The mistaken husband a comedie, as it is acted by His Majesties servants at the Theatre-Royall / by a person of quality.

SCEN. VI. The Street.

Snipp and three Watchmen.

Snip.

Neighbours, I am a Searcher by my Place, and a Con∣stable by my Office; you are my Trusty boys, that Watch my Candle, and take a care that I do not sleep in the dark. I am not ignorant of your abilities, for every night I'm on the Watch, you overcome eighteen penny-worth of my Ale apiece, besides what Thieves allow that they may steal by us, and our extortions from wandring Wastcoateers, with all which you are yet able to reel home in the mornings, which shews, you have not only able Legs (and those I have seen you use very nimbly when you have been assaulted by drunken Gentlemen) but strong Brains, wherefore Neighbours I ask your advice concerning this Warrant.

1

Pray Mr. Constable, whose Warrant is it.

Snip. pulls out a Warrant.

Snip.

By' Lady, that's a hard question, for a Justice of Peace with the help of his Clark made it, my Gossip Turnup paid for it, and she delivered it to me.

1

I but I mean Mr. Constable, from what Justice came it?

Snip.

Why it came from Justice Shipwrack, a very able man: I know not what rent he sits at, but that he paid a good fine for his place, it cost him a brace of hundreds to be put into Com∣mission— but to the business — my Gossip that gave it me, told me it was a Warrant; but we Magistrates must not trust too much to Information. I cannot read it Neighbour, pray do you.

2

Truly, 'tis a very pretty thing, how evenly 'tis cut!

3

Hold up t'other end Neighbour.

2

Why, will you teach me to read?

3

No truly, I will not teach you to do that I cannot do my self; but I know you hold it as if you were about to shew tricks with the heels upwards. Well, this is from the purpose how do you like the Warrant?

2

Very handsomely indeed, Mr. Constable, these dainty fair black stroaks look very prettily upon the white Paper.

3

Lord! To see what some men can do! How many scratches go to the making of a Warrant!

Snip.

Well, but what are the Contents?

2

Nay, there I leave you. I should have learn'd to write and read too, had not all my time been taken up in running of Errands.

3

Give it my neighbour here, he was Clerk of a Parish once, and might have been still, had he not frighted the Patron out of his sleep with Tuning a Psalm. He has his Written-Hand at his Fingers ends.

1

I Neighbour, I can spy the business through these thick Spectacles. These are —

He reads.

Snip.

What are they Neighbour?

4

A Warrant I'le lay my life on't.

1

Patience, good Mr. Constable to will and Command you—

Snip.

I and you too, Neighbours, I'le not go else, do you think I'm mad, to be duckt alone?

Snip.

Well, one.

1

And Command you to —

Snip,

Nay, by'r Lady, all four or none I say again.

1

Observe Mr. Constable— To make strict Search —

Snip.

I promise you I'le be strict enough.

1

And Enquire—

Snip.

Wee'l enquire into every Hogshead in the Ship. No Vessel shall scape unsearcht, even to the very Aqua Vitae Bottle.

1

In all suspitious places—

Snip.

Hold, Neighbour, here is a very suspitious house hard by old Mrs. what do you call's, that whiffes whole pots of Ale off, and cries Dam me you whore, pledge the Gentleman— Super naculum, or I'le fling the remainder on your Satin-gown▪ She's a good one I warrant her, had not we best look there?

1

Indeed Mr. Constable, she's a vertuous Matron, pays Church duties justly though she make no use of it, and does a great many Charitable deeds in the Parish, she took a likeing to my daugh∣ter, because she was somewhat handsome, and keeps her I war∣rant you, in goodsilk gowns by'r Lady all the Term time.

Snip.

Read on then.

1

Namely in the Ship called the William.

Snip.

Mark that Neighbour.

2

Yes my namesake.

2

Riding about Cuckholds Haven.

Snip.

Remember that Neighbour, that we do not forget whi∣ther we are to go.

3

Ne'er doubt it, I call to mind a very good token, a Shipwright got my eldest boy there in a Lanthorn of the great Ship.

1

For the Child of Widdow Turnup — O Young Rogue! steal already.

Snip.

No, Neighbour, you misconceive that Child, for he is stol'n poor fool, some Knave or other has ticed him away with a baked Pair, and my Gossip hear's this Ship is bound for the Ber∣mudos, and suspects he may be spirited into it, truly Neighbours consider soberly, and 'tis a very hard case, when we cannot get Children our selves, but are forc't to allow wages to Seamen, and labouring younger brothers to do it for us, and as soon as ever we have 'em they must be stollen, there's all our charges meerly throne away.

2

Does any body steal Children?

Snip.

Yes, familiarly when they have poor folks bratts, the Church-wardens wink at such small faults; nay, and some think (under the Rose neighbours) 'tis done by their own Journey∣men.

2

I would fain be acquainted with these Child-stealers. I have a Litter of my little Urchins at home, I'le shew 'em how they shall steal them every one, and their mother too if they please, but then they must come in armour, for she's a plaguy Jade, and will kick woundily.

Snip.

On, On.

1

All persons whom you shall instruct, to bring before me, re∣quire in all persons to be aiding and assisting unto you —

Snip.

That's some comfort yet.

1

Fail not at the Execution hereof—

3

Execution! What? have we more power to hang, draw, and quarter with 'em, but we cannot hang 'em, read that over again Neighbour.

1

Fail not the execution hereof on your peril.

Snip.

I, There's the sting in the Tail of all Warrants, we must execute other mens wills on our own perils, while they snort in security.

2

By the Mass, this is a dangerous business indeed! these Mar∣riners are boistrous Knaves.

Snip.

We must even through stich with it. I have made my Will, and took my leave of my Wife and Children; let's run to the Alehouse and say prayers over a double pot, and then we may venture the more boldly by the time, Tide will serve.

3

Yes, Mr. Constable, but pray let's make all the haste you can, for you know the Warrant saies the Ship is now riding about Cuckholds-Haven; but if it rides but a Trot or a hand gallop, it may be twice as far off e're morning.

Snip.

Do not be afraid of that Neighbour, for while it turns round about it, it ever now and then comes into the same place again; and there certainly we shall find it, for it dares not disobey our Warrant.