Mr. VVilliam Shakespeares comedies, histories, & tragedies Published according to the true originall copies.
About this Item
- Title
- Mr. VVilliam Shakespeares comedies, histories, & tragedies Published according to the true originall copies.
- Author
- Shakespeare, William, 1564-1616.
- Publication
- London :: Printed by Isaac Iaggard, and Ed. Blount [at the charges of W. Iaggard, Ed. Blount, I. Smithweeke, and W. Aspley],
- 1623.
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- Cite this Item
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"Mr. VVilliam Shakespeares comedies, histories, & tragedies Published according to the true originall copies." In the digital collection Early English Books Online. https://name.umdl.umich.edu/A11954.0001.001. University of Michigan Library Digital Collections. Accessed May 8, 2024.
Pages
Page 292
So it is.
What? like a Coarse?
Ile sweare for 'em.
Come on: strike vp.
Mopsa must be your Mistris: marry Garlick to mend her kissing with.
Now in good time.
She dances fearly.
O Master: if you did but heare the Pedler at the doore, you would neuer dance againe after a Tabor and Pipe: no, the Bag-pipe could not moue you: hee singes seuerall Tunes, faster then you'l tell money: hee vtters them as he had eaten ballads, and all mens eares grew to his Tunes.
He could neuer come better: hee shall come in: I loue a ballad but euen too well, if it be dolefull matter merrily set downe: or a very pleasant thing indeede, and sung lamentably.
Page 293
He hath songs for man, or woman, of all sizes: No Milliner can so fit his customers with Gloues: he has the prettiest Loue-songs for Maids, so without bawdrie (which is strange,) with such delicate burthens of Dil∣do's and Fadings: Iump-her, and thump-her; and where some stretch-mouth'd Rascall, would (as it were) meane mischeefe, and breake a fowle gap into the Matter, hee makes the maid to answere, Whoop, doe me no harme good man: put's him off, slights him, with Whoop, doe mee no harme good man.
This is a braue fellow.
Beleeee mee, thou talkest of an admirable con∣ceited fellow, has he any vnbraided Wares?
Hee hath Ribbons of all the colours i' th Raine∣bow; Points, more then all the Lawyers in Bohemia, can learnedly handle, though they come to him by th' grosse: Inckles, Caddysses, Cambrickes, Lawnes: why he sings em ouer, as they were Gods, or Goddesses: you would thinke a Smocke were a shee-Angell, he so chauntes to the sleeue-hand, and the worke about the square on't:
Pre'thee bring him in, and let him approach sin∣ging.
Forewarne him, that he vse no scurrilous words in's tunes.
You haue of these Pedlers, that haue more in them, then youl'd thinke (Sister.)
I, good brother, or go about to thinke.
If I were not in loue with Mopsa, thou shouldst take no money of me, but being enthrall'd as I am, it will also be the bondage of certaine Ribbons and Gloues.
I was promis'd them against the Feast, but they come not too late now.
He hath promis'd you more then that, or there be lyars.
He hath paid you all he promis'd you: 'May be he has paid you more, which will shame you to giue him againe.
Is there no manners left among maids? Will they weare their plackets, where they should bear their faces? Is there not milking-time? When you are going to bed? Or kill-hole? To whistle of these secrets, but you must be tittle-tatling before all our guests? 'Tis well they are whispring: clamor your tongues, and not a word more.
I haue done; Come you promis'd me a tawdry-lace, and a paire of sweet Gloues.
Haue I not told thee how I was cozen'd by the way, and lost all my money.
And indeed Sir, there are Cozeners abroad, ther∣fore it behooues men to be wary.
Feare not thou man, thou shalt lose nothing here
I hope so sir, for I haue about me many parcels of charge.
What hast heere? Ballads?
Pray now buy some: I loue a ballet in print, a life, for then we are sure they are true.
Here's one, to a very dolefull tune, how a Vsu∣rers wife was brought to bed of twenty money baggs at a burthen, and how she long'd to eate Adders heads, and Toads carbonado'd.
Is it true, thinke you?
Very true, and but a moneth old.
Blesse me from marrying a Vsurer.
Here's the Midwiues name to't: one Mist. Tale-Porter, and fiue or six honest Wiues, that were present. Why should I carry lyes abroad?
