The deuils law-case. Or, VVhen vvomen goe to law, the Deuill is full of businesse A new tragecomædy. The true and perfect copie from the originall. As it was approouedly well acted by her Maiesties Seruants. Written by Iohn VVebster.

Enter Romelio, and Prospero.

Prospero.

YOu haue shewen a world of wealth; I did not thinke there had bene a Merchant Liu'd in Italy of halfe your substance.

Rom.

Ile giue the King of Spaine Ten thousand Duckets yearely, and discharge My yearely Custome. The Hollanders scarse trade More generally then I: my Factors wiues Weare Shaperoones of Veluet, and my Scriueners Meerely through my imployment, grow so rich, They build their Palaces and Belvidears With musicall Water-workes: Neuer in my life Had I a losse at Sea. They call me on th'Exchange, The fortunate Youngman and make great suite To venture with me: Shall I tell you Sir, Of a strange confidence in my way of Trading, I reckon it as certaine as the gaine In erecting a Lotterie.

Pros.

I pray Sir, what doe you thinke Of Signiour Baptisto's estate?

Rom

A meere Begger▪ Hee's worth some fiftie thousand Duckets.

Pros.

Is not that well?

Rom.

How well? for a man to be melted to snow water,

With toyling in the world from three and twentie, Till threescore for poore fiftie thousand Duckets.

Pros.

To your estate 'tis little I confesse: You haue the Spring-tide of Gold.

Rom.

Faith, and for Siluer, Should I not send it packing to th'East Indies, We should haue a glut on't.

Enter Seruant.

Ser.

Here's the great Lord Contarino.

Pro.

Oh, I know his busines, he's a suitor to your sister.

Rom.

Yes Sir, but to you, As my most trusted friend, I vtter it, I will breake the alliance.

Pros

You are ill aduised then; There liues not a compleater Gentleman In Italy, nor of a more ancient house.

Rom.

What tell you me of Gentrie, 'tis nought else But a superstitious relique of time past: And sift it to the true worth, it is nothing But ancient riches: and in him you know They are pittifully in the wane; he makes his colour Of visiting vs so often, to sell land, And thinkes if he can gaine my sisters loue, To recouer the treble value.

Pros.

Sure he loues her intirely, and she deserues it.

Rom.

Faith, though shee were Crookt shoulderd, hauing such a portion, Shee would haue noble Suitors; but truth is, I would wish my noble Venturer take heed, It may be whiles he hopes to catch a Gilt head, He may draw vp a Gudgeon.

Enter Contarino.

Pros

Hee's come: Sir, I will leaue you.

Con.

I sent you the Euidence of the peece of land I motioned to you for the Sale.

Rom.

Yes.

Con.

Has your Counsell perus'd it?

Rom.

Not yet my Lord: Doe you intend to trauell?

Con.

No.

Rom.

Oh then you loose That which makes man most absolute.

Con.

Yet I haue heard of diuers, that in passing of the

Alpes, haue but exchang'd their vertues at deare rate for other vices.

Rom.

Oh my Lord, lye not idle; The chiefest action for a man of great spirit, Is neuer to be out of action: we should thinke The soule was neuer put into the body, Which has so many rare and curious pieces Of Mathematicall motion, to stand still. Vertue is euer sowing of her seedes: In the Trenches for the Souldier; in the wakefull study For the Scholler; in the sorrowes of the sea For men of our Profession, of all which Arise and spring vp Honor. Come, I know You haue some noble great Designe in hand, That you leuy so much money.

Cont.

Sir, Ile tell you, The greatest part of it I meane to imploy In payment of my Debts, and the remainder Is like to bring me into greater bonds, as I ayme it.

Rom.

How Sir?

Cont.

I intend it for the charge of my Wedding.

Rom.

Are you to be married, my Lord?

Cont.

Yes Sir; and I must now intreat your pardon, That I haue concealed from you a businesse, Wherein you had at first been call'd to Counsell, But that I thought it a lesse fault in Friendship, To ingage my selfe thus farre without your knowledge, Then to doe it against your will: another reason Was, that I would not publish to the world, Nor haue it whispered scarce, what wealthy Voyage I went about, till I had got the Myne In mine owne possession.

Rom.

You are darke to me yet,

Com.

Ile now remoue the cloud. Sir, your sister and I Are vowed each others, and there onely wants Her worthy mothers, and your faire consents To stile it marriage: this is a way, Not onely to make a friendship, but confirme it

For our posterities. How doe you looke vpon't?

