The honest ghost, or, A voice from the vault

The Politicall Ape.

ALas, fond Apes; how shallow doe these show, Thus to discover whatso'ere they know? They have no Project be it nere so slight But must be publish'd to the open light: Their hearts are in their mouths, which they disclose Not onely to their friends, but to their foes. Which lightnes I abhorre; for nere shall hee Be scholed in the grounds of policie, Who by experience has not got the art To make his Tongue a stranger to his heart. He onely to the hight of wisdome growes Who seemes as if he knew not what he knows. His Projects must be neatly shadowed, His drifts with secret Curtains covered;

His Plotts so smooth as the quick'st-sighted men Cannot with all their sleights discover them. There's nothing in the World I more detest Then t' have transparent Windows in my brest; For by this meanes my inside should be laid Ope to the world, and all my tricks displaid: Which would not onely grieve me, but enforce The World to love me ever longer worse. In my opinion those Cilician Geese Are wiser in their secrecy then these, Who have expos'd themselves to publick view By making others knowne to what they knew. For they (as t'is reported) When they fly Over mount Taurus, least they should descry Their flight by cackling to those Eagles there Which in aboundance to those Hills repaire, With winged speed (for there they dare not tarrie) They hast, and in their Bills small Stones doe carrie. Thus by instinct they use a policie To save them from their furious enemie: While these tame fools, whom sillie Geese condemne Will give their foes advantage over them. But these that dance so blindly in a net Shall be excluded from my Cabinet; They are too full of chinks, so let them rest, "My Secretarie shall be my owne Brest. In all those Coasts wherein I have remain'd, I 've some experience in my courses gain'd, Which I made use of to my owne behoofe; And where I ever seem'd to hold a loofe,

I was most interessed still in that, Yet few could reach the pearch I aymed at. I never saw that Statseman in my dayes, (Nor would I have it spoken to my praise) Whom I in short time could not make my friend, And finde as soone whereto his aymes did tend. For thus I wrought him; First I sought to wind Into his Nature, how he stood inclin'd, Which found, I most affection us'd to show To that, which he stood most affected to: Whereby, as Jet attracts the yeelding straw, Just as I would, could I his humour draw. Or by his ends, if once I had displaid him, I by that meanes would labour to perswade him, Which he could not resist, seeing me bend My speech to that whereto his course did tend. Likewise if my observance found him weake, I of his Weakenesse would advantage take, And if he were so stiffe I could not draw him, His Weaknesse gave me strength to overaw him. But if he could by none of these be rested, By meanes of Some where he was interested, His bosome open'd to receive me in, Where seiz'd, I tooke in hand to governe him. In all my time, Man was my onely book, On which with serious Studie I did look: Tracing all his demensions to and fro, For still I dogg'd him where he us'd to go. Were he a Statist I observ'd him streight, And poiz'd him too, to finde if he were weight;

And now and then I found him wondrous light, Or else bleere-ey'd and blemish'd in his sight. For eyther his Ambition did so mad him, As he would doe what ere his fancy bad him; Or else his bleered Judgement so deprav'd him, As still in State-affaires he misbehav'd him. In which observances I wondred much (Not without just occasion) any such Should be advanc'd to place of that esteeme, Who never knew what State-affaires did meane. So as more aptly could I not compare These Spongie Statesmen who are nought but ayre, Then to that world-wasting Phaeton, Whose ayme's to guide the Progresse of the Sun, When they alasse (so simple are these Elves) Can hardly give direction to themselves. Nor did I onely limit my Survey To these who have the glory of the Day, Sitting like Pilots at the sterne of State, But such as were of lower Estimate. Where I observ'd, there was not any vice Derivative to man form Paradise, That could her secret Poyson so much smother As not infuse it selfe in one or other. For men of all degrees employed were How to their Seed they might a fortune reere; Wherein they all contended how they might Incroach the farr'st upon an others right. Which practise I approv'd, yet much condemne The weake and open passages of them;

