊〉 they signifie?

Self-c.

How silly you are, what do they signifie: Why they signifie Manus and Domus, what would you have them signi∣fie else?

Disc.

This is very pretty: but have they 〈◊〉〈◊〉 construction?

Self-c.

Ay, ay, Manus and Domus, that's their construction; what construction would you have them have?

Disc.

Ha, Ha, Ha.

Self-c.

What do you laugh Sir? Well, well, I perceive by my great Learning you are a silly Fellow, and don't under∣stand Emphatical pronountiation; there are two other hard words for ye, but I do ill to spend my great parts upon one of such little sence, but I'le keep you com∣pany no longer.

Now in my Dream I perceived that this piece of impertinence put us into a ••it of laughter, for almost a quarter of an hour, and scarcely had we recovered our ••elves, but we saw at a little distance Chirst of Vain Glory, Sister to Ambition, ••nd round about her danced many Airy

〈…〉〈…〉 as fancy, imagination shades▪ representing Chimerars and abundance of seeming nothings, though Delusion had set them out with imaginary Guilding and Painting to the best advantage, all her Garments were filled with Aire, which made 'em strut like a Ships Sailes, swell'd with Southern Blasts; but we had seen too much Vanity before, and so we let her pass with these remarks.

Vain-Glory's an inchantress seeming fair, Whose guilded Baits, fond Mortals do in∣snare; But strip her once of her delusive Charms, She'l prove a Hagg, and fright you from her Arms.

No blossom of success as yet appearing, we began to be in a doubt, whether we should pass further, or put in and rest us; but before we perceive him, Prodigality was upon us, now thought I with my self, this is a fair opportunity to be informed what kind of People dwell in Extravagant 〈◊〉〈◊〉, which we were next to enter; but 〈◊〉〈◊〉 I could make observations upon his 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Habillaments, he was making 〈◊〉〈◊〉 and Drakes with Indian Ingots, 〈…〉〈…〉 pleased to see them scram∣••led

for; though as it was strongly guest, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Dadd bequeathed himself to Lucifer 〈◊〉〈◊〉 help him to 'em; but whilst he was ••••andering away the Old mans restless ••••bour, I perceived divers Flatterers and ••arasites, were buzing stories in his Ears, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 whom he gave the greatest heed ima∣ginable, as being much delighted with the ••ound of his own praise, nor did he deny ••em any thing they asked, though to trill him on, they feigned a modesty in taking 〈◊〉〈◊〉; now Vsery stood close behind a Tree, ••auping for his Estate in Morgage, as soon as all the ready Cash was melted by the ••eat of Folly, or Alembeck'd into the vola∣••••le quintisence of non est Inventus, by Dr. Extravagance, but whilst my thoughts grew big with expectation of some rare discourse. I perceived he charged into a Tavern with a train of Spungers at his ••eels, where a fresh bit of live Mutton was ready to Wellcome him, who by her ••••rtifices, Angled so deep in the Fish-pond of his Estate, that she cleared it of the pre∣••ent Fry, and obliged him to call Moun∣••ieur Vsery to recruit him with ready ••own, when straight goes his Fist to the ••heeps-Skins; here I perceived he Re∣••ealed it so long, that after a second Re∣••ruit, he was in the hight of Jolitry ta∣ken

Captive by a band of Moabites, and lead into the Land of Misfortune, wher•• he set the Organ-pipe of his past Folly to the Tune of Fortune my Foe, which mad•• me run upon him in a little discant to this effect.

Crush't by his Folly as his fate deserv'd: Behold too late repentance allmost starv'd A grand Destroyer, who in one years space Consum'd the labour of his Dads whole Race, By which he's brought to an unpity'd case. But evil got is mostly evil spent. Mammon exacts again what'er he lent, To gull the Souls that were on lucre bent.

I would have proceeded but was disturbed by a Troop of Deceivers packed up in Blankets, as if they had been prohibited goods, they cackled strangely, and there∣fore might have been taken for wild Gees•• but that they were deficient in Wings▪ and therefore alltogether uncapable o•• flight. These thought I have been in ma∣ny Countries, and although they be bu•• refuse, yet they may be capable of givin•• us some intelligence, but methought th•••• Clacks going alltogether, were so c••a∣mourous, that a Beavy of Oster-wenche••

was but an Ass to 'em; wherefore I con∣triv'd how I might single one out to speak the whole sense of the rest: Nor was it long 'er I found the opportunity, for the remainder staggering into a Tippling Can as they call it, I catcht one by the Plad, which Discovery perceiving, gives him a full turn, and desired his better acquain∣tance. The Fellow stared with his Mouth at half cock, and at first seem'd wonde∣rous shy. Halo, said Discovery, why so agast prethee? Turn up thy foretop and know me better, for indeed his Hair hung much in his Eyes, when stroaking back his Whiskers, he whose name was the Deceiver demanded our business, and at the same time holding out his fist, fell to pauming it, emblematically expressing he wanted a fee; but Discovery as if he un∣derstood him not, told him, his business was to inquire after a couple of Persons that he supposed were travelling a Pil∣grimage, or hid in some secret place, by reason he could no where find them.

Deceiver.

Are they Coves of the Crack∣mans, Cloyers of the Cackelers or queer Coves, are they Strumel Morts Rum Morts or Coves of the Bouzin-Can▪

Discovery.

Hey day Friend! What are you gotten into the Galley-mausery of Abu∣mazer.

Be intelligable or adieu to ye.

Deceiv.

Be intelligable; ay, ay, and what is it you'd have me intelligence a∣bout?

Disc.

Speak Friend, I mean as you may be understood.

Dec.

Ay, ay, let me see your Fist cross 〈◊〉〈◊〉 ••ond with won piece of Silver, and 〈◊〉〈◊〉 tell you very good Fortune.

Disc.

A Rush for your Fortune-telling, is 〈◊〉〈◊〉 there ••bout with ye; a Fortune-teller say 〈◊〉〈◊〉▪

Dec.

Ay, ay, me be very good For∣t••ne-teller, in very good deed and earnest▪

Disc.

Can you Conjure Friend?

Dec.

No, no, me no Conjure, though me am not altogither unacquainted with the Devil.

Disc.

I believe so, for you somewhat re∣semble him: But pray what is your business in this World?

Dec.

Ay, ay, my business be very much 〈◊〉〈◊〉 ye, me be called the For∣tune-〈◊〉〈◊〉, the King of the Gipzies.

Disc.

Ha, the very same I took you for: But wethee give us a little insight into your 〈◊〉〈◊〉, it may be worth hearing, and 〈◊〉〈◊〉 advantage our design. Have you 〈…〉〈…〉 progress Honesty and Plain-〈…〉〈…〉 after?

Dec.

That be a very fine question, ve∣••y you be surely mad to ask me dat, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 who am the veryest cheat in Crea∣••••on.

Disc.

Notwithstanding you may have ••ard of 'em, though they are no Company for 〈◊〉〈◊〉.

Dec.

Ay, ay, and me have cheated 'em of 〈◊〉〈◊〉 great part of the little they had, many •• time.

Disc.

That was unkindly done, but prethee 〈◊〉〈◊〉 did'st compass it?

Dec.

O very fine! For me having tried ••any experiences, undergon the scourge ••••llory and Huzza in the left sist, narrow∣•••• escaping the Gibbet; and being too ••ublickly known to carry on any further ••esign without a Vizor or the like.

Disc.

What then, pray how managed you 〈◊〉〈◊〉 after game?

Dec.

Why me was rambling abroad 〈◊〉〈◊〉 security one day, and getting my self ••retty weary when night had made the ••ields black, me being destitute and sad, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 crept into an old Barn amongst the ••itter, where me sat a while pensive: ••ut 〈◊〉〈◊〉 long before me was besieged by won ••eat Troop of Gablers, black as you see 〈◊〉〈◊〉, whom at the blush me took for Queen ••abb and her Fary Elves, when me leap

up, as being afraid of pinching, for me had heard to much of that before, & cry'd, Haloo Morblew Willoboo Aboo Aboo▪ When presently they thinking me the De∣vil, thro down their Pots, Pipkins, Bouz∣ing-Cans, and all their Furniture, and betake themselves to run so fast, that the Coves stumble over the Morts and the Morts overturn the Doxies, that in the end they lay Hecelde Peckelde on a heap▪ and the more they strive to run the more fear doth stop their flight.

Disc.

And what succeeded this disorder?

Dec.

Why when me perceived what they were, me call after them, and cry•• me was a Man, me was no Devil.

Disc.

And they returned upon this, di•• they not?

Dec.

Ay, ay, and finding their mistake we all retire to our thatched Pallace where striking a light, me perceived th•• way bestrowed with the spoils of the las•• days gathering; as Mecelines of Mamock and streams of strong Liquors, whic•• made them all lament their Foolish fear.

Disc.

But what insued?

Dec.

Much Friendship, and an invita∣tion to accompany them, when I had tol•• them of a thousand pranks I had play'd▪ No Man so fit (they gabled all at once) 〈◊〉〈◊〉 be Superiour of order.

Disc.

And did you take it on you?

Dec.