'Pray you now buy it.
Come-on, lay it by: and let's first see moe Bal∣lads: Wee'l buy the other things anon.
Here's another ballad of a Fish, that appeared vpon the coast, on wensday the fourescore of April, fortie thousand fadom aboue water, & sung this ballad against the hard hearts of maids: it was thought she was a Wo∣man, and was turn'd into a cold fish, for she wold not ex∣change flesh with one that lou'd her: The Ballad is very pittifull, and as true.
Is it true too, thinke you.
Fiue Iustices hands at it, and witnesses more then my packe will hold.
Lay it by too; another.
This is a merry ballad, but a very pretty one.
Let's haue some merry ones.
Why this is a passing merry one, and goes to the tune of two maids wooing a man: there's scarse a Maide westward but she sings it: 'tis in request, I can tell you.
We can both sing it: if thou'lt beare a part, thou shalt heare, 'tis in three parts.
We had the tune on't, a month agoe.
I can beare my part, you must know 'tis my oc∣cupation: Haue at it with you.
Get you hence, for I must goe
Where it fits not you to know.
Whether?
O Whether?
Whether?
Or thou goest to th' Grange, or Mill,
If to either thou dost ill,
Neither.
What neither?
Neither:
Thou hast sworne my Loue to be,
Wee'l haue this song out anon by our selues: My Father, and the Gent▪ are in sad talke, & wee'll not trouble them: Come bring away thy pack after me, Wenches Ile buy for you both: Pedler let's haue the first choice; folow me girles.
And you shall pay well for 'em.
Mayster, there is three Carters, three Shep∣herds, three Neat-herds, three Swine-herds yt haue made
Page 294
themselues all men of haire, they cal themselues Saltiers, and they haue a Dance, which the Wenches say is a gal∣ly-maufrey of Gambols, because they are not in't: but they themselues are o' th' minde (if it bee not too rough for some, that know little but bowling) it will please plentifully.
Away: Wee'l none on't; heere has beene too much homely foolery already. I know (Sir) wee wea∣rie you.
You wearie those that refresh vs: pray let's see these foure-threes of Heardsmen.
One three of them, by their owne report (Sir,) hath danc'd before the King: and not the worst of the three, but iumpes twelue foote and a halfe by th' squire.
Leaue your prating, since these good men are pleas'd, let them come in: but quickly now.
Why, they stay at doore Sir.
Do, and be witnesse too't.
And this my neighbour too?
Fairely offer'd.
This shewes a sound affection.
I haue: but what of him?
Knowes he of this?
He neither do's, nor shall.
Let him know't.
He shall not.
Prethee let him.
No, he must not.
Oh my heart.
Page 295
Euen he, my Lord.
Be aduis'd.
This is desperate (sir.)
Page 296
Ha, ha, what a Foole Honestie is? and Trust (his sworne brother) a very simple Gentleman. I haue sold all my Tromperie: not a counterfeit Stone, not a Ribbon, Glasse, Pomander, Browch, Table-booke, Ballad, Knife, Tape, Gloue, Shooe-tye, Bracelet, Horne-Ring, to keepe my Pack from fasting: they throng who should buy first, as if my Trinkets had beene hallowed, and brought a be∣nediction to the buyer: by which meanes, I saw whose Purse was best in Picture; and what I saw, to my good vse, I remembred. My Clowne (who wants but some∣thing to be a reasonable man) grew so in loue with the Wenches Song, that hee would not stirre his Petty-toes, till he had both Tune and Words, which so drew the rest of the Heard to me, that all their other Sences stucke in Eares: you might haue pinch'd a Placket, it was sence∣lesse; 'twas nothing to gueld a Cod-peece of a Purse: I would haue fill'd Keyes of that hung in Chaynes: no hearing, no feeling, but my Sirs Song, and admiring the Nothing of it. So that in this time of Lethargie, I pickd and cut most of their Festiuall Purses: And had not the old-man come in with a Whoo-bub against his Daugh∣ter, and the Kings Sonne, and scar'd my Chowghes from the Chaffe, I had not left a Purse aliue in the whole Army.
And those that you'le procure from King Leontes?
Shall satisfie your Father.
