Wits fittes and fancies Fronted and entermedled with presidentes of honour and wisdome. Also: Loves Ovvl. An idle conceited dialogue betwene loue, and an olde man. Recta securus. A. C.

EXTRAVAGANT SPEECH.

ONe being in danger of drowning, an other standing on the shore, said vnto him. Get to yōder stooping tree, & you are safe: Tut (hee answered) tell not mee of getting or gayning, for I care but only to saue my selfe at this time.

A Spanish Gent. looking out at his window after a coorse that was caried out of his house to be buried, said: Oh, howe hard a matter were it to thrust mee out of my house, seeing to carie a dead man hence is foure mens traueill.

A Spaniard seeing in a Church in Flanders all the Saintes I∣mages defac'd and broken, and anon after noting in the streetes a manie faire houses downe, the chimneyes only standing, said: It had been meet whē these ruins were a doing, that the Priests had conuay'd the Saintes into these chymneyes, and the Ci∣tizens their houses into the Church for Sanctuarie. Wherunto an other adjoyn'd: Thus you see where Lutheranes preuaile, Saintes goe to wracke.

One was a telling an other how one Fernando Ruis Cauesa of such a place, dwelt 26. miles from Ciuill, and 26. from Seres: An other comming in abruptly, & asking him what he said: he answered: It is a whole paire of Cardes.

One being ask'd what hee made in those parts: he answered I haue not done any good deeds to be yet in heauen.

A Moore walking along the streets of Toledo, pass'd ouer a bridge where stood a many shops and no housing: Seeing it, he ask'd a shop-boy, where his Maister lay a nights: who answe∣red: At his house in the towne, as all the rest besides did: Oh, foolish people (then reply'd the Moore) no wife by day, nor no goods by night.

A mightie fat Gent. had nere a child by his faire wife: And offring one day to runne for a wager with a familiar friend of his▪ and to giue him a quoytes-cast ods before him, the other answered: Giue me but one cast more, and I'le deliuer you her with childe.

A Father comming to see his sonne drest of a wound in his face, said: It would not haue grieu'd mee halfe so much if it had been in the arme, or in the legge, or in any other place but ther: The sonne answered: Oh Father, Receiuers are no Choosers.

One asking one whether his brother were yet aliue: he an∣swered: No, nothing liuelie, but a verie Lubber.

A widdow-Gentlewoman fearing least her leane son might haplie conuerse ouermuch a nights with his fair Bride, & ther∣by incurre a consumption, vs'd often times to send him abroad about her businesse some three or foure dayes together, and so many nights: which the yoong Gentlewoman his wife tooke verie vnkindly at her handes: Insomuch as on a time her hus∣band being from home, and she looking out at a window, and chancing to see a many Sparrowes sitting in a bush, she skarr'd them all away, saying. Faith (Sparrowes) you had best be gone, least my mother in law come and send you going with a wit∣nesse.

A Recusant making water against a church-wal, the Church-warden seeing it, excepted thereunto, as prophanely done. Wherunto he answered: It is my Church, not yours.

A kind wife followed her husband to the gallowes, and he requesting her not to trouble her selfe any further: shee answe∣red: Ah yes (deere husband) nowe that I am come thus farre, faith, I'le see you hang'd too (God willing.)

A Cooke seeing his far wife sit stradling at the shop doore, said vnto her: Fie on thee (slut) shut vp that shop of thine: The Goodwife answered: The Deu'll take him that hath the key and doth it not.

One saying to his neighbour that he had a Pope in his belly,

he answered: Better so yet, then a deuill in my heart.

One saying to his neighbour in an euening: God giue you good night: Th'other answered: Amen.

Bishop Gardener seeing one of his men waite at the boord with a monstrous great Codpeece prick'd full of pinnes on the top, tooke a peece of bread, and crumbled it towards him, say∣ing: Cob, cob, come cob, cob.

A wench saying to one: Thou art an errand knaue, so thou art, to vse me so behind my backe: By chance one comming by, and ouer-hearing it, said: Belike you would haue had it in your bellie.

A Pothecarie was shewing one an Vnicornes horne, and an other came in abruptlie, and ask'd him what horne it was: hee answered: A Cuckolds horne of a hundred yeeres olde.

An Officer examining a poore Passenger where he dwelt, and how he liu'd: he answered: If you would examine me about other matters, you should find I were full of Lice.