Amusements serious and comical, calculated for the meridian of London by Mr. Brown.

The Fragments of an Indian Letter.

THE English pretend that they they Worship but one God, but for my Part, I don't believe what they say: For besides several Living Divinities, to which we may see them daily offer their Vows, they have se∣veral other Inanimate ones to whom they pay Sacrifices, as I have obser∣ved at one of their Publick Meetings, where I happened once to be.

In this Place there is a great Altar to be seen, built round and covered with a Green Whachum, lighted in the midst, and encompassed by seve∣ral Persons in a sitting Posture, as we do at our Domestick Sacrifices.

At the very Moment I came into the Room, one of those, who I sup∣posed was the Priest, spread upon the Altar certain Leaves which he took out of a little Book that he held in his Hand. Upon these Leaves were re∣presented certain Figures very aw∣kardly Painted; however they must needs be the Images of some Divini∣ties; for in proportion as they were distributed round, each one of the Assistants made an Offering to it, greater or less, according to his De∣votion. I observed that these Offer∣ing were more considerable than those they make in their other Tem∣ples.

After the aforesaid Ceremony is o∣ver, the Priest lays his Hand in a trembling manner, as it were, upon the rest of the Book, and continues some time in this posture seized with Fear, and without any Action at all: All the rest of the Company, atten∣tive to what he does, are in Suspence all the while, and unmovable, like himself. At last every Leaf which he returns to them, these unmovable Assistants are all of them in their Turn possest by different Agitations, according to the Spirit which happens

to seize them: One joyns his Hands together, and Blesses Heaven, another very earnestly looking upon his I∣mage, Grinds his Teeth; a third Bites his Fingers and stamps upon the Ground with his Feet. Every one of them, in short, make such extraordinary Po∣stures and Contortions, that they seem to be no longer Rational Crea∣tures. But scarce has the Priest re∣turned a certain Leaf, but he is like∣wise seised by the same Fury with the rest. He tears the Book, and devours it in his Rage, throws down the Altar, and Curses the Sacrifice. Nothing now is to be heard but Complaints and Groans, Cries and Imprecations. See∣ing them so Transported, and so Fu∣rious, I judge that the God they Wor∣ship is a Jealous Deity, who to Punish them for what they Sacrifice to others, sends to each of them an Evil Demon to Possess him.

I have thus shewed you what Judg∣ment an Indian would be apt to pass upon the Transports he finds in our Gamesters. What wou'd he not have thought then, if he had seen a∣ny of our Gaming Ladies there.

'Tis certain that Love it self as ex∣travagant as it is, never occasion'd so many Disorders among the Women, as the unaccountable Madness of Ga∣ming. How come they to abandon themselves thus to a Passion that dis∣composes their Minds, their Healths, their Beauty, that Ruines—What was I going to say? But this Picture does not shew them to Advantage, let us draw a Curtain over it.

In some Places they call Gaming-Houses Academies; but I know not why they should inherit that Honou∣rable Name, since there's nothing to be learn'd there, unless it be Slight of Hand, which is sometimes at the Ex∣pence of all our Money, to get that of other Mens by Fraud and Cun∣ning.

The Persons that meet are general∣ly Men of an Infamous Character, and are in various Shapes, Habits, and Employments. Sometimes they are Squires of the Pad and now and then borrow a little Money upon the King's High-Way, to recruit their Losses at the Gaming-House, and when a Hue and Cry is out, to apprehend them, they are as safe in one of these Hou∣ses, as a Thief in a Mill, and practise

the old Trade of Cross-biting Cullies, assisting the Frail square Dye with high and low Fullums, and other Nap∣ping Tricks, in comparison of whom the common Bulkers, and Pick-Pock∣ets, are a very honest Society.

How unaccountable is this way to Beggary, that when a Man has but a little Money, and knows not where in the World to compass any more, unless by hazarding his Neck for't, will try an Experiment to leave him∣self none at all: Or, he that has Money of his own, should play the Fool, and try whether it shall not be another Man's. Was ever any thing so Nonsensically Pleasant?

One idle day I ventur'd into one of these Gaming-Houses, where I found an Oglio of Rakes of several Humours, and Conditions met toge∣ther. Some that had lost were Swear∣ing, and Damning themselves, and the Devil's Bones, that had left them never a Penny to bless their Heads with. One that had play'd away even his Shirt and Cravat, and all his Clothes but his Breeches, stood shivering in a Corner of the Room, and another comforting him, and saying, Damme Jack, who ever thought

to see thee in a State of Innocency: Cheer up, Nakedness is the best Re∣ceipt in the World against a Fevor, and then fell a Ranting, as if Hell had broke loose that very Moment.

