A knights coniuring Done in earnest: discouered in iest. By Thomas Dekker.

CHAP. I.

To enlarge Golde, theres a petition writ, The Diuell knowes not how to answer it: Hee chafes to come in print: In which mad Straine, (Roaring) hee hea••long runnes to Hell againe.

IN one of those mornings of the yere, wherin the Earth breathes out richer pe••fumes then those that prepare the wayes of Prin∣ces: by the wholesomnesse of whose Sent, the distempered windes (purging their able bo∣dies) ran too and fro, whistling for ioye through the leaues of trees; whilst the Nightingale sate on the branches complaining against lust; the Spar∣row cherping on the tops of houses, proude that lust (which he loues) was maintained there: whilst sheepe lay nibling in the valleys, to teach men hu••mility; and goates climbing vp to the tops of bar∣ren

mountaines, browzed there vpon weedes and barkes of trees, to shew the misery of Ambition: Iust at that time when Lambes were wanton as yong wiues, but not lasciuious▪ when shepherds had care to feede their flockes, but not to fliec•• them: when the Larke had with his musicke calld vp the Sun, and the Sun with his light, started vp the husband man: then, euen ••hen, when it was a morning to tempt Ioue to leap from heauen, & to goe a wenching; or to make wenc••••s leaue their softe beds, to haue greene gownes geuen them in the fields. Behold on a sudden the caues where the most vnruly and boisterous windes lay impri∣soned, were violently burst open: they being got loose; the waters roard with feare of that insurrec∣tion, the element shot out thunder in disdayne of their threatning: the sturdiest oakes were thē glad to bow & stand quiuering; onely the haw-thorne & the bryer for their humblenes were out of dan∣ger: So dreadfull a furie lead forth this tempest, that had not the Rainebowt beene a watermarke to the world, Men would haue looked for a second Deluge: for showre came downe so ••ast, as if all clowdes had bin distild into water, & would haue hid their curled heads in the Sea, whilst the waues (in corne to see themselues so beaten downe) boylde vp to such height, as if they meant that all men should swarm in heauen, and shippes to sayle in the Skie. To make these terrors more heauie, the Sun pulld in his head, and durst not be seene, darknes then in ••riumph, spred her pitchie wings,

and lay vpon all the earth: the blacknes of Night was doubled vpon high Noone: Beasts (beeing not wont to beholde such sightes,) bellowed and were mad: women ran out of their wits, children into their mothers bosomes: Men were amazed▪ and held vp their hands to heauen, yet were veri∣lie perswaded that heauen was consumde to no∣thing, because they could not see it: but to put them out of that error, Ioue threwe downe his for∣ked dartes of lightning so thickly, that ••imple fel∣lowes swore there could bee no more fire left in heauen: So that the world shewd as if it had bin halfe drowning, and halfe burning: the waters striuing to haue victory ouer the flames▪ and they sweating as fast to drink dri•• the waters. To con∣clude, this Tragedie was so long a playing, & was so dismall, the Scoene was so turbulent and was so affrighting: This battaile of Elements, bred such another Chaos, that (not to bee ashamde to bor∣row the wordes of so rare an English Spirit,)

Did not GOD say Another Fiat, It had n'ere been day.

The storme beeing at rest, what buying vp of Almanacks was there to see if the weather-casters had playd the Doctors to a haire, & told this ter∣rible disease of Nature right or no: but there could be found no such matter: the celestiall bodies for any thing St••r-ca••chers knew, were in very good health: the 12. Signes were not beaten downe from any of the houses in heauen: the Sun lookt with as cherry cheekes as euer he did: the Moone

with as plump a face: It could not be found by all the figures which their Prognostications cast vp their accounts by, that any such heauy reckoning was due to the wickednes of the world: whervp∣on all men stood staring one in anothers face, not knowing how to turne this hard matter into good English. At length, the gun-powder was smelt out, and the trayne discouered. It was knowne for certain, that (tho there was no pla••e lost) there was coniuring abroad, and therefore that was the dambd diuell in the vault that digd vp all this mis∣chiefe. But wherabouts think you, was this Con∣iuring? Mary it goes for currant all ouer Powles church-yard (and I hope there comes no lies) that this Coniuring was about a Knight. It was not (let me tell you) a Knight of worship, or a Knight that goes by water, or rides by land to Westminster: but it was a Westminster-hall knight, a swearing knight, or (not to allow him that honor, for hee is no true knight that cannot ••weare) this was a knight for∣sworne, a poore knight, a periurde knight, a knight of the Po••••. This yeoman of both Counters, had long agoe bin sen•• with a letter to the Diuell, but no answere could euer be heard off: so that some mad fellowes layd their heads together, & swore to fetch him from Hell with a vengeance, and for that cause kept they thi•• Coniuring.

