The scornful ladie A comedie. As it was acted (with great applause) by the Children of Her Maiesties Reuels in the Blacke Fryers. Written byFra. Beaumont and Io. Fletcher, Gent.

Actus 5.

Scaena Prima.

Ent••r Eld: Louelesse.

Eld. lo.

This senselesse woman vexes me toth' heart, she will not from my memory: would she were a m•…•…n for one two houres, that I might beate her. If I had bin 〈◊〉〈◊〉, old, or •…•…∣t'had

bin an euen lay she might haue scorn'd me: but to be yong, and by this light I thinke as proper as the proudest; made as cleane, as straight, and strong backt; meanes and manners e∣quall with the best cloth of siluer Sir i'th kingdome: But these are things at some time of the Moone, below the cut of Canuas: Sure shee has some Mecching raskall in her house, some hinde, that she hath seene beare (like another Milo) quarters of Malte vpon his backe, and sing with't, thrash all day, and ith euening in his stockings, strike vp a hornepipe, and there stink two houres, and nere a whit the worse man; these are they, these 〈◊〉〈◊〉 •…•…hind rascalls that vndoe vs all. Would I had bin a carter, or a Coach∣man, I had done the deed ere this time:

Enter Seruant.

Ser.

Sir ther's a Gentleman without would speak with you:

Eld. lo.

Bid him come in:

Enter Welford.

Wel.

By your leaue Sir.

Eld. lo.

You are welcome, whats your will Sir?

W•…•…l.

Haue you forgotten me?

Eld. lo.

I doe not much remember you.

Wel.

You must Sir. I am that gentleman you plea•…•…d to wrong, in your disgu•…•…se I haue inquired you out.

El. lo.

I was disguised indeed Sir if I wrongd you. Pray where and when?

Wel.

In such a Ladies house Sir: I need not name her.

Eld. lo.

I doe remember you: you s•…•…'d to be a suter to that Lady:

Wel.

If you remember this, doe not forget how scuruyly you vsd me: that was no place to quarrell in, pray you thinke of it: If you be honest you dare fight with me, without more viging, else I must prouoke yee:

•…•…ld. lo.

Sir I dare fight, but neuer for a woman, I will not haue her in my cause, she's Mort•…•…ll and so is not my anger: If you haue brought a Nobler subiect for our swords, I am for you: in this I would be loth to 〈◊〉〈◊〉 my finger. And where you say I wrongd you, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 so •…•…ar from my profession, that 〈◊〉〈◊〉 •…•…y feares, to do•…•… wrong is the greatest: credit me we hau•…•… bin both abusd. (not by our selues, for that I ho•…•…d a spleene no 〈◊〉〈◊〉 of Mallice, and may with man enough be lest forgotten,) but by that wilfull, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 peece of hatred, that much 〈◊〉〈◊〉 Lady: For whose

sake, if we should leaue our reason, and runne on vpon our sense, like Rams: the little world of good men would laugh at vs, and despise vs, fixing vpon our desperate memories the neuer-worne ou•…•… names of Fooles, and 〈◊〉〈◊〉. Sir tis not feare, but reason makes me tell you: in this I had rather helpe you Sir, then hurt you, and you shall finde it, though you throw your selfe into as many dangers as she offers, though you redeeme her lost name euery day, and finde her out new honours with your sworde, you shall but be h•…•…r mitth, as I haue bin.

Wel.

I aske you mercy Sir, you haue tane my edge off: yet I wou•…•…d faine be euen with this Lady.

Eld. lo.

In which ile be your helper: we are two, and they are two: two sisters, rich alike, onely the elder has the prouder dow∣ry: In troth I pitty this disgrace in you, yet of mine owne I am 〈◊〉〈◊〉: doe but follow my counsell, and ile pawne my spirit, we'le ou•…•…ach em yet; the meanes is this.

Enter Seruant.

Ser.

Sir theres a Gentlewoman will needs speake with you: I cannot keep her out, she's entered Sir:

Eld. lo.

It is the waiting woman, pray be not seene: sirra hold her in discourse awhile: harke in your eare, goe, and dispatch it quickly, when I come in Ile tell you all the proiect.

Wel.

I care not which I haue.

Exit Welforde.

Eld. lo.

Away, tis done, she must not see you: now Lady Gwi∣niuer, what newes with you?