What the Devil have we here to do, says my Indian, do's it Rain Oaths and Curses in this Country? I see Gamesters are Shipwrackt be∣fore they come to understand their Danger, and loose their Clothes be∣fore they have paid their Taylors. They should go to School in my Country to learn Sobriety and Ver∣tue. I told him, instead of Acade∣mies, these Places should be call'd Cheating-Houses: Whereupon a Bully of the Blade came strutting up to my very Nose, in such a Fury, that I would willingly have given half the Teeth in my Head for a Composition, crying out, Split my Wind-pipe, Sir, you are a Fool, and don't understand Trap, the whole World's a Cheat.

The Play-House cheats you of your time, and the Tradesmen of your Mo∣ney, without giving you either Sense or Reason for't. The Attorney picks your Pocket, and gives you Law for't; the Whore picks your Purse, and gives you the Pox for't it; and the Poet

picks your Pocket, and gives you nothing for it. Lovers couzen you with their Eyes, Orators with their Tongues, the Valiant with their Arms, Fidlers with their Fingers, Surgeons with Wooden Legs, and Courtiers and Songsters, empty your Pockets, and give you Breath and Air for it: And why should not we Recruit by the same Methods that have Ruin'd us.

Our Friends, continued he, gives us good Advice, and would fain draw us off from the Course we are in, but all to no purpose: We ask them what they would have us do? Mo∣ney we have none, and without it there is no Living: Should we stay till it were brought, or come alone? How would you have a poor Indivi∣duum Vagum live? that has neither Estate, Office, Master, nor Friend to maintain him: And is quite out of his Element, unless he be either in a Tavern, a Bawdy-House, or a Gaming Ordinary. No, we are the Men, says he, that Providence has appoin∣ted to live by our Wits, and will not want while there is Money above Ground. Happy Man catch a Mackeril. Let the Worst come to'th Worst, a Wry Mouth on the Tripple Tree, puts

an end to all Discourse about us.

From the Gaming-House we took our Walk through the Streets, and the first Amusements we Encountred, were the Variety and contradictory Language of the Signes, enough to perswade a Man there were no Rules of Concord among the Citizens. Here we saw Ioseph's Dream, the Bull and Mouth, the Hen and Razor, the Ax and Bottle, the Whale and Crow, the Shovel and Boot, the Leg and Star, the Bible and Swan, the Frying-Pan and Drum, the Lute and Tun, the Hog in Armour, and a thousand others that the wise Men that put them there can give no Reason for.

Here walk'd a Fellow with a long white Rod on his Shoulder, that's a∣sham'd to cry his Trade, though he gets his Living by it; another bawl∣ing out TODD's Four Volumes in Print, which a Man in Reading of, wou'd wonder that so much Venom should not tear him to pieces, but that some of the ancient Moralists have observed, that the Rankest Poy∣son may be kept in an Asses Hoof, or a Fool's Bosom. Some say, the first Word he spoke was Rascal, and that if he lives to have Chldren, they

will all speak the same Dialect, and have a Natural Antipathy to Eggs, because their Father was palted with hundreds of them, when he was dig∣nified on the Pillory.

Other Amusements presented them∣selves as thick as Hops, as Moses Pi∣ctur'd with Horns on his Head, to keep Cheapside in Countenance. Bi∣shop Overal's Convocation Book Carved over the Dean of St. P—l's Stall in that Cathedral. Here sate a Fellow selling little Balls to take the Stains out of the Citizens Wives Petticoats, that should have been as big as Foot-Balls, if applied to that purpose. Un∣der that Bulk was a Prejector clicking off his Swimming Girdles, to keep up Merchants Credits from sinking. A pretty Engine to preserve Bankers and Ensurers from Breaking, and prevent publishing it in the Gazette, when they are Broke; that they will pay all their Debts as far as it may stand with their Convenience.

In that Shop was an indebted Lord talking of his Honour, and a Trades∣man of his Honesty, things that every Man has, and every thing is, in some Disguise or other, but duly consider'd, there are scarce any such things in the

World, unless among Pawn-Brokers, Stock-Jobbers, and Horse-Coursers; so that the Lord and Tradesman were discoursing about nothing; and sig∣nified no more, than the Parson's Preaching against Covetousness to the Maim'd, Blind, and superannuated Soldiers in Chelsey-College, nor Dr. Sal∣mon's prescribing Cow Heels to a Mar∣ried Couple, as a conglutinating A∣liment. But there the Weaver had the Afcendant of the Doctor.

