The amorous old-vvoman: or, 'tis vvell if it take. A comedy. Acted by His Majesties servants. Written by a person of honour.

SCENA I.

Clara, Arabella.

Cla.

I Hope you will applaud my diligence.

Ara.

Thou'rt fit to be great Loves Embassador So well thou hast manag'd this affair, First to perswade Honorio cease his claim, And then to bring me such a just account How things succeed at home— What more cou'd I expect, or thou perform?

Cla.

My duty Madam did oblige this service. She little guesses at my interest, Which add the Wings to diligence her self.

Ara.

Garbato will be ravish'd with this news, Dear Boy, how shall I recompence this service?

Cla.

Your acknowledgments are prodigal rewards; But Madam if you will enlarge your bounty, By giving me leave to attend Honorio, I shall have cause to bless your service.

Ara.

Why Boy? will that so much advantage thee?

Cla.

Make me for ever Lady—for he fancies Some kind of small resemblance in this face To your bright beauty; weeds resemble flowers, And have their use, and virtues too, so I

May palliate this Lovers misery.

Ara.

Had'st thou a Sex more suiting to thy face, Thou might'st effect a perfect cure. Methinks (If I forget not my own form,) there is Enough resemblance for a Lovers flame To feed upon.

Cla.

Madam I wish there were—

Ara.

Another Sex.

Cla.

No Madam, more resemblance.

Ara.

That wish alone were foolish, and must end In a cold friendship, which soon brings disgust. Thou cou'd'st not marry him.

Cla.

It should be much against my will then.

(aside)

Yet I cou'd live with him, and please his fancy In all the pleasures of true Love.

Ara.

That's not done in a song Boy; thou'dst come short.

Cla.

I mean I'de serve him with more fidelity Than any VVoman cou'd (except my self)

(aside)

For I wou'd make it my happiness to please him, And share a double part of all his griefs.

Ara.

Thou wou'd'st be wond'rous kind.

Cla.

As your fair self to Signior Garbato.

Ara.

'Tis pitty to divide such love, yet for both Your sakes, I wish thou wer't a female.

Cla.

I hope these breeches han't transform'd me.

(aside)

Enter Garbato and Riccamare.

Here comes my Lord, Madam I'le take my leave.

Ara.

Dear Infortunio I am loth to lose thee, Yet since Honorio prov'd so kind to me As to leave me to my choice, I'le let thee go, But take this Ring, and wear it for my sake.

Exit Clara.

My dear Garbato I have news VVill raise thy soul to such a happiness, Thou'lt think thy self in Heaven.

Gar.

Being in thy Company I am so. Yet I cou'd wish your Uncles absence,

That I migh participate your joys.

Ara.

His presence is less welcome than storms Of rain in Harvest.

Gar.

Speak softly, lest he hear you.

Ara.

Oh, I cou'd curse him!

Gar.

Do't like a Politician then, and smile in's face.

Ric.

Niece Arabella.

Gar.

You must seem attentive, for he longs To tell you his adventure.

Ric.

Were you at leisure I cou'd give you a Description of the strangest piece of deformity.

Ara.

I am ever at leasure to hear you.

Gar.

How soon Women learn to dissemble?

Ric.

You have seen Mother Shiptons Picture.

Ara.

Before her Prophecies I think I have.

Ric.

Just such a prognosticating Nose had this Sucking Damsel I went to woee, she was So young that she had not a natural Tooth in her head.

Ara.

He'll be as tedious now—

Ric.

They're all Ivory, and those dy'd Saffron by The contagion of her breath, the putrefaction Whereof might breed a Plague (if the Wind Sate right) as far as Piemont.

Gar.

Thou hast as little kindness for an Old Woman As a Hangman for a Thie••, for like him thou Wou'dst Murther the race thou desir'st to advance Thy fortunes, and live by.

Ric.

I'de as soon live in my Grandsirs valut, and Keep Company with the Worms of my dead Ancestors.

Gar.

I thought Riches wou'd have digested any imperfection.

Ric.

Except hers, had it been a common ugliness—

Gar.

As the Battery of the Nose in the French War.

Ric.

Gold might have excus'd it.

Gar.

Or say sh'ad been as wry-mouth'd as a Plase.

Ric.

I wou'd have digested that too, and kist her less But to have a surfled Mouth, with too much Nose,

Neither Eyes, nor Hair on her brows, A Toothless chops, with brisled Chin, A Pate as bald, as e're was seen, With parchment hide, and timber Legs, VVou'd make a Man forswear such Megs,

Ara.

VVill he ne're have done?

(aside)

Gar.

I fear he has but begun yet.

Ric.

Such accumulated imperfections did I never Behold, they were beyond the Power of Gold To qualifie.

Gar.

Then you're quite out of conceit with Gold And Old Women.

Ric.

Not whil'st the beauty of the Gold will balance The ugliness of the VVoman.

Gar.

Ha, ha, ha, we'll find you out a handsomer, Come Arabella, I long to hear thy news.

Exeunt.

Ric.

So they are got together, and think themselves More happy than the Gods; but soft young Friend, Since the wealthy hopes of this old VVidow VVere Parents to my kindness, they being vanish'd 'Tis just my love expire into some new advantage To my self, which ••'le extract from their Loves; The Plot begins to ripen.

Exit.