Humour out of breath A comedie diuers times latelie acted, by the Children of the Kings Reuells. Written by Iohn Day.

ACTVS QVARTVS.

Enter Anthonio, Francisco, Hippolito, He••••••a, Lucida and Octauio disguisd,

Anth.

Sons of Octanio if your princely thoughts Can stoope to such meane beauty, from this hand Receiue your wiues, but should the Duke your father—

Fr.

Feare not old man, he was the meanes that breath'd this spirit into vs.

Hip▪

Wood vs to this course. But should he proue Apostata, denie Loue which he first enforcd vs to profes, So firme are our inseparate affections, To winne our loues weed loose the names of sonne••.

Oct.

Your father thanks you, but hot-sprighted you that, Take counsell from experience, ere yee tie The gordian knot which none but heauen can loose,

Craue his consent: when an imperiall 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Shakes a weake shed, the building 〈…〉〈…〉

Fr.

Not stand? it shall: not Iou•• 〈…〉〈…〉 the ground▪worke 〈◊〉〈◊〉 loue▪

Oct.

Not Ioue!

Hip.

Not Ioue, Should a speak 〈…〉〈…〉 Ourloue admits no 〈…〉〈…〉

Oct.

Then to 〈…〉〈…〉 your loue is 〈…〉〈…〉

Fra.

As 〈…〉〈…〉

Hip.

As 〈…〉〈…〉

Oct.

And your••▪

Herm.

And ours,

Lucid.

And ours,

Oct.

Then lend me all your hands, Whilst thus a fathers tongue forbids the bands,

discouers himselfe

Forgetfull boyes, but most audacious traytor, That durst in thought consent to wrong thy Prince, Out of my fight; no Land that calls me Lord, Shall beare a waight so hatefull as they selfe: Liue euer banishd, if (three daies expirde) Thou or these lustfull strumpets.

Hip.

Father.

Oct.

Boyes; If you be mine show't in obedience: If (three daies past) you liue within my dukedome, Thee as a slaue ile doome vnto the gallies, And these thy brats as common prostitutes▪ Shall drie their lustfull veynes in the 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Come boyes, to Court; he that first 〈◊〉〈◊〉 liues, VVill to your births prouide you equall 〈◊〉〈◊〉

Fr.

They haue our loues.

Hip.

Our oathes.

Fr.

Our hearts and hands.

Oct.

Tut, louers othes, like toyes writ down in 〈◊〉〈◊〉

Are soone blowne ore, contracts are common wiles, Tintangle fooles, Ioue himselfe sits and smiles At louers periuries, bawd, strumpets hence, My bosome's chargde, giue way to violence: Come doe not mind them.

Exeunt Anth, and his daughters.

Fran.

How? not minde them father? When in your Court you courted vs to loue, You red another lecture, women then▪ Were angells.

Oct.

True, but that was before Angells Had power to make them diuells; they were then Fiend•• to themselues, and Angells vnto men. VV••en vpon Po thou find'st a cole-black swan, Th'ast found a woman constant to a man.

Fr.

And not afore?

Oct.

Neuer afore.

Hip.

Your tongue V•• speaks your former speech.

Oct.

It doth; new theames Must haue new change of Rhetorique; all streames Flow not alike one way; when I spake like a louer, Jt was to breake you from your souldiers humour; Hauing made you louers, I, like Enuy, speak To make you hate loue; Art still striues to breake Bad to make better:

Brothers.

You haue your wish.

Oct.

Then onward to the Court, Make vs of loue, as schoole-boyes do of sport.

Exeunt.

Enter Florimell and her Page.

Flo.

Call out the iaylor boy, yet doe not; hast got a beard like Hortensio?

Page.

Yes, madam, J haue got his hayre, if I coulde come as ea∣sily by his wit.

Flo.

VVouldst rob him of his wit?

Pa.

If I shold, he could not hang me for••▪ tis not worth thirteen pence halfe penny▪ but what shall I do with it?

Flo.

Put it on boy.

Pa.

That shall J madam, O forward age, I am a man already: how do you like me Lady?

Flo.

Very ill, and my plot worse.

Pa.

Then leaue't of, if you be grounded in the plot, You will but marre the Comedy.

Flo.

I purposde, thou in the habit of Hortensio, shouldst vnder pretence of remouing Aspero to a new prison, haue freed him out of the old one.