Yes, and to make my self more lovely in their Eyes, and seem a true E∣giptian rubbed my Face and Hands with a Pomander made of Soot and Bacongrease, for the Green Husks of Wal••ut were not then in season, and then was I installed with great applause, and many a vain Song sung to confirm it, and young Rum Mort, or Damzel delivered me to use as I thought fit. When Morning gave a pro∣spect to the Villages, out I sent my Troop of Forragers, who soon returned laden with provision, nay with Sheets, Shirts, Hens, Pigs, Geese, or what else came to Hand, and all that day we reveld it, and all the night we spent in soft dalliance.

Disc.

And are the Villagers kind to such a strooling Tribe?

Dec.

Ay, and deny us no provision, least with horrid mutterings we should be∣witch their Cattle, or raise tempests to overturn their Barns and Houses, or with lightning flashes set them in a blaze.

Disc.

And is this in your power?

Dec.

No I think not, but a Foolish fear perswades the ignorant to such credulity. Nay more, they fondly dream what ever we participate a part of, all the rest must consequently follow.

Disc.

And is it nothing so?

Dec.

Not in the least, for whilst we doze 'em with strange things, we have our Divers, our Filers of the cly, our Tripers of the Dancers, Anglers, and the like, who rob their Houses or their Per∣sons, which they believe to be by power of inchantation.

Disc.

And they believe all what you tell 'em I'll warrant you.

Dec.

Yes every Syllable, for if we tell but true once in a hundred Guesses, and that perhaps we gather from their own discourse, all is held as Gospel, not a Syllable is disbelieved, but if it be past they think they remember something like it, or perhaps flatter themselves 'tis true but they have forgot it.

Disc.

Very good, and this folly is predo∣minant?

Dec.

Ay exceedingly. But to let that slip, over other wayes we have, for when we find a large credulity, then we per∣swade 'em they are born to exceeding Fortune, and if we find 'em rich, pretend ••here's Treasure hid in the House, that was by fate designed them near a hundred years since; this sets them agog and have it conjured, they will, and we must be the People, then we ask them for

a pledg, what Jewels, Plate, or Linnen, &c. they most esteem, which we tell them is to be given in Hostage to the powers of Darkness to assist us in our dis∣covery, and in the end they shall have that and all the Treasure.

Disc.

And this I suppose ••akes 〈◊〉〈◊〉.

Dec,

What can it do less? It ••ickles to the life, and flatters them with Moun∣tains that scarcely come to Mole-hills.

Disc.

Then you deceive 'em?

Dec.

Ay what more, for when the day perfixed is near, away w•• trudge with what we have, to far for them to find us, which makes 'em oft sit down by we••ping cross, whilst we are laughing loud.

Disc.

A••d have you 〈…〉〈…〉 Rande∣vous?

Dec.

Yes, once a year we generally meet, and share our riches, equally re∣lieve those that are scanty, and then se∣perating we leave tokens 〈◊〉〈◊〉 the way, that two Companies should not take the self-same Road, and now consider whether Honesty or Plain-dealing be of our ac∣quaintance, though we often gull 'em.

Disc.

Then you know where they dwell.

Dec.

No Sir, I keep no Register, but find 'em for the most part loytering on the Road, or sitting over two sticks a

cross in some poor Cot or Hovel.

Disc.

And no where else?

Dec.

Not as I remember, for I hate their company, though some times it proves advantagious.

Disc.

If so Friend, we must leave you, for we are their Friends, and would not hear them evil spoken of.

Dec.

In truth Sir I shall e'ne be glad on't, for my Coves and Morts will think me long. Therefore adue.

Now in my Dream I perceived he fol∣lowed his Comrades, and I was glad he left us, as being tired with his tedious Harangue: But it was not long before a Fellow meets us Laden with Globs, and Astrolobles, Gimcracks, Mathe-matical, and divers other Baubles, and had a quaint device upon his Forehead, representing a Triangle, and in it he had writ, The Secretary of the Stars. This thought I must be a Ptolome, an Agrippa, or a Tico∣brahe, but it proved none of these, but a certain Quack pretender, a more impo∣sture then the former, yet as great as Ig∣norance will let him be, his Name's Delu∣der. This Fellow, though to the little furtherance of our design, I had a great mind to have sifted, and Discovery was no less zealous to be satisfied, whereupon he thus began.

Disc.

Friend, how comes it that you Tra∣vel with such a Burthen?

Deluder.

To me it is light, who am the Atlas of the World, on whom the pow∣ers above have given an understanding to ••nderprop all Sciences.

Disc.

And is so great a Wisdom your's?

Del.

Ay, and a greater than you yet have named.

Disc.

As how, pray let me understand?

Del.

A secret access, to read the dark decrees of Fate, unravel the Volums of Futurity.

Disc.

'Tis strange that Mortal man should be indow'd with such a Talent.

Del.

It is indeed, few Mortals e're could boast the like: Why man, the Stars are all at my divotion.

Disc.

How the Sta••s! why sure you an't in earnest?

Del.

That is Sir, to tell me secret things, and give inlargement to my knowledge.

Disc.

Then you are the man that only can acquant us perhaps of wonders strange and new, for I suppose few things are hidden from you, if you have such bright Acquain∣tance.

Del.

You are in the right on't, few things indeed; all Natures, Secrets, are layed open to my view, each thing is re∣presented

as it is: The Universe is strip'd before my Eys, and no disguise can cover•• her from my impartial view.

Disc.

'Tis rare what you express, were i•• but true.

Del.

True, why what can be more true than what we who have her inteligence from the superiour World relate.

Disc.

You call the Celestial Intelligences by their Names I suppose?

Del.

Yess, and am acquainted with the smallest spark that spangled the blew Arch.

Disc.

This still increases my wonder?

Del.

Nay more things that vulgar Eys see not, I with my Tube do, nightly vi∣sit: Why Sir I make Alminacks, consi∣der that, and then you'l think I'm wiser far then Haly or Old Da••us.

Disc.

Make Almanacks, that's pritty: But pray what is't you infer from thence?

Del.

O many things Sir, in••erences without number.

Disc.

As how, let us hear a little?

Del.

As first, Sir, my large understand∣ing is thereby manifested to the World; each City applauds me, and each Coun∣try Swain admires me; there's not a Wo∣man but takes me for a Conjurer.

Disc.

Very fine; and you admire your self 〈◊〉〈◊〉 I suppose?

Del.

Ay, and reason good, how can I do less, that hold such lofty corespondence.

Disc.

And you undertake to discover miste∣ries, things dark and secret.

Del.

Ay marry do I, things as dark as any Dungeon.

Disc.

And by the light of that knowledge you have obtained, by scraping acquaintance with the Stars, you pretended 〈◊〉〈◊〉 do it.

Del.

Very right, 'tis much you should hit so pat.

Disc.

Then pray Sir ••ell me the Names of the Party's I'm searching after, and whether I shall find them or not?

Del.

Are they Men or Women, Marri∣ed. or Unmarried, Old or Young?

Disc.

I hope you know Sir by your won∣derful skill in devination.

Del.

Ay, ay, I was weak to ask such a question, but I must erect a Scheem first; as thus, So now Sir, these that you take to be only cringle, crongles, are houses, and Caelestial ones to I'le asure you, and are known by the Sign of the Ram, Bull, and many the like pritty devices; but to let that pass, well the Names of the Par∣tys I must tell you, and whether you must find them or not, and all this for a Shil∣ling, 'tis as cheap as Neck Beef. But stay now I think on't, I ha••'t my fee yet.

Disc.

That you shall have Sir, if your performance answer our expectation.

Del.

Well, well, let me see, Iupiter is combust in Aires, and Venus is rampant in Taurus two horned signs, well, and Mer∣cury is gotten into Gemenine and threatens a Rape upon Virgo; from all which I ga∣ther that the Partys Names are Dorothy and Mary, but as for finding of them at present, I think it will be no ways conveni∣ent, least you become wittals, for from the two horned Signs, I devine they are just about this time in Gemeni, a sporting with their Gallants.

Disc.

Ha, ha, ha,—Ha, ha, ha.

Del.

How do you Laugh Gentlemen? Nay, nay, 'tis no Laughing matter, for I can assure you, you'l be Cuckolds within this half hour. Ay, ay, the Stars make it out as plain as the Nose in your Face.

Disc.

How Cuckolds and never Married, well that's very pritty I must confess.

Del.

Pish, not Married, alas! then the Stars have misinformed me, for by them I gathered, you were in search of your Wives; but I must confess it is a bad day to resolve questions in, because it Rained in the Morning, which denotes the Stars to be sullen and self will'd.

Disc.

It rather Sir denotes your ignor∣ance,

who pretend to things above your reach, deluding silly People with false stories, and if you hit upon a Truth it is by guess, or else you gather it from their own discourse, and tell it them again in other words, to the same effect; and to let you further understand your Error, 'tis Honesty and Plain-dealing we are in search for.

Del.

Say you so: Well, well, I could have told you if I had cast but another Scheem.

Disc.

And can you tell us where to find them, now you know their Names?

Del.

What kind of Cloaths do they ware, have they Beards, or are they close shaven.

Disc.

If you know nothing of that, how can you inform us where to find them?

Del.

Well Sir, I find by my Scheem, if they are not in the North or the South, you may chance to find them in the West or the East, either above, or under the ground; and this is all I can tell you at present, for you see Sir, it's a Cloudy day, which much impairs my understand∣ing, but if you'l call again to morrow—

Disc.