The occasion of sending the letter grew thus: the temple of the Muses (for want of looking to) falling to decay, & many (that seemd to hate Bar∣••arisme and Ignor ance) beeing desirous to set work∣men

about it, and to repaire it, but hauing other buildings of their owne in hand, vtterly gaue it o∣uer. A Common Councell was therfore call'd of all those that liu'de by their witts, and such as were of the liuery of Learning, amongst whom, it was found necessarie, (sithence those that had mony enough were loath to part from it,) that to ease the priuate puise, a generall subsidy as it were, should be leuyed through all the Worlde, for the raizing of such a competent Summe as might maintaine the saide Almes-house of the Nine Systers, in good fashion, and keepe it from falling. The collectors of this money, labourde till they swet••e, but the Haruest would not come in, nothing could bee gathered. Gentlemen swore by their bloud, & by the tombs of their ancestors, they would not lay out a peny: they had nothing to doe (they said) with the Mu∣ses, they were meere strangers to them, and why should they be assessed to paye any thing towards the reliefe of such lazy companions? there was no wit in it. A number of Noble men were of the same opinion. As for Lawyers, they knew there was no Statute in anie Kings time, could compell them to disburse; & besides they were euery day purchasing thēselues, so that it were folly to looke for any mony from them. Soldiers swore by their Armes (which were most lamentablie out at el∣bowes) that they would be glad of mony to bu••prouant: Peace they said, had made them begg••r and suffered them almost to starue in her streetes yet some of them went vpon lame wodden legs,

because their Country might goe sound and vp∣right vpon their own: they (pore wretches) wan∣ted Action, and yet had a number of Actions a∣gainst them, yea & were ebbed so lowe, that Cap∣tens gaue ouer their charges, & were lead by Ser∣ieants, no siluer therefore could be coynde out of them. Schollers could haue found in their hearts to haue made mony of their bookes, gownes, cor∣ner caps, & bedding, to haue payde their share to∣wards this worke of Charitie, but men held all that was theirs (howe good soeuer,) in such vile con∣tēpt, that not euen those who vpon a good pawne will lend money to the Diuell, (I meane Brokers) would to them part with any coyne, vpon any In∣terest, so much did they hate the poore wenches and their followers.

This matter beeing openly complainde vpon, at the Parliament of the Gods, It was there pre∣sently enacted, that Apollo (out of whose brayne Wisemen come into the world) shuld with all speed descend, and preuent this mischiefe: least Sacred Knowledge, hauing her Intellectuall soule banished from the earth, hauing no house to dwel in there, the earth should (as of necessity it would) turne in∣to the first Chaos, and Men into Gyants, to fight a∣gaine with the Gods. Mercury likewise, for the same purpose, was forthwith sent from the whole Synode, as Embassadour to Plutus (who is mon••y∣maister of those Lowe Countreyes of Lymbo) to ••••r∣swade him by all the eloquence that Hermes co••ld vse, that Gold might be suffred to haue a little more

liberty: And that schollers for want of his sweete and royall company, might not be driuen to walk in thred-bare cloakes, to the dishonor of Learning; nor goe all their life time with a lanthorne & can∣dle to find the Philosophers stone (out of which they are able if they could hit it, to strike such sparks of gold, that all the world should be the wa••mer for it, nay to begger the Iudges) yet in the end to die arra••t beggers themselues. For you must vnder∣stand, that tho the Muses are held of no reckoning here vpon earth, but are set below the Salt, when Asses sit at the vpper ende of the table, yet are they borne of a heauenlie race, and are most welcome guests euen to the banquets of the Gods.

The diuine Singer (Apollo) according to the De∣cree of the Coelestiall vpper House, is now aliue come vpon earth: the fountaines of Science flowe (by his influence) & swell to the brim: Baye trees to make garlandes for Learning, are newe set, and alreadie are greene, the Muses haue fresh cullours in their cheekes; their Temple is promised to be made more faire: there is good hope that Ignorance shall no longer weare Sattin. But for all this, Mercury with all his Coniuring, cannot raise vp the yellowe spi••it of Gold out of Hell, so perfectly as was expe∣cted: he puts vp his bright & a••ia••le face aboue ground, and shrincks it downe againe, ere one can ca••••••e him by the lockes. Which mockery the world taking note of, a mad Greeke that had drunk of the Holy water, and was full of the Diuine Furie, taking a deep bowle of the Helliconian liquor in his

hands, did in a brauery write a Supplication in the behalfe of Gold for his enlargement, vowing that hee would spend all his bloud into yncke, and his braines to cotton, but he would haue an answere, and not according to the manner of Suiters, bee borne off with delayes.