Rom

Beleeue me Sir, as on the principall Colume To aduance our House: why you bring honour with you, Which is the soule of Wealth. I shall be proud To liue to see my little Nephewes ride O'th vpper hand of their Vncles; and the Daughters Be ranckt by Heraulds at Solemnities Before the Mother: all this deriu'd From your Nobilitie. Doe not blame me sir, If I be taken with't exceedingly: For this same honour with vs Citizens, Is a thing we are mainely fond of, especially When it comes without money, which is very seldome, But as you doe perceiue my present temper, Be sure I am yours, fierd with scorne and laughter, At your ouer confident purpose, and no doubt, My mother will be of your mind.

Exit Romelio.

Cont.

Tis my hope sir. I doe obserue how this Romelio, Has very worthy parts, were they not blasted By insolent vaine glory: there rests now The mothers approbation to the match, Who is a woman of that State and bearing, Tho shee be Citie-borne, both in her language, Her Garments, and her Table, shee excels Our Ladies of the Court: shee goes not gawdy, Yet haue I seene her weare one Diamond, Would haue bought twenty gay ones out of their clothes, And some of them, without the greater grace, Out of their honesties. Shee comes, I will trie

Enter Leonora.

How she stands affected to me, without relating My Contract with her Daughter.

Leon.

Sir, you are nobly welcome, and presume You are in a place that's wholly dedicated To your seruice.

Con.

I am euer bound to you for many speciall fauours.

Leon.

Sir, your fame renders you most worthy of it.

Cont.

It could neuer haue got a sweeter ayre to fly in, Then your breath.

Leon.

You haue bin strange a long time, you are weary Of our vnseasonable time of feeding: Indeed th' Exchange Bell makes vs dine so late; I thinke the Ladies of the Court from vs Learne to lye so long a bed.

Cont.

They haue a kind, of Exchange among them too, Marry vnlesse, it be to heare of newes, I take it, Theirs, is like the New Burse, thinly furnisht With Tyers and new Fashions. I haue a suite to you.

Leon.

I would not haue you value it the lesse, If I say, Tis granted already.

Cont.

You are all Bounty, tis to bestow your Picture on me.

Leon.

Oh sir, shaddowes, are coueted in Summer, And with me, tis Fall o'th Leafe.

Cont.

You enioy the best of Time; This latter Spring of yours, shewes in my eye, More fruitfull and more temperate withall, Then that whose date is onely limitted By the musicke of the Cuckow.

Leon.

Indeed Sir, I dare tell you, My Looking-glasse is a true one, and as yet It does not terrifie me. Must you haue my Picture?

Cont.

So please you Lady, and I shall preserue it As a most choyce Obiect.

Leon.

You will enioyne me to a strange punishment: With what a compeld face a woman sits While shee is drawing? I haue noted diuers, Either to faine smiles, or sucke in the lippes, To haue a little mouth; ruffle the cheekes, To haue the dimple seene, and so disorder The face with affectation, at next sitting It has not been the same; I haue knowne others Haue lost the intire fashion of their face, In halfe an houres sitting.

Cont.

How?

Leon.

In hote weather, The painting on their face has been so mellow, They haue left the poore man harder worke by halfe, To mend the Copie h•• wrought by▪ but indeed, If euer I would haue mine drawen to'th life, I would haue a Paynter steale it, at such a time, I were deuoutly kneeling at my prayers, There is then a heauenly beautie in't, the Soule Moones in the Superficies.

Cont.

Excellent Lady, Now you teach Beautie a preseruatiue, More then 'gainst fading Colours; and your iudgement Is perfect in all things.

Leon.

Indeed Sir, I am a Widdow, And want the addition to make it so: For mans Experience has still been held Womans best eyesight. I pray sir tell mee, You are about to sell a piece of Land To my sonne, I heare.

Cont.

Tis truth.

Leon.

Now I could rather wish, That Noble men would euer liue ith Countrey, Rather then make their visit's vp to'th Citie About such businesse: Oh Sir, Noble Houses Haue no such goodly Prospects any way, As into their owne Land: the decay of that, Next to their begging Churchland, is a ruine Worth all mens pitie. Sir, I haue forty thousand crownes Sleepe in my Chest, shall waken when you please, And slie to your commands, Will you stay supper?

Cont.

I cannot, worthy Lady.

Leon.

I would not haue you come hither sir, to sell, But to settle your Estate. I hope you vnderstand Wherefore I make this proffer: so I leaue you.

Cont.