Enter Abigall:

Abi.

Pray leaue these frumps Sir, and receiue this letter.

Eld. lo.

From whom good vanity?

Abi.

'Tis from my Lady Sir: alas good soule, shee cri•…•…s and takes on:

Eld. lo.

Do's she so good soule? wod she not haue a Cawdle? do's she send you with your fine Oratory goody Tully to tye me to beleife againe? Bring out the Cat hounds, ile make you 〈◊〉〈◊〉 a tree whore, then with my tyller bring downe your Gibship, and then haue you cast, and hung vp ith warren.

Abi.

I am no beast Sir: would you knew it:

Eld. lo.

Wod I did, for I am yet very doubtfull: what will you say now?

Abi.

Nothing not I:

Eld. lo.

Art thou a woman, and say nothing?

Abi.

Vnlesse youle heare mee with more moderation; I c•…•… speake wise enough:

Eld. lo.

And loud enough: will your Lady loue me?

Abi.

It seemes so by her letter, and her lamentations: but you are such another man:

Eld. lo.

Not such another as I was, Mumps; nor will not be: ile reade her fine Epistle: ha, ha, ha: is not thy Mistresse mad?

Abi.

For you she will be, 'tis a shame you should vse a poore gentlewoman so vntowardly: she loues the ground you tread on: and you (hard hart) because she iested with you, meane to kill her: 'tis a fine conquest as they say:

Eld. lo.

Hast thou so much moysture in thy whitleather hyde yet, that thou can'st cry? I wod haue sworne thou hadst been•…•… touchwood fiue yeare since: Nay let it raine, thy Face chops for a shower like a dry dunghyll.

Abi.

Ile not endure this Ribaldry: Farwell ith' Diuels name: if my Lady die, ile be sworne before a Iurye, thou art the caus•…•… o•…•…'t:

Eld. lo.

Doe Maukin doe: deliuer to your Lady from me this: I meane to see her, if I haue no other businesse; which before ile want to come to her, I meane to goe se•…•…ke byrds nests: yet I may come too: but if I come, from this doore till I see her, will I thinke how to raile vildly at her; how to v•…•… her, and make her cry so much, that the Phisition if she fall sick vpon't shall want v•…•…yne to finde the cause by: and she remedil•…•…sse die in her heresie: Farwell old Adage, I hope to see the boyes make Potguns on thee.

Abi.

Th'art a vyle man; God blesse my issue from thee.

Eld. lo.

Thou hast but one, and thats in thy left c•…•…upper, that makes thee hobble so; you must be ground ith breech like a top, youle nere spin well else: Farwell Fytchocke.

Exeunt.

Enter Lady alone.

La.

Is it not strange that euery womans will should tracke out new waies to disturbe her selfe? if I should call my reason to accoumpt, it cannot answere why I stoppe my selfe from mine •…•…owne wish; and stoppe the man I loue from his; and e∣uery houre repent againe, yet still goe on: I know 'tis like a man, that wants his naturall sleep, and growing dull, would glad∣ly giue the remnant of his life for two howers rest: yet through his frowardnesse, will rather chuse to watch another man.

Drowsie as he, then take his owne repose. All this I know: yet a strange peuish•…•…s and anger, not to haue the power to doe thinges vnexpected, carryes me away to mine owne rui•…•… had rather dye sometimes then not disgrace in publike him whom people thinke I loue, and doo't with oaths, and am in earnest then: O what are wee! Men, you must answer this, that d•…•… obey such thinges as wee command. How now? what newes?

Abi.

Faith Madam none worth hearing.

Ent. Abi.

La.

Is he not come?

Abi.

No truly.

La.

Nor has he writ?

Abi.

Neither. I pray God you haue not vndone your selfe:

La.

Why, but what sayes hee?

Abi.

Faith he talkes strangely:

La.

How strangely?

Abi.

First at your Letter he laught extreamly:

La.

What in contempt?

Abi.

He laught monstrous loud, as he would dye, and when you wrote it, I thinke you were in no such merry mood, to pro∣uoke him that way: and hauing done he cryed ala•…•… for her, and violently laught againe.

La.

Did he?

Abi.

yes till I was angry:

La.

Angry, why? why wert thou angry? he did doe but well, I did deserue it, hee had beene a foole, an vnfit man for any one to loue, had he not laught thus at mee: you were angry, that show'd your folly; I shall loue him more for that, then all that 〈◊〉〈◊〉 he did before: but said he nothing else?

