Ortho-epia Gallica Eliots fruits for the French: enterlaced vvith a double nevv inuention, vvhich teacheth to speake truely, speedily and volubly the French-tongue. Pend for the practise, pleasure, and profit of all English gentlemen, who will endeuour by their owne paine, studie, and dilligence, to attaine the naturall accent, the true pronounciation, the swift and glib grace of this noble, famous, and courtly language.

The drunken mens Banket. Chap. 6.

HO that I am glad! we must laugh and be mery. Let vs make good cheare.

Let vs cast away care.

Come make a good fire.

Wash the glasses.

Hunt out the dogs.

Cut bread for the potage.

Set abroach a new pipe of Wine.

Set packing the poore.

Giue them that they would haue.

Set some chaires.

Laie the cloth.

Couer the Table.

Turne the spit.

Bring cleane nap∣kins.

Baste the rost meate.

Is the dinner readie?

See our guestes vvhere they come.

Sir you come looked for. In good time.

Yea: but I plaid the villaine: for I was bidden to din∣ner,

and not to make you staie for me.

Be ye all the verie velcome maisters.

Come neere, if it please you mi∣stresse, sister, Aunte, Granmo∣ther, my Neece.

Come in, come in. Heres much ado with these wiues: welcome trulie.

Couzen come in for Gods sake.

Why haue ye not brought my litle couzin with you?

Sister shew them the way, the other will follow you.

Do not push me for I am with childe.

Tib, Iane, Sib, reach your vncle here a basin of water, and a towell. Lets wash all togi∣ther.

Come to Table maisters. Sit downe my magnificent Damoi∣sels.

O litle boye saie vs grace.

God giue vs of his grace:

And in his Paradice a place.

Draw your kniues.

Helpe that Gentlewoman. Set there the Venizon pastie.

What are these pasties of?

This is of Stags flesh.

This is of a Doe:

and that as I thinke is venison of a vvilde boare.

There, there, begin where it shall please you.

Ye see your cheare. Welcome all.

Bring the rost. This piece of beefe is raw. Take it away.

Why bring ye nothing else out of the kitchin? Ye make vs staie well here.

Help your selues in the mean time.

Cut vp this Hare.

Eate of this Turkie Cocke. Open the lid of that Pigeon pie.

Cut of that shoulder of mut∣ton.

Dismember that Capon. Be doing vvith these Rabbets.

Set in order on the table the Hens, Partridges, Conies, Cranes, Feasants, Larkes, and Wood∣cockes.

What sause shall vve haue for these dishes?

There is Orenges, Citrons, and Oliues kept in pic∣kle.

What shall vve do vvith these great birds, the Goose, the Swan, and the Peacock? There is no more place to set them in.

Shew them onely and carrie them backe to the kitchin.

What a Peacock? Where is Quin∣tus Hortensius who did loue it so vvell?

Cut me a bit or two of

this gammon, to the end that I•• drinke more couragiously this first glasse. O the braue gammon of ba∣••••n! vvhere is it? Tis inuisible. I see it not. Tis a Moguntine gam∣mon.

Reach hether the dish with Oliues: I saw a man who did swalow down these Oliue-stones, as an Estridge doth iron.

Now I drinke to you all, and be ye the verie well welcome.

Where are our Christall glasses? Will you drinke after the Greekes guise in this great goblet? I vvill drinke after the French fashion in this glasse, And I after the Eng∣lish maner out of this siluer cup.

Bring me a litle beere in this Sa∣mian viole: The vvhich I take to be verie good this hote vveather, to refresh the bo∣die.

Of vvhat beere then? Of the smal∣lest that is: for the strong make the vvit dull, heauie and grosse, and do feede the bodie too fat.

Powre this cup full. To you cousin Geneuefa.

This damsell is shamefast. Shee brides it.

No displeasure to you sir,

I drinke to you.

I will pledge you here.

What vvine pleaseth it you to drinke sir?

Will you drinke Gascon vvine?

Whence comes this so bloodie and blacke vvine? Tis Orleans vvine. I would rather drinke of this small vvine of Rochell.

Thers verie good claret: vvhich turnes the vvind mill neare it.

What vvine drinke ye cousin? A sack of Spaine: which wets well, and washeth the braine.

I had rather drinke a cup of Rhe∣nish wine: for it make a man speake Latin fine.

Thers nothing more greeuous then to die for thirst in a banquet.

Some vvine here h••! vvhen I was at Rome, I dranke of most excel∣lent vvines in the Cardinall Ca∣raffaes Celler. I dranke Roma∣nesco, Greco, lachryma Christi: sweete wine, sharpe, milde, and greene, for I vvas verie familier with his yeoman of Celler.

Muscadine liketh me verie vvell.

So doth it our English dames also.

This wine begins to wane, to be sowre, and waxe mustie.

