A iuniper lecture With the description of all sorts of women, good, and bad: from the modest to the maddest, from the most civil, to the scold rampant, their praise and dispraise compendiously related. Also the authors advice how to tame a shrew, or vexe her.

13. A Lecture of a kinde and loving Wife to her Husband, and thus she begins.

SWeet Husband, I am sorry to see you are so vainly given to drinking, and to company: I pray consider with your selfe what injury you doe mee,

and your owne credit by it, and that divers waies. First, you lose your time that is so precious, which you and every man ought to regard, and make use of while they have health and ability so to doe; I am sure you have seene how Time is pictured with a Locke of Haire before, and Bald behind; the mea∣ning is, we must take hold on times fore-locke while we have it, for when he is past, there is nothing to hold by, all bald behind; for when 'tis gone and past, it is not to be recal∣led againe: It is good to

make Hey while the Sunne shines, tis an old Proverbe yet worthy your observa∣tion. Then secondly, you spend your money, which is the marrow of the Land, and makes you to be so respected and be∣loved of all; for without money you cannot have anything, with your mo∣ney you may command all things. It is your money which makes you so wel∣come when you goe in∣to the Taverne, it is for your money that they bee glad to see yon, and bid you farewell. If you were in necessity, and wanted

money, trust me sweete Husband, there is none of all those places, where you have spent it so idly, that will scarce give you tenne Shillings, nay, scarcely lend it you without a suf∣ficient pawne: and if you should make your com∣plaint to them, what will they say doe you thinke? Alas good Sir, or good∣man such a one, I am sor∣ry that you are come to this passe, and driven to this urgent necessity in your old age; you were alwayes free, and very kind-hearted, I pitty your case, alacke aday, I

have not so much money to spare at this time, for I have newly paid the Brewer, or the Baker, or the Merchant, and I was forced to make bold with one of my Neighbours to borrow of them to make up the summe; This is the comfort and entertain∣ment you shall finde when you have neede of their helpe. I pray remember my words good sweete∣heart, for while your mo∣ney lasts, you shall not want company, or good liquor, but once gone, then good night Land∣Lord; for a man without

money is like a Pudding without sewet, dry meat; and as old Hobson said, it is money which makes my Mares to goe, so it is with them; for without money there is no abiding there: trust you they will not, though (perhaps) they may make you drink, and so bid you farewell; and thus you have Iacke Drummes entertainment for all your money. Then thirdly, consider againe my loving Husband, how you abuse the good Crea∣ture of Wine, Beere, or Ale by your extraordina∣ry drinking, and how

sicke and ill you are the next day, and how unca∣pable you are of your af∣faires and businesse, and can take no true delight in any thing you eate or drinke, whether you walke, or sit still, for two or three dayes after; it is such a bewitching thing, that you cannot leave it when you would: you must thinke you have not a body of Brasse to hold out still; no, you will in time finde the inconveni∣ence of this drinking o∣ver-much: it shortens your dayes, and makes you looke ill, as if you had

bin buried in a Grave, and taken up againe; doe but consider what detri∣ment to your health, the aboundance and super∣fluity of Wine, or any o∣ther liquid stuffe doth; for you must conceive, your stomacke is the receptacle for all sorts of meate and drinke, and the best of the wine doth disperse it selfe through little veines, into all the parts of the body for its nonrishment; then the remainder of those dregs and grounds, which are left behind in the sto∣macke causes Vapours to fly up into your braine,

makes your head ake, and there injures the Pia mater and Dura mater, and so stupifies your Penicrani∣um, that all your vitall parts and ventricles are al∣most suffocated, and your life in hazard also: then some dangerous diseases or other followes; as Fe∣vers, Agues, Inflamations, Consumptions, and such Distillations from the Braine, that it will for e∣ver after impare your health; then in this ex∣tremity you must be con∣strained to take Physicke, to quallifie and refrigerate the extraordinary heate in

you; and moreover, if your Physicke bee not good, and well clarified, the dregs which remaine in your body, will too much coole the Naturall heate, and destroy the Ra∣dicall moysture; and when those decay, then life farewell: Then if neede require you must breath a veine, and be let blood, and it may be, happen up∣pon an unskilfull Surgi∣on that cannot doe it handsomely, but mistake the veine; and perhaps when his hand shakes, pricke an Artery; and so lose the use of your arme;

or else perchance make such an Orifice, that hee cannot stench the blood, or else so butcher your arm by often striking, that you faint and sound in the act, and so lose your life: and all this insues by your ingurgitating and exces∣sive drinking of Wine, or such like liquor: for Wine and Tobacco being both hot, doth so heate and burne you within, that it weakens and impaires your strength very much; and especially, Tobacco weakens you; for you may reade these ensuing lines which I dare say an ho∣nest

man writ them, and they be true, and he was a Womans friend I will assure you.

