VVine, beere, ale, and tobacco. Contending for superiority A dialogue.

VVINE, BEERE, ALE, and TOBACCO, Contending for Superiority.

Sugar and Nutmegge from seuerall doores meete.

Sugar.

NVtmegge?

Nut.

Sugar? well met, how chance you waite not vpon your Maister, where's Wine now?

Sug.

Oh sometimes without Sugar, all the while he's well if I bee in his company, tis but for fashion sake, I waite vpon him into a roome now and then, but am not regarded: marrie when hee is ill, hee makes much of mee, who but Sugar? but to my remembrance I haue not beene in his presence this fortnight, I hope short∣ly hee will not know me, though he meete me in his drinke.

Nut.

Thou hast a sweete life in the meane time Sugar.

Sug.

But thou art tied to more attendance Nutmegge vp∣on your Maister Beere.

Nut.

Faith no, I am free now and then, though I bee his Prentice still, Nutmegge hath more friends to trust to then Beere: I can be welcome to wine thy master sometimes, and to the honest Countrey man Ale too. But now I talke of Ale, when didst see his man prethee?

Sug.

Who, Tost?

Nut.

The same.

Sug.

I meete him at Tauerne euery day.

Nut.

When shall thou, and he, and I, meete and be mer∣ry ouer a Cuppe?

Sug.

Ile tell thee Nutmegge, I doe not care much for his company, he's such a chollericke peece, I know not what he's made of, but his quarrelling comes home to him, for hee's euery day cut for it, I maruell how he scapes, this mor∣ning he had a knife thrust into him.

Nut.

Indeed he will be very hot sometimes.

Sug.

Hot? I, till he looke blacke ith'face agen, besides, if he take an opinion ther's no turning him, hee'l be burnt first. I did but by chance let fall some words against Ale, and hee had like to haue beaten me to powder for it.

Nut.

How; beaten Sugar? that would be very fine ifaith; but hee being bread, and thou a loafe, you should not dif∣fer so. Stand, looke where he is.

Enter Tost drunke.

Sug.

Then Ile be gone, for we shall quarrell.

Nut.

Come, feare not, Ile part you, but hee's drunke, rea∣dy to fall; whence comes he dropping in now? How now Tost?

Tost.

Nutmeg? round and sound and all of a colour, art thou there?

Nut.

Heere's all that's left of me.

Tost.

Nutmeg, I loue thee Nutmeg. What's that a Ghost?

Nut.

No▪ tis your old acquaintance Sugar.

Tost.

Sugar: Ile beat him to peeces.

Sug.

Hold, hold. Nutmegge.

Nutmeg and Sugar hang vpon Tost.

Tost.

Cannot Tost stand without holding?

Nut.

Where haue you beene Tost?

Tost.

Ile tell thee, I haue bin with my M. Ale. Sirra, I was very drie, and he has made me drunke: doe I not crumble? I shall fall a pieces; but Ile beate Suger for all that: I doe not weigh him, hee is a poore Rogue, I haue knowne him solde for two pence, when hee was young, wrapt in swadling clouts of Paper. I know his breeding, a Drawer brought him vp, and now hee's growne so lumpish.

Sug.

Y'are a rude Tost.

Tost.

Rude? Let me but crush him: Rude? Sirra, tis well known you come from Barbary your selfe, and because of some few Pounds in a Chest, you thinke to domineere ouer Tost: y'are a little handsome, I confesse, & Wenches licke their lips after you; but for all that, would I might sinke to the bottome, if I doe not—: I will giue Sugar but one box.

Nut.

Come, come. you shall not.

Sug.

Prethee Nutmeg, take out Tost a little, to morrow weele meet and be drunke together.

Exit Nutmeg with Tost.

So, so, I am glad hee's gone: I doe not loue this Tosts com∣pany, yet some occasion or other, puts me still vpon him. Ha, who's this?

Enter Wine.

Tis Wine my Master.

Wine.

Sugar, you are a sweet youth, you wayt well.

Sug.

A friend of mine call'd me forth, to cure a cut fin∣ger.

Wine.

Youle turne Surgeon or Physician shortly.

Sug.

But your diseases need none: for inflamations, which are dangerous to others, makes you more acceptable, nor doe you blush to haue it reported sir, how often you haue beene burnt.

Wine.

So sir, now you put me in minde on't, I heare say you runne a wenching, and keepe womens company too much.

Sug.

Alas sir, like will to like, Sugar being of his owne nature sweete, has reason to make much of women, which are the sweetest creatures.