Abi.

Many vncertaine things: he •…•…aid though you had mock't him, because you were a woman, he could wish to doe you so much sauout as to see you: yet he said, he knew you rash, and was loth to offend you with the sight of one, whom now he was bound not to leaue.

La.

What one was that?

Abi.

I know not, but truely I doe feare there is a making vp there: for I heard the seruants, as I past by some, whisper such a thing: and as I came backe through the hall, there were two or three Clarkes writing great conueyances in hast, which they said were for their Mistris ioynture.

La.

〈◊〉〈◊〉 very like and fit it should be so, for he does thinke, and reasonably thinke, that I should keepe him with my idle tricks for euer 〈◊〉〈◊〉 he maried.

Abi.

At last he said, it should goe hard but he would see you for your satisfaction.

La.

All we that are cal'd Women, know as well as men, it were a farre more Noble thing to grace where wee are grac't, and giue respect there where wee are respected: yet we practise a wilder co•…•…rse, and neuer bend our eyes on men with pleasure, till they finde the way to giue vs a neglect: then we, too late, 〈◊〉〈◊〉 the losse of what we might haue had, and dote to death.

Ent. Martha.

Ma.

Sister yonders your Seruant, with a gentlewoman with him.

La.

VVhere?

Mar.

Close at the dore.

La.

Ahlas I am vndone, I feare he is betroth'd. VVhat kind of woman is she?

Mar.

A most ill fauoured one, with her Masque on: And how her face should mend the rest I know not.

La.

But yet her minde is of a milder stuffe then mine was.

Enter Fld Louelesse, and Welford in womans apparrell.

La.

Now I see him, if my heart swell not againe (away thou womans pride) so that I cannot speake a gentle word to him, let me not liue.

El. Lo.

By your leaue here.

La.

How now, what new tricke inuites you hither? Ha' you a fine deuice againe?

El. Lo.

Faith this is the finest deuice I haue now: How dost thou sweet heart?

Wel.

VVhy very well, so long as I may please You my deare Louer: I nor can, nor will Be ill when you are well, well when you are ill.

El. Lo.

O thy sweet temper: what would I haue giuen, that lady had beene like thee: seest thou her? that face (my loue) joynd with thy humble minde, had made a wench indeede.

Wel.

Alas my loue, wha•…•… God hath done, I dare not thinke to mend: I vse no paint, nor any drugs of Arte, my hands and face will shew it.

La.

VVhy what thing haue you brought to shew vs there? doe you take money for it?

El. Lo.

A Godlike thing, not to be bought for money: tis my Mistres: in •…•…hom there is no passions, nor no scorne: what I will is for law; pray you salute her.

La.

Salute her? by this good light I would not kisse her for halfe my vvealth.

E. lo.

Why, why pray you? You shall see me do't afore you: looke you.

La.

Now fie vpon thee, a beast would not haue don•…•… I would not kisse thee of a month to gaine a Kingdome.

El. lo.

Marry you shall not be troubled.

La.

VVhy was there euer such a Meg as this? Sure thou art madd•…•….

El. Lo.

I was mad once, when I lou'd pictures: for what 〈◊〉〈◊〉 shape and colours else, but pictures? in that tawny hide there lies an endles masse of vertues; when all your red & white ones want it.

La.

And this is she you are to marry, is't not?

El. Lo.

Yes indeed is•…•….

La.

God giue you joy.

El. lo.

Amen.

Wel.

I thanke you, as vnknowne, for your good wish. The like to you, when euer you shall wed.

El. Lo.

O gentle spirit.

La.

You thanke me? I pray Keepe your breath neerer you, I doe not like it.

Wel.

I would not willingly offend at all: Much lesse a lady of your worthy parts.

El. lo.

Sweet, Sweet.

La.

I doe not thinke this woman can by nature be thus, Thus vgly: sure shee's some common Strumpet, Deform'd with exercise of sinne.

Wel.

O Sir beleeue not this: for heauen so comfort me as I am free from foule pollution with any man: my honour tane away, I am no vvoman.

El. lo.

Arise my dearest soule: I doe not credit it. Alas, I feare her tender heart will breake with this reproach: fie that you know no more ciuillitie to a weake virgin. Tis no matter Sweet, let her say what she will, thou art not worse to me, and therefore not at all: be carelesse.

