A ryght pithy, pleasaunt and merie comedie: intytuled Gammer gurtons nedle played on stage, not longe a go in Christes Colledge in Cambridge. Made by Mr. S. Mr. of Art.

The iii. Acte. (Book 3)

The i Sceane.

Hodge.

Hodge

SYm glouer yet gramercy, cham meetlye well sped now, Thart e••en as good a felow as euer kyste a cowe, Here is a thynge in dede, by y^e masse though ich speake it Tom tankard•• great bald cortal, I thinke could not breake it And when he spyed my neede, to be so straight and hard,

Hays lent me here his naull, to set the ••yd forward, As for my Gammers neele, the ••lyenge feyud go we••te, Chill no•• now go to the ••oore againe with it to meete: Chould make shyfte good inough and chad a candels ••••••e, The chee••e hole in my breeche, with these two chil amende.

¶ The iii. Acte.

¶ The ii. Sceane.

Gammer. Hodge.

Gāmer

HOw Hodge, mayst nowe be glade, cha newes to tell thee Ich knowe who ••ais my neele, ich trust soone shalt it see

Hodge

¶ The deuyll thou does, hast hard gammer in deede, or doest but iest

Gāmer

¶ Tys as true as steele Hodge.

Hodge

¶ Why, knowest well where dydst leese it?

Gāmer

¶ Ich know who found it, and tooke it vp shalt see or it be longe.

Hodge

¶ Gods mother dere, if that be true, farwel both naule an thong But who hais it gammer say on: chould faine here it disclosed.

Gāmer

¶ That false fixen, that same dame Chat, that counts her selfe so honest.

Hodge

¶ Who tolde you so:

Gāmer

¶ That same did Diccon the bedlam, which saw it done.

Hodge

¶ Diccon: it is a vengeable knaue gammer, tis a bonable horsō, Can do mo things then that els cham deceyued euill: By the masse ich saw him of late cal vp a great blacke deuill, O the knaue cryed ho▪ ho, he roared and he thundred, And yead bene here, cham sure yould murrenly ha wondred.

Gāmer

¶ Was not thou afraide Hodge to see him in this place:

Hodge

¶ No, and chad come to me, chould haue laid him on the face, Chould haue promised him.

Gāmer

¶ But Hodge, had he no hornes to pushe:

Hodge

¶ As long as your two armes, saw ye neuer Fryer Rushe Painted on a cloth, with a side long cowes tayle: And crooked clouen feete, ••nd many a hoked nayle? For al the world (if I shuld iudg) chould recken him his brother Loke euen what face Frier Rush had, the deuil had such another

Gāmer

¶ New Iesus mercy hodg. did diccon in him bring:

Hodge

¶ Nay gammer (heare me speke) chil to•• you a greater thing, The deuil (when diccon had him, ich hard him wondrous weel)

Sayd plainly (here before vs, that dame chat had your neele.

••••••mer

¶ They let vs go, and aske her wherfore she minds to kepe it, Seing 〈◊〉〈◊〉 know so much, tware a madnes now to slepe it.

Hodge

¶ Go to 〈◊〉〈◊〉 ••āmer see ye not where she stands in her doores Byd her geue you the neele, tys none of hers but yours.

¶ The iii. Acte.

¶ The iii Sceane.

Gammer. Chat. Hodge.

Gāmer

SAme Chat cholde praye the fair, let me haue y^• is mine Chil not this twenty yeres take one fart that is thyne Therfore giue me mine owne & let me liue besyde the

Chat.

¶ Why art thou crept frō home hether, to mine own doores to chide me: Hence doting drab, auaunt, or I shall set the further. Intends thou and that ••na••e, mee in my house to murther:

Gāmer

¶ Tush gape not so no me woman▪ shalt not yet eate mee, Nor all the frends thou hast, in this shall not intreate mee: Mine owne goods I will haue, and aske the on beleue, What woman: pore folks must haue right, though the thing you agre••s.

Chat.

¶ Giue thee thy right, and hang thee vp, w^t al thy baggers broode What wilt thou make me a theefe▪ and say I stole thy good:

Gāmer

¶ Chil say nothing (ich warrāt thee, but that ich cā proue it well Thou set my good euen from my doore, cham able this to tel,

Chat.

¶ Dyd I (olde witche) steale oft was thine: (how should that thing be knowen:

Gāmer

¶ Ich can not tel, but vp thou tokest it as though it had ben thine owne,

Chat,

¶ Mary fy on thee, thou old gyb, with al my very hart.

Gāmer

¶ Nay fy on thee y^u rampe, thou ryg, with al that take thy parte.

Chat.

¶ A vengeaunce on those lips y^t laieth such things to my charge.

Gāmer

¶ A vengeance on those callats hips, whose consciēce is so large

Chat.

¶ Come out Hogge.

Gāmer

¶ Come out hogge, and let haue me right.

