City politiques a comedy : as it is acted by His Majesties servants / written by Mr. Crown.

ACT, the Third.

Enter Artall and Lucinda; The scene continues.

Luc.

OH! Fie upon you! fie upon you, was ever vertuous Gen∣tlewoman serv'd such a trick before?

Art.

Oh! frequently, scores of 'em are serv'd so, every Easter- Term.

Luc.

What, Women that are as vertuous as my self?

Art.

Ay, full as vertuous.

Luc.

O Lord bless us! what a place is this! I did not think there had been such a place, nor such a Man as you in the world, I shall never en∣dure to see you more.

Art.

Do not say so.

Luc.

No, never as long as I live.

Art.

You'l change your mind.

Luc.

Never whilst I breath.

Art.

Yes when I come next, mean while I am your humble Servant.

Luc.

Your Servant dear Sir.

Art.

When shall I wait on you again, Madam?

Luc.

When you please Sir, I shall at all times be glad of your good Company.

Art.

Your Servant dear Madam.

Luc.

Your Servant dear Sir.

[Exit. Artall.

Enter Bartoline and his Clerk with Papers.

Bar.

Wher'sh my Wife, and poo Mishte Florio? huh! where are yey?

Luc.

Here's your Wife, but poor Mr. Florio is gone away very ill.

Bar.

Were you not weary of him? huh!

Luc.

No indeed, I cou'd have been with him all day and all night.

Bar.

I doubt you dishemble.

Luc.

Indeed I do not.

Bar.

I doubch you had rather been at a Play, or shome other Di∣verchishment.

Luc.

I swear I had more pleasure from him, then ever I had from any Divertisement in my life.

Bar.

Well, be good whilsht I live, 'twill be the betcher for you when I dye, then I shall leave you Rich enough cho chake your choish of young handshome Coxshcombes.

Luc.

Do not tell me of young handsome Coxcombs.

Bar.

You won't Marry I warrant when I am gead? no not you? a 'housand to one, you will be Married before, nay, I dare hold chenne pound you are Conchracted now?

Luc.

How!

Bar.

Nay, not by a Preish, but by looksh, and shmirkeh, &c. twisch∣ing of Eye-beamsh, and making a Wedging-Ring of the fine round

mou'h—and yush, I believe you have promish'd your shelfe cho a 'housand foolsh.

Luc.

You wrong me extreamly.

Bar.

All ye betcher, I'm shure I shall disherve your kindnesse, for I am labring cho make you a rich Widgow; The Tearme won't lasht a mouth, and I ha' more breviatsh and Papersh putch incho my hand shince I went out, yen I can read in 'hree monh'sh, I'm shure on't.

Luc.

And what must become o' your Clyents Causes?

Bar.

I yont care, I know what will become o' yeir Money; I'le lock it up preshently, all for you, gi' me my Papersh, come let me shee now—let me shee—whatsh her cho do?

[Reads his Papers.

Oh! among other 'hingsh heresh a buy shnesh in which my Brothersh Neck'sh conshern'd; He ish 'hirchy years younger yen I am, yet he ish old enough cho be Wiser; He hath play'd de foole and killg a man, and ye Widow bringsh an Appeale, in which it sheemsh yere arishesh matcher of Law—my Brother shendsh me chenne poun' cho rechaine me, ye Widow shendsh me twenchy, sho I follow ye poore Widyowsh buyshnesh, I am for ye poore Widow, I.

Luc.

Will you Hang your Brother for ten pound?

Bar.

You shou'd ashke me if I wou'd hang him for chenne shillingsh, yen I might conshiger it, but chenne ponn' ish a great yeale o' money, tish a great yeale of money, come let me shee.

[Reads.

Luc.

Methinks 'tis a little against the Law of Nature.

Bar.

Ye Law of Natchure belongsh cho Pchivilians Woman, we comon Lawyeash y'ont studgy ye Law of Nachure, tish none of our shtudgy—no—no—But come let me shee—whatsh here now? come.

[Exit. Lucinda

Bartoline Reads, Drums beat without; Enter Podesta, Brick-layer, and a Gentleman.