The petition being ingrossed, he thought none could run faster to hell, nor be sooner let in there, then either a Pander, a Broker, or a knight of the Post, had made choise therfore of the last because of his name, & sent it by him, who belike hauing much to doe with the Diuell, could not of a long time be heard of, and for that cause was all that Coniu∣ring, which I spoke of before.

Wherevpon (entring into consideration, what shifts and shapes men run into, what basenes they put on, through what dangers they venture, hold much of their fames, their conscience, their liues, yea of their houses, they will laye out to purchase that piece of Heauenly earth (Golde,) the strange Magick of it draue me straight into a strange ad∣miration. I perceiu'de it to be a witch-craft be∣yond mans power to contend with: a Torrent whose winding creekes were not with safety to be searcht out: a poyson that had a thousand contra∣rie workings on a thousand bodies: for it turnes those that keepe it prisoner in chests, into Slaues, and Idolaters, they make it their god and worship it; and yet euen those that become such Slaues vnto it, doth it make soueraine commanders ouer a world of people: some for the loue of it would

pluck downe heauen, others to ouertake it, runne quick to hell. But (alas) if a good head hammer out these Ir••ns with skill, they are not so hard: It is not so monstrous a birth to see Gol•• create men so de••ormed: for this strompet the world hath tricks as wanton as these: he that euery night lyes by the sides of one fairer then Vulcans wife, hath been taken the next morning in the Sheetes of a Blackamore: Nay euen in those currants that run fullest of Ceremony, theres a flowing ouer of Apish∣nes and folly: for (like Riders of great horses) all our Courses are but Figures of 8: the end of one giddie Circle, is but a falling into a worse, & that to which on this day we allow a religiou•• obseruance, to mor∣rowe doe we make the selfe-same thing ridiculous, For you see at the end of great Battailes wee fall to burie the dead, and at the ende of Burialls, wee sit downe to Banquets: when banquets haue beene playd about, Drinking is the next weapon; from the fire o•• drinking, flames out Quarrell; Quarrell breakes forth into Fighting, and the streame of Fighting runn••s into Bloud.

This Forr••st of Man and beast (the World) bee∣ing then so wilde, and the most perfect Circles of it, drawne so irregualler 〈◊〉〈◊〉 It can be no great sawcines in me, if snatching the Constables staffe out of his hand, I take vpon mee to make a busie priuy s••••rch in the Suburbs of Sathan, for the supplica∣tion-caryer, and to publish the answer to the world, that should come with him. Into the which trou∣blesome sea, I am the more desperatly bold to lanch

forth, & to hoyst vp the full sailes of my inuētion, because (as Rumor goes gossiping vp and downe) great wagers were laide in the worlde, &c: that when the supplication was sent, it would not be re∣ceiued, or if receiued, it would not be reade o∣uer; or if read ouer, it would not be answered: ••or Mammon beeing the god of no beggers, but Burgomasters & rich Cormorāts, was worse thought of then he deserued: Euery man that did but passe through Pauls church-yard, & had but a glance at the title of the petition, would haue betted ten to fiue, that the Diuell would hardly, (like a Lawyer in a busy Terme) be spoken with, because his Cli∣ent had not a penny to pay Fees,* 1.1 but sued in For∣ma pauperis.

Had it bene a Challenge, it is cleare, he would haue answered it: for hee was the first that kept a Fence schoole, when Cayn was aliue, and taught him that Embrocado, by which he kild his brother: Since which time, he hath made ten thousand Free∣schollers as cunning as Cayn. At sword and buckler, little Dauy was no body to him, and as for Rapier & Dagger, the Germane may be his iourneyman. Mary the question is, in which of the Playhouses he would haue performed his Prize, if it had growne to blowes, & whether the money being gathered, hee would haue cozende the Fencers, or the Fen∣cers him, because Hell beeing vnder euerie one of their Stages, the Players (if they had owed him a spight) might with a false trap-dore haue slipt him down, & there haue kept him as a laughing-stock