No Friend, we shall not give our selves the trouble, we have found you to be a very understanding Cox••omb in your own conceit, and so we take our leaves.

Del.

Well, well, do as you please, and I'le do as I think fit, for i'le warrant you, I shall pass for an Astrologer for all this, and make Almanacks in spight of Honesty and Plain-dealings Teeth.

Now in my Dream I beheld he went g••zing upwards, till he fell into the Quag∣mire of his own folly, and there became the Laughing-stock to the whole Town, which put me upon the merry Pin of dis∣canting after this manner.

Impostors swarm Pretenders to Arts Rules, Who build their Nest upon believing Fools, And pass with Ignorance for men of sence, Their stock's Delusion, mixt with impudence.

By this time we were boarded by an Animal of a large size, whom at first I took for a Mountebanck, but afterward found him to be a pretended repairer of Natures decays, or a cementer of Casual∣tys and disorders, called by some, The Torments. Of whom Discovery proceed∣ed to make inquiry, but I had no sooner named H••nesty and Plain-dealing, but the man started as if a Snake had bit him by the Toe, and exprest himself, as if he 〈◊〉〈◊〉 taken us for Mad men, to make such 〈…〉〈…〉 yet Discovery proceeded to man∣age

him in the following Dialect.

Disc.

Be not offended Sir at such an inquiry.

Tormento.

I think Friend it is a very simple question to put to one of my Pro∣fession. I would have you to know that I am altogether a stranger to those you mentioned, and would not be otherways for the Queen of Sheba's present.

Disc.

More's the pitty.

Tormento.

Pitty, no, no, pitty me no pitties, I know not what belongs to that neither, for if I was conversant with any of 'em, it would spoil my Trade, I could not keep People upon the rack for my ad∣vantage, and make a half years cure of a cut Finger, which if I was minded I could perfect in two days. Nay, sometimes by incision and impoysoning I render it in∣cureable but by Death.

Disc.

That's very unconscio••able I'll tell you that.

Torm.

Ay, ay, no matter so it turns to my Advantage. Unconscio••able quotha, why you don't imagine that men who ••rade in Blood and Wounds, and get their ••ivelyhood by the misery an•• affliction of ••he People, have any Consci••nc do you?

Disc.

They ought to have more then o∣thers.

Torm.

No they ought not, I'le tell you

that, for if they had, they could not have the heart to manage the Rich, and kill the Poor for Experience sake.

Disc.

O Intolerable! is the World be∣witch'd so to be used, and pay for such disasters?

Torm.

Ay, and fortifie themselves with mighty patience, whilst we slash, burn, and saw them at a rate you'd wonder, cutting them in pieces whilst they live, and Burying one part Forty years some times before the other follows to the Grave, in this case still the Rich fare worse, for them we keep upon the Ten∣tures long, considering the old Proverb, that something has some savour, but the Poor, where little's to be had, is either rejected, or quickly Cured by us o•• Death.

Disc.

If so, our farther inquiry may be spared.

Torm.

Yes, yes, as to my particular i•• may, and now I think on't, I can stay no longer, but must hast to get a Thorn ou•• of a Ladies Finger, gotten by too hasty gathering of Roses, which I intend to make a Fortnights Cure at least: Te•• Guinys worth of business, but i'le abou•• it, least another intercept me.

This said, methought he left us, and

was not grieved at his departure, yet pittied those that should come to his handling; yet scarce had time to Breath, when a company of Makebates came josteling each other, ever ••avelling and quarrelling at trifles, spreading false ru∣mours, jealozies, and fears, deviding Families, and setting Neighbours against Neighbours; and these I perceived had Tongues as black as Hell, being all the off spring of Discord, begot••en on hisdear beloved Spouse Dame Envy; wherefore finding them to be a pestilential Tribe, we past them, and suffered patiently their Ralery, as being below our anger or our notice.

This rout thus shun'd, we fell upon Detraction, a megar Fellow, who just turned the corner of Ingratitude Street, and with him Discovery would needs be Argu∣ing.

Disc.

You look friend as if you were in heaviness, pray what afflicts you?

Detraction.

Nothing Sir, but that I am a little concerned that such and such men should pretend to Sence and Learning, when they have no more then a Horse.

Disc.

Then most men are mistaken, that repute them men of Wit and Vnderstanding.

Det.

Ay, ay, let me tell you, they are

mistaken, for in my opinion, who should know; they have no more Sence then a Corn-cutter.

Disc.

It looks too much like malice, to say so.

Det.

Not at all Sir, and there's another, such a one, you know who I mean, a pre∣tender to Musick, and Limning, and ma∣ny other Arts and Sciences, the mearest Coxcomb pretender that ever was, a ve∣ry Ass at fancy and design.

Disc.

And yet he's held to be the best our Age can boast of.

Det.

No, no, hang him, he's a meer dunce, a booby, one that has nothing in him.

Disc.

Pray Sir who are you that would spot those Names that shine bright in the sphere of Fame, and are inroled in Capitals of Gold.

Det.

Who am I Sir? why my Name's Detraction Sir.

Disc.

Detraction, black Detraction, the Eldest Son of Malice. Nay then it is no wonder if you Envy them, the honour their deserts have meritted, since your Tongues more poisonous to virtue, and well deserving deeds, than Acconite.

Det.

Beware Sir what you say, surely you ought to use me better.

Disc.

No, but rather worse, thou Mor∣tal foe to all good, thou Stain of Reputation, and conceited piece of Ignorance, who fain would be thought some thing, by lessening the fame of others; when indeed your spight is heavy wing'd, and cannot reach them, all Sciences are strange to your a velling, Rea∣son scarcely ever harboured there; and will you undertake to judge of those whom others hold the most Acelebra••e. Honesty and Plain-dealing would fare no better at your hands, though Clad in all their native Inno∣cence.

Det.

It may be so, but you are some∣thing rough methinks, more then becomes you.

Disc.

O never too much with such a one as you, who are the very 〈◊〉〈◊〉 of the Age, a thing that all good men hate, a thing that fools will scarcely listen to.

Det.

You might be softer in your Ex∣pressions one would think.

Disc.

In this case I never can, but 'tis time lost to argue further with the Bane of Goodness and Humane Society, and therefore ••rudg on.

Now I dreamed that his inward rage ••lacked his Face like the Egyptian dark∣ness, but his spleen being suppressed at ••hat time, on he passed to the Region of

Infamy, where I perceived he had a man∣sion; but we were hardly shut of him, e're Disorder eyed us at a distance, having two Tongues as sharp as Swords, which are continually imployed in spreading the ve∣nom of Mischief, and disturbing peace, raising discontents and fears, setting un∣setled Brains a madding, and unhindging the quiet of Humane Life; therefore we thought not fit to meddle with such a pestilence, but to get rid on it. We cros∣sed the way into Pretenders Street, and there methoughts we met a Fellow very demure, his Eyes still fixd upon the ground, whilst care was deep Ingraven on his Face. This is Humility thought I, and was about to salute him by that Name, but Discovery told me it was only a Pre∣tender, whom I should hear my self to be better satisfied.

Disc.

Friend, how goes preferment in the World? how is Honesty put to sale?

Pretention.

Verily I know not, I am of a lowly mind, and never concern my self with those affairs.

Disc.

Why is not this Pretenders Street, have you no Mansion here?

Pret.

You have spoke right to both, but I came out of Veritie Lane when I came hei∣ther.

Disc.

It may be so, because you had no Credit there.

Pret.

Credit Sir! what mean you by it? I fear he knows me.

Disc.

You could not pretend to prefer∣ments, never to be reached amongst the ••umbler Fry, and tell of Estates lost, that was never in the possession of you nor your Ancesters, boasting of Honesty, Loy∣alty, and Uprightness, which you never practised.

Pret.

Hey day, and what do you infer from all this?

Disc.

Why that you are a meer buble, a troublesome sound, the Romantick part of Mortality, and no more.

Pret.

'Tis uncivil I'le tell you, to use a stranger thus.

Disc.

No stranger i'le assure you, for I have known you a troubler of Humane Society these many years, with ••ictitious stories, fond imaginations, Chimacas, and fancies that were not, nor never will be.

Pret.

I suppose Sir you are mistaken in the Person; for although some call me the Pre∣tender, yet Truth was my Mother, and Honesty Begot me.

Disc.

And where was you Born, re∣member you the place of your Nativity?

Pret.

I was Born upon the Mount of 〈◊〉〈◊〉 rightness, in the Land of Plain-dealing.

Disc.

And this amongst the rest 〈◊〉〈◊〉 pretend to.

Pret.

Ay, what less: and I am con••dent you are of the same Opinion, though 〈◊〉〈◊〉 are minded in ralery to try my patience, which I have an invinsible Brigade.

Disc.

Very good, but to come a litt•••• nearer to the purpose; The Land 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Plain-dealing you say: pray what quart•••• of the Earth is it in, what manner 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Country is it?

Pret.

Why then it seems you question 〈◊〉〈◊〉 truth of what I have told you?

Disc.

Perhaps not, yet would willing••ly be satisfied in this particular.

Pret.