Gent.

My Lord.

Pod.

What's your bus'ness Sir?

Gent.

I have a Message to you Lordship, from his Highness the Vice-Roy.

Pod.

Very well Sir, I attend.

Gent.

His Highness desires your Lordship not to disturb and frighten the City, by raising the Town Forces to no purpose

Pod.

He is of opinion, 'tis to no purpose, is he?

Gent.

Yes my Lord.

Pod.

I am of a contrary opinion, and I am seldome mistaken.

Gent.

His Highness bid me tell you, that for the bare satisfaction of the Poeple, (though danger requires it not) he is willing you shou'd keep up half you do.

Pod.

He wou'd have me keep but half?

Gent.

No my Lord.

Pod.

Then I will keep as many more.

Gent.

Is that your Answer?

Br.

Yes, and we will justifie it by Law.

Gent.

Well bred, good humour'd Gentlemen these, and fine Subjects

Pod.

He shall shortly hear from us things that

[Exit Gent.

will vex him worse then this, Articles that may cost him his Employ¦ment. We'l not onely humbly humbly address to His Majesty, but Im∣peach him; I'll teach him not to Knight me.

Br.

Here is Counsellour Bartoline, the greatest Lawyer in the King∣dome, and one of our own Party, you can't possibly advise with a bet∣ter Man about 'em, give him the Hundred pound Fee, the City allows you to retain some eminent Lawyer.

Pod.

I will, Counsellour Bartoline, I must speak a word wi' you.

Bar.

I'm not at leishure, I have Caushesh cho look over, yat are cho come on cho Morrow.

Pod.

But we have a Cause in which the whole City's concern'd.

Bar.

You must deferr it yen, for if I y'ont appear in yish Cause cho Morrow, 'twill be losht, it wholly dependsh upon me, and I cannot but in conshiensh atchend it, I have a Fiftshe pound Fee.

Pod.

We'l give you a Hundred pound, Mun.

Bar

How? a Hundger'd poun? huh?

Pod.

Ay, there 'tis.

Bar.

Here, lay ashide yesh Papers,

[to his Clerk.

Well, whatsh your buyshnesh now—come—huh!

Br.

We are drawing up Articles against the Man of the Castle.

Bar.

Yea Man at ye Cashtle, wosh yat?

Pod.

He means the Vice-Roy.

Bar.

Archiclsh against the Viceh-Roy—huh?

Pod.

Ay.

Bar.

Gi me ye Papersh again, I won't meggle in't.

Br.

How! not meddle?

Bar.

No, I won't meggle, I won't meggle.

Br.

Your reason?

Bar.

I may loosh my Head mun, I won't meggle, no, no, come let me she.

[Reads his papers agen.

Br.

No matter if you do loose your Head, if you have no more ho∣nesty nor love for your Country, then to refuse to do your Countreys bus'ness, when you have received your Countreys Money.

Bar.

I yon't care whosh money 'tish, let it be ye Devilsh money I'll keep it, now I have it, but I won't meggle in the buyshnesh—no— no—come—come.

[Reads.

Br.

Keep our Money? and not do our bus'ness?

Bar.

Tish our way. 'Tish our way.

Pod.

Sir, by your Favour, either do our bus'ness, or pay back our Fee.

Bar.

Pay back your Fee—'twash never known mun, and I won't shet an ill pregident; no, no, tish shufficient I won't be against you, yatsh enough. Come let me shee.

Br.

Did one ever know such a Knave? what shall we do? for you and I must account for this Money.

Pod.

Let me alone with him, I understand Mankind; Counsellour Bartoline, do not play the Fool wi' your self, and loose a Thousand pound, which you may get by this Cause.

Bar.

A 'houshand Pound? huh!

Pod.

Yes, this is a great Cause, and the City will go through with it, whatever it costs 'em.

Bar.

Come, I'll underchake ye buyshnesh—come.

Pod.

Did not I tell you I understand Mankind?

Bar.

But I won't appea publiquely—dee hear—I won't appea.

Br.

Give us Councels will do the Man at the Castle's bus'ness, and we don't care.

