The honest ghost, or, A voice from the vault

His Vision.

CLose by a Rill, where Springs sweet murm'ring kept, I took a book to read, and reading slept; And whilest I slept, presented were such shapes Of wanton Monkies, Marmosites, and Apes; As more I gaz'd, I mused still the more To note their shapes and habits which they wore. For One took on him state, and at a feast Sat as he had beene some great Lord at least: Those that with all obeysance did salute him, Were Parasite and Sycophants about him; Who with Earth-scraping congies dev•…•…y show To this State-Marmosite Magnifico

The next, a pleasant Ape, came to my sight, And he was all for pastime and delight. He plaid such tricks, I thought som Faune begat him, And I had like awak't with laughing at him. Now would he skip upon a Ladies bed, Then downe againe, as one had surfeited; Streight for some other pleasure took hee care, As how to get choyce Harriers for the Hare,

Or with what Hawke to make his ev'ning fl•…•…ght, Or with what Consorts passe the weary night: So as me thought each houre he did complaine him, Wanting some new device to entertaine him.

The third held in his claw a verbal story Larded with ayrie titles of vaine-glory; Wherein his carpet honour was displaid, For th' painted flagg confirm'd what ere hee said: And this same Ape did for his Sea-men call As if he had been some great Admirall, Who had command; or else beene thither sent To keepe in awe the liquid regiment. His Styles were many, and of such esteeme, I mused much at first what they did meane; So as I ask'd one Ape that stood hard by, What had hee done to gaine such dignity? Why, nought at all (quoth hee); for all his store Of Titles now, hee was sometimes as poore As meanest of us all: but this same Ape Hath gain'd him estimation by his shape; Which makes him so vaine glorious as h•…•…e is, Prizing •…•…o▪ mans deserts so great as his.

Having tane full and perfect view of him, As hee went out an other Ape came in Tyde round with ribband favours which hee ware About his wrest, or in his eare and hare; The Ape of fancy term'd he well might be, For Ape had never more varietie Of Tyes, Toyes, Rings and Bracelets, which he said Were each one booties from a severall Maid,

Whose hearts hee held, so lovely were his parts, And might be rightly styl'd the King of Hearts. An amorous Ape he was, fixing his eye On his Spectators as hee passed by; For selfe conceite of his deserts did move him To thinke none look't upon him, did not love him.

No sooner was hee vanish'd, then an Ape Of complete fashion, and unequall'd sh pe Approch'd methought, who as hee drew more nie, Hee struck more admiration in mine eye; For cloaths hee wore were all of distinct fashion, And had a taste each one of several Nation. His quilted doublet French, his hat Polonian, His breech Italionate, his boots Ionian; Y•…•…a view his formal Suite from head to foot, Seven Countries were at least requir'd unto 't. Yet though his lims were neat, his face was hard, And set with Rubies like an Aenobarbe; So as when ere hee came in publique place, Hee had a maske to sconce his firie Face. Yet I p•…•…rceiv'd of all the Apes that were, None more esteem'd then was this Traveller; For hee was most accomplish'd, and did seeme By helpe of forraine Courts where hee had beene Of choicest Entertainmeut, though his fashion Appear'd to me an apish affectation: "For that is best which with our selves is bred, "And not from other Nations borrowed.

Next this, an other made himselfe exprest, By seeming wiser farre then all the rest;

An Ape of Observation, who pretended Hee was from matchlesse Machavel descended, And unto such mysterious knowledge come, Hee knew what ere was done in Christendome. Nor was his knowledge grounded on pretence, But Speculation and intelligence: So as more treasures were hid in his braine Then all the Seventy Provinces containe. Yet did I smile to see how th' rest did grin, And mop, and mow, and flout and fleere at him; For though hee seem'd all others to surpasse, Hee was esteem'd a selfe-conceited Asse, Whose Observations were not worth a stroe, Nor knew hee more then all the World did know. But yet some still would praise him to the skie, Stile him the master-peece of policie, And with their oylie tongues extoll him so, As on these Fauns he would whole Farms bestow. This made me laugh, that such a simple Ape Should of himselfe grow so opinionate, As hee would have the world to beleeve The wisdome of y^e wise hung on his sleeve.

