Satyrical essayes characters and others. Or Accurate and quick descriptions, fitted to the life of their subiects. Iohn Stephens

CHARAC. XVII. An Epicure

IS the picture of Some-body, or a man of two senses: the Eye and the Palate: for his smelling pro∣pertie is stuffed with the vapours of a full stomacke; his hands the instruments of his mouth, no senses; and the belly hath no cares, but a trusse to support it: He is his owne Taylor, and thinkes directly that more ex∣pences belong to the linings, then to the out-side. He cannot stirre in businesse without a Coach, or a Litter; and then he is suddenly interrupted, if the clocke strikes Eleven. Hee is (whatsoever some think) a good Physitian for his owne body; for he still riseth from the Table

with an appetite, and is soone re••dy for another meale of dain∣ties. If hee bee a Lawyer, the b••••t meates will soonest corrupt his carkasse, and his conscience: for he feeds immo∣de••••tely, and will doe much for •• brace of Pheasants. If he bee a Divine, he preaches all charity, and discommends Gentlemen extreamely, because they leaue House-keeping. He thinkes his bed the best study, and therefore speakes wel in the praise of stret∣ching meditations. He accounts Cookery a delicate science, and preferres the knowledge of con∣fectionary receipts; to which purpose nothing passes through the throate, till he takes particu∣lar notice of the ingredients. He is troubled much to thinke, how he may most readily shorten his life, and not perceiue the reason:

Therefore he revolues continu∣ally, what may be most conveni∣ent for the tast, and hurtfull for the stomake. He invites himselfe to much provender by accident of visitation; though hee comes with a resolved policie: and hee provokes many solemne mee∣tings, vnder the title of Hospita∣litie, when hee makes himselfe (by these meanes) fitter for an Hospitall. Hee is contented to bestow broken meate among poore folkes, but no money: for he loues not to depart with that, in which himselfe hath beene no taster. He is the noted foe of fa∣mine, and yet he is daily imploi∣ed about the procreation of a dearth: for the value of nothing is beyond his abilitie, if he hath present money, though no more then enough to discharge the present commoditie; or credite

to make men trust vpon execu∣tors. Hee hath heightned the price of out-landish-fruits, and hath purchased the generall name to our Countrey of Sweet∣mouth'd English-men. Marrow∣pies, Potato-rootes, Eringoes, and a cup of Sacke be his chie∣fest Restoratiues, and comforta∣ble Physicke: He makes no din∣ner without a second course. He is over-ruled more by his teeth, then his appetite: for when they grow weary, he leaues feeding, and falles to drinking: which ar∣gues (vnlesse I mistake) a larger capacity of Stomack then Vnder∣standing. He keeps a principall poynt of statelinesse in carriage; for he delights rather in a sub∣till flatterer, or secretary, that giues good el-bow attendance, then to heare himselfe discourse, or any who neglects to feed his

humor; either with commenda∣tions, or voiling reverence to his high fortunes, or with licen∣tious fables, and derisions of his opposites. If dinner bee ended, and you desire to converse with him, you must tarry till he be a∣wake: for his vast chaire, a dow∣ny couch, and chiefly a fine capa∣ble seat in the Church, that may confront the Preacher, or be si∣tuate behinde some pillar, are three easie and common recep∣tacles for his full stomack. None resembles death so fitly, yet none makes lesse morall: His sleepe therefore which proues him rotten and stinking aliue, proues rather death it selfe, then a remembrance. Briefly, being true English, hee will abhorre thirst, and hunger, because hee scornes a Spaniard and his pro∣perties.