Well, 'tis a very bad thing to be de••fident. This I have pretended to a Thousan•• who never so much as scrupled it.

Disc.

Then you only pretended it, and no more.

Pret.

Perhaps I may not be willing to sa••tisfie you in that point.

Disc.

You may spare your labour then and I shall take it for granted.

Pret.

It won't much afflict me for refu∣sing to satisfie you.

Disc.

Then you are only a pretender▪ you express your self to be no more 〈◊〉〈◊〉

〈◊〉〈◊〉 Parents, especially those you nam∣••; but on my Conscience they ne∣•• owned you.

Pret.

You know not whether they did, or ••ether they did not, nor matter•• it whether 〈◊〉〈◊〉 do or no.

Disc.

O! but it does, for it's one of 〈◊〉〈◊〉 we are in search of, and stand great∣•• in need of directions to find out.

Pret.

And what's your business with him 〈◊〉〈◊〉?

Disc.

We have some Letters of recom∣••endation to him from his friends, there •• an Estate asigned him.

Pret.

An Estate, say you so, this is it I 〈◊〉〈◊〉 looked for. Why I am his Son and Heir, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 ten thousand to one whether you'l find him •• not; and therefore you had as good com∣••nicate the matter to me, and come in for a 〈◊〉〈◊〉 your self, for he's such an easie man, a 〈◊〉〈◊〉 so soon perswaded to any thing, that 〈◊〉〈◊〉 he possess it, he'd be Rook••d out of it Knavery and Deceit, before it would 〈◊〉〈◊〉 to my Fingering.

Disc.

Very good, but we must perform •• at we have undertaken, if possible.

Pret.

I think it will be alltogether impossi∣•• to find him, for now I recollect my self, I ••eve he is dead, for I ha••'t ••ad a Letter 〈◊〉〈◊〉 him this twenty Years; therefore you'd

do well to take my advice. As for bearin•• you harmless, if you fear any danger in th•••• case, my Brother Self-will and my own 〈◊〉〈◊〉 shall be your Counter Security.

Disc.

Well, but how shall I be satisfie•• that Honesty was your Father, and Tru•• your Mother.

Pret.

Why Sir you may believe me, as m••ny has done before you.

Disc.

And must I rest upon that: 〈◊〉〈◊〉 if I can't believe you?

Pret.

Come, come, let me whisper you the Ear: You shall go half snacks with me the business, that I hope will please you?

Disc.

But what if such a thing should 〈◊〉〈◊〉 discovered, for she in whose hands it is •• wonderful discerning.

Pret.

Come, come, Mr. Forgery's 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Neighbour, and he shall make a Will, exac••••ly counterfeiting the plain stile and hand Honesty, and I'le get Perjury to swear •• his lawful begotten Son, and then who 〈◊〉〈◊〉 hinder me on't?

Disc.

Ha, this is very fine; but let 〈◊〉〈◊〉 tell you Sir, it's a great way off, and it 〈◊〉〈◊〉 cost you a world of pains e're you can a••rive where it is.

Pret.

Pish, for an Estate, who would 〈◊〉〈◊〉 take pains?

Disc.

But it's in a Country perhaps 〈◊〉〈◊〉 know not the way to.

Pret.

It may be so, but can't I inquire?

Disc.

There are very few People upon that Road that know the right way, though many are Travelling theither∣ward to take possession of Inheritance; most of which lose themselves in the Wil∣derness through which they pass, and ne∣ver arrive at the place they imagine to reach.

Pret.

Why are there a great many possessi∣ons vacant? if so, I had best make hast, per∣haps a couple may fall to my s••are, for want of whom to Occupie them.

Disc.

You must first have directions a∣bout the way, written upon the Table of your Heart.

Pret.

How, upon my Heart: Why how can I come at them to read them then?

Disc.

Why with the Eys of your Un∣derstanding.

Pret.

The Eys of my Vnderstanding say you: why I thought I h••d had but two Eys in all. But tell me, for I am almost mad to know in what Country it is, that I may lose no time, but be setting forward as fast is I can.

Disc.

You must first provide your self with the Wings of Faith.

Pret.

How Wings! why must I fly then?

Disc.

O yess, an immesurable hight.

Pret.

Why then perhaps I may chance to break my Neck, or tumble into the Sea, and be drownd, as fared the Son of Dedalus.

Disc.

You must likewise put on you the Garments of Charity.

Pret.

How, the Garments of Charity; why she has gone Naked this many a day: and how then should I come by her Garments, pray tell me that?

Disc.

And must be armed with the Spi∣rit of Prayer, and the Shield of Stedfast, Belief to oppose the Enemies you will meet with in the way.

Pret.

Ha, you begin to make me afraid: But I beseech you be not so tedious in coming to a Conclusson.

Disc.

These and many more things must furnish you out for such a Journey: But to be brief, as for the Estate or possession, It is called the reward of Virtue, lying in the Celestial City, and reserved by Wisdom for those that love Honesty and Upright∣ness.

Disc.

I thought it was some such business, that made you make all this adoo about it. Well, well, if it be in the Celestial City (for I have heard of such a place) y••u may Travel on, and find out Honesty if you can; for now I think on't, it would be unnatural to be∣reave him of what's his due, if he be alive▪

though I am something doubtful; besides I am not at Leasure to take such a Iourney yet a while. If it had been in the City, much might have been.

Disc.

Then you are not the Son of Ho∣nesty, but a meer Pretender, the same I took you for at first?

Pret.

It may be so: But seeing there is ••othing to be got by you, I shall make no fur∣ther pretentions to your Company, but keep on my way to Vanity Fair.

Now I Dreamed that I saw him enter, a great Mist arrising from the Lake of Self-deceiving, where we left him at the Gate of Error, and kept on our way, till we came into the Discontented quarter. And what should first salute our Ears, but the Sighs and Murmours of a Beauteous La∣dy in a careless and neglected dress, who in my Dream I beheld to be in the great∣est Agonie imaginable, complaining of her hard fortune, which I soon understood to be occasioned by her being matched contrary to her Inclynation, to Age and Gray Haires. O! said she, that ever I was born to be so much unhappy, thus in the prime of all my Youth and Beauty to be violently cast into the Arms of Age, to have the Roses and the Lillys scarcely blown in the Spring-tide of my Age, sul∣lyed

with the blast of Winter, with a Breath to me more nauceous, than the pestilential damp that rises from the Ler∣nian Lake, to have a withered Lump, an Emblem of Death, cold in the midst o•• Iune, as sharp December Frost, Grasp me in his Icey Arms, and with a thousand foolings, urge me into madness; whilst I fancy to my self the honest and happy Nuptial joys of others, less Beautiful, and less deserving than my self; to think how they with Vigorous Lovers, who meet their Egar joys with equal Ardor, sweetly twine like grasping Ivie, and amidst a thousand Transports that possess the Ra∣vished Soul, Breath out sweet Murmurs▪ whilst their Sences are in Extasies; and then with soon revived flame, after a pant∣ing space and happy Gaze, a second time melt in each others Arms, and try the ut∣most pleasure Chast Loves Elezium ca•• affoard, whilst Rosie blushes spread their Cheeks, and Hummied firedarts from their sparkling modest Eyas. O! wretched Maid that I am, how can I think upon such happinesses, and not conclude my self un∣fortunate. Cruel Parents! that you are to rob me of the Family Bliss your selve•• ••••joyed, by Ingrafting me into a wither∣••d Tree, a living Store-house of infirmi∣ties,

full of Rhumatisms, Dropsie, Gout, seasless Coughs, and everlasting Ca••ta••∣rahs, so he breaks my rest, and disap∣points me of my joys. O that I had been Wedded to my Grave, when base polut∣ing Gold tainted the Souls of my Indul∣gent Parents, to give their Darling up a Sacrifice to Avarice. But let me stand a Sea mark to all Virgins, warning them to shun the Rock on which the blooming Gayness of my Youth is Shipwrackt, on which my joys are split, those joys which many a sober Youth sighed for, sought, and as his life desired.

Now I beheld in my Dream, that after this stream of discontent had flowed in Words and Tears, she fell again to Sigh∣ing, and wrung her hands, in which Me∣lencholy posture, she passed into Procur∣ers Street, where meeting with a Grave Matron, who went amongst her Neigh∣bours for a sober Woman, though indeed her Imploy was to satisfie young Ladies modest Longings, and help Brisk Gallants to a piece of Soul-ruen∣ing Recreation at a dead lift. This Ma∣dam, the Precurator, for so is her Name, soon hushed my Young Mistrises lamenta∣tion, and invegled her to the Palice of

Dishonest Love, where she had prepared a Collation of delight, which proved so much to her satisfaction, that I afterwards understood, when ever she had occasion for Love-posse••, she gave her Dotard the slip, and came heither on Pilgramage. The consideration of which made me discant a little to the following Tune.

You Parents in whom Age has quenth'd the fire Of Youthful thoughts, and Eagar joys de∣sire, Consider not what Tyranny you use Toward those you Love, when Age for Youth you chuse: Forceing poor Ladys upon Impotence, Who look for joys, that n'er can flow from thence, Which makes 'em stray, but who's is the offence? 'Tis you's, who damn your Children for a sum, And sink the Dotard into Cuckolddom. As Love is free, so shou'd the Choice be still, No ••••uelty's like forceing a free will.