Pa

Tut, J can tell you a trick, worth two of that: madam, your eare, take some care in the managing, and let me alone to pre∣pare it.

Exeunt.

Enter Aspero and his Boy.

Boy.

Vdsfoot breake prison my Lorde, tis but swimming the Riuer.

Asp.

Breake prison? twere both dishonour to my name, and treason to my loue, what benefit wer't for me to free my body, & leaue my heart in bondage? ile die, ere ile harbour a disloyall thought.

Pa.

Jt beares no rellish of disloyaltie: being in prison you liue as far from loue as liberty: being abroad, you may by letters, or a thousand meanes purchase hir company, and compasse your content.

Asp.

Shalt be my Lawyer boy and counsell me.

Boy.

Ile looke for my Fee then.

Asp.

If thy Counsell prospers.

Boy.

Thats an exception Lawyers neuer respect, but come my lord, leape, as we haue risen togither, weele fall togither,

Enter Hort. Florimell and Page.

Asp.

Blame me not loue,

Boy▪

Vdsfoot your iaylor my lord▪

Asp.

Am I preuented?

Boy.

Yes faith, there had bin a Counsellors fee cast away now.

Hort.

You haue heard his vsage Lady, seene his lodging, and if it please you, you both may and shall confer with him.

Flo.

Prithee call him.

Boy.

My Lord, your keeper hath brought a Lady or two to see you.

Asp.

To see me? why am I turnd monster? doth he take money to shew me? what doth a take a peece troe?

Flo.

VVhy how now gallant, not gone yet?

Asp.

Not, I thanke you Lady, and yet I was neer't.

Hort.

How do you man?

Asp.

Musty for want of ayring.

Flo.

VVeele haue you hangd out i'the fresh ayre, one of these mornings.

Asp.

Youd be glad to take me in then.

Flo.

Yes, when you had hangd abroad a little: but my Lorde Hortensio (for I think I must be your Lady when all's done) what sport? I would be merry a purpose to make him mad; the room's priuate and fit for any exercise.

Pa.

Vdsfoot to her, can a woman offer fairer for't?

Hort.

VVhy shall we go to span-counter madam?

Pa.

To span-counter, best ask her and sheele go to Coits.

Flo.

No, I loue some stirring exercise, my body's condiciond like the sun; it would neuer be out of motion.

Hor.

I hau't yfaith, when I was student in Padua, VVe vsde a most ingenious pastime.

Flo

The name my Lord.

Hort.

I cannot giue it a name equall to the merit. Tis vulgarly calld Blindmans buffe.

Pa.

Blind mans buffe? ha, ha, ha,

Hort.

Do you laugh at it?

Flo.

At the happines of your wit my Lord, that you shoulde hit vpon that sport, which of all other I delight in.

Hor.

VVill you heare an Apology I made in the commendation of it?

Flo.

Weele haue the thing it selfe first; and as we like that, weel

heare your Apologie after: who shall be hud-winckt sirst?

Pa.

Who but the Author?

Hort.

I, I, none shall be blind but I; helpe of with my gown boy.

Pa.

What shall we haue to blind him?

Flo.

My scarfe, take my scarfe my Lord.

Pa.

There's a simple fauour for you.

Hort.

And most fit, for indeed nothing blinds louers sooner then Ladies fauors, but who shall blind me.

Flo.

Mary that will I my Lord, let me alone to blind you.

Hort.

Good againe; for who should blind men, but beautious women? come sweet madam.

Flo.

But how if you take me? as I know that will be your ayme,

Hort.

Jf J take you prisoner madam, you must either bee hud∣winckt your selfe, or giue your conqueror a kisse for your ran∣some.

Flo.

An easie ransome: ile not be prisoner long, if a kisse will en∣large me.

Pa.

Lord what scambling shift has he made for a kisse and can∣not get in neither; a little higher, so, so, so, are you blind my Lord?

Hort.

As a purblind Poet: haue amongst you blind Harpers.

Flo.

Me thinks he looks for all the world like God Cupid.

Pa.

Take heed of his dart madam, he comes vpon you,

Flo.

He cannot come to fast, O I am taken prisoner.

Hort.

Your ransome's but a kisse.

Flo.

Is that your law of armes?

Hort.

Yes madam, but ile take it on your lips.

Flo.

My lips like faithfull Treasurers shall see it dischargde.