TObacco that Outlandish Weed, Weakens the body, & spoiles the Seed; It hurts the Braine, and dims the sight,

Truely Husband, if you understand your selfe a∣right, you must needes confesse this to bee true; for you must know, Na∣ture cannot doe no more

then it can; it helpes to e∣vacuate the superfluity, and purges the Braine when it is over-charged and oppressed; as much as in her lyes: but if you lay too much upon her, the ruine will be your owne in the end, and with losse of life.

Fourthly and lastly, in∣deed I speake to you and tell you this for your good; you know I have never falne out with you, nor given you any ill lan∣guage, though you came home late, and have bin disguised in drinke; but in∣treated you to have a care

of your selfe, and to come home sooner. To con∣clude, because I would not bee too tedious in relation, I hope these words of mine you will give care unto, and will better your understanding to remember them: you shall ever find me a loving & a kind wife to you in all things; you men are the Head, & must governe us women; we must be gui∣ded by you in all things: you are the Sunne to mee, and I am your Mary-gold, to shut & open when you please: your sweet compa∣ny, good Husband, joyes

mee more than all the World besides; if you would but keepe home, I should think nothing too much that I did for you, and by your faire words I would even let out my heart-blood to doe you good. Therefore deare Husband, if you will take a Womans counsell, bee wise, and keepe your mony for better uses, than to spend where you shall have no thankes in the end: for the oftner you use to visit these Ale-hou∣ses or Tavernes, the more they will slight you, and dis-respect you; any new

company shall be spoken to before you, nay, they will make bold with you, and you shall stay their lea∣sure, when others shall be served with the best Wine they can draw, and you with the worst.

The Husbands reply.

In troth sweet Wife, I finde it very true, and for thy sake,

I will drinke strong Beere no more, no more; But ever hereafter I will drinke cold water, And keepe my money in store, in store.

But as I have written of vertuous and modest wo∣men, so must I ever, and I wish all other men and women to hold and e∣steeme them in a good & reverend regard; and I am sure their wisedome and discretion is such, that they will take no distaste at any thing that either touches or concernes them.

For it is too well known (by woefull experience) daily, that some husband and servants are so wic∣ked, and basely inclin'd, that they will give too much cause to make a wel-dispos'd

and quiet wo∣man speake, as I was min∣ded shortly to set forth a Booke to that purpose, concerning the bad cour∣ses and misbehaviour of such as goe in the shapes of men, but indeede are Beasts, or rather worsethan beasts, Heathens, or Infi∣dels, but I shallbe preven∣ted in writing of it; for I doe here that there are di∣vers women set their hel∣ping hands, to publish such a Booke themselves in their owne praise, with an answer to this Booke: called by the Name of Sir Seldome Sober, or The wo∣mans

sharpe revenge against the Author. Yet the many incombrances of Mar∣riage doth make some men and women often wish themselves single: for Argus his hundred eyes are not sufficient, Bri∣areus one hundred hands will not serve, Croesus wealth will not supply, Hercules performance will not satisfie, Salomons wisdome cannot prevent, Sampsons strength cannot prevaile, nor all the wit, power, strength, or poli∣cy of man can restraine, or keepe his wife within the limits of reason, if

Heavenly grace guide her not.

Now for the Readers better satisfaction, here∣after followeth a relation of what degrees and cal∣lings, and of what Coun∣tries and Nations those womē were, whose names are Recorded in History for good or bad, as also of what qualities and conditions the most part of them were of; with the manner of some of their lives and deaths.