As we pass'd along, I could not forbear looking into some of the Shops, to see how the Owners im∣ployed themselves in the Absence of Customers, and in a Barber's Shop I saw a Beau so overladen with Wig▪ that there was no difference between his Head, and the Wooden one that stood in the Window. The Fop it seems, was newly come to his Estate, though not to the years of Discretion, and was singing the Song. Happy is the Child whose Father is gone to the Devil, and the Barber all the while keeping time on his Cittern; for you know a Cittern and a Barber is as natural as Milk to a Calf, or the Beares to be attended by a Bag-piper.

In the Scrivener's Shop I saw a company of Sparks that were selling their Wives and their Portions, and Purchasing Annuities; and Old Ten-in-the-Hundred-Fathers, Damning themselves to raise their Posterities. In the Tobacconist's Shops Men were sneezing and spawling, as if they were all Clapt, and under a Saliva∣tion for the cure on't. They that smoak'd it, were persecuting others to follow their Example, and they that snuff'd it up in Powder, were drawing upon themselves the Incom∣modies of all Age, in the perpetual Annoyance of Rheum and Drivel.

Pursuing my Voyage through the City, and casting a Leere into the Shops of the Rich Drapers, Mercers, and Lacemen, I saw them haunted by many People in Want, especially young Heirs newly at Age, and Spendthrifts, that came to borrow Money of them. Alas, said the Traders, Times are Dead, and little Money stirring. All we can do, is to furnish you with what the Shop affords; and if a Hundred Pound or two in Commodities will do you any good, they are at your Ser∣vice. These the Gallants take up at

an excessive Rate, to sell immediate∣ly for what they can get▪ and the Trader has his Friend to take them off Underhand at a third part of the Value, by way of helping Men in Di∣stress. These are they that inveagle unthinking Animals, into all sorts of extravagant Expences, and ruin them Insensibly under colour of Kindness and Credit: For they set every thing at double the Value; and if you keep not touch at your Day, your Persons are imprisoned, your Goods seized, and your Estates extended. And they that help'd to make you Prin∣ces before, are now the forwardest to put you into the Condition of Beg∣gars.

Among other Amusements, let us speak a Word or two of Lombard-street, where Luxury seems to carry us to Peru, where you behold their Ma∣gazines, Ingots of Gold and Silver as big as Pigs of Lead; and your Ladies after they have travell'd thi∣ther with some liberal Interloper, car∣ry home with them more than their Husbands are worth, and drag at their long Tails the whole Substance of a Herd of Creditors. Here are Jewels and Pearls, Rubies and Dia∣monds,

Broad Pieces, Guineas, Lewis d'Or's, Crown Pieces, and Dollars without Number: Nay, in some of their Shops is nothing to be seen, or Sold, but great heaps of Money; that would tempt a Man to think, the whole Indies were emptied into one single Shop 'tis so full of Gold and Silver; and yet it often happens, that he that is possest of all this vast Treasure, is not worth a brass Far∣thing. To Day his Counters bend un∣der the weight of Cash, and to Mor∣row the Shop is shut up, and you hear no more of our Goldsmith, till you find him in a Gazette, torn to pieces by a Statute of Bankrupt: And he and his Creditors made a Prey by a parcel of devouring Vermin, call'd Commissioners.

The Neighbouring Country is Stocks-Market, where you see a large Garden, Paved with Pibble Stones in all the Beds and Allies; indifferently open to all Comers and Goers, and yet bears as good Herbs, Fruits, and Flowers, as any in the World. Here is Winter dress'd in the Livery of Sum∣mer. Every day a Crop is gather'd, and every Night are stockt up in Ba∣skets, till the next days Sun does o∣pen them.

About this Garden great Numbers of Nymphs reside, who each of them live in their respective Tubs: They have not only that in common with Diogenes, but like that Philosopher also, they speak out freely to the first Comer whatever comes uppermost. A further Description I would give you of their Parts, and Persons, but that I cannot endure the smell of the Serjeants at the Counter-Gate, who stink worse than old Ling, or Assa faetida, and would poyson the Coun∣try, if this pleasant Garden was not an Antidote against their Infection. And therefore I'll go back again into the Country of