Bar.

Let me alone.

Enter a second Gentleman.

2 Gent.

Counsellour Bartoline a word wi' you.

Bar.

Your buyshnesh.

2 Gent.

I am sent to you by his Highness the Vice-Roy.

Bar.

Hish Highnesh the Vy'sh-Roy? shpeak shoftly.

2 Gent.

His Highness is enform'd you are here, and very great with these Men.

Bar.

I great with yesh Men? 'tish falsh, they're Knavsh, I haitch 'em, I haitch 'em.

2 Gent.

Nay, he believes you onely assist 'em as a Lawyer for your ••ees, you have too much Wisdom and Law to engage in their ill and dangerous designs.

Bar.

Hang 'em, hang 'em.

2 Gent.

And such they have, his Highness is well assur'd.

Bar.

No doubeh on't, mosht sherchain.

2 Gent.

And therefore he's resolv'd to punish 'em.

Bar.

He musht do't! he musht.

2 Gent.

To that end he intends to indict 'em of several Crimes.

Bar.

I am glad of it.

2 Gent.

How far they will extend in Law he knows not.

Bar.

Very probable.

2 Gent.

Therefore he sends you by me a hundred pieces.

Bar.

He doesh very well—very well—hesh a wysh Man.

2 Gent.

For your Advice.

Bar.

I'll give it him, but not publiquely—I won't appea, but I'll give him shuch advysh ash shall do yeir buyshn••sh.

2 Gent.

I'll tell it him.

Bar.

If he hash a fanshy cho hang'em he shall.

2 Gent.

I'll tell him.

[Exit Gent.

Br.

Well, you'l undertake our bus'ness?

Bar.

Let me alone—give me your Articlesh—come—now I'll go studgy, come along.

[Exeunt Bartoline and Clerk.

Br.

So, this is a notable old Fellow, if he undertakes the bus'ness, he l do't.

Pod.

You need not inform me in Mankind.

Enter Florio wrapt in a Cloak, leaning on a Staff, led by Pietro.

Flo.

Where's my—Where's my—every little thing puts me so out of breath—Where's my Lord Podesta?

Pod.

Here Mr. Florio.

Flo.

I have great (pooh) blows) I am so faint with every little mo∣tion, and little talk—I have great News for you.

Pod.

Great News, and I not know it? there is seldome any thing to be known that I don't know.

Flo.

I••ll tell it you, but I must open a Vein first that I may breath— ••e••ch a Surgeon—I play'd the Fool—uh! as I came—uh! along, I saw a young Woman with naked (pooh) Breasts—going I'm cer∣tain to—pooh—to be naught; ••o I reprov'd her, but she was very angry, and sed she was an honest Woman; then I sed she was to blame

to let those two Breasts come abroad, like two Domestick Intelligences to slander her; so she said she did it to please her—pooh—her Husband; so I sed her Husband was a wise Man to make his Wife shew her—pooh —her Breasts in such a Town as this, such Treasure wou'd invite Pick∣pockets enough to rob him of it. And thus with this wanton Woman I wast∣ed my—pooh—my Spirits.

Pod.

So you have done now more then needs, you might have told us the News in the time you have told the Story.

Flo.

'Tis true indeed—Well, I'll tell you the News, you may see how things go, for my part I am glad I have not long to live, to see the Nation Ruin'd.

Br.

Why what's the bus'ness?

Flo.

There's a French Fleet upon the Coast, and six of the principal Com∣manders lurk in the Disguise of Pilgrims about Mount Vesuvio, to burn the Town by night, and let in their Friends.

Pod.

I knew all this several Hours ago.

Flo.

Is it possible my Lord? you have excellent Intelligence.

Pod.

So I have.

Flo.

I'm sure 'tis not half an Hour since I invented it.

[Aside.

Pod.

What do you think made me raise the Militia?

Br.

Was it for that?

Pod.

Do you think I rais'd 'em for nothing, I never do a foolish thing.

Br.

And why wou'd you not tell me?

Pod.

I had some reasons of State.

Flo.