Hort.

And here are my honest receiuers to take it.

The Page puts his Pantoflle to his lips, he kisses it.

Flo.

Am I freed now?

Hort.

As if you had seru'd seauen yeare for't: sweete kisse, rare lippe.

Pa.

Has she not a sweet breath my Lord?

Hort.

As perfume.

Pa.

And a soft lip?

Hort.

And smooth as veluet: I could scarce discerne it from

veluet: ide pawne my office for the fellow on't, madam.

Pa.

Here.

Flo.

Here Aspero, on with this beard and gowne: I thinke hee followes me by the sent, his hat, so: a narrowe misse yfaith my Lord?

Hort.

Gone madam?

Flo.

Euen vpon going, one of you counterfet my voice, there I deceiud you my Lord.

Hort.

Haue you deceiu'd me madam?

Flo.

Not yet, but I will, and you look not the better too't, busie him till you thinke we are out of the Court, and then followe vs: you shall find vs at the south port, now or neuer my Lord.

Hort.

Why then twill neuer be Lady.

Boy.

Here.

Hor.

Where?

Boy.

Here.

Hort.

Scapt againe?

Pa.

Shee's scapt indeed my Lord, you may cast your cap after her, for I see you can do no other good vpon hir.

Hort.

What haue I catchd you?

Pa.

Kisse her and let her goe.

Hort.

Kings truce till I breath a little.

Pa.

And you had neede so, for I thinke you are almost out of breath, if you be not, you shall be, and thats as good, but breathe and spare not.

Enter Aspero like Hortensio, Florimell, and Assistance on the vpper stage.

Asp.

Did you euer conuerse with a more straunger dissolute, madam?

Flo.

Peremptory iacke, iaylor, as you respect your office, lay spe∣ciall watch that none of what degree soeuer haue accesse to him.

Asp.

Without me.

Ass.

Or your signet.

Asp.

Signet mee no signets, your goldsmiths shop is like your Swans neast, has a whole brood of signets, and all of a feather, & amongst many, one may be like another, let none enter vpon the

stage where Aspero playes the madam, without Hortensio.

Ass.

Is he mad my Lord?

Asp.

As the Lord that gaue all to his followers, and beg'd more for himselfe.

Flo.

If he call for me, tell him I scorne him.

Asp.

If he counterfet my voice (as mad fellowes will counter∣fet great mens hands, and their tongues too) rate him for't, threa∣ten him with the whip.

Flo.

But come not at him.

Asp.

Jf he call for meat promise him faire;

Flo.

But giue him none.

Ass.

If for light.

Flo.

He may fire the house, let him haue none.

Asp.

Jf he chafe, laugh.

Flo.

If he rayle, sing.

Asp.

Jf he speake fayre, flowt him.

Flo.

Do any thing to vexe him.

Asp.

But nothing to content him, you heare my charge, as you respect your office regard it.

Ass.

I warne you my Lord, let mee alone, and we knew not how to abuse a prisoner, we were not worthy to be a Iaylor.

Exeunt.

They renew Blindmans Buffe on the Lower stage,

Pa.

Are you in breath my Lord?

Hort.

As a bruers horse, and as long-winded; look to your selfe madam, I come vpon you.

Boy.

J am ready for you sir; O for a bul-rush to run a tilt at's nose.

Pa.

A fayre misse yfaith.

Hort.

Ile mend it next course you shall see.

Pa.

In the corner of the left hand; vdsfoot ware shins my Lord,

Hort.

Madam.

Boy

Here.

Hort.

Where?

The boy throwes him downe,

Helpe me vp Madam,

Boy.

O strange, cannot you get vp without helpe? there's my gloue, but come no neerer, as you loue me.

Hort.

I do loue you madam.

Boy.

Oh blind loue.

Hort.

True madam; your beauty has made me blind.

Pa.

Indeed loues sonnes like spaniells are all borne blind,

Hort.

But they will see.

Boy.

Not till they be nyne daies old my Lord,

Hort.

But will you giue mee the fingers that hold this gloue madam?

Boy.

And the whole body to pleasure you my Lord, but let me go a little.

Hort.

I will not loose you yet Lady.

Boy.

But you shall my Lord; hist, then keepe me still. He fastens the gloue to a post.

Pa.

Faith let go my Lord, for she growes sullen, and you had as good talke to a post, and as good answer twould make you.