Hellen is said to bee Iu∣piters Daughter, and that shee was so faite, that for her beauty shee was ravi∣shed

twice: The first time was by Thesius, the tenth King of Athens: after that she was married to Mene∣laus, King of Sparta, or La∣cedemonia, from whom shee was stolne by Paris, the sonne of Priam, King of Troy; for which second Rape of Hellen, the Prin∣ces of Greece combined together in Armes, and after tenne yeares siege of Troy they tooke it, sack'd, and fired it.

Hellen (another of that name) was the happy mo∣ther of the Illustrious and famous Christian Empe∣rout, Constantine the

Great; which Emperour restored, and gave full freedome to the Gospels preaching, after it had bin three hundred and odde yeares supprest and per∣secuted under the tenne bloody persecutions: Hee repaired old Bizantium, and named, it Constanti∣nople; His mother Hellen was likewise the Religi∣ous foundresse of a mag∣nificent Chappel upon the Mount Tabor: (where our Saviour was transfigured) she was a most ver∣tuous Empresse, and as some writers say, she and her Sonne Constantine

were borne in London.

Also there was another Hellen, the Mother of the unfortunate Constantine, the last Emperour of Con∣stantinople, who was over∣throwne by Mahomet the Great, Emperour of the Turkes, May 29, 1453. On which day Constantine Paleologus lost the City, with his Empire and life: so that one Hellen and Constantine built it, and two others of the same name lost it, as afore∣said.

Lais was a famous Gre∣cian or Corinthian whore; she was so haunted with

the Princes and Nobility of those times, that shee was exceeding Rich, and shee was at so high a rate, that when Demosthenes (the admired Orator) de∣manded of her the price of a nights Lodging with her, she told him that shee would not take lesse than 10000. Drachmas, which in our mony is two hundred pound Sterling: but Demosthenes (not li∣king such a Bargaine) an∣swer'd her, That he would not buy Repentance at so deare a rate. She was ston'd to death by whores for her too much over-va∣luing

of her selfe.

Thais was also another famous whore of Corinth, and that of such singular beauty, that shee would entertaine none but Kings and Princes. She mighti∣ly befool'd the wise Philo∣sopher Aristippus, & held him (in a neare degree) under a slavish command.

Livia was the light Em∣presse and Wife to Augu∣stus Caesar; it is related that she made him weare a Cuckoes Feather in his Cap.

Semiramis was Empresse and wife to Ninus, the grand-child of Nimrod;

shee was left a Widdow, with one Sonne, whose name was Ninias, who was so effeminate a Prince that hee suffered his Mo∣ther Semiramis to reigne 42. yeares over him: She was valiant and victori∣ous, but in the end shee was so overcome with a lustfull inordinate affecti∣on to her owne Son, that he slew her with his owne hands in Babylon.

Pasiphae was the wife to Minos, King of Crete, (now called Candi) it is said she was in love with a Bull, by whom shee had a Monster called Mino∣taurus;

but it is more probable that a Courtier named Taurus, did use such familiarity with her, that she brought forth a Sonne more like the said Taurus, than to her Hus∣band King Minos.

Hermia was a Strum∣pet of that excellent fea∣ture, that Aristotle (the fa∣mous Philosopher) was so besotted on her, that hee adored her with divine honours, and offered sacri∣fice unto her.

Messalina was Empresse and wife to Claudius Cae∣sar; she was a Monster, ra∣ther than a Woman, and

of such incredible insari∣ablenesse, that is unfit to be rehearsed.

Olympias was wife to Philip King of Macedon, and Mother to Alexan∣der the great, shee was a woman of a haughty minde, and bloody na∣ture, and so revengefull, that she murdered Cleopa∣tra, (the former wife to her Husband) and her two children; the one she kill'd in the armes of the Mother, and the other she caused to be broyl'd a∣live in a Copper-bason: it was suspected also that she poysoned her Husband

King Philip, At last she was slaine by the com∣mandment of Cassander, one of the successors of Alexander.

Mirha was the incestu∣ous daughter of Cynare, or Ciniras, King of Cypris, upon whom her owne Fa∣ther begot the faire and beautifull youth Adonis, the delightfull Darling of Venus.

Medusa, a fiction, Fury, or Hellish Hagge.

Progne was one of the Daughters of Pandion, King of Athens, and wife to Tereus King of Thrace: her Husband ravished and

cut out the tongue of her Sister Philomela, in re∣venge whereof Progne murthered her owne Son It is, and caused him to be baked, boyl'd, and roasted for her Fathers (her Hus∣band Tereus supper, and because her revenge flew so swift, it is faigned that she was turn'd to a Swal∣low. For further satisfa∣ction, looke Ovids Meta∣morphosis, Lib. 6.