And what will your Lordship do in it?

Pod.

What else, but seize 'em?

Br.

We must do it very privately, least they ha' notice, for they have Friends in Town.

Pod.

You need not teach me my bus'ness, nor that they have Friends in Town, what meant the Order to put down Two Regiments o' the Mili∣tia?

Flo.

Was there such an Order?

Br.

I was an ear-Witness.

Pod.

You may see how things go: whereupon I smartly replyed, Wou'd they have Two down, said I? then I will have four more up, said I, smart∣ly.

Flo.

That was very well.

Br.

As well as I cou'd have advis'd.

Pod.

Sir, I know what I do.

Br.

I protest I thought you had done it onely to cross 'em.

Pod.

Sir, I have deeper fetches in things then you are aware of.

Br.

I see you have.

Pod.

Now you shall see how I'll mannage this bus'ness, I will leave my Hat, Gown, and Perriwig here, put on your Hat, Coat, and Perriwig Bricklayer, and go out so disguis'd, that my own Family shall not know what is become of me.

Flo.

That will do very well.

Br.

I cannot advise better.

Pod.

Then I'll go to your House Bricklayer, and there send for Twenty Men such as I can trust, and Arm them, and when that's done I won't trust them neither, but take 'em along, and they themselves shall not know whether they go, What say you to this?

Flo.

Incomparable.

Br.

Very well; but why wou'd you not do this before, since you had in∣telligence of these Men?

Pod.

For good reasons you may be sure, I never do a foolish thing; come, give me your things.

Br.

What shall I wear my self?

Pod.

Any Porters so far as your House,

[Podesta disguises himself.

Now will not this deal with Pilgrims?

Mr. Florio,

have you strength to go with us?

Arm'd with a Blunder∣buss at his back.

Flo.

To mount Vesuvio? I may as well hope to carry the Mountain on my back, but if I had strength I durst not venture.

Br.

Why, what are you afraid of?

Flo.

Pride, Pride, I am mighty apt to be vain, formerly a little success in a Jest or a Song, or Libell, wou'd ha' made me a notorious Ass; imagine then, if when I come from this great expedition, I shou'd see my name in every In∣telligence, my Picture on every Wall, what an insufferable haughty Coxcomb I shou'd be? Lord, Lord, I shou'd be so proud!

Br.

For my part now, I go o' purpose for these things, and intend to sit for my Picture as soon as ever I come home, I was bid Money for my Face yesterday.

Flo.

You who have but one infirmity, need not fear it. But my Vices like Tories ride in troops, and if one gets into me, a hundred will follow: if now I am sick I shou'd love your praises, when I am well I shall love your Wives.

Pod.

He speaks a great deal of reason, we'l go without him.

Br.

But who shall guide us?

Flo.

My Lord needs no Guide.

Pod.

No, I know where they are to a hairs breadth, Here comes my Wife, don't let her know who I am;

[Enter Rosaur••

I remember I read in Plutarchus, that Brutus wou'd not trust his Wife Portia with Affairs of State, I'll imitate his Politiques.

Ros.

No News o' my Lord?

Flo.

I suppose Madam he's busied about some great affair.

Ros.

Mr. Florio, I have an humble address to make to you.

Flo.

What is it good Madam.

Ros.

I am a Woman more nice and careful of my honour, then any other Woman is of her face or skin; in my Husbands presence I am secure from malice, but in his absence I can never open my doors but slander will enter,

even your Religion and Vertue Sir cannot hinder her from following you in, and fastening on us both.

Flo.

Slander will have lean food in me Madam.

Ros.

All's one Sir, 'tis best to avoid her. I would therefore humbly beg you at all times of my Husbands absence to bestow your excellent conversati∣on elsewhere.

Flo.

'Twill be very prudent Madam.

Ros.

I hope you'l not take it ill Sir.

Flo.

By no means Madam.

Do you hear what an excellent Wife you have?

[aside.

Pod.

I know her Sir.

Flo.

An Admirable Woman!

Pod.

Sir, you need not inform me.

Ros.

Who ha' you got wi' you there?

Flo.

