A knights coniuring Done in earnest: discouered in iest. By Thomas Dekker.

CHAP. V.

The Post and Charon talke, as Charon rowes, He Fee's Helis Porter, an•• then on hee goes: Sessions in Hell: Soules brought vnto the barre, Arraign'd and iudg'd, A Catalogue who they are.

CHaron, hauing discharged his ••raight, the Packet carryer (that all this while wayted on the o∣ther side,) cry'de A boat, a boat: His voyce was knowne by the Tune, and (weary though hee were,) ouer to him comes our Ferry-man. To whom (••o soone as euer euer hee was let (Charon complaines what a bawling there has beene, with what Fares hee has bene posted, and how much tugging (his boat being so twack••) he has split one of his Oares, and broken his Bid∣••ook, so that he can row but lazily til it be mēded.

And were it not that the Soules p••yes excessiue Rent for dwelling in the body, he sweares (by the Stygian Lake) hee would not let em passe thus for a trifle, but raise his price: why may not he doe it as well as Puncks and Trades men? Here vpo'n hee brags what a number of gallant fellows & goodly wenches went lately ouer with him, whose names he has in his booke, and could giue him, but that they earnes••lie intreated not to haue their names spr••d any farther (for their heyres sakes, because most of them were too great in some mens books already. The only wonder (says Charon) that these Passengers driue mee inio, is, to see how strangely the wo••ld is altred since Pluto and Proserpina were married: For whereas in the olde time, men had wo••t to come into his boate all slash't, (some with one arme, some with neuer a leg, and others with heades like calues, cleft to their shoulders, and the mouths of their very wounds gaping so wide, as if they were crying, A boat, a boat,) now contrary∣wise, his fares are none but those that are poyson'd by their wiues for lust, or by their heires ••or liuing, or burnt by Whor••s, or reeling into Hell out of Tauerns: or if they happē to come bleeding, their greatest glorie is a stab, vpon the giuing of a lye.

So that if the 3. Destinies spin no finer threds then these, men must eyther (like Aesculapius) be made immortall for meere pittie sake, and be sent vp to Iupiter, or else the Land of Black-amoores must bee made bigger: for the Great Lord of Tartarie wil shortlie haue no roome for all his Retayners,

which would be a great dishonour to him, consi∣dering hee's now the onely hous-keeper.

By this time, Charon looking before him (as Watermen vse to doe) that's to say, behinde him, spied he was hard at shoare: wherevppon seeing hee had such dooings (that if it held still) hee must needs take a seruant, (and so make a paire of oares for Pluto) he offered great wages to the Knight pas∣sant, to be his iourney-man: but hee being onely for the Diuells land seruice, told him he could not giue ouer his seruice, but assuring him, hee would enforme his Mr: (the King of Erebus,) of all that was spoken, hee payde the boate hyre fitting his Knighthood, leapt ashore, and so parted.

The wayes are so plaine, and our trauellers on foote so famyliar with them, that hee came sooner to the Court gate pf Auernus, then his fellowe (the Wherry-man) could fasten his hooke on the other side of Acheron: the Porrer (though he knew him well enough, and fawn'd vppon him,) would not let him passe, rill hee had his due: for euery officer there is as greedy of his Fees, as they are here. You mistake, if you imagine that Plutoes Potter is like one of those big fellowes that stand like Gyants at Lordes gates (hauing bellyes bumbasted with ale in Lambs-wool) and with Sacks: and checks strut∣ting out (like two footeballes,) beeing blowen vp with powder beefe and brewis: yet hee's as surly as those Key-turners are, but lookes as little more scuruily: No, no, this doore keeper waytes not to take money of those that passe in, to beholde the

Infernall Traged••es, neither has he a lodge to dyne and sup in, but on••ly a kennell, and executes ••••s bawling ••ffice meerely for victuals: his name is Cerberus, but the household call him more proper∣ly, The Black dog of Hell: He has three heads, but no hayre vpon them, (the place is too hot to keepe hayre on) for in stead of hayre they are all rurl'd o∣uer with snakes, which reach from the crownes of his three he ads alongst the ridge of his back to his very tayle, and thats wreathed like a dragons taile: twentie couple of hounds make not such a dam∣nable noyse, when they howle, as he does when he barks: his propertie is to wag his taile, when a∣ny comes for enterance to the gate, and to licke their hands, but vpon the least offer to scape out, he leaps at their throates; sure hee's a mad dog, for wheresoeuer he bites, it rankles to the death: His eyes are euer watching, his ear••s euer listning, his pawes euer catc••ing, his mouthes are gaping: In∣somuch, that day and night, he lyes howling to be sent to Paris Gara••n, rather then to be vs'de so like a curre as he is.

The Post, to stop his throat, threwe him a Sop, and whil'st hee was deuouring of that, hee passed through the gates. No sooner was he entred, but he met with thousands of miserable soules, pyne∣ond and dragd in chaines to the Barre, where they were to receiue their tryall, with bitter lamentati∣ons bewayling (all the way as they went) and with lowd ex••crations cursing the bodies with whom they sometimes frolickly kept cōpany, for leading

them to those impieties, for which they must now (euen to their vtter vndoing) deerly answer: it was quarter Sessions in Hel, & though the Post-master had bin at many of their arraignments, and knew the horrour of the Executions, yet the very sight of the prisoners struck him now into an astonishable amazement.