I would have proceeded, but was inter∣rupted by a Fellow, who met us with a

fire in his mouth, Vomitting smoak like Mount Etna. I took him at first to be one of those Juglers, that by false devices gull the Simple of their Coine; but soon after I found him to be a dealer in Indian Weed, and the pernicious Liquor, invented for destruction of Humane kind, and there∣fore would have passed him; but Discove∣ry knowing him to be Villany, alyed to Knavery, he would not be so satisfied, but bearing up, cry'd,

Disc.

Hal••, Friend, what's the reason you march up and down poisoning the Ai••e at this ra••e with your Fogo, are you preparing your self against you come to Plutos Mansion?

Villany.

No Sir you are mistaken, this smoak serves instead of Brimstone and wet Hay, to keep out the Swarms of Cater∣pillers.

Disc.

Then you should apply it amongst the Catchpoles, here's no need of it in this place.

Vill.

They have so well fortified them∣selves by a continual usage, that, although I must confess they are of the largest sort of Catterpillers, that they take it in like a Bribe; for letting a Prisoner slip through their Clutches, and winking at his escarpe, that they may be pay'd for a second Attaque.

Dis.

••ut to wave this way of fooling pre∣thee Friend can you tell me where a man may find Honesty and Plain-dealing?

Vill.

Are they Men or Women?

Disc.

No matter which if you know them: do you know them? if not say so, and there's an end on't.

Vill.

Why you are mighty hasty Sir, let me consider a little: Honesty and Plain-deal∣ing! Well I can but wonder who these should be, I remember there were a cou∣ple of Fellows as plain as a Pike staff at my shop this morning, ten to one but they might be the same you inquire for, though I believe they'l hardly come again, for whilst I stept down stairs to serve them a trick, by putting a Cooler into their Li∣quor, they shew'd me a trick for my Ta∣s••er, I would I could catch them:

Disc.

These were not they Friend I'le asure you, ••or they wrong ••o man.

Vill.

Then be satisfied I have no know∣ledge of them, nor do I desire it.

Disc.

That's strange: Why Friend, are you not of the Opinion that such good men are not worthy your Acquaintance.

Vill.

No indeed, for then I could not put a pi•••• of Element into each Gallon of Tickle ye ••o death, not cut Stalks, and beat∣ing them flat in a Mortar, sell them sor

Currant fume to the ignorant Bumkins, to blacken their Throats like a Chimney. No nor drink a Man dead, and then dive into the stoage of his Breeches, and so forth. But I shall make too large a disco∣very to the perjudice of my business, if I should proceed, and therefore I beg your pardon Sir.

Disc.

Then you know not the men we inquire for, you are not acquainted with them?

Vill.

Your understanding, after such a relation, might inform you they are none of my Acquaintance, though I have heard of them as well as my Neighbours. But if you will go to my shop Sir—

Disc.

No by no means, 'tis a dangerous place I perceive, and therefore you may be ••oveing, our business lys this way.

Vill.

Ay, ay, I think you are not worth my stay, I shan't have a Customer on you, and so I leave you as not for my Turn.

Now in my Dream I found my self quite tired with this Theam of Villany, but could scarcely-fetch Breath, but we heard an out-cry of Stop him, Stop him, and many threats of Revenge. Now I imagined it might be a parcel of People in persuit of some Pick-pocket or Shop-lifter.

But casting up my Eys, I percei∣ved my self in Cuckolds-Row, but could not take a serious view of the many vari∣ous devices that were every where Por∣trayed, but a fat Fellow with a Fire-fork in his hand, came runing towards us, puf∣fing and blowing like a Po••pus, Ielozic and Revenge were rampant in his Face, when, without giving us a word, he struck at us with main force. But Discovery advanc∣ing his light, the man whose Name was Ielozie recoiled, but soon recovering, he thus began.

Ielozie.

Villain, Rogue, or what other Name shall I give you: have I found you out at last. O Sir, I thought I should catch you, and now i'le be revenged for all the dishonour you have put upon me. ••a find Youth. Ha, do you grin, have at you then. No, no, Heathen, I shan't fear the Singing of my Beard this bout.

Now by this discourse, I perceived in my Dream that he had catched the Gal∣lant upon the high Ropes, yet nor dare∣ing to venture on him unarmed, whilst he went to provide himself with a Weapon, he had given him the slip, and that by an unlucky mistake, he took Discovery to be the man, who as the dreadful blow was 〈◊〉〈◊〉 from the hand of Cornutus, again

interposed his Tapor, which drove him to a distance, and then began to reason with him.

Disc.

Friend why are you thus inraged, what have I done, thus to incurr your anger?

Iel.

Dare you ask me, you Spawn of a Spider, know you not well enough you have wronged me sufficiently, for which, I'le thus be revenged.

Disc.

Hold, Hold, Friend, and let us parly a little, I know not in what I have of∣fended, therefore pray make me sensible of it.

Iel.

Yes, Yes, Sirrah, i'le make you sensible of it i'le warrant you; i'le batter your Coxcomb for you in return of your kindness, in making me wear Antlers, I will, I will, you Varlet you.

Disc.

Certainly friend you are Mad or Drunk, and know not what you say; why here's no body has injured you.

Iel.

Have they not, you insupportable Rakeshame! But by this you shall know you have. Ha, you are mighty nimble; well I shall hit you a ma••l by and by, 'tis twenty to one else.

Disc.

But won't you hear Reason?

Iel.

No marry won't I: Ud••lid Sirrah, reason me no reason, nothing but brain∣ing you will serve my turn.

Disc.

But for what pray, what is the m••aning of all this bluster?

Iel.

O! thou Viper, can'st thou ask 〈◊〉〈◊〉 did not I catch you on Cockhorse, was you not. (Ogrant me patience) mount∣ed in my Saddle, Ploughing with my Hef∣••er, and dare you, have you so impudent a Face as to reason the cause of this migh∣ty indignation, that like a Torrent shall overflow you, and wash you into the Red Sea of destruction.

Disc.

You are mistaken Friend, your Rage has blinded you, I am not Concious of the injury you charge me with.

Iel.

Ay, ay, so you have protested many a time, which was confirmed by my dissembling Wife; till I believed a couple of Sinners before my own Eys; but i'le do so no more I thank you. O! Rage, Rage, keep up I say, least I should grow Tame, and lose my Revenge.

Disc.

Friend your Revenge is misapply'd, I never saw you till this hour.

Iel.

How, till this hour! let me see a little: No verily I am mistaken, you are not the man, I beg your pardon sweet sented Sir.

Disc.

See how Rage makes men mistake, by captivating their Sences.

Iel.

Ay, ay, '••is very true, for I might have been guilty of a mischief, I should have been sorry for; but I can stay no

longer to parly, least my anger cool be∣fore I find the Rascal that offered me the injury, and of a Lyon, I become a Mut∣ton.

Now I perceived in my Dream he be∣gan again to stretch his Legs, till being persue and overtaken by his dear Do••ie, she with feigned Sighs, forced Tears, and soft intreats, prevailed with him to think himself mistaken, and brought back this Man of indignation to his House in peace, where with deluding Kisses, she attoand for her Gallant, and all partys were re∣stored to the like freedom as before, which put me on this merry pint.

What madding Fools, does Ielozie make men? Who must in spight of all be Tame again, And prove a Lyon Couchant in their Den.

Leaving this place, we passed into a wide Street, call'd Theiving Ramble, where we met a sharp fighted Fellow, with a∣bundance of Implements about him, which expressed him a Practitioner of standing, in the many slights and quaint devices of Living upon other mens Labour. This piece of deceit known by the Name of the Diver. Discovery would needs have a lit∣tle.

discourse with, for who knows says he, but a man may Edefie even by a Lect∣ure of Wickedness, so as to avoid the Snare when layed for himself, and there∣upon he advanced to meet him. When in my Dream I perceived the Dialogue begin in the following manner.

Disc.

••rethee Fellow what's the reason you are so shie, why shun you us at this rate?

Diver.

Sir I am not used to mind every body I meet, unless I have a private rea∣son for it.

Disc.

Yet methinks you might not sneak as if you feared 〈◊〉〈◊〉, we are not so dreadful.

Div.

No not unless you had had a painted Staff, or a Coat with a Yellow Lining.

Disc.

And suppose I had both, what then?

Div.

Why then Sir I would have shew'd you a fair pair of Heels for your deverson.

Disc.

Would you so: why then it seems A••thority is dreadful to you. Pray what 〈◊〉〈◊〉 ••our business be in the World?

Div.

Sir I am of a Trade, or as some will have it, a Craft or Faculty, that de∣vides it self into many Branches.

Disc.

As how, I suppose you are your Crafts Master, and can inform me.

Div.

Ay if I li••t I can, though if I

should, it would prove but little to your advantage.

Disc.

Howsoever you may do a kindness in giving the satisfaction demanded, and lose nothing by it.

Div.

It may be so, but whilst i'm dis∣cousing you, I may fortune to give you a lift for your Cargo, by insensibly diving into your Stoage.

Disc.

Speak plain friend, that I may the better understand you.

Div.

Ay, ay, i'le be plain with you because I think you won't discover me, which if I did, but to wave that: Well Sir, if I must be plain, my pricipal Pro∣fession, is the Acelibrated Mistery of Diveing.