Wel.

For all things else I would, but for mine honour: Me thinks.

El. lo.

Alas, thine honour is not stain'd. Is this the businesse that you sent for me about?

Ma.

Faith Sister you are much to balme, to vse a woman, what∣soe're she be, thus: •…•…e salute her: You are vvelcome hither.

Wel.

I humbly thanke you.

El. lo.

Milde still as the Doue, for all these iniuries. Come, shall

vve goe, I loue thee not so ill to keepe thee h•…•…re a jesting stocke. Adue to the vvorlds end.

La.

VVhy vvhither now?

El. lo.

Nay you shal neuer know, because you shal not finde me.

La.

I pray let me speake vvith you.

El. lo.

Tis very vvell: come.

La.

I pray you let me speake vvith you.

El. lo.

Yes for another mocke.

La.

By heauen I haue no mocks: good Sir a vvord.

El. lo.

Though you deserue not so much at my hands, yet if you be in such earnest, I vvill speake a vvord vvith you: but I be∣seech you bee briefe; for in good faith there's a Parson, and a li∣cence stay for vs i'th Church all this vvhile: & you know tis night.

La.

Sir, giue mee hearing patiently, and vvhatsoeuer I haue heretofore spoke jestingly, forget: for as I hope for mercy any where, vvhat I shall vtter now is from my heart, and as I meane.

El. lo.

Well, vvell, vvhat doe you meane?

La.

VVas not I once your Mistres, and you my Seruant?

El. lo.

O 'tis about the old matter.

La.

Nay good Sir stay me out: I vvould but heare you excuse your selfe, vvhy you should take this vvoman, and leaue me.

El. lo.

Prethee vvhy not, deserues she not as much as you?

La.

I thinke not, if you vvill looke VVith an indifferencie vp on vs both.

El. lo.

Vpon your faces, tis true: but if judicially vve shall cast our eies vpon your mindes, you are a thousand weomen of her in worth: Shee cannot sound in jest, nor set her louer tasks, to shew her pe•…•…uishnes, and his affection: nor crosse what he saies, though it bee Canonicoll. Shee's a good plaine wench, that will doe as I will haue her, and bring mee lusty boyes to throw the Sledge, and lift at Pigs of lead: and for a wife, shee's farre beyond you: what can you doe in a houshold, to prouide for your issue, but lye a bed and get vm? your businesse is to dresse you, and at idle houres to eate; when she can doe a thousand profitable things: She can doe pre•…•…ty well in the Pastry, and knows how pullen should be cram'd: she cuts Camb•…•…icke at a thrid: weaues bone-lace, and quilts balls: And what are you good for?

La.

Admit it true, that she were farre beyond me in all respects, do'es that giue you a licence to forsweare your selfe?

El. lo.

Forsweare my selfe, how?

La.

Perhaps you haue forgot the innumerable oathes you haue vttered in disclaiming all for wiues but m•…•…: Ile not remember you: God giue you ioy.

El. lo.

Nay but conceiue mee, the intent of oaths is euer vnder∣stood. Admit I should protest to such a friend, to see him at his lodging to morrow: Diuines would neuer hold me periur'd, if I were struck blinde, or he hid him where my diligent search could not finde him: so there were no crosse act of mine owne in't. Can it bee imagined I meant to force you to marriage, and to haue you whether you will or no?

La.

Alas you neede not. I make already tender of my selfe, and then you are forsworne.

El. lo.

Some sinne I see indeede must necessarily fall vpon me, as whosoeuer deals with women shal neuer v•…•…terly auoide it: yet I would chuse the least ill; which is to forsake you, that haue done me all the abuses of a malignant woman, contemn'd my seruice, and would haue held me prating about marriage, till I had be•…•…ne past getting of children: then her that hath forsooke her family, and put her tender bodie in my hand, vpon my word.

La.

Which of vs swore you first to?

El. lo:

VVhy to you.

La.

VVhich oath is to be kept then.

El. lo

I prethee doe not vrge my sinnes vnto me, Without I could amend vm.

La.

VVhy you may by wedding me.

El. lo.

How will that satisfie my word to her?

La.

Tis not to be kept, and needs no satisfaction, Tis an error fit for repentance onely.

El. lo.