The vvine of Spaine and Italie beare vvell their vvater, and vvill keepe vvell beside.

Powre me my glasse halfe full of water.

You christen your wine, and make it a good

Christian.

Thats not done amisse.

You marre the wine, putting too much water in: I will not drinke with you. I loue it vvhen it is simple, pure, and neat, not brewed, as they do in many parts of the vvorld, to make of one tun tvvo.

That is a small matter.

Worse do the vintners of Lon∣don, who put in lime, brimstone, honie, allume, and other more beastly things to be spoken, and nothing is more hurt∣full to mens bodies, whome men ought to chastise publikely as theeues and murtherers: for thence proceed infinit mala∣dies, and specially the goutes.

Maisters ye eat nothing, I pray you drinke and pledge me a carouse.

Lets drinke ho: truly tis to day a faire weather to drinke in, so is it euery day.

Drinke we, I drinke to you with all my heart, and be yee the very well welcome.

Feare not least vvine and victuals faile here: for when the heauen should be of brasse, and the earth yron, yet wine should not want vs, were it for seuen, yea for eight yeares, A longer time then the famine lasted in Aegypt ywis.

Let vs drinke then together by good accord in charitie.

I am yours, You are mine, I drinke to you, you shall pledge me, if you please.

Hem, ha-hem.

It is good and very fresh, as you vvould say, in the begin∣ning of the second degree:

To euery one tis not allowed to drinke so good,

To euery one tis not graunted to dwell at Corinthum.

In vvine is truth, that is to say, In vvine is truth.

Harke my friend, I vvill tell thee a thing in thine eare, tell no body if thou loue me, it shall rest secret betweene vs two: it is, that I find the vvine better and more pleasant to my tast then I vvas vvoont: more then I vvas wont I feare the meeting of a bad cup of vvine, and to tell you the plaine truth, the odour of vvine how much more it is delici∣ous, smirking and surpassing, by so much more celestiall and deli∣cate is it then oile, That is spoken like a man of learning. I vvill tell other stories. Tarry a little that I deduce a dram out of this bottell: Lo here my very and sole Helicon. See here my Fountaine Caballin••. This is mine onely Enthusiasmos.

Here drinking, I deliberate,

I discourse, I resolue and conclude. After the conclusion, I laugh, I vvrite, I compose, I drinke.

Ennius, the father of Latine Poets, drinking did write. writing did drinke.

Aeschylus (if you giue credit to Plutarchus in his bankets) did drinke composing, did compose drinking.

Homer neuer wrot fasting.

Cato neuer tooke pen in hand, but after drinking. To the end that you say not that I liue without example of men laudable and best accounted of.

Is there any one that will dispute with me of these intricat problemes of thirst and drinking: I haue no lesse studied Magicke, Negro∣mancie, Alchimie, the Ca∣ballisticke science and Geomancie, then the Philosophie of Hermes Trismegistus.

These are high matters, and profound sciences.

By our holy Lady, we must be merrie: Draw, bring boy, fill wine, ho diuell, poure, I vvill drinke for my part more then fiue and twentie or thirtie three tuns, before that I die.

Is there no more vvine? we are then aground, and in the deserts of Arabia.

Tis vvhot. O how drie I am: As a land vvithout vvater. I beleeue that none of you drinkers doubt of it.

Is there good store of vvines in Gascony this yeare?

I hope then that we English∣men shall find infallible remedies against all alterations and thirsts.

I drinke to ye all. You seeme to me true Christians: for I drinke not to these dogs the Turkes, Maho∣metains, I denie and renounce them for villains.

The reason vvhy?

I vvill tell you how these diuell Turks are accur∣sed to drinke no drop of vvine. If no other mischiefe vvere in the Alcoran of Mahound, yet vvould I neuer be of his lavv.

VVorthie of eternall memorie and euerlasting praise vvas the holy man Noe (to vvhom vve are bounden and greatly beholding for that he planted the vine, vvhence flovveth this Angelicall, delicious, celestiall, ioious, deifying liquor. (The poore man vvas deceiued in drinking it, for he knew not the vertue and power thereof.) Haue

you vnderstood me all this while?

Drinke then a good draught without vvater, for if ye beleeue it not, here is a fig for my God-son.

Where are these diuell Greekes, vvho in Alexan∣ders daies were renowned drinkers? O the poore goblins are dead.

We read that these fine Italian daemons haue drunke vvell heretofore: and especially in Iulius Caesars time, vvhen they made their horses, mules, and mares drinke carousse.

I am, beleeue me a good fellow and a boon companion.

I loue to drinke neat, and I eat willingly salt meat, and moreouer I loue to drinke of the best, so doth euery honest man ywis.

Neuer noble man hateth the good wine.

Drinke we, drinke we then, as do the camels and dromedaries in the Carauana, drinking for the thirst past, for the thirst present, and for the thirst to com••.

So dranke Hercules.