Wine

But some of them are sower enough.

Sug.

I sir, Widdowes at fifteene, and Maides at twentie fiue; but I keepe them company, for no other thing, then to conuert them, some of them could eu'n eate me, but for feare of spoiling their teeth.

Wine.

Indeed one of your sweet hearts complained t'other day you made her teeth rotten.

Sug.

Alas sir, twas none of my fault, she bit me first, and I could doe no lesse, then punish her sweet tooth.

Wine.

Well sirra, I say, take heed of women.

Sug.

Nay sir, if I may credit my owne experience they are the best friends I haue, for I am alwaies in their mouthes. If I come to a banquet, as none are made without mee, in what fashion soeuer I appeare, euery woman bestowes a handkercher vpon me, and striue to carry me away in their cleanest linnen: nay, but for shame, to betray their affections to mee, they would bring whole sheets for me to lie in▪

Wine.

Why sure thou wert wrapt in thy mothers smocke.

Sug.

I thinke if the Midwife were put to her oath, I was wrapt in hers, oth Christing day.

But see sir, here's Master Beere.

Enter Beere.

Wine.

How, Beere? we are not very good friends, no mat∣ter, I scorne to auoid him.

Beere.

Beere-leaue sir.

Iustles Wine.

Wine.

So me thinkes? how now Beere, running atilt, dost not know me?

Beere.

I doe meane to haue the wall on you.

Wine.

The wall of me, you would haue your head and the wall knockt together, learne better manners, or I may chance to broach you.

Beere.

Broach me, alas poore Wine, tis not your Fieri

facias can make Beere afraid, thy betters know the strength of Beere. I doe not feare your high colour sir.

Sug.

So, so, here will be some scuffling.

Wine.

You'le leaue your impudence, and learne to know your superiours Beere, or I may chance to haue you stopt vp. what neuer leaue working? I am none of your fellowes.

Beere.

I scorne thou shouldst.

Wine.

I am a companion for Princes, the least droppe of my blood, worth all thy body. I am sent for by the Citizens, visited by the Gallants, kist by the Gentlewomen▪ I am their life, their Genius, the Poeticall furie, the Helicon of the Mu∣ses, of better value then Beere; I should be sorry else.

Beere.

Thou art sorie wine indeed sometimes: Value? you are come vp of late, men pay deere for your company, and repent it: that giues you not the precedencie; though Beere set not so great a price vpon himselfe, he meanes not to bate a graine of his worth, nor subscribe to Wine for all his braueries,

Wine.

Not to mee?

Beere.

Not to you: why whence come you pray?

Wine.

From France, from Spaine, from Greece.

Beere.

Thou art a mad Greeke indeed.

Wine.

Where thou must neuer hope to come: who dares denie that I haue beene a trauailer?

Beere.

A trauailer? in a tumbrell, a little Beere will go far∣ther: why Wine, art not thou kept vnder locke and key, con∣finde to some corner of a Cellar, and there indeed common∣ly close prisoner, vnlesse the Iaylor or Yeoman of the Bot∣tles turne the Key for the chamber-maid now and then, for which shee vowes not to leaue him, till the last gaspe, where Beere goes abroad, and randeuous in euery place.

Win.

Thou in euery place? away hop of my thumbe: Beere, I am a sham'd of thee.

Beer,

Be asham'd of thy selfe, and blush Wine thou art no better. Beere shall haue commendations for his mildnesse and vertue, when thou art spit out of mens mouthes, & distasted: thou art an hypocrite, Wine, art all white sometimes, but

more changeable then Proteus: thou wouldst take vpon thee to comfort the blood, but hast beene the cause that too many noble veines haue beene emptied: thy vertue is to betray se∣crets, the very preparatiue to a thousand rapes and murders, and yet thou darest stand vpon thy credit, and preferre thy selfe to Beere, that is as cleare as day.

Sug.

Well said Beere, hee beares vp stiffe like a Constable. Now will I play my part with 'em both. Sir,

Tn Wine

This is intollerable.

Wine.

The vessell of your wit leakes, Beere, why thou art drunke.

Beere.

So art thou Wine, euery day i'th weeke, and art faine to be carried foorth of doores.

Sug.

How sir?

To Wine.

Win.

I scorne thy words, thou art base Beere: Wine is well borne, has good breeding, and bringing vp; thou deseruest to be carted, Beere.

Sug.

Suffer this, and suffer all, to him againe.

Beere.