For their projectments scarcely were begun Till they discover'd all that they had done; Which gave their foes occasion to prevent, By timely circumspection, their intent. I rather relish him can play the knave, Yet seems as if he knew not to deceive: For in my books He is the only one Who hath a wit, yet seems as he had none. There is no walke that me so much doth pase As tracing clouds with Aristophanes; To walke, I meane, obscure, as censure may Tax neither what I act nor what I say. Which to effect the better, I doe give Such satisfaction wheresoere I live; As there's no rite nor custome that can show it, But I can soon conform my self unto it. Yea of my faith a nose of wax I make, Though all I doe seems done for Conscience sake. For I addresse my selfe in any case Unto the disposition of the place: At Rome I live just as the Romists doe, Elswhere I live as they'r affected to. At pure-Geneva, Protestant I am, At Doway or at Rhemes another man; In Germany a selfe-inspired Luther, At Amsterdam a Laodicean Neuter, 'Mongst zealous men I seem a hot Precisian, But when I come within the Inquisition, Lest, touching my profession, they should doubt me I carry store of Reliques still about me;

Which I suppose to be the only course, For without these I well might fare the worse. Thus I conform my selfe to any Rite, Be he Armenian or Hugonite; State-stirring Brownist, or a Broughtonist, Licentious Famulist, or Barrowist, His Ape I am, and will be so profest, To make me more familiar with his brest; On which I worke my aymes, for by my wit What ere I act, my Conscience shadows it. For prosper in the world few I know, And hold concurrence with Religion too; Which makes me gull the world with a pretence Of hypocritick zeale and conscience. For popular opinion 's my desire, So as in th' Country I have built a Quire Where I and my religious family Make our rep•…•…ire (as seems us) usually; Yet from the Pulpit far remote's my Seat, Because I am not well resolved yet In •…•…ase of Conscience, therefore would I be Far of, that's doctrine may not trouble me. The cause is this; as yet I have no time To treat of any thing that is Divine; My ayms are plots of profit, plants of pleasure, For points of Faith, Ile think of them at leisure. "Who wish unto their aymes an happy end, "Must in their aymes no other thing intend; For he that deales much in the world, I trow, Without the Church, he has enough to doe.

Nor with these Politick Rules doe I resort Only to City, Country, and the Court; For I these grounded axioms can show Unto the learned Academie too: Where with quick eye I may observe their tricks Withouten Aristotles-politicks.

Here a grand-Senior-Dunce will keep his place, Although he have a Parsonage in chace; Which having purchas'd, yet concealing it, Some yeere or two heel keep his Fellowship. The selfe-same smooth politicall-abuse Have I observ'd in Masters of a House, By whom such Fellowes only are appointed As had their oylie-fists before annoynted; So as, though't seem much different to their functiō, "Nought they affect so much as extreme-unction. Where no Election can be freely granted, If he that would be chosen fellow, wanted; For no admission can be ever made Untill the Master of the House be paid. Besides, conveyance of their Colledge-Leases, Is as the President or Provost pleases; Which many times themselves they so befriend, As they convert them to their proper end: For it is daily seene what course they take, And what commoditie of these they make. To all which acts I approbation give, "For he that cannot sharke, he cannot live. All Engins must be us'd that we may git Unto our selves a certain benefit.

Nor can he thrive that cannot well dispence For profits sake, with Faith and Conscience. From forrain-States intelligence I have, Which like our weekly Corrants I receive By means of such as are employ'd for me In ev'ry place where their occasions be. These, like Architas wooden-Dove, can bring Tidings from such a State, or such a King; So as nought can be done in any Nation, Whereof my Agents give me not relation: Which betters my experience in each part, Making my best friends strangers to my heart. For he that has the humor to display Himselfe unto his friend, although he may, Yet his too open brest shall at no time Partake of any secrecy of mine: I may presume my Councells must be showne By him, who has not brains to keep his owne. I hold it to be oyle and labor spent Here to discourse what th' Spanish-treaty meant, But nere had businesse so strange a carriage; To make more shows and lesse intend a marriage; But this was so well shadow'd, give it due, By th' Spanish Jipsy and her wandring. crue, As I will presse no more this Subject now, "Only the Cinque-ports must be look'd unto.

Thus have I sto•…•…'d my well-experienc'd pate With Politick-Rules extracted from each State, Where I have liv'd or conversant have bin, As there was none but I could humor him.

For was he zealous? I could make a shew Of fervent zeale and of devotion too; Was he a worldling? I was worldly given, Discoursing more of Mammon then of heaven; Was he voluptuous? Ide consort him right, As one devoted wholy to delight; In briefe, there was no ranke, degree, nor state, Which in my selfe I could not personate. Nor care I much whats'ever the world deeme, This is my Mott: I am not what I seeme.