If they haue ouer-heard me now: why hanging.
I am a poore Fellow, Sir.
Why, be so still: here's no body will steale that from thee: yet for the out-side of thy pouertie, we must make an exchange; therefore dis-case thee instantly (thou must thinke there's a necessitie in't) and change Garments with this Gentleman: Though the penny-worth (on his side) be the worst, yet hold thee, there's some boot.
I am a poore Fellow, Sir: (I know ye well enough.)
Nay prethee dispatch: the Gentleman is halfe fled already.
Are you in earnest, Sir? (I smell the trick on't.)
Dispatch, I prethee.
Indeed I haue had Earnest, but I cannot with conscience take it.
Adieu, Sir.
Page 297
The swifter speed, the better.
I vnderstand the businesse, I heare it: to haue an open eare, a quick eye, and a nimble hand, is necessary for a Cut-purse; a good Nose is requisite also, to smell out worke for th' other Sences. I see this is the time that the vniust man doth thriue. What an exchange had this been, without boot? What a boot is here, with this exchange? Sure the Gods doe this yeere conniue at vs, and we may doe any thing extempore. The Prince himselfe is about a peece of Iniquitie (stealing away from his Father, with his Clog at his heeles:) if I thought it were a peece of ho∣nestie to acquaint the King withall, I would not do't: I hold it the more knauerie to conceale it; and therein am I constant to my Profession.
Aside, aside, here is more matter for a hot braine: Euery Lanes end, euery Shop, Church, Session, Hanging, yeelds a carefull man worke.
See, see: what a man you are now? there is no other way, but to tell the King she's a Changeling, and none of your flesh and blood.
Nay, but heare me.
Nay; but heare me.
Goe too then.
She being none of your flesh and blood, your flesh and blood ha's not offended the King, and so your flesh and blood is not to be punish'd by him. Shew those things you found about her (those secret things, all but what she ha's with her:) This being done, let the Law goe whistle: I warrant you.
I will tell the King all, euery word, yea, and his Sonnes prancks too; who, I may say, is no honest man, neither to his Father, nor to me, to goe about to make me the Kings Brother in Law.
Indeed Brother in Law was the farthest off you could haue beene to him, and then your Blood had beene the dearer, by I know how much an ounce.
Very wisely (Puppies.)
Well: let vs to the King: there is that in this Farthell, will make him scratch his Beard.
I know not what impediment this Complaint may be to the flight of my Master.
'Pray heartily he be at' Pallace.
Though I am not naturally honest, I am so some∣times by chance: Let me pocket vp my Pedlers excre∣ment. How now (Rustiques) whither are you bound?
To th' Pallace (and it like your Worship.)
Your Affaires there? what? with whom? the Condition of that Farthell? the place of your dwelling? your names? your ages? of what hauing? breeding, and any thing that is fitting to be knowne, discouer?
We are but plaine fellowes, Sir.
A Lye; you are rough, and hayrie: Let me haue no lying; it becomes none but Trades-men, and they of∣ten giue vs (Souldiers) the Lye, but wee pay them for it with stamped Coyne, not stabbing Steele, therefore they doe not giue vs the Lye.
Your Worship had like to haue giuen vs one, if you had not taken your selfe with the manner.
Are you a Courtier, and't like you Sir?
Whether it lke me, or no, I am a Courtier. Seest thou not the ayre of the Court, in these enfoldings? Hath not my gate in it, the measure of the Court? Receiues not thy Nose Court-Odour from me? Reflect I not on thy Basenesse, Court-Contempt? Think'st thou, for that I insinuate, at toaze from thee thy Businesse, I am there∣fore no Courtier? I am Courtier Cap-a-pe; and one that will eyther push-on, or pluck-back, thy Businesse there: whereupon I command thee to open thy Affaire.
My Businesse, Sir, is to the King.
What Aduocate ha'st thou to him?
I know not (and't like you.)
Aduocate's the Court-word for a Pheazant: say you haue none.
None, Sir: I haue no Pheazant Cock, nor Hen.
This cannot be but a great Courtier.
His Garments are rich, but he weares them not handsomely.
He seemes to be the more Noble, in being fanta∣sticall: A great man, Ile warrant; I know by the picking on's Teeth.