But while these Apes & all their pranks were shown, A Silken Ape came in and put them downe; His breath was nought but perfume, and his skin As sleeke and smoth as any Ladies chin; Ranke-set with gold and pearle was his coat, As if hee had beene one of speciall note. Yet when hee had shewne all that hee could show, One whispring in mine eare; said hee, I know

This gilded Trunck, this rotten painted Tombe, And how of late hee's to this glory come. "This Cinnamon Tree, quoth he (for his proud hide "Is better worth then all the bulke beside) "Tooke first plantation in the Ile of Wight "From whence he, forc'd w^th famin, took his flight; "But ere this wagg did to a beard aspire, "Hee was by fortune made an Applesquire "To a right active Lady, who 'tis sed, "Advanc'd him from the Basket to her Bed. "Since which auspicious fate, hee did resort "Like one of Cynthia's followers, to the Court, "Where he remains as spruce, you see, as may be, "Fed onely by reversions from his Ladie. "Yet note this Court-Ape, and you shall observe "More state in him, then those who best deserve! "Rich is his Robe, his presence scornefull too, "For hee on better men will scarce bestow "Least semblance of respect, so proud is hee "To those where hee should most respective bee. "Yet what are his deserts, that they should seeme "Worthie such congies or so great esteeme? "Perchance this Ape can court; admit hee can, "This makes him not a compleat Gentleman. "Dare hee with resolution enter list "With his Opponent or Antagonist? "Dare hee contend for honour in the Field, "And yeeld up life before one foot hee yeeld? "No, dainty milk-sop, these would soon out dare him "Hee must not fight, his Lady cannot spare him.

This said, this Court-Ape thought he was displayd By that long private whispering we had made; So, as one conscious of some special crime Which this neat Youth had acted in his time, He streight retir'd; To stay, none could intreat him, Till that the Citie-Ape by chance did meet him. Who after due salutes in seemly sort, "As, Brother Ape, when will you come to Court "To see a Maske; or, if you think not fit "To come your self, your wife may visit it. With equall thanks, his curt'sie to requite, The Citie-Ape did tender him the like; "If he unto the Exchange would but repair, "And make his choice of such rare knacks were there. The Court-Ape took his leave, his leave was light, While th' Citie-Ape displaid him in my sight: In comely habit, and of grave aspect; Yet was there one thing I did disaffect, Which to my view, was represented there, And long ere this had cost the Citie deere. For still me thought this Ape could ne're finde any To consort with, though there were Consorts many, But that same Ape of Honour, who did look As if he meant to get into his Book; Which was his aime, and therefore did embrace him As his dee•…•…bosome friend; For so to grace him Would, as he thought, be th' way to tye him to him; To tye him! No, but rather to undo him. Yet see this credulous conceited Ape, He credits the protestations he doth make,

And to the utmost of his State he proffers To give him trust, and he accepts his offers. Nor skils it much what gain he means to reap, "He that will never pay, gets ware good cheap.

These had not long confer'd, but I might see A Country-Ape attyred flovenlie, And he was ever poring on the ground, "Counting how many pence came to a pound: An Almanack he had within his brest, On whose judicious Rules he set his rest; For they did calculate (for so he thought) Whether his Heire would thrive or come to nought. He held no happie dayes were worthy naming, But such as spake of some ensuing Famine; Which having found, with ceremonious show He kist the Book, and blest the Author too. For this same Ape (as he appear'd to me) Was for engrossing, biting Usurie, And all oppression, so surpassing conning, As all his Country had their hand•…•…ulls on him. Which other Apes observing, had displaid him In worser terms before he had conve•…•…'d him; But, by a private path or passage, he Retyr'd himself, and gaind him libertie. Thus did this Worme-sprout sheild him from their hate, Or he had paid for wronging of the State.

Next him a Rotchet-Rooke, the slough of sloth, Look'd as he had ten Steeples in his mouth: For Silence had so charm'd this Moath of men, As since he preach'd he could not tell day when,

Yet had this witlesse Bird-bolt so much reason, That he could make himselfe a Diocesan, By Symoniack-Contract, and dispence (For an usurped Pale) with Conscience. With great ones too He could insinuate, Sow pillowes to their sleeves to'enhance his State. Close to the poore was his penurious fist, But for Church-livings a Monopolist. For his Religion, howsoere he use it, Hee's not so well resolv'd but he could chuse it; Whether a Rhemist, Calvinist or Luther, Or what sits his profession best, a Neuter. Care of a wife and num'rous progeny Excludes all rites or rules of sanctity. Who for his family provides not well, Is worse, you know, than any Infidell. Yet this Levitick progeny, I wis, Might be his Chaplains brood as well as his. But still, me thought, this Porpoise could not keepe His leaden eyes from falling fast asleepe. For fumes of wine had so surpriz'd his braine, After mid-day he could not wake for Spaine: So as, me thought, I left him to his rest, Leaning his drivling chin upon his brest.

Close as the shadow doth the body follow Came in an Ape far wiser then Apollo, Or all the Sages which renowned Greece, If one could judge by outward semblances: But still, me thought, as he assaid to breake His mind, an Asthma would not let him speake.

