Satyrical essayes characters and others. Or Accurate and quick descriptions, fitted to the life of their subiects. Iohn Stephens

CHARACT. X. A Tapster.

IS an Infernall: the Belzebub of a Sellar, and the very motion of a double Iugge. Hee was ingen∣dred by a Drunkards appetite and vrine: for nothing but his desire to fill and emptie, hath bred a Tapster. He striues to be familiar at first sight; but instead of friendship hee retaines the names of Customers: onely be∣twixt Brewers men and him, there passes hungry and thirstie loue; consisting of Holland∣cheese & rowles in recompence of Bottle-ale, and strong Beere. Drawers and hee liue at vari∣ance; for he thinkes the grape a disparragement to malt; and therefore hee incounters Wine

even with the smallest Beere he hath, to affright the fortitude of Sacke and Claret with extre∣mitie: But (which betrayes his stratagems) he gladly makes the Vintners vessell his vassaile and Renegado. His riches are single, they consist of single money; his profession double, it consists of double Beere: but then his faculties are againe so single, that if he leaues the cellar, hee must begge or steale: for igno∣rance and lazinesse haue beene his education. Meane time he is kept from robbery by exchange of single peeces: and yet hee disables himselfe in exchange, vnlesse hee expects nothing by delay. He feeles the same sor∣row to heare you discommend his liquor, that hee doth to see you depart. * 1.1 It goes against his conscience to see the cup stand

quietly; and against his stomack to see you preferre Mutton be∣fore powdred beefe. He hath an ambitious memory, which can∣not deceiue him, because hee hath taught it to deceiue others: for his aboundance of memo∣ry, and his meaning to get a stocke, labour to beget a super∣fluous two-pence in the recko∣ning. His braine swarmes with a tempest of bottle-reckonings; which makes him carelesse of hats, least hee should breed an impostume, by inclosing their multitude, else he is afraid least the hot and moyst reckonings he carries in his head, should dissolue his felt; and therfor che goes vncovered: else to shew he reverences the Cellar & weeke∣dayes, more then the Church or Sabboth; for then onely hee playes the Turke, and puts on

else (which is indeed the reason) he knowes all commers claime his dutie, and therfore he walkes bare-headed to saue a labour. He attributes the scant measure of his Iugge to the Cellars darke∣nesse, and his saving nature; but rather then he will iustifie both, he hath a certaine slight of hand to fill the first glasse, and so a∣voyds inquisition. All his con∣science is, that he dares not cast away Gods good creatures; and therefore he preserues the drop∣pings to make a compound. Of his prayers and religion, I nei∣ther finde any thing, nor will I leaue any thing written. But I beleeue strongly, that in stead of Praying, he wishes to heare men desirous of Collops and Egges, or red Herrings. And therefore I thinke he should thriue best in a sea voyage; because hee com∣mends

the relish of meates sea∣soned exceedingly. He hath no∣thing to commend his litera∣ture, but Brachigraphy, or the sci∣ence of short writing, which hee practises vpon the barrels head, or behind the doore: the mea∣ning whereof hee propounds, but doth not discover the rules. If he dares defend his function in Winter, he must provide an Orator: for he speakes coldly for himselfe, as being troubled with a common hoarsenesse, to betray his vigilance. Briefly, you must imagine him a light fellow, and like the c••rke, which swimmes with moysture, is supported with liquor, and tied about the bottle or iugges neck: there, or neere about that, you may finde him personally.

Notes

• * 1.1

  That which a∣agrees with a co∣uetous mans gain, agrees with his consci∣ence; ther∣fore what goes a∣gainst his profit, goes against his conscience