Shall I liue to wrong that tender hearted virgin so? It may not be.

La.

VVhy may it not be?

El. lo.

I sweare I had rather marry thee then her: but yet mine honesty.

La.

VVhat honesty? Tis more preseru'd this way: Come, by this light seruant thou shalt, Ile kisse thee on't.

El. lo.

This kisse indeede is sweet, pray God no sin lie vnder it.

La.

There is no sinne at all, tri•…•… but another.

Wel.

O my heart.

Mar.

Helpe sister, this ladie swounes.

El. lo.

How doe you?

Wel.

Why very well, if you be so.

El. lo.

Suce a puiet minde liues not in any woman: I shal doe 〈◊〉〈◊〉 most vngodly thing. Heare me one word more, vvhich by all my hopes I will not alter. I did make an oath when you delaid me so; that this very night I would be marrted. Now if you will goe without delay, suddenly, as late as it is, vvith your owne Mini∣ster to your owne Chappel, Ile wed you, and to bed.

La.

A match deare seruant.

El. lo.

For if you should forsake me now, I care not, she would not though for all her iniu•…•…ies, such is her spirit, If I bee not asha∣med to kisse her now I part, may I not liue.

Wel.

I see you goe, as sliely as you thinke to steale away: yet I vvil pray for you; All blessings of the vvorld light on you two, that you may liue to be an aged paire. Al curses on me if I doe not speake what I doe vvish indeede.

El. lo.

If I can speake to purpose to her, I am a vill•…•…ine.

La.

Seruant away.

Mar.

Sister, vvil you marry that inconstant man? thinke you he vvil not cast you off to morrow, to wrong a ladie thus, lookt she like durt, twas basely done. May you nere prosper with him.

Wel.

Now God forbid, Alas I vvas vnworthy, so I told him.

Mar.

That vvas your modesty, too good for him. I vvould not see your vvedding for a vvorld.

La.

Chuse, chuse, come Yo•…•…gloue.

Ex. La, El. lo. & Yong.

Mar.

Dri•…•… vp your 〈◊〉〈◊〉 forsooth, you shall not thinke vve are all vnciuill, all such beasts as these. VVould I knew hovv to giue you a reuenge.

Wel.

So vvould not I: No let me suffer truly, that I desire.

Mar.

Pray vvalke in vvith me, tis very late, and you shal stay all night: your bed shal be no vvorse then mine; I vvish I could but doe you right.

Wel.

My humble thankes: God grant I may but liue to quit your loue.

Younglo•…•…

Enter Yong Louelesse and Sauill.

Young lo.

Did your Master send for me Sauil?

Sa.

Yes he did send for your vvorship sir.

Yo. lo.

Doe you knovv the businesse?

Sa.

Alas Sir I know nothing, nor am imployed beyond my

hovvers of eating. My dancing daies are done sir.

Yo. lo.

VVhat art thou novv then.

Sa.

If you consider me in little, I am with your vvorships reue∣rence sir, a rascal: one that vpon the next anger of your brother, must raise a sconce by the high vvay, and sel svvitches. My vvife is learning nevv sir to vveaue inckle.

Yo. lo.

What dost thou meane to doe vvith thy children Sauill?

Sa.

My eldest boy is halfe a rouge already, he vvas borne bur∣sten, and your worship knowes, that is a pretty steppe to mens capassions. My youngest boy I purpose sir to binde for ten yeeres to a Ioaler, to drawe vnder him, that he may shew vs mercy in his function.

Yo. lo.

Your family is quartered with discretion: you are resol∣ued to cant then: where Sauil shall your sceane lie.

Sa.

Beggars must be no choosers: In euery place (I take it) but the stockes.

Yo lo.

This is your drinking, and your who•…•…ing Sauil, I tould you of it, but your heart was hardned.

Sa.

Tis true, you were the first that tolde me of it, I doe re∣member yet in teares, you told me you would haue whores, and in that passion sir, you broke our thus; Thou miserable man, re∣pent, and brew three strikes more in a hogshed. Tis noone ere we be drunke now, and the time can tarry for no man.

Yo. lo.

Y'are growne a bitter Gentlememan. I see misery can can cleere your head better then mustard. Ile be a sutor for your keyes againe sir.

Sa.

Wil you but be so gratious to me sir? I shal be bound.

Yo. lo.