What a Treasury haue I pearch'd.

Exit Leon.

I hope you vnderstand wherefore I make this proffer. Shee has got some intelligence, how I intend to marry Her daughter, and ingenuously perceiued,

That by her Picture, which I begged of her, I meant the faire Iolenta: here's a Letter, Which giues expresse charge, not to visit her Till midnight: faile not to come, for tis a businesse That concernes both our honors. Yours in danger to be lost, Iolenta. Tis a strange In••unction; what should be the businesse? She is not chang'd I hope. Ile thither straight: For womens Resolutions in such deeds, Like Bees, light oft on flowers, and oft on weeds.

Exit,

Enter Ercole, Romelio, Iolenta.

Rom

Oh sister come, the Taylor must to worke, To make your wedding Clothes.

Jol.

The Tombe-maker, to take measure of my cossin.

Rom.

Tombe-maker? looke you, The king of Spaine greets you.

Iol.

What does this meane, do you serue Proces on me?

Rom.

Proces? come you would be wittie now.

Iol.

Why, what's this, I pray?

Rom.

Infinite grace to you▪ it is a Letter From his Catholike Maiestie, for the commends Of this Gentleman for your Husband.

Iol.

In good season: I hope he will not haue my Allegiance stretcht to the vndoing of my selfe.

Rom.

Vndoe your selfe? he does proclaime him here

Iol.

Not for a Traytor, does he?

Rom.

You are not mad; For one of the Noblest Gentlemen.

Iol.

Yet Kings many times Know meerly but mens outsides, was this commendation Voluntary, thinke you?

Rom.

Voluntary: what meane you by that?

Jol.

Why I do not thinke but he beg'd it of the King, And it may fortune to be out of's way: Some better suite, that woo'd haue stood his Lordship In farre more stead: Letters of Commendations, Why tis reported that they are growen stale,

When places fall i'th Vniuersitie. I pray you returne his Passe: for to a Widdow That longs to be a Courtier, this Paper May doe Knights seruice.

Erco.

Mistake not excellent Mistres, these commends Expresse, his Maiestie of Spaine has giuen me Both addition of honour, as you may perceiue By my habit, and a place heere to command Ore thirtie Gallies; this your brother shewes, As wishing that you would be partner In my good Fortune.

Rom.

I pray come hither, haue I any interest in you?

Iol

You are my Brother.

Rom.

I would haue you then vse me with that respect, You may still keepe me so, and to be swayed In this maine businesse of life, which wants Greatest consideration, your Marriage, By my direction: Here's a Gentleman—

Iol.

Sir, I haue often told you, I am so little my owne to dispose that way, That I can neuer be his.

Rom.

Come, too much light Makes you Moone-eyed, are you in loue with title? I will haue a Herauld, whose continuall practise Is all in pedigree, come a wooing to you, Or an Antiquary in old Buskins.

Erco.

Sir, you haue done me The maynest wrong that ere was offred To a Gentleman of my breeding.

Rom.

Why sir?

Erco.

You haue led me With a vaine confidence, that I should marry Your sister, haue proclaim'd it to my friends, Employd the greatest Lawyers of our State To settle her a ioynture, and the issue Is, that I must become ridiculous Both to my friends and enemies: I will leaue you, Till I call to you for a strict account Of your vnmanly dealing.

Rom.

Stay my Lord. Doe you long to haue my throat cut? Good my Lord, Stay but a little, till I haue remooued This Court-mist from her eyes, till I wake her From this dull sleepe, wherein sheele dreame herselfe To a deformed Begger: you would marry The great Lord Contarino.

Enter Leonoora.

Leon.

Contarino Were you talking of? he lost last night at Diee Fiue thousand Duckets; and when that was gone, Set at one throw a Lordship, that twice trebled The former losse.

Rom.

And that flew after.

Leon.

And most carefully Carried the Gentleman in his Carroch To a Lawyers Chamber, there most Legally To put him in possession: was this wisedome?

Rom.

O yes, their credit in the way of gaming Is the mayne thing they stand on, that must be paid, Tho the Brewer bawle for's money; and this Lord Does shee preferre i'th way of marriage, Before our Choyce. Here noble Ercole,

Leon.

Youle be aduis'd I hope: Know for your sakes I married, that I might haue children; And for your sakes, if youle be rul'd by me, I will neuer marry agen. Here's a Gentleman Is noble, rich, well featur'd, but 'boue all, He loues you intirely; his intents are aymed For an Expedition 'gainst the Turke, Which makes the Contract cannot be delayed.