Carted? thou would be carted thy selfe, rackt and drawne for thy basenesse, Wine. Welborne? Did not euery man call you Bastard tother day? borne? ther's no man able to beare thee much: and for breeding, I know none thou hast, vnlesse it bee Diseases.

Sug.

How, diseases? you haue beene held alwayes to bee wholsome Wine, sir.

Wine.

Sirra, if I take you in hand, I shall make you smal Beere.

Beere.

Take heed I doe not make Vineger of you first.

Sug.

Doe, doe, make him pisse it, in my opinion sir, it were not for your honor to run away: yet Beere being a common quarreler, I feare may prooue too hard for you.

Wine.

Too hard for me? away Boy, Ile be as hard as he for his hart: alas, hee's but weake Beere, if I giue him but a tap, it shall stay him from runing out thus.

Sug.

So, so, they are high enough fall too, and wel∣come.

Enter Ale.

Who's this? Ale? Oh for the three-men-Song: this Ale is a stout fellow, it shall go hard, but Sugar which makes all sweet sometimes, shall set him in his part of Discord.

Wine.

Come, come, Beere, you forget how low you were tother day: prouoke mee not too much, lest I bestow a firkin on you.

Beere.

Strike and thou dar'st Wine, I shall make thee an∣swere as quicke as the obiection, and giue you a dash.

Ale.

Vmh: what's this? it seemes theres great difference betweene Wine and Beere. Sugar, what's the matter?

Sug.

Oh goodman Ale, I am glad you'r come, heare's no∣thing but contention: I haue gone betwixt 'em twice or thrice, but I feare, one or both will be spilt.

Ale.

What doe they contend about?

Sug.

For that, which for ought I can apprehend, belongs as much to you, as to either of them.

Ale.

Hah? to mee? what's that?

Sug.

Ale, by iudicious men hath been held no despicable drinke, for my owne part, tis nothing to me: you are all one to Sugar, whosoeuer be King, Sugar can be a subiect, but yet, twere fit, Ale had his measure.

Ale.

Are they so proud?

Sug.

They mind not you, as if you were too vnworthy a Competitor; See, tis come to a challenge.

Wine throwes downe the gloue, which Beere takes vp.

Pray take no knowledge that I discouered any thing of their Ambition; Sugar shall euer bee found true to Ale, else would I might neuer be more drunke in your company.

Ale.

No matter for protestation.

Sug.

So, so, now I haue warmed Ale pretty well, Ile leaue 'em: if Wine Beere and Ale agree together, would Sugar might neuer bee drunke but with Water, nor neuer helpe to

preserue any thing but old women, & elder brothers.

Exit.

Wine.

Remember the place, and weapon.

Ale.

Stay, stay, come together agen, why how now, what fight, and kill one another?

Wine.

Alas poore Beere, I account him dead already.

Beere.

No sir, you may find Beere quick enough, to pierce your Hogshead. I shall remember.

Ale▪

But ith meane time you both forget your selues: dee heare? Ale is a friend to you both, let me know your dif∣ference.

Beere.

Hee has disgrac'd mee.

Wine.

Thou hast disgrac'd thy selfe in thy comparisons. Wine must be acknowledged the Nectar of all drinks, the prince of Liquors.

Beere.

To wash Bootes.

Ale.

Harke you, are you both mad? who hath heat you, that you run ouer, do you contend for that in iustice belongs to another? I tell you Wine and Beere, I do not rellish you, Ile tell you a tale: Two spruce hot-spurre fiery gallants meet∣ing ith streets, iustled for the wall, drew, would he been fight∣ing: there steps mee forth a correcter of soles, an vnderlaid cobler, and cries out, Hold, hold your hands Gentlemen, are you so simple to fight for the wall? why the wall's my Land∣lords. Haue you but so much wit as to apply this, you shall neuer neede fence for the matter. Superioritie is mine, Ale is the prince of liquors, and you are both my subiects.

Both.

Wee thy Subiects?

Wine.

O base Ale.

Beere.

O muddy Ale.

Ale.

Leaue your railing, and attend my reasons, I claime your duties to mee, for many prerogatiues: my antiquitie, my riches, my learning, my, strength, my grauitie.

Wine.

Antiquitie? your first reason's a very small one.

Ale.

Dare any of you denie my antiquitie? I say.

Wine.

We must beare with him, tis in his Ale.

Ale.

It onely pleades for mee: who hath not heard of the old Ale of England?

Beere.

Old Ale; oh there tis growne to a Prouerbe, Iones Ale'new.