Media was daughter to Ceta King of Colchos, shee was a most beautifull Witch (or Sorceresse) she was so enamoured on the goodly personage of la∣son,

that she shew'd him the way to shun the dangers in the winning the Golden Fleece, which after Iason had accōplished, she ran a∣way with him into Thesally

Circe is feigned to be the Daughter of Sol, and that by the Mothers side shee is Grand-child to O∣ceanus, the Sea-god; she was also a cunning Witch, the wise Vlysses had some∣thing to doe with her, as you may reade in the 14. booke of Ovids Metamor∣phosis.

Agripina was the Mo∣ther of the bloody Empe∣rour Nero, shee poison'd

her Husband Claudius, with his Son Brittanicus, and lastly shee was mur∣thered by command of her Sonne Nero, who was formerly suspected to have incestuously strum∣pitted her.

Flora was a beautifull Whore in Rome, who by her Trade had heaped up great treasures, which she gave all to the common people at her death, for the which they built a Temple to her, and wor∣shipped her, calling her the Goddesse of Flowers.

Clitemnestra was wife to Agamemnon, King of the

Micenians; he was the va∣liant Generall of the Greekes at the ten yeares siege and sacking of Troy, but returning home to his Wife, hee was most wic∣kedly murthered by her procurement, and by the hands of one Aegisthus, who had long lived in A∣dultery with the said queane, Queene Clitemne∣stra.

Pandora was a Woman so in favour with the gods, that Pallas gave her wise∣dome, Mercury gave her Eloquence, Apollo Mu∣sicke, Venus Beauty, also they gave her a Boxe,

wherein were hidden, and secret things inclosed, (as they said) and withall commanded her straight∣ly that she should not dare to open the said Boxe, which neverthelesse shee did open, and suddainly thence flew out of it all the griefes, paines, maladies, and diseases that doe af∣flict miserable mankind. This Fiction is an Allusi∣on or Embleme, that wo∣men can hardly keepe Counsell, and that they have a desire to doe that which they are forbid∣den.

Xantippe was a most famous, delicate, dainty, devillish Shrew, or Scold; she was the wife to the wi∣sest of the Philosophers, Socrates; shee hated no∣thing more than peace & quietnesse: On a time she hunted her Husband to and fro scolding, from one roome to another, that hee to bee rid of her, went and sate in the street at his doore, which shee perceiving, went up into a Chamber above him, and threw the pisse-pot on his head, whereat when Socrates perceived people to laugh, hee patiently

said, that he expected som raine would fall after so many claps of Thunder.

Saphira was an hypo∣criticall woman, and the Wife to the dissembling Ananias.

Rhodope was a beauti∣full Strumpet of the Country of Thrace: She was once fellow servant with Aesop, the Phrygian Fabulist: she was so not∣able in her Art, (as Corne∣lius Agrippa saith in his vanity of Sciences) that shee got so much wealth, that therewith shee paid for the building of a Piramis, or Piramides,

which was a worke estee∣med one of the Wonders of the World.

Deianiera was Wife to Hercules, whose cause∣lesse jealousie was the death of Hercules; before which time hee so much doated on the beauty of Iole, the daughter of Errytus, King of the Aeto∣lians, that for her sake hee laid by his Armes, and Monster-killing Clubbe, and like a servile Hand∣maid, in womans appar∣rell, practis'd to spinne with a Distaffe, to please his faire Mistris. Love o∣vercomes all things.

Briseis was a faire La∣dy given to Achylles, at the siege of Troy, shee was taken againe by Aga∣memnon, for the which there was great strife be∣tweene those two great Princes, but at the last shee was restored againe to Achylles.

Arlotta, or Harlot, was a Skinners daughter of Cane in Normandy, whom Robert, the sixth Duke of that Province, was so bold as to beget on her Willians the Conquerour, King of England: since which time, most of such used women as are called She∣friends,

are in memory of Arlot (or Harlot) called Harlots.

Faire Rosamond Clif∣ford was the unfortunate Paramour to Henry the second King of England: she was poysoned by the jealous Queene at the Mannour of Woodstocke, in Oxfordshiere.