On not withstanding he goes with intent to deli∣uer the Supplication, but so busy was Bohomoth (the prince of the Diuels) and such a prease was within the Court, and about the Barre, that by nò thrusting o•• shouldring, could hee get accesse; the best time for him must be, to watch his rising at the adiourning of the Sessions, and therefore hee skrewes himselfe by all the insinuating Art he can, into the thickest of the crowd, and within reach of the Clarke of the Peaces voyce, tò heare all their inditements.

The Iudges are set, (being three in number) se∣uere in look, sharp in iustice, shrill in voyce, vnsub∣iect passion; the prisoners are souls that haue com∣mitted treason against their creation: they are cald to the bar, their number in finit, their crimes num∣berlesse: The Iury ••hat must passe vpon them, are their sinnes, who are impanel'd out of the s••uerall countries, & are sworn to find whose Conscience is the witnes, who vpon the booke of their liues, where all their deedes are written, giues in dange∣rous euidence against them, the Furies (who stand at the elbow of their Conscience) are there ready with stripes to make them confesse, for eyther

they are the Beadels of Hell that whippe soules in Lucifers Bride-well, or else his Executioners to put them to worse torments: The Inditements are of seuerall qualities, according to the seuerall of∣fences; Some are arraigned for ambition in the Court; Some for corruption in the church; Some for crueltie in the campe; Some for hollow-har∣tednes in the Citie; Some for eating men aliue in the Countrey, euery particular soule has a parti∣cular sinne, at his heeles to condemne him, so that to pleade not guiltie, were iolly: to beg for mercy, madnesse: for if any should doe the one, hee can put himselfe vpon none but the diuel and his An∣gels: and they (to make quick worke) giue him his Pasport. If do the other, the hāds of ten kings vn∣der their great Seales will not be taken for his par∣don. For though Conscience comes to this court, poore in attire, diseased in his flesh, wretched in his face, heauy in his gate, and hoarse in his voice, yet carries hee such stings within him, to torture himselfe, if he speake not truth, that euery word is a Iudges sentence, & when he has spoken, the ac∣cursed is suffred neither to plead for himselfe, nor to see any Lawier, to argue for him.

In what a lamentable condition therefore stands the vnhappie pris••n••r, his Inditemnt is implead∣able, his euidence••irre••utable, the fact impardona∣ble, the Iudge impenitrable, the Iudgement for∣midable: the torments insufferable, the manner of them invtterable: he must endure a death with∣out dying, Tormentes ending with worse

beginnings, by his shrikes others shall be affrigh∣ted, himselfe afflicted, by thousands pointed at, by not one amongst milions pitied, hee shall see no good that may help him, what he most does loue, shall be taken from him, and what hee most doth loath, shal be powred into his bosome. Adde here∣vnto the faide cogitation of that dismall place, to which he is cōdemned, the remēbrance of which is almost as dolorous, as the punishments there to be endured. In what colours shall I lay downe the true shape of it? Assist my inuention.

Suppose that being gloriously attired, delicious∣ly feasted, attended on maiestically, Musicke char∣ming thine eare, beautie thine eye; and that in the very height of al worldly pompe that thought can aspire to, thou shouldest be tumbled downe, from some high goodly pinnacle (builded for thy plea∣sure) into the bottome of a Lake, whose depth is immeasurable, & circuit incomprehensible: And that being there, thou shouldest in a moment be ringed about, with all the murtherers that euer haue bin since the first foundation of the world, with all the Atheists, al the church-robbers, al the Incestuous Rauishers, & all the polluted villaines, that euer suckt damnation from the breastes of black impietie, that the place it selfe is gloomy, hi∣deous, and in accessible, pestilent by dampes, and rotten vapors, haunted with spirits, and pitcht all ouer, with cloudes of darkenes, so clammy & pal∣pable, that the eye of the Moone is too dull to pierce through them, and the fires of the Sun too

weake to dissolue them, then that a Sulphurous stench must stil strike vp into thy nosthrils, Adders and Toads be still crawling on thy bosome, Man∣drakes & night Rauens still shriking in thine eares, Snakes euer sucking at thy breath, and which way soeuer thou turnest, a fire flashing in thine ••ies, yet yeelding no more light than what with a glimse may shew others how thou art tormented, or else shew vnto thee the tortures of others, and yet the flames to be so deuouring in the burning, that should they but glowe vpon Mountaines of Iron, they were able to melte them like Mountaines of Snow. And last of all, that all these horrors are not wouen together, to last for yeeres, but for ages of worlds, yea for worlds of ages; Into what gulfe of desperate calamity, would not the poorest begger now rhrowe himselfe head-long: rather then to tast the least dram of this bitternes: If imagination can giue being to a more miserable place then this described? Such a one, or no worse then such a one, is that, into which the guiltie Soules are led captiue, after they haue this condemnation.

And what tongue is able to relate the grones and vlulations of a wretch so distressed, a hundred pennes of steele would be worne blunt in the de∣scription, and yet leaue it vnfinished.

Notes

• Miscent Aconita M••∣uercae. Filius ante diem patris inquirit in anno.
• The Porter of Hell.
• Bribes in Hell.
• Sessions in Hell.
• Sinne is th•• Iury.
• Conscience giues in eui∣dence.
• The seuerall inditements.
• The miserie of a prisoner in that Iury.