Io.

Contract? you must do this without my knowledge; Giue me some potion to make me mad, And happily not knowing what I speake, I may then consent too't.

Rom.

Come, you are mad already, And I shall neuer heare you speake good sense, Till you name him for Husband.

Erco.

Lady, I will doe a manly Office for you, I will leaue you, to the freedome of your owne soule,

May it moue whither heauen and you please.

Iol.

Now you expresse your selfe most nobly.

Rom.

Stay sir, what doe you meane to doe?

Leon.

Heare me, if thou dost marry Contarino, All the misfortune that did euer dwell. In a parents curse, light on thee.

Erc.

Oh rise Lady, certainly heauen neuer intended Kneeling to this fearefull purpose.

Iol.

Your Imprecation has vndone me for euer.

Erc.

Giue me your hand.

Iol.

No sir.

Rom.

Giu't rue then: Oh what rare workmanship haue I seene this To finish with your needle, what excellent musicke Haue these strucke vpon the Violl! Now Ile teach a piece of Art.

Iol.

Rather a damnable cunning, To haue me goe about to giu't away, Without consent of my soule.

Rom.

Kisse her my Lord, if crying had been regarded, Maidenheads had nere been lost, at least some appearance Of crying, as an Aprill showre i'th Sunshine.

Leon.

Shee is yours.

Rom.

Nay, continue your station, and deale you in dumbe shew; kisse this doggednesse out of her.

Leon.

To be contracted in teares, is but fashionable.

Rom.

Yet suppose that they were heartie.

Leon.

Virgins must seeme vnwilling.

Rom.

Oh what else; and you remember, we obserue the Like in greater Ceremonies then these Contracts, At the Conseration of Prelates, they vse euer Twice to say nay, and take it.

Iolen.

Oh Brother.

Ro.

Keep your possession, you haue the dore bithring, That's Liuery and Seasin in England; but my Lord, Kisse that teare from her lip, youle find the Rose The sweeter for the dewe.

Iolen.

Bitter as gall.

Rom.

I, I, all you women, Although you be of neuer so low stature, Haue gall in you most abundant, it exceeds Your braines by two ounces. I was saying somewhat; Oh doe but obserue ith Citie, and youle finde The thriftiest bargaines that were euer made, What a deale of wrangling ere they could be brought To an vpshot.

Leon.

Great persons doe not euer come together.

Rom.

With reuelling faces, nor is it necessary They should; the strangenesse and vnwillingnesse Weares the greater state, and giues occasion that The people may buzz and talke of't, tho the Bells Be tongue-tide at the Wedding.

Leon.

And truely I haue heard say, To be a little strange to one another, Will keepe your longing fresh.

Rom,

I, and make you beget More children when yare maried: some Doctors Are of that opinion. You see my Lord, we are merry At the Contract, your sport is to come hereafter.

Ercol.

I will leaue you excellent Lady, and withall Leaue a heart with you so entirely yours, That I protest, had I the least of hope To enioy you, tho I were to wayt the time That Schollers doe in taking their degree In the noble Arts, 'twere nothing, howsoere He parts from you, that will depart from life, To doe you any seruice, and so humbly I take my leaue.

Exit Ercole.

Jol.

Sir, I will pray for you.

Ro.

Why thats well, 'twill make your prayer compleat, To pray for your Husband.

Iol.

Husband?

Leon.

This is the happiest houre that I euer arriued at.

Rom.

Husband, I husband: come you peeuish thing, Smile me a thanke for the paynes I haue tane.

Iol.

I hate my selfe for being thus enforst,

You may soone iudge then what I thinke of you Which are the cause of it.

Enter Wayting-woman.

Rom.

You Lady of the Laundry, come hither.

Wayt.

Sir?

Rom.

Looke as you loue your life, you haue an eye Vpon your Mistresse; I doe henceforth barre her All Visitants: I do heare there are Bawds abroad, That bring Cut-works, & Man-toons, & conuey Letters To such young Gentlewomen, and there are others That deale in Corne-cutting, and Fortune-telling, Let none of these come at her on your life, Nor Dewes ace the wafer woman, that prigs abroad With Muskmeloons, and Malakatoones; Nor the Scotchwoman with the Citterne, do you marke, Nor a Dancer by any meanes, tho he ride on's foot-cloth, Nor a Hackney Coachman, if he can speake French.

Wayt.

Why sir?

Rom.