Ale.

These are trifles, and conuince me not.

Wine.

If wee should grant your argument, you would gaine little by't, goe together, I doe allow you both a couple of stale companions.

Beere.

Wine, you're very harsh.

Ale.

Let him, my second prerogatiue is my riches and possessions; for who knowes not how many howses I haue? Wine and Beere are faine to take vp a corner, your ambition goes no further then a Celler, where the whole house where I am is mine, goes onely by my name, is cald an Alehouse; but when is either heard, the Wine-house, or the Beere∣house? you cannot passe a streete, wherein I haue not hou∣ses of mine owne, besides many that goe by other mens names.

Beere.

I confesse you haue here and there an Alehouse, but whose are all the rest? hath not Beere as much title to them?

Wine.

And yet I haue not heard that either of you both haue fin'd for Aldermen, though I confesse something has bin attempted out of nicke and froth. Be rul'd by me, Beere and Ale, & aspire no heigher then the Common-Councell-hous∣es. Oh impudence, that either of you should talke of houses, when sometimes you are both glad of a tub: dee heare Ale? doe not you knowe the man that did the bottle bring?

Ale.

Thou art glad of a Bottle thy selfe, Wine, some∣times, and so is Beere too, for all he froaths now.

Beere

So, so.

Ale,

My third Prerogatiue, is my Learning.

Wine.

Learning? If you haue the Liberall Sciences, pray be free, and lets heare some.

Ale.

For that, though I could giue you demonstration, for breuities sake I remit you to my bookes.

Beere.

Bookes? printed Cum priuilegio no doubt on't, and sold for the Company of Stationers: what are the names?

Ale.

Admire me, but when I name learned, though not

the great Alexander Ale and Tostatus the Iesuite.

Wine.

O learned Ale, you scorne to make Indentures any more, but you might as well haue concluded this without booke.

Beere.

Why, you will shortly be Towne-Clerke, the Ci∣tie Chronicler is too meane a place for you.

Ale.

Now for my strength and invincibilitie.

Beere.

But heere let mee interrupt you, talke no more of strength, none but Beere deserues to bee call'd strong, no pen is able to set downe my victories. I? why, I haue been the destruction.—

Wine.

Of Troy, hast not? heere your owne mouthes con∣demne you: if killing be your conquest, euery Quacksaluing knaue may haue the credit of a rare Phisician, that sends more to the Church and Churchyard, then diseases doe: I Wine, comfort & preserue, let that be my Character. I am cosen Ger∣man to the blood, not so like in my appearance as I am in na∣ture, I repaire the debilities of age, and reuiue the refrigera∣ted spirits, exhilarate the heart, and steele the brow with con∣fidence. For you both the Poet hath drawne you memori∣all in one.

—nil spissus illa Dum bibitur, nil clarius est dum mingitur, vnde Constat quod mult as foeces in corpore linquat.

Nothing goes in so thicke, Nothing comes out so thinne: It must needs follow then, Your dregs are left within.

And so I leaue you Stygiae monstrum conforme paludi, monstrous drinke, like the riuer Styx.

Ale.

Nay but hearke, tis not your Latine must carry it a∣way, I will not loose a drop of my repuration, and by your fauour, if you stand so much vpon your preseruing, Ile put you to your Latine agen, and prooue my selfe superiour, for Ale as if it were the life of mankind, hath a peculiar name and denomination, being cald Ale from Alo, which euery Schoole boy can tell, signifies to feed and norish, which nei∣ther

Wine nor Beere can shew for themselues; and for my strength and honour in the warres, know that Ale is a Knight of Malta, and dares fight with any man beares a head, tis more safe to beleeue what a Souldier I am, then trie what I can doe.

Beere.

If you looke thus ilfauouredly Ale, you may fright men well enough, and be held terrible by weake stomacks; but if you call to mind the puissance and valour of Beere, in∣vincible Beere, tumble downe Beere, you must sing a Pal∣linode. I? why I haue ouerthrowne armies, how easie is it for me to take a cittie, when I can tame Constables, which in their presence are formidable at midnight, in the middest of their rugged Bill-men, make 'em all resigne their weapons, and send 'em away to sleepe vpon their charge.

Wine.

How? vpon their owne charge? take the Constable committing that fault, and hee'l neuer bee good in his office after it.

Beere.

Now for my vertue in preseruing and nourish∣ing the body wherein you both so glory, you are not to com∣pare with mee, since thousands euery day come to receiue their healths from me.

Wine.