You shall sir, To your bunch againe, or I'le misse fouly.

Enter Moorcraft.

Mo.

Saue you gent. saue you.

Yo lo.

Now Pole-cat, what young Rabets nest haue you to drawe?

Mo.

Come, pre thee bee familiar Knight.

Yo. lo!

Away Fox, Ile send for Terriers for you.

Mo.

Thou art wide yet: Ile keepe thee companie.

Yo. lo.

I am about some businesse; Indentures, If ye follow me Ile beate you: take heede, As I liue Ile cancell your 〈◊〉〈◊〉.

Mo.

Thou art cozen'd now, I am no vsurer:

VVhat poore fellow's this?

Sa.

I am poore indeede sir.

Mo.

Giue him money Knight.

Yo. lo.

Doe you begin the offring.

Mo.

There pore fellow, heer's an angel for thee.

Yo lo.

Art thou in earnest Moorcraft?

Mo.

Yes faith K•…•…ight. Ile follow thy example: thou hadst land and thousands, thou spendst, and flungst away, and yet it flowes in double: I purchasde, wrung, and wierdraw'd for my wealth, lost, and was cozend: for which I make a vowe, to trie all the waies aboue ground. but Ile finde a constant meane•…•… to riches without curses.

Yo. lo.

I am glad of your conuersion M^r. Moorcraft: y'are in a faire course, praye pursue it still.

Mo.

Come, we are all gallants now, Ile keepe thee company; Heere honest fellow, for this gentlemans sake, theres two angels more for thee.

Sa.

God quit you sir, and keepe you longe in this minde.

Yr. lo.

VVilt thou perseuer?

Mo.

Til I haue a penny. I haue braue clothes a making, and two horses; canst thou not h•…•…lpe me to a Match Knight, Ile lay a a thousand pound vpon my crop-eare.

Yo. lo.

Foote thit is stranger then an Affrick monster, There will be no more talke of the Cleaue wars VVhilst this lasts, come, Ile put thee into blood.

Sa.

VVould all his damb'd tribe were as tender hearted. I be∣seech you let this gent. ioyne with you in the recouery of my Keyes; I like his good beginning sir, the whilst Ile pray for both your worships.

Yo. lo.

He shall sir.

Mo.

Shall we goe noble Knight? I would faine be acquainted.

Yo. lo.

Ile be your seruant sir.

Ex•…•…unt.

Ent El. Louelesse and Ladie.

El. lo.

Faith my sweet Ladie, I haue caught you now, mauger your s•…•…btilties, and fine deuises, be coy againe now.

La.

〈◊〉〈◊〉 sweeteheart tell true.

El. lo.

By this light, by all the pleasures I haue had this night, by your lost maidenhead, you are cozend meerely. I haue cast beyond your vvit. That gent. is your retainer Welford.

La.

It cannot be so.

El. lo.

Your sister has found it so, or I mistake: marke hovv she

blushes when you see her next. Ha, ha, ha, I shall not trauell now, ha, ha, ha.

La.

Prethee sweet heart be quiet, thou hast angerd me at heart.

El. lo.

Ile please you soone againe.

La.

Welford.

El. lo.

I Welford, hee's a young hansome fellow, well bred and landed: your sister can instr•…•…ct you in his good parts better then I by this time.

La.

Vdsfoote, am I fetcht ouer thus?

El. lo.

Yes ifaith. And ouer shall be fetcht againe, neuer feare it.

La.

I must be patieut, though it torture me: You haue got the Sunne Sir.

El. lo.

And the Moone too, in which I•…•… be the man.

La.

But had I knowne this, had I but surmiz'd it, you should haue hunted three traines more, before you had come to'th course, you should haue hanckt o'th bridle, Sir, ifaith.

El. lo.

I knew it, and min'd with you, and so blew you vp. Now you may see the Gentlewoman: stand close.

Enter Welford and Martha.

Mar.

For Gods sake Sir be priuate in this busines, You haue vndone me else. O God, what haue I done?

Wel.

No harme I warrant thee.

Mar.

How shall I looke vpon my friends againe? With what face?

Wel.

Why e'ne with that: tis a good one, thou canst not finde a better: looke vpon all the faces thou shalt see there, and you shall finde vm smooth still, faire still, sweet still, and to your thin∣king honest: those haue done as much as you haue yet, or dare doe Mistres, and yet they keepe no stirre.