Disc.

Diveing, for what?

Div.

O! for pretious things, the Indi∣ans have ten times the Labour for less.

Disc.

In what manner Dive you, as Plundging into the Water, or so?

Div.

No Sir, but in the Stoage of gaz∣ing Mortals, who are careless in watch∣ing their Cargo.

Disc.

Now I understand you, you are a Pocket Diver, &c.

Div.

Right Sir right, and therefore 'tis best for you to look out sharp.

Disc.

I had need, when I am in 〈◊〉〈◊〉

Company. But really I have been a long time desirous to know by what insensible slight you so cleaverly Gull People.

Div.

Perhaps I may rectifie your Sen∣ces in that matter, a matter never Atchi∣ved without much labour and industry; and thus I begin to apply it to your un∣derstanding.

In this case, when Pupils come to be Educated, drawn away from their Pa∣rents or Masters by some of our Superi∣ous, as desirous of an easie, though Pro∣fli••••te life▪ there is a School as we term it, for their infant instructions, where a Tutor, very expert in the business, at∣tends on certain days to read them Lec∣tures, for the propagation of this so much practiced Science, when being a little perfected at the Theorick, he brings them to the Practick, for hanging a pair of Breeches upon a Line fastned cross the Room, a little Bell is lightly placed by the Pocket, and the young Fry command∣ed to take what they find in the Latter, without so much as Tinkling the Former, which if they do successfully, they have applause, and a small piece for encour∣agement; but if they prove Auckward, then the strapado as a Momento, for the 〈◊〉〈◊〉, falls to their share: But after ma∣ny

essays, being perfect at this, they'l give any person the insensible bite, let them be never so carefull, unless like the Mayor of Queen-borough, they keep their hands in their Pockets, yet if so, they have an Art to remove them, by blow∣ing Tobacco dust into their Eys, instead of pretending to snuff it themselves; or sprinkling with a little small Brush a little scattering of Aquafortis upon that part of your Hand or Wrist that appears bare, if any do, and for defect of that, upon your Neck or Face, nay sometimes in your Shoos, or as opportunity gives occasion; which burning or smarting, puts the party into suddain confusion, till they have done their business, and seldom it is, but we go two together, by the Name of Budg and File, which latter is the same with the Diver, who's pro∣perly called the Filer of the Cly; and then the Budg by jostling or some other affront, creates a Quarrel, gathers a Croud, and oft is beaten to some purpose, to give his Comrade opportunity to Dive or nip the Bung; which latter is to cut the Coat, as commonly in women, when an upper Garment obstructs the ready pas∣sage; nay having set a prize, whose Stoage by the gentle jostle's, understood

the Budg passes on, and at a convenient place drops Farthings, or some single pieces, and carefully begins to gather them just as the prize bears up, who strait crys halves, or at least stands gaup∣ing till the File has opportunity to do his business and File off; nay in a narrow place, but especially in the dark, the Budg will tumble down before you, and with miserable crys implore your Aide, protesting he has broke a Leg or Arm, and whilst you in compassion give him your assistance towards rearing him an end, himself will give you the flam for all your Guilt, and then his Leg or Arm's as sound as any Roach, for strait away he trudges to the next Coverture. These and a Cat∣talogue of such like slights and dexterities the Divers use.

Disc.

But are they not often Intercepted in the course of such deceiving?

Div.

Ay, and often lay'd up in the Whit, a place call'd the Stone Doblet vul∣garly; but we have as many shapes as Proteous, to prevent our being known a∣gain, suiting our Habit to the place and business; sometimes we go like Country Farmers, sometimes like Plough-men, then like Faulconer or Forrester, again 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Modish Sparks, some times demure as

Quakers, and again like down right Ci∣tizens, but all will be too long to tell. And now I think on't, I must to the Thief-catcher, from whom I have my Licence, and pay my Monthly Contribution, least he intercept me in my Ramble.

Now in my Dream I perceived he gave the nimble Trip to the next Road, call'd the way of Durance, where being hotly persued, he was run down in the Fast∣nesses of Stony-stay-him-there, and thence taken, sometime after was put Aboard an Upland Frigget, which wanting a Rud∣der, drove violently upon the Rock call'd Triple-Tree, and Shipwracked all his For∣tunes at a cast, which put me into a Rhyming Humour, as you l Read.

The ways of Sin are ever dangerous found, For Wickedness ne'r stands upon firm Ground; Although the Sinners way at first seems sweet, Yet Death and danger in the end he'l meet.

Thus far having Ransacked many streets in vain, methought we came into a large square place, stored with swift Footed Animals, exposed to Sail where men of every Shire assembled, to expose

or purchase, here thought I, we may be satisfied how matters go in every part. But Discovery perceiving I was big with such imaginations, singles me out a man that should as to the present business give me the sence ef the rest; and who should this be, but Mounsier le Iockey, a big set Fellow, with Cheeks bloated and stretch∣ed with Oaths, much like an Northern Bagpiper; but I had not time to observe his other Excellencies, e're Discovery thus began.

Disc.

Friend you Travel much I know from Town to Town, haunting each Faire, and wake, each Horse-race and all Inns of note. Pray have you heard of late where Honesty and Plain-dealing have taken up their quarters?

Iockey.

No not a word on't, for you must know, few places I frequent, will entertain them.

Disc.

But perhaps you might find them Travelling on the Road or so?

Iock.

Not as I remember, or if I did, I took no notice on them, they dealing not as I suppose in Horse-flesh, and I don't take notice of People upon the Road, un∣less I have business with them.

Disc.

Then you have no business with those 〈…〉〈…〉?

Iock.

Not in the least, none of our Profession ever had.

Disc.

That's strange: But pray will you give a body an insight into this business, that has nothing to do with Honesty and Plain-dealing?

Iock.

If I thought you had any dealing with them, i'de deny you your request for their sakes.

Disc.

Well, waveing that, I hope you'l be complyant, it may much advantage us.

Iock.

Ay, ay, it may so, therefore give attention.

Disc.

I shall, and think my self Obliged for the Narration.

Iock.

It may perhaps be longer then my business may permit.

Disc.

Therefore be as concise as you can.

Iock.

I shall. As first, he that pre∣tends to a Iockey ship, must be well stock∣ed with Impudence, and Oaths, or he can never arrive at the hight of that bu∣siness. He must in the next place be fur∣nished with false Mains, false Tales, false Ears, and false Eys, if such be required to Beautifie an old defective or diseased Horse, or to disguise one that is stolen, or has been often blown upon; he must like∣wise be skilled at making Artificial Snips stars and Blases, for the reason before

said; he must have Saddles with Sharp-wires in them, which as he presses for∣ward, passing through divers holes for that purpose, may prick the Horse, and make him dance or caper, as if it proceed∣ed from his mettlesome Temper. Then must he be dexterous at Logging a Foun∣dered Hose with Lead, and by slitting the flank and pits of the Eyes, blow them up with a Quill as Butchers do Veal, to hide the defects of Age or bad keeping; he must likewise use to baffet a Blind Horse, whose blindness is not presently discernable; as likewise to blow Ginger and Pepper into his Eys, that when he comes to swear him sure Sighted, he may with the least wind of his hand, hat, or noise of his switch, vantle and toss up his Head, as if he was as sharp sighted as Argus. He must have Balls of Dough, Eggs, Malmsey and Lickerish together, with Oats boyled in new Wort, to make a Horse that is doomed to the Dogs, ap∣pear Fat on a suddain, though it being but spungy, will lose faster then it is got∣ten, which makes many foolishly imagine such Horses to be bewitched, when it is only the Knavery of the Iockey. He must likewise have the art of pricking a dull 〈◊〉〈◊〉 in the Spurting place, and rub bea∣ten

Glass into the Holes, to make the Horses winch upon the least touch, that it may be thought to proceed from his mettlesome Temper. He must have the art of taking up the Fetlock vein with a Needle and a piece of Silk, so to Lame his Neighbours Horse, that the cure being dispaired of, he may purchase him at an easie rate; as likewise to have a large stone ready to thrust into the Fun∣dament of any Horse he likes, to make him seem by the trimbling and sweating posture it will put him into, that he is just a dying; nor can the Farrier in this cause tell what to do to him, unless he knew the cause of his Grief. These and a thousand other Dexterities calculated ac∣cording to the Meridian of Knavery, are Ingredients that must goe to the making of a perfect Iockey; but for this time let this suffice, because I see a Chapman striking my Voucher luck, I must be gone and manage him, least he fly off, and re∣cant his bargain. Therefore if you seek for Honesty and Plail-dealing Friend, you must inquire some where else, for here's no room for them in these parts.

Now I perceived in my Dream, that at the racital of so much Knavery, Discovery shook his head, and made no answer, but

left this place as dispairing to be further∣ed in his search, in the very Tents of Wickedness, and so we passed into Mer∣cyless street, where we met a Fellow with sharp Teeth, and long Paws, Monkey Eyed, and Hawk Nosed, with the spoils of a Crab-Tree in his Hand, and this I understood to be a Catch-pole, the very Catterpiller of the Nation; and although we knew we should not better our selves by his communication, yet perceiving mis∣chief in his Face, methought we were somewhat desirous of discoursing him, if but to divert him from evil purposes; and therefore Discovery put the usual Questi∣on, when at the name of Honesty and Plain-dealing, he gave a Leap, which canted him quite cross the way, crying out, I defie ye, I defie ye. Which at first made me imagine he took us for fallen Angels, but after many intreats, we brought him to a little more moderation▪ when I fancyed in my Dream, that thus the talk went on.