Kings and Princes from me, and like them I am ser∣ued in plate.

Ale.

But thou art come downe of late to a glasse, Wine: and that's the reason I thinke, so many Vintners haue broake: now obserue my last Reason.

Beere.

Yes, pray where lies your grauitie?

Ale.

Not in my Beard, I speake without mentall reserua∣tion, Ile tell you, and you shall confesse it: the Wise men of ancient time were called Sages, and to this day it signifies iudgment, discretion, grauitie; for by what other would you excite to good manners more aptly, then to shew a young man to bee sage, that is graue: and with what title can you better salute him that is graue, or more honour him, then to call him one of the Sages? Now this appellation neither of you can challenge, yet euery man giueth mee the attribute; for who knowes not I am called Sage Ale?

Wi.

One may guesse what braines he caries by the Sage now.

Ale.

And thus hauing giuen you sufficient reasons for your acknowledgment of my principalitie, let your knees witnesse your obedience to your King, and I will grace you both by making you Squires of my body, right honorable Ale-Squires.

Wine.

This is beyond suffering: was euer Wine so vnder∣valued? Barbarous detractors, whose beginning came from a dunghill, I defie you Bacchus, looke downe, and see me vindicate thine honour, I scorne to procrastinate in this, and this minute you shall giue account of your insolencies: my spirit's high, I am enemy to both.

Ale.

Is Wine drawn? then haue at you, Ile make good Ale.

Beere.

I stand for the honour of Beere, were you an army.

As they offer to fight Water comes running in.

Water.

Hold, hold, hold.

Wine.

How now? what comes water running hither for?

Wat.

Let my feare ebbe a little.

Beere.

What tide brought you hither, Water?

Water.

The pure streame of my affection: oh how I am troubled! I am not yet recouered.

Ale.

So me thinks you looke very thin vpon't Water: but why doe we not fight?

Water.

Doe not talke of fighting, is it not time that Wa∣ter should come to quench the fire of such contention? I tell you, the care of your preseruation made me breake my banks to come to you, that you might see the ouerflowing loue I beare you: your quarrell hath ecchoed vnto me; I know your ambition for superioritie: you are all my kinsmen, neere al∣lyed to Water, and though I say it, sometimes not a little be∣holding to Water, euen for your very makings. Will you referre your selues to mee, and wade no further in these dis∣contentments? I will vndertake your reconcilement and qua∣lification.

Wine.

To thee, Water? wilt thou take vpon thee to cor∣rect our irregularitie? Thou often goest beyond thy bounds thy selfe. But if they consent, I shall.

Beere.

I am content.

Ale.

And I.

Water.

Then without further circumlocution or insinua∣tion, Water runnes to the matter: you shall no more contend for excellencie, for Water shall allow each of you a singulari∣tie. First, you Wine, shall be in most request among Cour∣tiers, Gallants, Gentlemen, Poeticall wits, Qui melioris luti homines, being of a refined mould, shall choose as a more nimble and actiue watering, to make their braines fruitfull, Fecundi calices quem non? but so as not confin'd to them, nor limitting them to you, more then to exhilarate their spirits, and acuate their inuentions.

You Beere, shall bee in most grace with the Citizens, as being a more stayed Liquor, fit for them that purpose retire∣ment and grauitie, that with the Suaile carries the cares of a house and family with them, tyed to the atendance of an illi∣berall profession, that neither trot nor amble, but haue a sure pace of their owne, Bos lassus fortius figit pedem, The black Oxe has trod vpon their foot: yet I bound you not with the Citie, though it bee the common entertainement, you may bee in credit with Gentlemens Cellars, and carry reputation before you from March to Christmas—tide I should say; that Water should forget his Tide.

You Ale I remit to the Countrie as more fit to liue where you were bred: your credit shall not be inferiour, for people of all sorts shall desire youre acquaintance, specially in the morning, though you may be allowed all the day after: the Parson shall account you one of his best Parishioners, & the Church wardens shall pay for your companie, and drawing their Bills all the yeere long, you shall bee loued and main∣tained at the Parish charge till you be old, bee allowed a Robin-hood, or Mother Red-cap, to hang at your doore, to beckon in Customers: and if you come into the Citie, you may be drunke with pleasure, but neuer come into the fashi∣on.

At all times you shall haue respect, but ith Winter Morning without comparison. How doe you like my cen∣sure now?

Ale.

Water has a deepe iudgement.

Wat.

And yet the world sayes sometimes Water is shallow: nay, Ile see you shake handes, and tie a new knot of friendship.