Corruption did oppresse him out a cry, With a black▪ jaundise which had seiz'd his eye. Nor Arguments with him were worth a straw, Unlesse they had relation to the Law. Authors were Heathen Greeke and disallow'd, Because they were not by him understood. A rout of rag'd Law▪ drivers did attend him, Which from a Bastinado did defend him, But hee perswaded these to let them passe, Tearming his Gowne his Supersedeas. So heavy were his eyes, hee seem'd to mee Surprized with some fearfull Lethargie, Or by the Night-mare rid, or at some Show An Epicureall Feast had made him so; So as to bed his Followers did take him, Enjoyning silence lest they should awake him.

Asleepe no sooner was the Synod- Ape, But a grave reverend Sire his place did take; His words were maxims, aphorisms profound, Sententious morals, and positions sound, His answers solid; if hee chanc't to jeast, It was a pregnant Apothegne at least; In briefe, so rarely wise hee did appeere, Some Solon or Lycurgus seemed there. And yet me thought his aymes did ever tend More to a private then a publick end: For hee had beene a Politician ever, And could such rules of Policie deliver, As I may sweare wheres'ever I have bin, The Sages were but Novices to him.

Yet were his Axioms dang'rous to maintaine, For hee did hold, No man could ever gaine And hold concurrence with Religion too, And therefore thought it best to make a show Of what wee least professe, and to dispence In State affaires, with Faith and Conscience. "For if ye will be truly wise (quoth hee) "Be what yee seem not; seem what least yee bee. Now this Politicall time-studied Ape Could soone transform himself to any shape; For if with holy-men hee had to deale, He could pretend a counterfeited zeale; If with the Worldling, hee could worldly seeme, And nothing lesse then of devotion dreame; With the voluptuous hee could likewise share, As if delight and pleasure were his care; And, in •…•… word, no humor doe I know, Hee could not frame his pliant mind unto.

But ripe in age, discourse lul'd him asleepe, While a scorch'd Ape did from a Limbeck creepe; For hee in Chymick arts had spent his wit, And yet had little got but smooke for it. Hee of no Subject talk'd but still of one, And hop'd at last to get th▪unvalued Stone, And Kellie-like, whose Art did Art surpasse, Of Lattin Silver make, and gold of brasse; Yea in his house hee would not leave a kettle But should bee chang'd into the purest mettle. For wit and wealth, poore Ape, were so bereft him, As in his house a kettle scarce was left him.

This All-a-mist, or Apish Alchumist Dream'd hee had both the Indies in his fist; Golden-oa•…•…'d Tagus, Ganges, Pactolus, Were held by him as meerly fabulous; Out of one Caldron hee more gold could gather, Then these rich shores were worth, or Indies either. It was rare sport mee thoughr, to see him nod, Strut like a stalking-horse, and point, and plod, And laugh at his device as if h'ad found it, When hee and all his shallow wits were grounded. One day (quoth hee) Boyes, wee'll be passing merry, When all the Candle sticks in Lothberrie By my mysterious Art which I uphold, Shall be transfused into Angel▪ gold, Yea not a Spit, Jack, or Landiron there, But like to Ophirs mettal shall appeare. Thus hee discours'd, but prated little after He saw the Apes were like to burst with laughter. But specially 'mongst all the rest was One, An unthriv'n meager Ape, but skin and bone, Who with a Critick visage did deride This Chymick Monkey more than all beside. Nor was it rare; for he could ne're afford Any amongst them all the least good word: So tart he was and eager of his tongue, As he would seldom speak, but he would wrong Some in their name, fame, honour, or esteem; And this his use and custom still had been. Besides, on Palmestrie he was affected, And by an Erra-Pater had collected

Some erring rules of Art, which he profest, And in each Village made himself exprest. Where he pretended rules Political, Auspicious dayes, and seasons Critical; And would sometimes three hours or longer stand, Like an Egyptian, poring on a hand; Where on the Lines he would large Cōments make, Saying, This year you shall a Husband take, A Courtier saies this Line; but I divine You will play fast and loose in Progresse time.

But as this Critick did his tricks begin, The Master of these Apes, me thought, came in; At whose approach, submissively they bow them, While I observ'd what he would doe unto them. For, unto me, as one incens'd hee seem'd, As if these Apes his pleasure had contemn'd, Or plai'd some tricks which he did much dislike, And therefore shewd as if he meant to strike. At last, me thought, his Countenance grew smooth, As surging Ocean after Tempests doth, Causing them to be singled one by one, While he, erected on a marble stone, Used these words, as he their Weale did tender, Which I, 'twixt sleep and wake doe well remember.

Notes

• Come Jack 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Apes, Come aloft, come aloft, for your M•…•…ers advantage: Come, with your tricks get relief, or ye die, to my grief, in a skant age: Show me what tricks ye have plaid while ye staid, be they weake, be they wittie, In shadie L•…•…wne, flourie Plaine, Country, Court, Vniversity, Citti•…•….