Disc.

Friend, are you acquainted in these parts?

Catch-pole.

Ay, I think I am: But what 〈◊〉〈◊〉 that pray?

Disc.

Do you know the men I ask'd you for, 〈…〉〈…〉 me if you do.

Catch-p.

Pray Sir what e're you are, forbear to ask me such a Question, for I vow I take it as no small affront.

Disc.

Affront! as how: Pray what is offered, that may reasonably give offence?

Catch-p.

Those you have named, call to mind past actions.

Disc.

Do you remember them? then have you had formerly any acquaintance with them?

Catch-p.

Yes I remember them, and put my hand to that, that ruin'd them.

Disc.

How are they Ruin'd then? why sure it cannot be: But if it be so, pray tell us by what means it was effected?

Catch-p.

Friend, though I hate to hear their Names, yet something i'le declare to give you an insight into the manner of it, that you may the better Guess the rest.

Disc.

It will be wondefully to our purpose, pray let's lose no time.

Catch-p.

No none to speak off, but to the purpose; having run through many a mass of Villanys, and been injurious too much to tell, I studied what undertaking yet not put in practice, could further me in being mischevious to Man-kind; and in conclusion, pitched upon the High pre∣ferment of being Dubb'd Knight of the

Triple Tree, But upon second thought, I found in such a case, I should be Instru∣mental, only in dispatching Vice out of the World, by the assistance of Hatchet or Hemp.

Disc.

And this pleased you not?

Catch-p.

No indeed, for I was ever such a friend to it, that I wish'd it prosper∣ous.

Disc.

But to what Resolution came you next?

Catch-p.

The very business I officiate now.

Disc.

A Catch-pole?

Catch-p.

Yes, a Blood-sucking Catch-pole.

Disc.

How! you are not sure so despe∣rate?

Catch-p.

No less Sir, for being fleshed to cruelty before, I now had opportunity to put it in practice.

Disc.

As how, let's hear a little?

Catch-p.

Why to pass over the bribing business, putting the slip upon the Credi∣tor, taking Fees extravagant on either side, and sending notice of a danger near, that I might live upon the spoyl the lon∣ger, and be ever treated with the best; for that which I call'd Civility, which in the plain sence was Knavery. I took at higher Games.

Disc.

Games, was you for Gameing too?

Catth-p.

Ay, a very Rook at Gameing, Honesty and Plain-dealing if you find them, knows it well enough.

Disc.

It may be so, but more's the pitty, ••ut howsoever out with it.

Catch-p.

A Volum scarely will contain particulars, therefore expect not I should stay to tell you all.

Disc.

No, but the most material passa∣ges.

Catch-p.

Ay, ay, the most material passages, as thus, When any Youngster had more Land then Wit, I had my Vser∣er at hand to daub him in the Fist with a supply of Cash, which not being paid at the time perfixed, my business was to Sease him, which put him into a peck of Troubles, as not having wherewith in present Coin to satisfie them, then would he ask me what he must do; why truly said I, there is but one way, give me Bond and Judgment, and i'le lay the Cole down. This he joyfully consents to, without de∣fesance or any other consideration, glad at his heart that he has met with such a friend, for which I had ten Guineys in hand; but this joy's soon turned to mourn∣ing, for presently after, pretending some mistrust, I seize upon my Gentleman and

his substance, keep him close from those few Friends he has, till I have rook'd him of that little Patrimony he had left, at half the value, so that within a while, be∣ing turned out of all; he's forced to wan∣der in the Land of Poverty, when not be∣ing capable of any business to support himself, he falls into such ways, as bring him frequently to a disgraceful end: Nor is this practiced on the young, but those of Elder years, the labour of an Agel thus have swept away, made some hun∣dreds miserable, and gained a plentiful subsistance on their Ruine; whilst they, their Wives and Children sigh'd in vain, and sought a restitution with their Tears.

Disc.

This was something barbarous?

Catch-p.

The more the better, such cruelty suits with my Nature best; the Musick of Oppression sounds the sweetest in my Ears.

Disc.

And was you never call'd to give account for this, was no notice taken on't?

Catch-p.

Yes, and severely handled: but I got by it though, for quickly after I found a means to ruine the Complain∣ants, by presentments, indictments, sobb actions, outlawrys, obtained without their privity and the like, when for at∣to••••m••nt, Bills of Sale insued; which

swept away the small Remainder of sub∣stance.

Disc.

But did not Conscience check you ••eitterating those inhumane Practices?

Catch-p.

Conscience, I think you say: why Friend, i'm sorry you should be so ••ar out of the way, as to mention Consci∣ence to me, when I have told you thus much.

Disc.

Then you have none it seems?

Catch-p.

You hit me to a Hair: for if I had, I had not been such a mortal Ene∣my to Honesty and Plain-dealing; but my business calls me hence, therefore be satis∣fied with what you have heard, and so I take my leave.

Now in my Dream I perceived he had left us, and we e'ne was glad he had done so for I could never hear of any one that car∣ed for his Society after they heard his name for this man came of the Race of him, Queved•• found the Devil in possession, of which made me recollect a thousand more of his disorders. The burden of which, methought so sorely pinch'd the Shoul∣ders of the Poor, that their lamentable crys awoke me, and beheld it was a Dream. so rising from my recumbancy, and percei∣ving the Sun had made his western Throne in Clouds of Dust; I was much thought∣ful,

and intent on what had passed, but the day being far spent, home I returned, and entered my Closet to meditate of Various things, but most of all of what had hap∣pened, or occured to my past fancy; but as if sleep had gained this day, intire a∣gainst my will, my noding front began to droop, and a dissolving seized my eve∣ry part, when fancy or imagination soon became as active as before; the wander∣ing Soul, that never yields to slumber, sported with various Idea's, fancying my self to be in a Gloomy place.

I Dreamed, and in my Dream beheld a light much like an Exhaulation rise be∣fore me, which Glimering a while, pre∣ed sent my old friend Discovery, at whose sight I was somewhat refreshed, though my thoughts was tired with former ima∣ginations; but before I could ask him any question, he told me he had been tak∣ing a view of many misterious things, and in his search met with a man in shining Raiments, who had given him a prospect of Deaths Empire, and the course of Time, telling him, the day was at hand in which they should be no more, and that we were they, on whom the Ends of the World is come; wherefore he admo∣••••••ed, All Men every where to Repent, and

••ut away the evil of their doings, for the ••our would suddainly come, in which no Secret should be hid, and therefore advis∣ed them to walk Honestly, &c. And that leading him to an exceeding high place, he had given him a prospect of Eternity, Judgement, and many glorious things. But hefore he had time to mention the particulars, we were arrived at a fair Vil∣lage, called the Village of Self-deceiving, yet he had so much time as to tell me the mans Name was Evangelist e're we En∣tered it.

Now in my Dream I perceived this Vil∣lage, though but a Village in name, might have passed for a populous City, it being every where pestered with thro••ghing Crouds of all Nations; and here it was that we rosolved to prosecu••e our inqui∣ry, but found the inhabitants so self-con∣ceited, that we began to dispair of gain∣ing instructions, for every where I per∣ceived, they were for putting far away the Evil day, and flattered themselves, that if in the December of their Age they cast off Vice, and open their Arms to Virtue, she would then infallibly conduct them to the Celestial City, for theither I perceived they hopped to arrive in the end, though they went the contrary Road, and put off

all inquiry, as to their being right 〈◊〉〈◊〉 wrong, till they came to the end of thei•• ••ace; though as I understood, ther•• were Inns and Stages where Guides resid••••∣ed, on purpose to direct Travellers, bu•• although they offered their Service with∣out Reward, yet would it not be accept∣ed, because these Guides would not suffer them to cast their Eys upon the Gaudy Vanities, Flattery and Delusion had cast in the way, nor to harbour wandering thoughts, and lustful imaginations, which as I perceived, were their Darling Com∣panions, and if they were check'd for en∣tertaining them, they would presently be Angry, and cry out, what a doo do you make, the way is exceeding long, and would be tiresome without these our dear Compani∣ons, whom we intend to leave when we come near the Celestial Gate; Ay, shake them off, e're we come into the presence of the Lord of that City. And thus I understood they put it off from time to time, till in the end there was no time longer, or at least so little, that Grace having left 'em, they had not the power to shake off their worly Companions, who had Accompani∣ed them in the whole course of their Lives, but they would along with them into the Regions of Eternity, whether