Chat.

¶ Thou arrant Witche.

Gāmer

¶ Thou bawdie bitche, chil make thee cursse this night.

Chat.

¶ A bag and a wallet.

Gāmer

¶ A carte for a callet.

Chat.

¶ Why wenest thou thus to preuaile, I hold thee a grote,

I shall patche thy coate.

Gāmer

¶ Thou warte as good kysse my tayle: Thou siut y^u kut, y^u rokes▪ y^• iakes: will not shau••e make y^• ••ide

Chat.

¶ ••hou shald thou bald, thou ro••ten, y^u glotton, I will no lenger chyd the But I will teache the to kepe home.

Gāmer

¶ Wylt thou drunken b••••ste.

Hodge

¶ Sticke to her gammer, take her by the head, chil warrant you thys feast. Sm••te I laye gammer, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 I lay gammer, I trow ye wyll ••••••••one: Where by your ••••yl••? claw her by the iawes, pull me out bothe her eyen, Gogs bones gammer, holde vp your head,

Chat.

¶ I trow drab I shall dresse thee. Tary y^u knaue I hold the a gr••te, I shall make these hands blesse thee Take y^• this old hore for a mends, & lerne thy tonge well to tame And say thou met at this bickering, not thy fellow but thy dame.

Hodge

¶ Where is the strong stued hore, chil geare a hores marke, Stand out ones way, that ich kyll none in the darke: Up gammer and ye be alyue, chil feygh now for vs bothe, Come no nere me thou ••calde ••allet, to kyll the ich wer loth.

Chat.

¶ Art here agayne thou hoddy peke, what doll bryng me out my spitte.

Hodge

¶ Chill broche thee wyth this, him father soule, (chyll coniure that foule sprete: Let der•• stand Cock, why come in deede? kepe dore y^u horson boy.

Chat.

¶ Stand to it y^u ••astard for thine eares, ise teche y^• a fluttish toye.

Hodge

¶ G••gs woundes hore, chil make the auaunte, (take heede Cocke, pull in the latche,

Chat.

¶ I faith sir loose breche had ye taried, ye shold haue found your match.

Gāmer

¶ Now ware thy throte losell, thouse pray for al

Hodge

¶ Well said gammer by my soule, Hoyse her, souse her, bounce her, trounce her, pull out her throte boule

Chat.

¶ Comst behynd me thou withered witch, & I get once on foote Thouse pay for all, y^u ol•• tar lether, ile teach the what longs to it Take y^t this to make vp thy mouth, til time thou come by more

Hodge

¶ Up gammer stand on your feete, where is the olde hore•• Faith woulde chad her by the face (choulde cracke her ••allet crowne

Gāmer

¶ A hodg, hodg, where was thy help, when fixen had me downe.

Hodge

¶ By the masse Gammer, but for my staffe (Chat had gone nye to spyl you

Ich think the harlot had not cared, and chad not com to kill you But shall wel cost our neele thus?

Gāmer

¶ No Hodge chwarde lothe doo soo. Thinkest thou chill take that at her hand, no hodg ich tell the no

Hodge

¶ Chold yet this fray wer wel take vp & our own neele at home Twill be my chaunce ••ls some to kil, wher euer it be or whome

Gāmer

¶ We haue a parson, (hodge thou knoes) a man estemed wise Mast doctor Rat, chil for hym lend, and let me here his aduise, He will her shriue for all this gere, & geue her penaunce strait Wese haue our neele, els dame that comes nere w^t in heauē gate

Hodge

¶ Ye mary gammer, y^• ich think best: wyll you now for him ••end The sooner Doctor Rat be here, the soner wes•• ha an ende, And here gammer Dyccons deuill, (as iche remember well) Of Cat, and Chat, and Doctor Rat: a felloneus tale dyd tell, Chold you forty pound, that is the way your neele to ••et againe.

Gāmer

¶ Chil ha him strait, call out y^e boy, wele make him take the payn

Hodge

¶ What coke I saye, come out what deuill canst not ••e••e.

Gāmer

¶ How now hodg? how does gammer, is yet the wether cl••••re•• What wold chaue me to doe?

Gāmer

¶ Come ••ether C••cke anon: Hence swythe to Doctor Rat, hye the that thou were gone, And pray hym come speke with me, cham not well at ease, Shalt haue him at his chamber, of els at mother Bees, E••s seeke him at Hobfytchers shop for as charde it reported

Cocke.

Th••re is the best ale in al the towne▪ and now is most resorted.

Gāmer

•• And shall ich brynge hym with me gammer?

Cocke.

•• Yea, by and by good Cocke.