to all their yawning Spectators. Or had his I••∣••er••allship ben arrested to any action how great so euer, all the Lawe in Westminster••hall could not haue kept him from appearing to it (for the Diuell scornes to be nonsuited) he would haue answered that too:* 1.2 But the mischiefe would haue beene, where should hee haue got anie that would haue pleaded for him? who could haue endured to see such a dānable Cliant euery morning in his cham∣ber? what waterman (for double his fare) would haue landed him at the Temple,* 1.3 but rather haue strucke in at White-Fryers, & left him there a shore with a Poxe to him? Tush: there was no such mat∣ter, the streame hee was to enter into, was not so daungero••s, this Coyner of Light Angels knewe well enough how the Exchaunge went, he had but bare words lent vnto him, and to pay bare wordes againe (though with some Interest) it could be no losse.

He resolued therefore to aunswere his humble Orator: But being himselfe no•• brought vp to lear∣ning (for the Diuell can neither write not reade) yet he has ben at all the Vniuersities in Christendom, & throwne dānable Heresies (like bo••es for dogges to gnaw vpon, amongst the Doctors themselues:) but hauing no skill but in his owne Horne booke, it troubled his mind where he should get a pen-man* 1.4 fit for his tooth to scrible for him, all the Scriue∣ners i••th towne he had at his becke, but they were so set a worke with making bonds betweene Vsu∣rers and Vnthristy heyres, between Marcha••ts and

Trades-men, (that to couzen and vndoe others, turne Bank-rowtes themselues, and defeate Cre∣d••••ouis) and with drawing close conueyances be∣tweene Land-lordes and Bawdes, that nowe sit no longer vpon the Skyrtes of the Cittie, but iette vp vp and downe, euen in the cloake of the Cittie, and giue more rent for a house, then the prow∣dest London occupyer of them all, that Don Lucifer was loath to take them from their Nouerints, be∣cause in the ende he knewe they were but his Fa∣ctors, and that he should be a part-owner in their lading, himselfe; Lawiers clarks were so durtied vp to the hammes, with trudging vp & downe to get pelfe, & with fishing for gudgeons, and so wrung poore ignorant Clyents purses, with exacting vn∣reasonable Fees, that the Paye-maister of Perdition would by no meanes take them from their wide lines, and bursten-bellyed straggling ••ffs, but stro∣king them vnder the chinnes, calld them his white boyes, and tolde them he would empty the ynke∣pot of some others.

Whether then marches Monsieur Malefico? Mary to all the wryting Schoole-maisters of the towne, he tooke them by the fists, and lik'de their handes exceedingly (for some of them had ten or twelue seuerall hands, and co••ld counterfeit any thing, but perceiuing by the copies of their coun∣tenances, that for all their good letters, they writ abominable bad English, & that the world would thinke the Diuell a Dunce, if there came false Or∣thographi•• from him (though ••here be no truth in

his budget) away hee gallops from those tell-tales (the Schoolmaisters) damning himselfe to the pit of Hell, if any scribling petition wryter, should e∣uer get a good word at his hands.

I hearing this, and fearing that the poore Sup∣pliant should loose his longing, and be sent away with Sinihilattuleris, resolued to doe that for no∣thing, which a number would not for any mony.

I sell to my ••ooles, (pen, ink, and paper) round∣lie, but the Headward••n of the Horners (Signior Be∣co Dia••olo) after hee had cast vp what lay in his sto∣mack, suspecting that I came rather as a spie to be∣traye him, then as a spirit to runne of his errands, and that I was more likely to haue him to Barber Surgeons hall, there to Anatomize him, then to a Barbers shop to trimme him neately, would by no meanes haue the answere go forward: Notwith∣standing, hauing examined him vpon Interroga∣tories, and thereby sifting him to the very bran, I swore by Hellicon, (which hee could neuer abide) that beca••••e t'is out of fashion to bring a Diuell vpon the Stage, be should (spite of his spitting fire and Brimstone,) be a Diuell in print. Inraged at which, he flu••g away in a furie, and leapt into Ba∣rathrum, whil'st I mustred all my wits about mee, to fight against this Captaine of the damned Crewe, and discouer ••is Stratagems.

Notes

• * 1.1

  The Diuell ••he b••st fe••∣••er, & very apt to q••ar∣rell.
• * 1.2

  He can se•• ••on•• to picad for him.
• * 1.3

  He keepes no Watermen.
• * 1.4

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