they would or no; and there Iudgement finding them wandering in an infinite la∣brinth of unmesurable spaces, (for into the Celestial City they were not suffered to enter) he plundged them into everlast∣ing Confusion, appointing them their Porti∣on with Hippocrites and Vnbelievers, to be∣wail their past folly, to Ages without number, considering too late, that it had been better for them to have taken the Council of the Wise-man, viz. Remem∣ber thy Creator, in the days of thy Youth, &c. Then by giving themselves up to Cove∣tousness, Extortion, Fraud, Oppression, and the like, to gain a plentiful Estate for those that should come after them, who perhaps by the in••oyment, were over∣whelmed in Pride, Luxurie, Vncleanness, Drunkenness, and the like, to the hazard of their Salvation or a Death-bed Re∣pentance, which is seldome sinceir; and wonderfully questionable whether accep∣table when the party is brought to a peri∣od, and in no longer a Capacity of Sin∣ning. These considerations made me sad, and I verely perswaded my self, did men but rightly understand the Excellency of Virtue, or were not willfully blind to the ugliness of Vice, this world would prove as happy a Paradice to us, as Eden did to our

first Parents in their state of innocence. But whilst these things carryed me away, perceived in my Dream, that Discovery was making observations on many antick figures, and Monuments with inscripti∣ons, which represented in Hirogliphics, Vprightness, Truth, Honesty, Conversati∣on, and the like, to which some of the inhabitants had great regard; but for the Major part, I perceived they minded none of 〈◊〉〈◊〉, except one richly Guilded. Sta∣tue inscribed Self-ends, and to him they payed their dayly offerings, because as I understood, they imagined he chiefly pro∣moted their intrest in Worldly matters; here we found likewise the foot-steps of Plain-dealing, which we traced till we quite lost sight of the Village of Self-de∣ceiving, and arrived at the Foot of a high Mountain, called, Fond-Imagination, on which stood the Town of Vain-hope, and up this Mountain, divers Persons were Clambering, with might and main, some made such hast, that not taking good Footing, when near the Top, they tum∣bled down again unto the Valley, where falling into the Torrent of Distrust, they were violently hurried into the Lake of Dispair, and there for ever lost.

Now in my Dream, I perceived a Per∣son,

whom I conceited I had formerly known, puffing and sweating to gain the Ascent, which I hinting to Discovery, he told me, if I would give him the hearing, he would enter into a discourse with him. Ay, gladly said I, and thereupon we soon over took him, whose Name was Indiffer∣ency, and thus I perceived they began.

Disc.

Friend, how far came you, that you are thus disordered with heat? it should denote you have Travelled much.

Indifferency.

No, no Sir, not very much, I came but from the Village of Self-decei∣ving. That place I must confess I have li∣ded in a long time, but it lys so low, that it gives a man no full Prospect of things at a distance.

Disc.

And therefore you are going to inhabit the Mountain of Fond-imagination?

Ind.

Ay, ay, the Town you see so finely Scituate, was Built by Flattery, and thether I am bent, my Materials I have sent before to be in readiness againg my arrival.

Disc.

Your Materials: as what?

Ind.

Why Sir, wherewithal to subsist whilst I stay here, which I don't intend shall be long.

Disc.

But what are they pray?

Ind.

Why Desire, and Fancy, with a considerable quantity of Deserts, made of

Alms, and good turns, and indifferency in Opinion.

Disc.

And to what purpose serve these?

Ind.

Why to support me in the way to the Celestial City, whether I am Travelling.

Disc.

Alas Friend, you mistake the Road, this is not the way, the Town be∣fore you••s call'd Vain-hope, you should have struck off to the right hand, where the ways part, and for your further in∣structions, have read the superscriptions on the Piramid of Truth▪ and that would have informed you what would have brought you thether. As thus, Be faith∣ful unto Death, and I will give you a Crown of Life.

Ind.

Well, well, you may say what you will, but I know what I have to do I'le war∣r•••••• you.

Disc.

It's well if you are not deceived in the end: you say the Town before us was built by Self-flattery.

Ind.

Yes, I do so, and yet there may lye a way through it for all that.

Disc.

'Tis very unlikely, and almost impossible. This Self-flattery's the World, and he bult this Town of Vain-hope, to delude Travellers, by inticeing them out of the way, that in it they might be induc∣•••••• 〈◊〉〈◊〉 rest themselves satisfied, upon the

Fouddation of a Bare-belief, or at most a deviding the heart (which should be whol∣ly offered to the King of the Celestial City) between him and Mammon.

Ind.

And may not that be safely done?

Disc.

By no means, if ever you expect to have admition into the Realms of Light.

Ind.

Well, you may believe as you will, and i'le do as I think fit, I hope I have many Years to Travel in yet, and in the end, if I find that this is not the right way, I can leave it, a••d strike into another.

Disc.

It may not perhaps be in your power, a suddain Tempest may over∣whelm you, you may meet with Diffidence, Dispair, or Delusion, who will hinder it. Nor can you tell what time you have to Travel in, for perhaps when you imagine it to be Noon, the Sun may be setting, and so being left in the Region of Death, all things returning, will be cut off, and you'l too late find your self out of the way. Therefore be Sober and Vigilent, least you are surprized before you expect it.

Ind.

Well, well, this shan't fright me from passing to the Town before me, I find your drift, you'd fain put me out of conceit with my business in the World, but that won't take i'le asure you.

Disc.

More is the pitty: But now you talk of business in the World, have you ever met with Honesty and Plain-deal∣ing in your Travels?

Ind.

Do they use to ••requent this Road?

Disc.

No verily, I believe not: But have you been in no other Road than this?

Ind.

Yes divers, as Overreaching-Lane, which leads to the Town of Deceiving, Cou∣••ening Road, and a great part of the way towards the City of Extortion.

Disc.

I suppose you found them not in any of these: But do you pretend to the Celestial City, and have been a•• wanderer in the crooked paths that lead to the Gates of Pe••dition?

Ind.

Well, Well, 'tis no matter what I prete••d to: Well Sir, you may e'ne mind your own business, for now I'm arrived where I would be, I shan't give you any further hearing, for every Tubb must stand upon 〈◊〉〈◊〉 own Bottom.

Now in my Dream, I perceived we Arrived at the Town of Vain-hope, where we fo••nd a great number of People 〈◊〉〈◊〉 as if they were in the greatest 〈◊〉〈◊〉 imaginable, every one being 〈◊〉〈◊〉 of his own opinion, to which they

were wretchedly Wedded, by Error, Flat∣tery, and Delusion, to whom they gave the greatest Credit imaginable, and the rather because they deceived them with false Glasses, called the Glasses of Vain∣hope, which gave them a prospect of Heaven and Earth at once, promising them all the pleasures and delights of this World, and a full fruition of the next, which made them chose the broad way, that was spread with Roses, and over∣shaded with Gessamie, the way that leads to the Land of Perdition, and refuseth the Thorney way of Life as too tedious and troublesome; when as they fondly ima∣gined they lead to one and the same place, and so they supinely trifled out their days in a secure sloath and ease. Till in my Dream I beheld a dark Cloud arrising from the Land of Obstinacy, overspread them, whereupon they layed them down to sleep, whilst the Bride-groom passed by; but being a little startled at the noise, they got up on their Feet, and at∣tempted to follow, but being still in a thick Fog, they stumbled at every three or four steps, and in the end, fell alto∣gether in the Lake of Fear and Amaz∣ment, where they again found those Consciences they had stifled, which now

upbraided them with their neglect and folly, their slighting the Golden op∣portunities of Grace, Wisdorn, for trifling Vanities, spending those pre∣tious moments wherein they should have trod the paths of Righteousness, at the end of which is Eternal Life, in studying to overeach their Neigh∣bours Circumvent, their dearest Friends, meditate revenge, and hoard up ill gotten gain, which cannot avail in the day of Death, nor the hour of Judgement; which Repremands, and severe Reflections, tormented them to that degree, that instead of looking back for succor, they rushed forward altogether, and getting out of that Lake, entred another call'd Hardness of Heart, in which they wilfully peri••h∣ed. At which whilst I was grieving, I beheld at a little distance, the Town of Presumption, to which we made with all conveniant speed, and upon our entering, observed the structures were exceeding losty, but built upon such Sandy foundations, that they were threatned by every blast of Fate, to be sunk in their own ruines. This place Self-conceit had built. As for the Inhabitants, they were so Wed∣ded

to their own oppinions, that they would hearken to no instructions, yet they pretended to a right in the Celestial City, and would discourse as if they were very well acquainted with it. But I soon perceived all was but conceit, they had it seems Dreamed something on, and read the promises made by the Celestial King, but were so confident in their own strength, that they imagined they had no need of over-shaddowing Grace, and the ••reat••ing of the favorit of Hea∣ven, which made them neglect to cast away every weighty sin: That did so easily beset them, that they might be the abler to run the race. Wherefore having s••ent their days allowed, to runin a fond relyance upon their own foundati∣ons; when the Storm of Tryal beat upon them, they altogether sunk into ••uine and confusion, the noise of whose fall Eccho'd to the Remotest part of the Universe. And now methought the day being spent, and our search! heitherto fruitless; Discovery being tired, and loath to wast his Light any further at this time in vain, bid me Adue, and tak∣ing Wing, Glided like a Metor through the Gloomy Night, till my Eys could fol∣low him no further; but whilst I was

wondering to what Region he was ••••ed, methought I heard a voice as the voice of a man, sayingin, He that Reads, and rightly considers these things, will be a Friend to Virtue, and a Foe to Vice. At which starting, I awoke, and found what had passed was but a Dream, yet was con∣firmed it might not be a little useful and advantagious to Mankind.

FINIS.