A very Honest Man Madam.

Ros.

Are you sure o' that? 'cause these are dark times, a Knave will shine in 'em like rotten Wood by night, And that Man has a notable out-side, he resembles much my Husband, who is one of the wisest men in this Age.

Flo.

Do you hear?

Pod.

Sir, she is a Woman of vast parts.

Ros.

I have a great fancy to secure him.

Br.

Pshaw, we shall have a fiddle faddle with her, and spoil our business— Get you gone, go.

[Exit Podesta.

Ros.

How does he flye? that's suspicious. Seize him.

Br.

Away, away Man, I'll follow you.

[Exit Bricklayer.

Flo.

No good Madam, I'll be bound for him. Ha! Ha! what a Coxcomb is this? now is he gone he knows not whether, to catch he knows not whom.

Ros.

What an Excellent thing, and how Useful in the World is Credu∣lity?

Flo.

'Tis so, to many excellent Trades, To the sparkish Fop, the Shopkeepers large faith swells his Feather and gar∣niture, To the Polititian, the believing empty-headed Rabble are his Blad∣ders. But oh 'tis of excellent use to a Lover.

Ros.

And to a Trade you ha' not nam'd—a Swearer.

Flo.

A Lover is a Swearer, a private one, he is not a publique Evidence, a Swearer-General.

Ros.

You were once Swearer-General to our whole Sex.

Flo.

But I recant, and now will I kiss no Book but these sweet Lips.

Ros.

Hold! not so fast.

Flo.

Why, what's to do?

Ros.

I must blush a while.

Flo.

Blushes are for the Morning of Love, we have travelled many tedi∣ous hours since that, and without any refreshment, except baiting now and

then at a Kiss, Those lips are delightful places, but not the end of the Jour∣ney.

Ros.

You say you have travel'd in Love, you say true, you have passed through many hearts, and I fear have wasted all your love by the way.

Flo.

I have onely tri••led away some unnecessary travelling expences, here will I lay out my whole heart.

Ros.

A mortgag'd Heart!

Flo.

Indeed it is not.

Ros.

What security will you give me?

Flo.

Have I not Pawn'd a Kingdom to you, I was King of Libertines, and I have left my Dominions, and all my fair female subjects to be a slave to you and a fool to the Priests.

[Knocks.

Knocking! we're undone! have talk'd away our precious minutes, Heaven grant it be not the old Coxcomb.

Ros.

Whoever it be, we are in an ill condition to

[louder knocking.

be thus lockt up together.

Flo.

Venture to ask who 'tis.

Ros.

Who's there?

Craf.

'Tis I Madam.

[Craffy within.

Ros.

'Tis the fool Craffy.

Flo.

What shall we do with him?

Craf.

Madam, I must speak with your Ladyship.

[Within

Ros.

Come some other time, I'm very busie now.

Craf.

This business must be done now Madam.

[Within

Ros.

Dispatch it where you are then.

Craf.

I cannot, this is private business Madam.

[Within.

Ros.

Then you must let it alone, for I neither can nor will speak wi' you.

Craf.

You must and shall speak with me, since you go to that, and if you won't let me in at the Door, I'll climb in at the Window.

Ros.

You are sawcy Sirrah.

Craf.

There is no business to be done without sawciness.

Flo.

What shall we do with this Fellow?

Ros.

Put on my Husbands Gown, Hat, and Perriwig, and lye upon the Couch as if you slept.

Craf.

Will you let me in or no?

Ros.

You are in great haste Sir.

Craf.

Yes that I am, my business is earnest.

Florio is disguis'd, and lies down, Rosaura opens the Door, Enter Craffy Drunk.

Craf.

So, she's all alone, as I hope to be sav'd!

Ros.

Well, what's your business Sir.

Craf.

I have sweet business! delicate business, and I'll do't I'll Warrant me—Drunkenness has given me wit and impudence, if it don't dis••igure me, I don't care, I am cursedly afraid 'twill put my features out of Rank and File, they won't march even, and gracefully, and in Battalia.

[aside.

Ros.

Well, hast thou given me all this trouble, and now hast nothing to say?

