Time's out of tune, plaid upon however in XX satyres / by Thomas Bancroft.

SATYRE V. Against Pride in Apparel.

SUrely that spiny man i' th' Moon on me Wrought at the hour of my Nativity, Or on my Cradle let his burthen slide, So ruggedly I look at Lordly pride, Slight all the modes of Gallantry, and loast Regard how Courtly Fashionists are drest. Had I of Herods Auditours been one, When sitting on his high Majestick throne In gorgeous robes, the Oratour he plaid, I should attentively his words have weigh'd, And stood amaz d to see him blasted by The Messenger of Heaven: but surely I Should have as little gaz'd at his attire, As some too much do garish sights admire, Muskin was of another mind, for he Took leave of his companions solemnly, As it he meant a Voiage t' undertake, Such as sometime did Magellan and Drake: But whither do you think the youngster bent His course? to Paris with all speed he went, To be the first that from that flaunting Court A new form'd fashion hither should transport. Now who but Muskin when again he came? He walkt as in a Geometrick frame, His limbs were set, and lookt as if he were Taking the altitude o' th' starry Sphere, When if a scalding Bath had been in's way, His skin had been in danger. Gallants lay In wait to court him, that they might thereby Be free to learn his dear-bought bravery.

And as some Grecian beauties, were survey'd, That Helens lineaments might be pourtraid: So with intent they might resemble him, These Zanies view'd each Frenchisied limb Of the late Traveller, and copyed forth That which they took to be his onely worth, I mean his outside. 'Twas not long before Such as prosess to swagger, drink and whore, Ruffled in's fashion, and he lookt most high That most exprest his garb and gallantry. How toyish, how ridiculous are we To trace another Nations vanity! And that so closely, that where they precede, Upon their heels we ready are to ••••cad. We followed them in a far nobler way, When through their Coasts we did our Flags display, Mow'd down with sharpest swords the pride and flower of France, and silenc'd all their threatening power. Then Helmets were our Beavers, Gauntlets were Our Gloves, in stead of Silks we did appear Horrid in Coats of Mail, and these all ore Rudely embroider'd with besprinkled gore Sluc'd from their veins, whose off-spring now may see Those times reveng'd for our hostility, Whilst Ape-like we are led in ways most vain, That melt our courages, and credits stain. The French were not at leisure to devise Quaint fashions then, nor were we so unwise So soon to take them up, so much t' esteem Their worthless toyes; though nowadayes we seem To pluck their buds of pride, so soon as ere In that too forward Region they appear. Now is the Court of France our Gallants School, Where all they learn is finely to befool Themselves, and at no little charge to be Both vain and vicious in an high degree.

Hast thou not, England, vices of thine own More then enough, and those too fully grown, But thou must fetch from other Nations more, And add them to thine own detested score? So of the Germans didst thou learn to drown Thy senses in strong liquors, quassing down More shame therewith then though canst purge away, Though tho should'st use Abstersives every day, And more belave thy same then Pharisees Their hands, when innocence they did profess. And so great Rome (whose fortitude excell'd, And where her weapons clasht, the Nations quell'd) Brought forrain vices home, and seem'd to be A tower-like pile of all impiety, Of such enormous and stupendious height, That it must needs be ruin'd by its weight. As an high branch of pride did once confound Language, and gave thereby the world a wound: So breeds it still confusion in estates, That scarce we can distinguish Potentates From Peasants. Lately met I on the way One of our Nobles habited in gray, His man in Scarlet; to whom, being so brave, Titles of Honour at each word I gave, Shew'd him my bare head, and inform'd him too By bowing what my better leg could do, As taking him (so much I was i' th' wrong) For that great Peer to whom he did belong. Whereat his Lord said: 'Sir, it doth appear 'You chanc'd to know my servant th' other year, 'When he was Lord of mis-rule; then (I grant) 'As high and big he lookt as John of Gaunt; 'But now he's dwindled to poor Jack. I straight Blusht, and crav'd pardon for my mis-conceit: Saying, 'If such respect your man must have, 'Then what must you, my Lord, that keep the Knave?

Such Vassals heretofore were not allow'd In shining robes to shew themselves so proud: Onely brave Worthies rais'd to dignities, Marcht with bright colours, that do symbolize With the most noble element, the fire; The very sight whereof might well inspire Their breasts with glowing heat of charity, And swell their hearts with magnanimity. Vestures were veils of shame, not made to lay Sin open to the view, that one may say There goes a vain Phantastick, yonder's a Right Luciferian Spark, that doth display Pride in its colours; all those ribbands fine, Buttons and lace that on his sute do shine, Speak him no less. Seest thou yond' female thing Of eleven-teen, as gawdy as the Spring, Whilest ragg'd as Winter her poor Parents are? She with the bare breasts, and the powder'd hair, Whose face looks like a Sillibub bestrew'd With currans; note her for a Nymph by lewd Vices destowr'd, and meerly lost in vain Courses and courtships, that best beauties stain, Less sin and trouble do those Indians know, And other Nations, that as naked go As Nature sent them forth, although they dwell Under as cold an Heaven and parallel, As many Europaans: All the year They sweat not in close shops, as we do here, Using as many trades and several arts (Illib'ral) as we have external parts; All to bedeck a panting lump of clay, And all our labours on the back to lay; That for our pinching wrong, and proud disdain, The belly well may grumble and complain. The very excrements of beasts (as are Our balls of sweet perfume, silk, wool, and hair)