Ale.

We are henceforth brothers.

Wine.

Stay, who's here?

Enter Tost, Sugar, and Nutmeg: Tost whetting a knife on his shooe.

Tost.

I tell thee, Sugar, I am now friends with thee. But if it bee as you say—

Wat.

What's the matter?

Ale.

Let's obserue him a little, Tost is angry.

Nut.

What need you be so hote, Tost?

Tost.

Hote? tis no matter, Sugar: you will iustifie that Wine and Beere offered this wrong vnto Ale.

Sug.

I know not whose pride began; but I was sorry to see Wine, Beere, and Ale at such odds.

Tost.

Ods quotha? I do meane to be euen with some body.

Nut.

An euen Tost shewes well,

Tost.

They shall find that Ale has those about him that are not altogether dowe.

Sug.

Thou hast been baked, Ile sweare.

Nut.

And new come out of the Ouen too, I thinke: son he is very fierie.

Tost.

Ale must not be put downe so long as Tost has a crum of life left. Beere too?

Nut.

What doe you meane to doe with your knife, Tost? that will scarce cut Beere and 'twere buttered.

Tost.

Come not neere me, Nutmeg, least I grate you, and slise you: Nutmeg, doe you marke?

Wine.

Let's in, and make 'em friends. How now Tost?

Tost.

Tis all one for that: Oh, are you there? pray tell me

which of 'em ist?

Ale.

Is what?

Nut.

Why they are friends: what did you meane Sugar, to make Tost burne thus?

Ale.

No such matter.

Tost.

You will not tell me then. Harke you Beere, March-Beere, this way a little.

Beere.

What dost thou meane to doe with thy knife?

Tost.

I must stirre you a little Beere: what colour had you to quarrell with my Master?

Beere.

Ale. VVe are sworne brothers.

Ale.

We were at difference, and Wine too. but—

Tost.

Wine too But, but me no buts, I care not a strawe for his buts; dee here sir, doe you long to be Graues Wine?

Wine.

We are all friends.

Water.

I, I, all friends on my word, Tost.

Tost.

Fire and water are not to bee trusted, away new Riuer, away, I wash my hands on thee.

Ale.

Come hither againe, Tost.

Tost.

Ouer head and eares in Ale.

Wine.

How comes this about, Sugar?

Sug.

The truth is, sir, I told him of some difference be∣tweene you, for he and I had been fallen out, and I had no o∣ther securitie to put in for my selfe, then to put him vpon some body else.

Nut.

Nutmeg durst scarce speake to him, hee was ready to put me in his pocket.

Tost.

I am coole agen: I may beleeue you are friends; then I am content to put vp.

Puts vp his knife.

Sugar and Nutmeg, come, we be three.

Sug.

Let's be all one rather: and from hencefoorth since they are so well accorded, let's make no difference of our Ma∣sters, but belong to 'em in common: for my part, though I wait vpon Wine, it shall not exempt my attendance on Beere, or Ale, if they please to command Sugar.

Tost.

A match. I am for any thing but Water.

Nut.

And I.

Sug.

But my seruice shall be ready for him to, Water and Sugar I hope, may be drunke together now and then, and not bee brought within compasse of the Statute, to bee put ith stockes for't,

Wat.

Godamercy Sugar with all my hart, I shall loue thy company, fer I am solitary, and thou wilt make mee plea∣sant. Stay.

Musicke.

Harke Musicke? Oh some friends of mine, I know 'em, they often come vpon the water: let's entertaine the ayre a little, neuer a voice among you?

THE SONG.

Wine,

I Iouiall Wine exhilarate the heart.

Beere.

March Beere is drinke for a King.

Ale.

But Ale, bonny Ale, with Spice and Tost, In the Morning's a daintie thing.

Chorus.

Then let vs be merry, wash sorrow away, Wine, Beere, and Ale, shall be drunke to day.

Wine.

I generous Wine, am for the Court.

Beere.

The Citie calls for Beere.

Ale.

But Ale, bonny Ale, like a Lord of the Soyle, In the Countrey shall domineere.

Chorus.

Then let vs be merry, wash sorrow away, Wine, Beere and Ale shall be drunke to day.

Water.

Why, now could I dance for ioy.

Ale.

Now you talke of dancing, Wine, tis one of your qualities, let's pay the Musicians all together: wee haue of∣ten made other men haue light heads and heeles, there's no hurt a little in tripping for our selues, what say you?

Beere.