Ma.

Good Sir goe in, and put your womans cloathes on. If you be seene thus, I am lost for euer.

Wel.

Ile watch you for that Mistres: I am no foole, heere will I •…•…arry till the house be vp and witnes with me.

Mar.

Good deare friend goe in.

Wel.

To bed againe if you please, else I am fixt heere, till there be notice taken what I am, and what I haue done: If you could iuggle me into my woman-hood againe, & so cog me out of your company, all this would be forsworne, and I againe an asinego, as your Sister left me. No, Ile haue it knowne and publis•…•…t; then if

you'le be a whore, forsake me, & be sham'd: & when you can hold out no longer, ma•…•…ry some cast Cleue Captaine, and sell Bottle-ale.

Mar.

I dare not stay sir, vse me modestly, I am your wife.

Wel.

Goe in, Ile make vp all.

El. lo.

Ile be a witnes to your naked truth Sir: this is the gen∣tlewoman, prethee looke vpon him, this is he that made me breake my faith Sweet: but thanke your sister, she hath soderd it.

La.

VVhat a dull asse was I, I could not see this wencher from a wench: twentie to one, if I had beene but tender like my sister, he had serued me such a slippery tricke too.

Wel.

Twenty to one I had.

El. lo.

I would haue watcht you Sir, by your good patience, for ferretting in my ground.

La.

Yow haue beene with my Sister.

Wel.

Yes, to bring.

El. lo.

An heire into the world he meanes.

La.

There is no chafing now.

Wel.

I haue had my part on't: I haue beene chaft this three houres, thats the least, I am reasonable coole now.

La.

Cannot you fare well, but you must cry rost-meat?

Wel.

He that fares well, and will not blesse the founders, is ei∣ther surfetted, or ill taught, Ladie: for mine owne part, I haue found so sweet a diet, I can commend it, though I cannot spare it.

El. lo.

How like you this dish, Welford, I made a supper on't, and fed so heartily, I could not sleepe.

La.

By this light, had I but sented out your traine, ye had slept with a bare pillow in your armes, & kist that, or else the bed-post, for any wife yee had got this twelue-month yet: I would haue vext you more then a •…•…yr'd post-horse: & bin longer bearing, then euer after-game at Irish vvas. Lord, that I were vnmaried againe.

El. lo.

Lady, I vvould not vndertake yee, vvere you againe a Haggard, for the best cast of sore Ladies i'th Kingdome: you were euer tickle footed, and would not trusse round?

Wel.

Is she fast?

El. lo.

She vvas all night lockt here boy.

Wel.

Then you may lure her vvithout feare of loosing: take off her Cranes. You haue a delicate Gentlewoman to your sister: Lord vvhat a pretty fury she vvas in, vvhen she perceiued I vvas a man: but I thanke God I satisfied her scruple, vvithout the Par∣son o'th towne.

El. lo.

What did ye?

Wel.

Maddame, can you tell what we did?

El. Lo.

She has a shrewd guesse at it I see by her.

La.

Well you may mocke vs: but my large Gentlewoman, my Mary Ambree, had I but seene into you, you should haue had another bedfellow, fitter a great deale for your itch.

Wel.

I thanke you Lady, me thought it was well, You are so curious.

Enter Young Louelesse, his Lady, Moorecraft, Sauill and two Seruingmen.

El. Lo.

Get on your dublet, here comes my brother.

Yo. Lo.

Good morrow brother, and all good to your Lady.

Mo.

God saue you, and good morrow to you all.

El. Lo.

Good morrow. Here's a poore brother of yours.

La.

Fie how this shames me.

Mo.

Prethee good fellow helpe me to a cup of Beere.

Ser.

I will Sir,

Yo. lo.

Brother what make you here? will this Lady doe? Will she? is she not nettel'd still?

El. Lo.

No, I haue cur'd her. M^r. Welford, pray know this Gentleman, is my brother.

Wel.

Sir, I shall long to loue him.

Yo. lo.

I shall not be your debter Sir. But how is't with you?

El. Lo.

As well as may bee man'; I am married: your new ac∣quaintance hath her Sister: and all's well.

Yo. Lo.

I am glad on't. Now my pretty Lady Sister, How doe you finde my brother?

La.

Almost as wilde as you are.