And the base earths embrightned parts beside, Are the Supporters of our lofty pride, Or the materials rather, speaking plain That we are follies children, void of brain. Were any so ingenuous to confess That they no mental treasures do possess, And therefore (left they should contemned be) Make up that want with golden braverie, They for the truths sake should my pardon have; Who haply o're their guilty backs should wave My knotty scourge, but give them leave to go Untoucht, and all their gallantry to show. Surely those persons wretchedly neglect Their minds, whose bodies are too bravely deckt: Their gay clothes are the ensigns of their pride, Baits of their lusts, and cousenages beside, Who upon suretiship of rich aray, Do borrow what they need intend to pay. Those habits that most nobly do adorn The soul, and are with gen'ral liking worn, Are meekness, courtesie, humility; These harbour not with too high gallantry: But where the body shines in richest dress, The soul's obscur'd, and droops in nakedness. Some superstitiously have dream that they Could not to th' Heavenly Kingdome miss the way; If in a poor Franciscans hood they dy'd: But likelier 'tis that who from courtly pride Estrange their lives, and humbly do demean Themselves, should high beatitude obtain. All birds (safe, Aesops Daw) have ever wore Their native plumes, and coveted no more; Beasts are contented with their wool and hair; Fishes, their slimy scales and shells to wear; And the low'st form of creatures, Flyes, and all Those animals that on the earth do crawl.

Seem well pleas'd with those teguments and dyes Which Nature gave them, as fit properties To act their part in. Whoere knew the Bee Traffique for gay wings with the Butterfly? Or hath observ'd the Spider to desire The Gloworms splendour, which we much admire? Or seen the Ant affecting to be drest In Down of Palmer-worms, that fields infest? But men, all creatures wronging, from them take Such ornaments as for the purpose make Of proud desires; they frustrate all the toil Of the poor Silk-worm, Shell fishes despoil Of their bright treasures, Ostriches destroy For their fair plumes, and kill for ivory Huge Elephants. By traffique we uphold Th' estate of pride; from Peru comes our gold, From Sun-saluting Sera finely wrought Silks, from Arabia are sweet odours brought, Rich glittering gemms from Persia, and from Achaia do pure shining linens come; Each Nation thus contributes less or more To make us proud of their superfluous store. 'Tis not the least plague of mankind t' addict Themselves t'a vanity that doth afflict Such as pursue it, and d stubs almost The whole world, whilst we ransack every Coast For such things as Commodities we call Untruly, sith they profit not at all, No more than S••nny beams make things to be Of more price then in nights obscurity. What poor shifts fools do make, that they may go In rich at ire, and make a gallant show! Like Souldiers in a stormed Town, they'l have All they can meet with ••l, to make them brave; Rings they will wear, though wrung their bowels be With hunger, and clung up through penury;

And gold and silver on their backs must shine, Though their Domestiques (with dark faces) pine. Well may our Gallants be suppos'd to hide Deformities, that with great charge provide Gay trifles, as therewith themselves t'adorn, When the become thereby the common scorn. It was not long since Gibbon at our Court Made the fastidious Gallants goodly sport: His back was broad enough to undergo More jests then Poets and Buffons can throw, And such his shoulders were, as IAtlas's Are pourtraid, when the Pencil would express His suff'rings under his Celestial load: Yet (by the Tailour rectifi'd) abroad He walkt, at Court his comely parts to show, With rear'd-up head like a rain'd Horse did go, Drew in his bunched back, and so did strain Himself, that crabbedly for very pain He lookt, whilst all the youngsters at the Court (That knew the knobbed lump) did flour him for't, Askt how the Gull became so bravely trickt, And what quaint tongue had into fashion lickt Such a Bear-whelp. Thus in the stead of grace And fair respect, derision in his face Was flung, and his proud folly so laught down, That I grew sorry for the baffled Clown. The like left handed luck have all that so Heighten themselves, and make a gallant show 'Bove their degree. The Ivy does sometime Above the Vine with prouder flourish climbe, As th' Elder doth the Balsame-tree out-grow; Yet of these Plants do very Rusticks know The diff 'rent worth: no less is th'odds betwixt Good souls in humble innocency fixt, And such as highly do by pride offend: Reproch and infamy on these attend,

While th'other, that the altitudes neglect Of honour, are beheld with high respect.