Strike vp Piper.

Wine

Lustily, make a merry day on't; nay, leaue out none, at Dancing and at Foot-ball, all fellowes.

Enter Tobaco.

Tobaco.

Be your leaue gentlemen—wil't please you be here sir?

Wine.

Who's this Tobaco?

Beere.

Why comes he into our company?

Tobaco.

I do heare say there is a controuersie—among you, and I am come—to moderate the businesse,

Ale.

It shannot need, wee are concluded sir.

Water.

Your name is Tobaco I take it.

Tobaco.

No sir you take it not—deesee, tis I that take it.

Wine.

But wee take it very ill, you should intrude your selfe into our mirth.

Water.

I did guesse, by the chimney your nose that you might stand in neede of water, to quench some fire in your kitchin.

Tobaco.

Hoh? Water.

spets.

Water.

He has spit me out already

Exit.

Tobaco.

Sugar tost and nutmeg. puh. vanish.

Wine.

He has blone away the spice too.

Ex. S. t. n.

Tobaco,

Now, doe you not know mee—what do yee stand at gaze—Tobacco is a drinke too.

Beere.

A drinke?

Tobaco.

Wine, you and I come both out of a pipe.

Ale.

Prethee go smoke somewhere else, we are couetous of your acquaintance.

Tobaco.

Do not incense me, do not inflame Tobacco.

Wine.

We do not feare your puffing sir, and you haue any thing to say to vs be briefe and speake it.

Tobaco.

Then briefely—and without more circumstance —not to hold you in expectation.

Wine.

Heida, this is prolixity it selfe.

Beere.

Oh sir his words are not well dyed in his mouth.

Ale.

Or his vnderstanding is not sufficiently lighted yet gine him leaue I pray.

Tobaco.

I do come—

Wine.

Not yet to the purpose methinkes.

Tost.

And I do meane—

Beere.

Somewhat—wo'd heare out.

Tobaco.

And I entend—

Ale.

Yet againe, thinke, thinke, till to morrow, wee may chance meet agen.

Tob.

Stay, I command you stay.

Wine.

How, you command vs by whose autority.?

Beere.

That must be disputed.

Tob.

Attend my argument; The soueraigne ought to cōmand, I am your soueraigne, the soueraigne drinke Tobaco. Ergo.—

Wine.

I see Tobacco is sophisticated.

Tob.

I ought to command you, and it will become your duty to obey me—

Bee.

You our soueraigne a meere whiffler.

Tob.

I say agen I am your Prince, bow, and doe homage.

Al.

You haue turnd ouer a new leafe Tobacco.

Wine.

You are very high Tobacco, I see ill weedes grow apace.

Bee.

Most high and mighty trinidado.

Wine.

For whose vertue would you be exalted, if it shall please your smoaky excellence?

Tob.

Not yours,—nor yours—nor yours—but altoge∣ther, all the vertues which you seuerally glory in, are in me vnited,—looke not so coy, Call water to spread your facti∣on, and you are but like the giddy elements changing and borrowing creatures, whilst I Tobacco am acknowledged a Heauenly quintessence, a diuine herbe.

Bee.

Tobacco you are out.

Al.

After what rate is this an ounce?

Wine.

Let vs beseech your excellence, for lesse title wee must not giue you hauing so much vertue as you pretend, to let vs vnderstand fome of your particular graces and qua∣lities.

Bee.

I pray discourse alitle, what's the first?

Tob.

You haue nam'd it—tis discourse which you are so

farre from being able to aduance that you destroy it, in all men when you are most accepted, when my diuine breath mixing with theirs, doth distill eloquence and oracle vpon the tongue, which moueth with such deliberation—words flowing in so sweet distinction, that many eares are chained to the lips of him that speaketh.

Da puer accensum selecto fictile Poeto, vt Phaebum ore bibam.

Ale.

And yet wee are not inchanted with the musick of your pipe to dance after it. My most excellent discourser.

Bee.

And a helpe for the imperfections of nature. For when a man ha's not wit enough to expresse himselfe in words, you being taken, do presently helpe him,—to spit forth gentleman like.

Al.

Indeed the most part of our common complement is but smoke, and now I know how Gentlemen come by it.

Tob.

Thus swine do value pearle—

Wine.

But as you haue the eloquence of Vlysses, I suppose you haue not the strength of Aiax, wee should moue in great feare, if you were valiant, I hope you are but weake Tobacco.

Tob.