Ho••ge

¶ Shalt see that shalbe here anone, els let me haue one the docke ¶ Now gammer shal we two go in, and tary for hy•• commynge What deuill w••man plucke vp your hart, & leue of al this glōmīg Though she were stronger 〈◊〉〈◊〉 first, as ich thinke ye did find her

Gāmer

Yet there ye brest the dronkē ••ow, what time ye cam behind her ¶ Nay, nay▪ cham sure she lost not all, for let them to y^e beginnīg And ich doubt not, but she will make small bost of her winning.

¶ The iii. Acte.

¶ The iiii. Sceane.

Tyb. Hodge. Gammer. Cocke.

Tyb

SE gāmer, gāmer, gib our cat, chā afraid what she ayleth She standes me gasping behind the doore, (as though her winde her faileth: Now let ich doubt what gib shuld mean, y^t now she doth so dote.

Hodge

¶ Hold hether, ichould twenty pound, your neele is in her throte Grope her ich say, me thinkes ich feele it, does not pricke your hand?

Gāmer

¶ Ich can feele nothing.

Hodge

¶ No, ich know thars not within this land A muryner Cat then Gyb is, betwixt the tems and Tyne, Shase as much wyt in her head almost as chaue in mine.

Tyb

¶ Faith shase eaten some thing, that wil not easely downe Whether she gat it at home, or abrode in the towne Iche can not tell.

Gāmer

¶ Alas ich feare it he some croked pyn, And then farewell gyb, she is vndone, and lost al saue the skyn.

Hodge

¶ Tyb, your neele woman, I say: gags soule geue me a knyfe And chil haue it out of her mawe, or els chal lose my lyfe.

Gāmer

¶ What nay hodg, fy kil not our cat, tis al the cats we ha now.

Hodge

¶ By the masse dame Chat bays me so moued, (iche care not what I kyll, ma god a vowe: Go to then Tyb to this geare, holde vp har tayle and take her, Chil see what deuil is in her guts chil take y^u paines to rake her.

Gāmer

¶ Rake a Cat Hodge, what woldst thou do?

Hodge

¶ What thinckst that cham not able? Did not Tom Lankard rake his Curtal toore day standing in the stable.

Gāmer

¶ Soft be content, le••s here what newes (Cocke bringeth from maist Rat.

Cocke.

¶ Gammer chaue b••n ther as you bad, you wot wel about what Twill not be long before he come, ich durst sweare of a booke He byds you see ye be at home, and there for him to looke.

Gāmer

¶ Where didst thou find him boy was he not wher I told thea?

Cocke.

¶ Yes, yes euen at hob••ilchers house, by him y^t bought and solde me A cup of ale had in his hand, and a crab lay in the fyer, Ch••d much a do to go and come, al was so ful of myer: And Gammer one thing I can tel, Hobfilchers naule was loste And Doctor Rat found it againe, hard beside the doore poste, I chould a p••nny can say something, your neele againe to fet.

••••••mer

•• Cham glad to heare so much Cocke, then trust he wil not let, To helpe vs herein best he can therfore tyl time he come 〈1 line〉〈1 line〉

¶ The ii. Acte.

¶ The iiii. Sceane.

Doctor Rat. Gammer Gurton.

D. Rat.

A Man were better twenty times be a bandog & barke. Then here among such a sort, be parish priest or clarke Where he shal neuer be at rest, one pissing while a day But he must trudge about the towne, this way, and that way, Here to a drab, there to a theefe, his shoes to teare and rent And that which is worst of al, at euery knaues commaundemēt I had not sit the space, to drinke two pots of ale But Gammer gurtons sory boy, was straite way at my taile, And she was sicke, and I must come, to do I wot not what, If once her fingers end but ake, trudge, call for Doctor Rat And when I come not at their call, I only therby loo••e, For I am sure to lacke therfore, a tythe pyg or a goose: I warrāt you whē truth is knowen, & told they haue their tale The matter where about I come, is not worth a half peny worth of ale, Yet must I talke so sage and smothe, as though I were a glos••er Els or the yere come at an end. I shalbe sure the loser. What worke ye gāmer gurtō? hoow here is your frēd M. Rat.

Gāmer

¶ A good M. Doctor cha trobled, cha trobled you, chwot wel ••hat

D. Rat.

¶ How do ye woman: be ye lus••ie, or be ye not wel at ease:

Gāmer

¶ By gys master cham not 〈◊〉〈◊〉, but yet chaue a disease. Chad a foule turne now of late, chill tell it you by gigs.

D. Rat.

¶ Hach your browne cow cast hir calfe, or your sandy sowe her pigs

Gāmer

¶ No, but chad ben as good they had, as this ich wot weel.

D. Rat.

¶ What is the matter••

Gāmer

¶ Alas, alas, cha lost my good neele, My necle I say, and wot ye wh••t: a drab came by and spied it And when I asked hir sor the same, the s••••th flatly demed it.

D. Rat.

¶ What was she that:

Gāmer

¶ A dame ich warrant you she began to scold and brawl•• Alas, ala••, come hether Hodge: this wriche can tell you all.