Craf.

Yes, I have something to say, and now it shall out. I come— I come—most sweet—

Ros.

Speak so••tly, for your Father's asleep on the Couch.

Craf.

My Father there! the Devil take him for his pains, that Blo••k∣head never did me any good, nor ever will; now he lies like a great Boome to hinder my Vessel from coming into the Harbour when the wind is fair: Od I could find in my heart to cut him!

Ros.

Well Sir, you ha' no business it seems?

Craf.

Od I'll do my business, and let the old Fool dispose his greasie Bags as he has a mind; I care not, I'le pass the Rubicon, and be ant Casar, aut nul∣lus— I come then to tell thee such a story, as no Age, nor History, can do the like.

Ros.

Ay, prithee let me hear that.

Craf.

Ay, prithee let me hear that with a smile, many a Roman General has fought a Battle upon the encouragement of Birds that have not chirp'd half so prettily; Prithee let me hear that—And thou sweet Rogue, thou sha't—

Ros.

The Bruit is drunk, and I never discern'd it.

Craf.

Then thou delicate Creature, I come to tell thee, I love and adore thee!

Ros.

Love and adore me? what does the Coxcomb mean? but why shou'd I consider the meaning of a Fool in drink?

Craff.

Nay, my News does come wet out o' the Press, that's certain, 'tis delicate News, is't not? what say'st thou? Have I no Darts nor Arrows in my eye? prithee look upon me, nay, look if this Fantastick Woman will look upon me? prithee look upon me, I'm newly Shav'd, and a Man looks like a notable smirk Rogue when he's Shav'd, his face is like a Bowl new wip'd, he may kiss the Mistriss if he has any skill, and I'll try.

Ros.

Sirrah, attempt any R••deness to me, and I'll waken your Father, and ruine ye; I am amaz'd he shou'd sleep thus!

Craff.

I believe there is a Proclamation come out against sleeping, and the Rogue takes a nap to affront the Government, for nothing else could make a Whigg quiet so long, that's certain.

Ros.

So Sir, you are a Ran••ing Tory, begone you had best, before I waken your Father, and you who are now so ••ull o' Wine, be turn'd out o' doors, and want Bread, consider that Sir.

Craff.

How! when I have thee before my eyes, dost thou think I can con∣sider a Crust? what a pittiful hungry thought was there?

Ros.

Dis-inheriting then and starving, are nothing to thee.

Craff.

I starve now, Love has dis-inherited my stomach, which, before I fell in love with thee, had as good a Title to meat as any stomach in Chri∣stendom, that is, if meat be made for stomachs, and now if I were to go to Law with a Chicken for Crums, he'd Cast me, I shou'd ha' nothing to shew for 'em, so that I must enjoy thee that I may eat agen.

Ros.

Enjoy me Sirrah! do you know who I am, you dare mention such 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Word before me?

Craff.

Know thee! I, well enough.

Ros.

Am not I your Father's Wife Sir?

Craff.

And what of all that?

Ros.

What of all that?

Craff.

Thou think'st I warrant I'll be frightned with Incest? with fee, fa, fum, I am not a Child to be scar'd from a Sack-Posset with a white fheet, if we must meddle with nothing that is a Kin to us, we must not eat or drink, for we are all near a Kin to our Victuals, but thou art no Kin to me, thou art onely tack'd to my Father's side by a Priest, and art no more my Mother then his Back-Sword is, for that's buckled to his side sometimes; Be∣sides, I don't know whether he be my Father or no, I'm sure he is not fit for't.

Ros.

Whatever I am to him or thee, 'tis sufficient I am nearly related to Vertue and Honour, and do not dare Sirrah, so much as to talk undecently before me.

Craff.

Why dost thou talk undecently before me?

Ros.

Who I?

Craff.

Yes, thy eyes talk Bawdy, thou hast the wanton'st eyes that ever I saw in my life: Gi' me a Kiss, gi' me a Kiss I say—the best you have in the house, won't you? I'll come to the Vessel my self then.

Ros.

Bless me! Husband! Husband!