Jane Shore was the wife of Matthew Shore, a Gold-smith of London, shee was taken from the City to the Court by K. Edward the fourth, with whom shee lived merily, and dyed miserably in the reigne of K. Richard the 3.

And thus a world of Histo∣ries are fraught With all degrees of women (worse than naught.) But for the good ones, to gaine their good will, To them I humbly now di∣rect my quill.

Lucretia, was the wife of Tarquinnius Collati∣nus, a Noble man of Rome, which Noble and chaste Dame (the proud and lustfull King) Sextus Tar∣quinius Ravish'd violent∣ly; for the which indigni∣ty she slew her selfe.

Portia was the Daugh∣ter of Cate, and wife to Junius Brutus, her father

slew himselfe to save his honour, her husband kild himselfe to escape the hands of Octavius Caesar, and shee (being taken pri∣soner) being debar'd of weapons, Knives, Gar∣ters, and all other things whereby shee might mis∣doe her selfe, neverthe∣lesse, though shee were carefully and diligently watch'd, shee suddenly went toward the fire, and catch'd up hot burning Coales, and swallowing them dyed to preserve her honour.

Dido, some called her Elisa, was the famous

foundresse of the mighty City of Carthage in Affri∣ca; she was the Daughter to Bellus; shee was mar∣ried to Sichaeus, who was Priest to Hercules, (A man of such mighty wealth, that Pigmalian, Dido's brother slew him) so by that meanes, Dido being a Widdow, one Hiarbus, King of Getulia (or the Getes, which some hold to bee Norway, or Gothland) made Suite to her for marriage, which she refu∣sing, hee made Warre a∣gainst her; and she finding her selfe too weake to withstand his forces, and

withall not being minded ever to Marry, (the love of her first Husband had taken such deepe root in her heart) shee kild her selfe. Virgil doth frame in his Aeneades, that she slew her selfe for the love of Aeneas; which cannot possibly be so, for Aene∣as came from Troy 350. yeares at the least, before Dido was borne, or Rome or Carthage built.

Artemisia was a Queen, replenished by beauty and chastity; she was the Wife to Mausolaus, or Mausolus) King of Caria, she loved her Husband so

entirely, that when hee was dead she caused him to be embalm'd, and his heart to be taken out and dryed to powder, which every day shee dranke a part of, till all of it was dranke: shee said, that whilst he lived they both had but one heart, and that she held no Sepulehre so worthy for the inter∣ring of his heart, as was the living Sepulchre of her body. Also shee caused a Monumentall Tombe to be built, wherein shee laid the Corpes of her beloved Lord and Hus∣band: The Tombe was

of that magnificent and stately structure, that it was accounted one of the Wonders of the World; the stone of the said Tombe was of an excel∣lent and rare kinde of Marble: it was in com∣passe 411. foot, in height 37. foote, and it was cir∣cled about with 36 Marble Pillars, most curiously carved with Corinthian worke.

Pheadra was too loying to cast her selfe away for the love of Hippoli∣tus.

Phillis did as much for Demophoon, and Thisbe

for the love of Piramus: kild her selfe with a sword. These three or foure last nam'd, were overaboundant too to loving Creatures.

St. Vrsula was the daugh∣ter of a Brittish Prince, named Dionetta; shee, with 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Virgins more who were under her com∣mand, were assailed by the Barbarous G••••••es and Vandals, and because they would not yeeld their bodies to prostituti∣on, and their soules to Heathenish Idolatry, they were all put to death∣by their inhumane ene∣mies.

There is a Mo∣nument in the City of Colleine of St. Vrsula, and the said eleven thousand Virgin Martyrs.

Leodice, the Wife to Ariathres, King of Ca∣padocia, did unnaturally murther five of her sixe sonnes, for the which the people violently fell upon her, and kild her, which being done they crowned the surviving sonne that was left.

Dominico Silvio, Duke of Venice being deposed from his Dukedome, be∣cause his Army was dis∣comfited by Robert, Duke

of Puglya, and Calabria, his wife in her greatnesse was so daintily proud, that the Dew was often gather'd from Roses and flowers, to make Baths to bathe her in with costly perfumes and other devi∣ces; yet before shee dyed her flesh did rot, & stinke in such a noysome man∣ner, that none could a∣bide to come neare her, & in that miserable fashion she dyed.