Truce of thirst, league of hunger, I am no more angrie I thanke God and you. I am gay as a Papingeay, perke as a sparhawke, merrie as a butterflie.

Truly it is vvritten by your goodly Euripides, and Silenus the famous carowsser speakes it.

Mad is the man, and starke out of his wit: Who drinks carrouse, and laugheth not a whit.

Considering that it is a great while since I was a scholler in A∣pollos schoole, and drank my fill of fount Caballine, among the merrie Muses, since that time I find this nectar diuine, this vvine precious, this muscadel delicate.

Gossip faire and softly, your rage in your quicke swallowing.

The dill take me, thou hast not found thy little sippers of London, vvho drinke but out of one pipe.

You haue a good throat to swallow downe.

O fellow mine, if I could mount vp as vvell as I can poure downe, I should already be aboue the sphere of the Moone with Empedocles.

But I know not vvhat the diue••l this means. This vvine is so good and pleasant. The more I drinke, the more thirst I haue. I beleeue the shadow of these cups, doth engender drie mouthes, as the moone doth merrigalds.

This Liuerots head is good for those that haue the gout.

VVe shall eate few greene geese this yeare.

I had broke my fast vvell: but therefore vvill I eat neuer the lesse. For I haue a stomacke paued and hollow as saint Benets boote.

Ha my friend, giue me some pigge.

Diabolo, theres no more liquor, I renounce my life, I die for thirst.

Draw, giue here, turne, broile, poure to me vvithout vvater: so my friend, firke me this glasse finely. Ha false feuer vvilt thou not packe hence?

By my fe Gossip I can∣not enter into my bets.

You are a cold. my loue. I marry, lets speake of drinking. I drinke not but at my houres, as doth the Popes mule.

I haue great thirst.

VVhich vvas first thirst or drinking? Drinking. For Priuatio praesupponit habitum.

I am a clerke, I tell you,

Foecundi calices quem non fecêre disertum.

Lets sing, lets drinke, lets poure it in, vvhere is my tonnell?

VVhat? I drinke but by ae letter of Attornie.

VVet you to drie, or drie you to vvet? By my fay I vnderstand not the

Rhetoricke. With the pratticque I helpe my selfe a little.

Courage, I vvet, I moisten, I drinke, and all for feare to die, Drinke alvvayes, you shall neuer die.

If I drinke not, I am dead.

For conclusion of mine oration, I vvill say vnto you, that as for me, I thinke I am descended of some rich King or prince in old time, For you neuer saw man, vvho had a greater desire to be a King, and rich, then my selfe to the end to make good cheare, to take no pains at all, to care for no∣thing, and to enrich my friends & all honest and learned men. VVe haue drinke ynough for one time.

Go to, go to, make a long arme, feare not the Lum∣bards bit.

VVe haue done vvell for once truly.

You haue made a very sumptuous banquet.

Ye haue not toucht these rosted capons.

Eat you not of a young phesant Gentlemen?

Granmother do you not loue this Lyurots head? VVhat shall vve do vvith these yoong Pigeons.

These young suc••ing Rabbets

are not the vvorst meat. Tast of this young Storke. I beleeue these quailes and quailchicks stand against your stomacke.

No body vvill carue vp these Partriges, I would they were in the fields and forrests againe.

Set here this Sturgion: open this Salmon pie.

Tast these fride gogions.

This sea-crafish, is a most daintie dish.

Ah! fish and flesh at one table.

The sea shall mix it selfe with the land, the phisitions forbid it.

Nay, the phisitions vvill haue it so.

I am deceaued, I should say that phisicke forbids it, and not the phisitions.

For my part I vvill speake of fish, I vvill eat none.

Take away, ho: and bring the fruit.

Thers a maruellous varietie in the nature of countries. India (sayth Virgill) sends yuorie, and the Sabeans their encens.

Thers a Peach.

See here truly sine apples and delicat peares.

Maisters make good cheare, and be merrie and frolicke.

Serue your selues, for I serue no body.

Lets haue some cheese.

I must eat a little cheese.

There is very good.

This is mares cheese.

It is of the milke of a Phrigian or Sicilian shec-asse.

This cheese although it be of England, is full of eies and vvormes.

It shallbe good for Flemings then.

This Parmesan is vvell gathered, and fresher then that Holland cheese, which is full of eies also.

Tis not cheese of Parma, but of Placentia.

O that this cheese makes me haue a good appetit to drinke.

Lets drinke then to gaine the pardons.

Maisters if I had bene sur•• of your comming: You haue bene at too much cost.

The best is, that you be all the very well welcome, and I thanke you that you haue taken the pains to come and see me.

Come take away the table: bring here an ewer full of cleane water: doth it please you to wash gentles?

Blest be the good God of heauen for his graces. Much good do you all masters. Lets haue cards and dice to disport our selues here an houre or two by the fire side.