The Farthell there? What's i' th' Farthell? Wherefore that Box?
Sir, there lyes such Secrets in this Farthell and Box, which none must know but the King, and which hee shall know within this houre, if I may come to th' speech of him.
Age, thou hast lost thy labour.
Why Sir?
The King is not at the Pallace, he is gone aboord a new Ship, to purge Melancholy, and ayre himselfe: for if thou bee'st capable of things serious, thou must know the King is full of griefe.
So 'tis said (Sir:) about his Sonne, that should haue marryed a Shepheards Daughter.
If that Shepheard be not in hand-fast, let him flye; the Curses he shall haue, the Tortures he shall feele, will breake the back of Man, the heart of Monster.
Thinke you so, Sir?
Not hee alone shall suffer what Wit can make heauie, and Vengeance bitter; but those that are Iermaine to him (though remou'd fiftie times) shall all come vnder the Hang-man: which, though it be great pitty, yet it is necessarie. An old Sheepe-whistiing Rogue, a Ram-ten∣der, to offer to haue his Daughter come into grace? Some say hee shall be ston'd: but that death is too soft for him (say I:) Draw our Throne into a Sheep-Coat? all deaths are too few, the sharpest too easie.
Ha's the old-man ere a Sonne Sir (doe you heare) and't like you, Sir?
Hee ha's a Sonne: who shall be flayd aliue, then 'noynted ouer with Honey, set on the head of a Waspes Nest, then stand till he be three quarters and a dram dead: then recouer'd againe with Aquavite, or some other hot Infusion: then, raw as he is (and in the hotest day Progno∣stication proclaymes) shall he be set against a Brick-wall, (the Sunne looking with a South-ward eye vpon him; where hee is to behold him, with Flyes blown to death.) But what talke we of these Traitorly-Rascals, whose mi∣series are to be smil'd at, their offences being so capitall?
Page 298
Tell me (for you seeme to be honest plaine men) what you haue to the King: being something gently consider'd, Ile bring you where he is aboord, tender your persons to his presence, whisper him in your behalfes; and if it be in man, besides the King, to effect your Suites, here is man shall doe it.
He seemes to be of great authoritie: close with him, giue him Gold; and though Authoritie be a stub∣borne Be••re, yet hee is oft led by the Nose with Gold: shew the in-side of your Purse to the out-side of his hand, and no more adoe. Remember ••on'd, and stay'd aliue.
And't please you (Sir) to vndertake the Businesse for vs, here is that Gold I haue: Ile make it as much more, and leaue this young man in pawne, till I bring it you.
After I hate done what I promised?
I Sir.
Well, giue me the Mo••: Are you a partie in this Businesse?
In so••e s••rt, Sir: but though my case be a pit∣tifull one, I hope I shall not ••s ••d out o•• it.
Oh, that's the case 〈◊〉〈◊〉 the Shepheards Sonne: hang him, hee'le be ma•• a•• ex••le.
Comfort ••ood co••. We must to the King, and she ••our strange sights: •• ••st know 'tis none of your Daugh•• •• my 〈…〉〈…〉 are gone else. Sir, I will giue you as much as this old man do's when the Bu∣sinesse i•• pe••s••ed, and remaine (as he sayes) your pawne till it be brough•• you.
I will trust you. Walke before toward the Sea∣side, goe on the right hand, I will but looke vpon the Hedge, and follow you.
We are bless'd, in this man: as I may say, euen bless'd.
Let's before, as he bids vs: he was prouided to doe vs good.
If I had a mind to be honest, I see Fortune would not suffer m•• ••sh•• d••s 〈◊〉〈◊〉 in my mouth. I am courted now with a double ••sion: (Gold, and a means to doe the Prince my Master ••od▪ which, who knowes how that may turn backe to 〈◊〉〈◊〉 ••ncement?) I will bring these ••wo M••aie••, t••e ••d-ones, aboord him▪ if he thinke it ••it to shoare th•• againe, and that the Com∣plaint they haue ••o 〈◊〉〈◊〉 King▪ concernes him nothing, let him call me Rog••e, ••o•• being 〈◊〉〈◊〉 farre officious, for I am proofe against that side, and what shame else belongs to't: To him will I present them, there may be matter in it.