When the Emperour of Germany (Conradus the third) had overcome the Faction of the Guelphes, and taken their chiefe

City called Monake in the Canton of Berne in Swit∣zerland, the Emperour commanded his souldiers to cut all the men in the City in pieces, but hee granted the women so much mercy and favour, as not only their lives and freedome, but also to carry away as much as they could on their backs, whereupon the Women∣kind consisting of Maids, wives widdowes, or other Females, tooke every one of them a boy, a Lad, or a man, (their fathers, Brethren, Vncles, friends, and the Towne souldiers)

upon their backes, and bare them out of the Ci∣ty, and so saved their lives from the Emperours fury: which hee, percei∣ving, was so moved with pitty, that in love to the womans worthy acts and true affection, he was pa∣cified, and gave them all free pardon of their lives, with their Towne and goods.

As there have beene good women, whose ho∣nours and vertues are as famous and memorable as men, so likewise there hath beene, and are too many whose lives are ab∣hominable,

live and dye detestable: for the height of the Firmament is found by the Staffe or A∣strolobe, the depth of the Sea may be sounded with the Lead and Line, the farthest Coasts are disco∣vered by the Chart and Compasse, Art and Wit finde out the secrets of na∣ture, Mans Anatomy is knowne by often dissections and experience: But Instrument, Plummet, Line, Compasse, Wit, Art, or Experience, can∣not finde out or shun the deceits of a wicked wo∣man, for though all wo∣men

be women-kind, all are not kind women; and as they are weake, and subject to the temptations of men, so are they stron∣ger temptations to men, than men can withstand: and it is to be noted, that the most or greater num∣ber of them doe love and take delight to bee su'de and sought to, although they are determined never to grant that which is su'de for.

They commonly are ve∣ry forgetfull of good turnes, and concerning injuries, they have memo∣ries that will out-last

Brasse or Marble, they are so like the Courtiers in ••••land, that if they should promise me a dourtesie, I would not be so foolish as to expect to have it: It is naturall for them to de∣spise what is freely given to them, though they need it; and it is a cruell vexation to them to be de∣ny'd any thing that they aske, though it be but needlesse and impertinent toyes and bables.

Huldovina, wife to Pa∣leologus, the second Empe∣rour of Constantinople, which Emperour was af∣flicted with the Gout, and

other diseases in such grie∣vous manner, that for the space of nine Moneths e∣very yeare, he could not stirre out of his Bed, or Chamber; at which times there was no Physick that could helpe or ease him but his wives scolding: (which medicine was taught him by a Witch) I wish I had a wife endued with such vertue, I would let her out to hire at what rate or price I listed.

Infinite were the num∣ber that might be named, that have beene famous for their vertues, or infa∣mous for their vices, but

they are recorded in other Histories, and therefore I hold it impertinens to proceed further this way.

As women divers are, I change my Pen From good to bad, from bad to good agen: One with the other J have mixedhere, For Vertue, shines more bright when vice is neere.

An old man asked a yong Maid this Question: If I should take thee to be my Wife, I pray thee tell me, wilt thou bee honest? she answer'd him present∣ly,

what I might bee, if I were married to you, I know not, but I doe meane to be honest if you take me not.

There is nothing more vexing to a Scold, than when she perceives the party she scolds at not to be vex'd; for they cannot be angred worse than not to answer them: therefore a wise man will not set his wit to one of them, as ei∣ther to regard, or give her an answer, for an Answer is encouragement, and in∣deede it is too much Ho∣nour for a man either to descend so low as to take

notice of what they say, or to stoope lower to afford them any Reply, but to shame them with their mortall enemy, Silence.

Cancer (in Latine) Tis a Crab of the Sea; there are also Crabs of the Wood, and he that marries a wo∣man that was home when the Signe was in Cancer, is likely to be matched in one of a 〈◊〉〈◊〉 disposi∣tion: and of a crooked na∣ture, and then the old 〈◊〉〈◊〉 will prove the best Cure, as thus:

The Cr••b of the 〈◊〉〈◊〉 is a Sawce very good

For the Crabbe that doth swim in the Sea. But the wood of the Crabbe is good for a Drab, That will not her Husband obey.