Exeunt.

Hort.

Nay but deere madam, doe but answer me, may I pre∣sume, vppon my knees I beg it; but to take a fauour from your sweet lips? shall I? las I am not the first man, that loue has blinded, may I presume'•• I would be loth to offend your milde patience so much, as with an vnreuerend touch: speake; if I shall reape the haruest of my honest defires, make me blest in proposing the time when; what? not a word? are you displeased? or shall I take your silence for a consent? shall I? speake; or if modesty locke in your syllables, seale my assurance with a kisse: not? neither? shall I haue neither your word nor your bond? nay then I must make bold with modesty; by this kisse madam, O my hard fortune? haue I made suit to a poast all this while? what block but I, would haue bin so sencelesse? my excule is, 'twas but to make my Lady sport: and: Madam? how? Lady? madam? boy; madam, Aspero▪ but whist, I haue the conceit, 'twas excellent in my Lady, and J ap∣plaudit, suppose my Lady and hir prisoner had an intent of pri∣uate busines in the next roome; was it not better in her to blinde me, then I should as gentlemen vshers (cases so standing) haue

blinded my selfe? againe, J applaud her, and adore my starres that made me rather a blind then a seeing dore-keeper: shall I inter∣rupt them? no: madam? they haue not done yet, sure they haue not: what haue we here? a base violl! though J cannot tickle the mynnikyn within, ile (though it be some what base) giue them a song without, and the name of the Ditty shall be;

The Gentleman Vshers Voluntarie.

He sings.

Peace, peace, peace, make no noyse, Pleasure and feare lie sleeping? End, end, end your idletoyes, Iealous eies will be peeping. Kisse, kisse and part, though not for hate for pittie, Ha done, ha done, ha done, for I ha done my dittie.

And if you haue not done now too, let me be as base as my fid∣dle, if I rowze you not: madam for shame, what doe you meane to make of me, how? sfoote what haue you made of me already? all gone? Iaylor?

Enter Assistance aboue.

Ass.

How now? who calls?

Hort.

VVhy saucie knaue tis J.

Ass.

You, what you?

Hort.

A single V, I came in double, but I thanke them, they are gone out, and left me here a single.—

Ass.

Foole, and so I leaue you.

Hort.

Knaue, I am Hortensio, I charge thee let me out.

Ass.

Foole, you lye, you are Aspero, and I haue charge to keepe you in.

Hort.

From whom?

Ass.

From my Lord Hortensio.

Hort.

Sfoot knaue J tell thee I am hee, and thou wilt not be∣leeue me, trust thine eies, come in and see.

Ass.

'Twill not serue your turne, J like a whole skinne better then a pinkt one: content your selfe to night, and in the morning ile tell you more.

Hort.

Where's my Lady, send hir hither,

Ass.

Shee's busie with my Lord Hortensio, but if you haue any vse for a woman, ile send you one of the Laundresses: fare you well sir, bee content, you shall want nothing of any thing you haue.

Hort.

Hortensio gone outland my Ladie busie with Hortensio▪ I am gulld, palpably guld: whilst I like a blocke stood courting the post, Aspero is m my appatrell escapde: villains, traytors, open the doore, t••e Duke's abusd, his daughter's fled: I proclaime yee all traytors that hinder me in the pursuit.

Ass.

O for a reasonable audience to applaud this sceane of mer∣ryment: ile goe call my Lady and my Lord Hortensio.

Exit

Hort.

Blindmans buffe? I haue bufft it fairely, and mine owne gullery grieues me not halfe so much as the Dukes displeasure, iaylor, not a word? iaylor, there's no way to please a knaue but fayre words, and gold: honest kinde iaylor, here's gold for thee: doe but take pittie vpon me, a miserable cony-catchd Courtier: not? neither fayre nor foule? thou art a degree worse then a wo∣man; what shall I doe? I can compare my fortune and my vnfor∣tunate selfe to nothing so fitlie as my Base here, wee suffer euerie foole to play vpon vs for their pleasure: and indeede 'twas the in∣tent of our Creator that made fiddles and seruitors to nothing but to be playd vpon, and playd vpon wee shall be, till our heart strings crack, and then they either cast vs aside or hang vs vp, as worthy no other imployment; well, if I can worke my meanes, of escape, so: if not, I must lie by it.

Exit.

Finis actus Quarti.