Wits fittes and fancies Fronted and entermedled with presidentes of honour and wisdome. Also: Loves Ovvl. An idle conceited dialogue betwene loue, and an olde man. Recta securus. A. C.

OF DRVNKARDS,

A Gent. man was a great Drunkard, and falling off a ladder, broke his nose so as he was faine to weare a plaister theron so g••eat, as couered his nose all ouer: which his master seeing, ask'd him how it cam so to passe: One of his fellowes thē standing by, answered: And like your wor∣ship he is faine to case his nose (as you see) for feare to run it a∣gainst Tauernes.

A Flemming had drunke fiue quartes of wine all alone in a Tauerne, and there lay snorting vnder the boord: At last hee awaked and was sober, and the Drawer ask'd him money for sixe quartes: he answered: Why (man) that cannot be, for my bellie neuer holds aboue 5. quartes at a time: Yes, (answered the Drawer) the wine being passing good, one quart fum'd vp in∣to your head, and then the other fiue in your bellie make sixe, so is there sixe quartes. You haue reason (said the Fleming) and so paid him for sixe quarts.

On Palm-sunday a great Drunkard carried a Palm-bough in Procession, and one seeing it, said vnto him: A house so wel knowne needs nere a bush.

A Physition reprehended one for drinking wine so migh∣tilie in time of the plague: who answered: I doe it to the end the plague may take me for a tub, and so ouer-passe mee.

A great Drunkard lying sick of a burning Feuer, said vnto his Physition. I wold haue you cure my heat, but not my thirst

A Doctor of physick aduis'd a great Drunkard that had but one eie to beware of wine, least he lost the other: hee answered: Nay: Better destroy a window then the whole house.

One aduis'd a great Drunkard still to mingle water with his wine, hee answered: If that were good, God would haue ••one it in the grape.

A rich Drunkard misus'd a poore man in tearmes, and the poore man being big & grosse, said vnto him: Sir, if you please not to forbeare me for my own sake, yet (I beseech you) forbear me, because I am like a Tub.

A Drunkard that had scarse ere a good tooth in his head, one thus bejested him, saying, that the continuall water-course had quite borne away his quearnes.

Because King Philip is the noblest Dutch-bloud at this day in al the world, and a Duch-man the greatest Drunkard: Ther∣fore a Spaniard dispraising one for drunkennesse, said: Thou are euen as errand a Drunkard as King Philip.

A Drunkard passing ouer a bridge, his eies so gla••'d, that he thought they were two bridges: and stepping vpon the wrong bridge downe hee tumbled into the brooke: where drinking his bellie full of water, he continued, saying: No more nowe (Hostesse) no more now.

A merrie Officer of London passing by an Alehouse, where he saw a couple of good fellowes a drinking, stept in vnto them, and ask'd them who they were: They answered: Clearke of S. Magnes, and Sexten of Boe: He then adjoyn'd: And I Recorder of London: Hey (hostesse) fill in my pot too.

In a countrey-parish an Ale-house stood close by the church porch, & the Vicar saying seruice vpon a time, ouer-heard cer∣taine good fellowes a quaffing and carrolling in the saide Ale∣house: Wherupon he fell from his function, and said: Sirs, it is no reason that yonder fellowes should partake of our prayers, & we not taste of their Ale: And with that he shut vp his book and to the Ale-house he went, and all the parish after him.

One put a frogge into a Duch-mans pot, and hee drinking swallow'd it clean downe: Being ask'd whether he felt not any thing in his draught, he answered: No, nothing but a litle mo••e