By no meanes: no more words; Nor the woman with Maribone puddings. I haue heard Strange iugling tricks haue been conueyd to a woman In a pudding: you are apprehensiue?

Wayt.

Oh good sir, I haue traueld.

Rom.

When you had a Bastard, you traueld indeed: But my precious Chaperoones, I trust thee the better for that; for I haue heard, There is no warier Keeper of a Parke, To preuent Stalkers, or your Night-walkers, Then such a man, as in his youth has been A most notorious Deare-stealer.

Wayt.

Very well sir, You may vse me at your pleasure.

Rom.

By no meanes Winifrid, that were the way To make thee trauell agen: Come be not angry, I doe but iest, thou knowest, wit and a woman, Are two very fraile things, and so I leaue you.

Exit.

Wayt.

I could weepe with you, but tis no matter, I can doe that at any time, I haue now

A greater mind to rayle a little: Plague of these Vnsanctified Matches; they make vs lothe The most naturall desire our grandame Eue euer left vs. Force one to marry against their will; why 'tis A more vngodly worke, then inclosing the Commons.

Iolen.

Prethee peace; This is indeed an argument so common, I cannot thinke of matter new ynough, To expresse it bad enough,

Wayt.

Heere's one I hope will put you out of't.

Enter Contarino.

Cont.

How now sweet Mistris? You haue made sorrow looke louely of late, You haue wept.

Wait.

She has done nothing else these three dayes; had you stood behinde the Arras, to haue heard her shed so much salt water as I haue done, you would haue thought she had been turn'd Fountaine.

Con.

I would faine know the cause can be worthy this Thy sorrow.

Iol.

Reach me the Caskanet, I am studying Sir, To take an Inuentory of all that's mine.

Con.

What to doe with it Lady?

Iol.

To make you a Deed of gift.

Con.

That's done already; you are all mine.

Wai.

Yes, but the Deuil would faine put in for's share, In likenesse of a Separation.

Iol.

Oh sir, I am bewitcht.

Con

Ha?

Iol.

Most certaine, I am forespoken, To be married to another: can you euer thinke That I shall euer thriue in't? Am I not then bewitcht? All comfort I can teach my selfe is this, There is a time left for me to dye nobly, When I cannot liue so?

Con.

Giue me in a word, to whom, or by whose meanes Are you thus torne from me?

Iol.

By Lord Ercole, my Mother, and by Brother.

Cont.

Ile make his brauery fitter for a graue, Then for a wedding.

Jolen.

So you will beget A farre more dangerous and strange disease Out of the cure; you must loue him agen For my sake: for the noble Ercole Had such a true compassion of my sorrow. Harke in your eare, He shew you his right worthy Demeanour to me.

Wayt.

Oh you pretty ones, I haue seene this Lord many a time and oft Set her in's lap, and talke to her of Loue So feelingly, I doe protest it has made me Run out of my selfe to thinke on't; oh sweet breath'd Monkey, how they grow together? well, tis my opinion, He was no womans friend that did inuent A punishment for kissing.

Cont.

If he beare himselfe so nobly, The manliest office I can doe for him, Is to affoord him my pitie, since h e's like To faile of so deare a purchase: for your mother, Your goodnesse quits her ill; for your brother, He that vowes friendship to a man, and prooues A traytor deserues rather to be hang d, Then he that counterfets money; yet for your sake I must signe his pardon too. Why doe you tremble? Be safe, you are now free from him.

Iolen.

Oh but sir, The intermission from a ••it of an ague Is grieuous: for indeed it doth prepare vs, To entertaine torment next morning.

Cont.

Why hee's gone to sea.

Iol.

But he may returne too soone.

Con.

To auoyd which, we will instantly be maried.

Wa.

To auoid which, get you instantly to bed together, Doe, and I thinke no Ciuill Lawyer for his fee Can giue you better Councell.

Iol.

Fye vpon thee, prethee leaue vs.

Con.

Be of comfort sweet Mistris.

Jol.

On one condition we may haue no quarrell about

Con.

Vpon my life none. (this.

Iol.

None vpon your honour?

Con.

With whom? with Ercole? You haue deliuered him guiltlesse. With your Brother? Hee's part of your selfe. With your complementall Mother? I vse not sight with women To morrow weele be married: Let those that would oppose this vnion, grow nere so subtill, and intangle themselues In their owne worke like Spiders, while we two Haste to our noble wishes, and presume, The hindrance of it will breed more delight, As black copartaments shewes gold more bright.

Exeunt

Finis Actus primi.