Yo. Lo.

A will make the better husband: you haue tride him?

La.

Against my will Sir.

Yo. Lo.

Hee'le make your will amends soone, doe not doubt it. But Sir, I must intreat you to be better knowne To this conuerted Iew here.

Ser.

Here's Beere for you Sir.

Mo.

And here's for you an angell: Pray buy no Land, twill neuer prosper Sir.

El. Lo.

How's this?

Yo. Lo.

Blesse you, and then Ile tell: He's turn'd Gallant.

El. Lo.

Gallant?

Yo. lo.

I Gallant, and is now called, Cutting Moorecraft:

The reason Ile informe you, at more leisure,

Wel.

O good Sir let me know him presently.

Yo. lo.

You shall hug one an other.

Mo.

Sir I must keepe you company.

El. lo.

And reason.

Yo. lo.

Cutting Moorcraft faees about. I must present another.

Mo.

As many as you will Sir, I am for vm.

Wel.

Sir I shall doe you seruice.

Mo.

I shal looke for't in good faith sir.

El. lo.

Prethee good sweet-heart kisse him.

La.

Who, that fellow?

Sa.

Sir will it please you to remember me: my keyes good sir.

Yo. Lo.

I'le doe it presently.

El. Lo.

Come thou shalt kisse him for our sport sake.

La.

Let him come on then, and doe you heare, doe not instruct me in these tricks, for you may repent it.

Eld. Lo.

That at my perill. Lusty M^r. Moorecraft, Heere is a Ladie would salute you.

Mo.

She shall not loose her longing Sir: what is she?

El. Lo.

My wife Sir.

Mo.

She must be then my Mistres.

La.

Must I Sir:

El. lo.

O yes, you must.

Mo.

And you must take this ring, a poore pawne, Of some fifty pound.

El. lo:

Take it by any meanes, tis lawfull prise.

La.

Sir I shall call you seruant.

Mo.

I shall be proud on't: what fellow's that:

Yo. Lo.

My Ladies Coach-man.

Mo.

Ther's something. (my friend) for you to buy whips, And for you sir, and you sir.

El. lo.

Vnder a miracle this is the strangest, I euer heard of.

Mo.

What shall we play, or drinke? what shall we doe? Who will hunt with me for a hundred pound?

Wel.

Stranger and Stranger! Sir you shall finde sport after a day or two.

Yong. Lo.

Sir I haue a sute vnto you, Concerning your old seruant Sauill.

El. lo.

O, for his keyes, I know it,

Sa.

Now sir, strike in.

Mo.

Sir I must haue you grant me.

El. lo.

Tis done Sir, take your keyes againe: But harke you Sauill, leaue of the motions Of the flesh, and be honest, or else you shall graze againe. Ile trie you once more.

Sa.

If cuer I be taken drunke, or whoring, Take off the biggest key i'th bunch, and open My head with it Sir: I humbly thanke your worships.

El. lo.

Nay then I see we must keepe holiday

Ent. Roger, & Abigall.

Heers the last couple in hell.

Ro.

Ioy be amongst you all.

La.

Why how now sir, what is the meaning of this Embleme?

Ro.

Marriage an't like your worship.

La.

Are you married?

Ro.

As well as the next priest could doe it, Madam.

Eld. Lo.

I thinke the signes in Gemini heer's such coupling.

Wel.

Sir Roger, what will you take to lie from your sweete∣heart to night?

Ro

Not the best benifice in your worships gift Sir.

Wel.

A whorson, how he swels.

Yo. Lo.

How many times to night Sir Roger?

Ro.

Sir you grow scurrilous: What I shall doe, I shall doe: I shall not neede your helpe.

Yo. Lo.

For horse flesh Roger.

El lo.

Come prethee be not angry, tis a day Giuen wholly to our mirth.

La.

It shall be so sir: Sir Roger and his Bride, VVe shall intreate to be at our charge.

El. lo.

Welford get you to Church: by this light, You shall not lie with her againe, till y'are married.

Wel.

I am gone.

Mo.

To euery Bride I dedicate this day: Six healths a peece, and it shall goe hard, But euery one a Iewell: Come be mad Boyes.

El. lo.

Th'art in a good beginning: come who leads? Sir Roger, you shall haue the Van: leade the way: VVould euery dogged wench had such a day.

Exeunt.

FINIS.