Craff.

Let him wake if he dares.

Craff. chaces her round Chairs, Florio Snorts.

Ros.

Oh Lord! what shall I do?

Craff.

Ha! does he snort? let him snort agen, he has neither Powder nor Shot in his Nose.

Knocking at the door, Craffy starts, Rosaura opens it.

Enter Pietro.

Piet

Oh Madam! your Husband and the Bricklayer.

Ros.

How! where are they?

Piet.

Just coming into this Room.

Ros.

Cannot your Master possibly get by?

Piet.

Not possibly.

Ros.

Oh misery! shame! death! what shall I do?

Craff.

What's the matter Madam?

Ros.

Ha! what comes into my head! I'll make this fool beat his Father out; (aside) Oh your Father will be Murder'd, and I abus'd, here are Vil∣lains got into the house in Arms, one of them they say has a design upon my Person.

Craff.

Your Person?

Ros.

Ay, help us for Heavens sake!

Craff.

Where are they?

Ros.

Just coming into this Room, beat 'em out o' the house, as you value your Fathers life, and my Honour.

Craff.

I'll do't.

Ros.

Here they come.

Enter Podesta and Bricklayer, with Musquets and Blunderbusses at their backs, their Wastes stu••k round with Pistols, Craffy knocks his Father down, Pietro gets down the Bricklayer, whilst they are Scuffling Rosaura conveys Florio away, and lays the Hat, Gown, and Perriwigg upon the Couch, as if one slept under 'em; after some rowling upon the Stage, Podesta gets Craffy under∣most.

Pod.

Some one help me to kill this unnatural Rogue.

Br.

No, take him alive I charge you, that we may know who put him upon this horrible damnable Plot, for this is as horrible a Plot as has been these thousand years.

Pod.

Sirrah, who put you upon this horrible wickedness?

Craff.

Sirrah, who put you upon the horrible wickedness of attempting this sweet Lady?

Pod.

This Fellow's Drunk.

Ros.

As Drunk as he is, he asks no impertinent Questions, nor has he com∣mitted any great Error in the ill-favour'd Entertainment he has given you for entring my Husbands house in this armed posture, in these dangerous times, without giving me any notice what he has done, he did by my com∣mand, and i'le justifie it.

Pod.

This is a wise Woman.

Br.

The Woman could not act wiser if she were my own Wife.

Pod.

I'le reveal my self to her, Sweet-heart I am your Husband.

Ros.

Come Sir, lay aside your unseasonable and unmannerly mirth, these are no Rallying times, or if they were, you are not my equal at Repartee with me: But now I think on't, see what's become of my Husband some body, he has slept these two hours upon that Couch, and this rude Scuffle has frighted him away.

Piet.

Indeed Madam, I fancy this is my Lord.

Pod.

Sweet-heart, upon my Honour I left my Gown, Hat, and Perriwigg upon that Couch, and there's no difference between the Lord Podesta and me but a Gown.

Craff.

Then there is Roguery, for there lay a Fellow under that Gown. I'le swear I heard his Nose go.

Ros.

He says true.

Pod.

Bless me! here's a Plot.

Ros.

Some of the French Pilgrims to Murder you, and burn your House.

Pod.

Most certain, fetch a Regiment of the Militia, I'le have a Centry at every door in my House, two at every Post of my Bed, and one under my Bolster.

Br.

Search all the Tubbs, Pots, Bottles, and Vessels in your House, for Gun-powder.

Pod.

Yes, and I'le unpave the streets to see if the Stones be not Hand-Granadoes.

Ros.

'Tis necessary, and I hope your Lordship will not blame me for de∣fending your House, though you suffer'd something by it.

Pod.

'Twas admirably done.

Br.

Wisely, very wisely.

Pod.

Like a Woman that knows Man-kind.

Craff.

Well, and shall I no praises have, That beat the Knave?

Pod.

O 'twas very well done Craffy.

Br.

Very well indeed.

Pod.

But are not these Ʋnhappy times, That I can take no Joy In such a Wife, and great Estate,

Craf.

And such a Son as I.

[Exeunt.