Weake? whose braine hath not felt the effects of my mightinesse? He that opposes me shall find me march like a tempest, waited vpon with lightening and black Cloudes.

Wi.

Here is no cracke.

Bee.

Yet he thunders it out.

Ale.

Yes yes, I remember I haue heard him reported a solidier, and once being in company with a knap-Iack man a companion of his, I obtained a coppy of his military po∣stures, which put downe the pike and pot-gun cleane, pray obserue 'em.

• 1 Take your seale.
• 2 Draw your box.
• 3 Vncase your pipe.
• 4 Produce your rammer.
• 5 Blow you pipe.
• 6 Open your box.
• ...

• 7. Fill your pipe.
• 8. Ramme your pipe.
• 9. Withdraw your Rammer.
• 10. Returne your rammer.
• 11. Make ready.
• 12. Present.
• 13. Elbow your pipe.
• 14. Mouth your pipe.
• 15. Giue fire.
• 16. Nose your Tobacco.
• 17. Puffe vp your smoake,
• 18. Spit on your right hand.
• 19. Throw off your loose ashes.
• 20. Present to your friend.
• 21. As you were.
• 22. Cleanse your pipe.
• 23. Blow your pipe.
• 24. Supply your pipe.

Exercise this discipline till you stinke, defile the roome, offend your friends, destroy your liuer and lungs, and bid adiew to the world with a scowring fluxe.

To.

You haue a good memorie.—

Ale.

I'me sure Tobacco will spoyle it.

Tob.

These are but childish inuentions.

Wine.

They are most proper to illustrate your magni∣ficence, for howsoeuer you pretend that you conuerse with men, it is apparant, that you make men children agen, for they that vse you most familiarly, doe but smoake all the day long.

To.

You dishonour me.

Wine.

Not somuch as Gentlemen dishonour themselues, to turne common pipers: but if you haue any more conditions, pray enrich vs with the story.

Tob.

I am medicinall.

Be.

How?

To.

And preserue the health of man.

Wine.

I hope they are not come to drinke healthes in To∣bacco.

To.

I repaire the bodies which your immoderate cups haue turnd to fennes and marishes. The wisest Phisitians pre∣scribe my vse, and acknowledge me a salutary herbe.

Ale.

Phisitians are no fooles, they may commend you for their profit, you are one of their herbingers to prouide for a disease; yet howsoeuer you call them wise, and glorie in their flatteries, they make but a very simple of you.

Wine.

Methinkes this should cut Tobacco.

Tob.

Not at all, I am aboue their poore derision; at my pleasure I could reuenge their malice, for I am in fauour, and growne to be the delight of poets and princes.

Bee.

How poets and princes? Ego & Rex meus, a stopper for Tobacco, wee shall haue pretty treason anon else.

Tob.

Does it scruple your iudgement Mr. small beere that I say poets and Princes? I am not to learne their distinc∣tion, nor doth it take from any allegiance, they are both sa∣cred names: yet I am confident it is easier for a poet not borne to soueraigntie to aspire to a kingdome, then for a King not borne with fancie to be made a poet. I mentiond these names, not in their methode aud order, but to shew my grace with them, that are most able to punish insolence, such as your's,

Ale.

How the vapour rises.

Wine.

This ruffler may be troublesome, wee were best admit him to our society, he is a dry companion, and you may obserue, how he hath insinuated already with the great∣est; the ladies begin to affect him, and he receiues priuate fauors from their lips, euery day he kisseth their hands, when he appeares in a faire pipe; though wee allow him not a pri∣oritie, for our owne sakes, let vs hold correspondence with him, least he seduce men to forsake vs, or at least to make vse of vs but for their necessity.

Ale.

Hum! he sayes well, now I better consider 'twere sa∣fest to vse him kindly, least by degrees he ouerthrow vs, and iett vpon our priuiledges, for I heard a geutleman t'other

day affirme, he had fasted 3 or 4 dayes, only with Tobacco.

Wine.

Beside, if we continue friends he will be a prepa∣ratiue for our reception, without vs he may subsist, but with him wee are sure of liberall entertainement.

Beere.

I am conuerted, Wine you are the best orator, speake for vs.

Wine.

Tobacco, you are a good fellow, all ambition laid aside, let vs embrace as friends; excuse vs, that wee haue been a little merry with you, wee acknowledge you a gentle drink and you shall haue all the respect will become Wine, Beere, or Ale to obserue you with: what should we contend for pri∣macie, quarrell about titles, which if to any wee acknowledge most properly belong to you, for they are all but smoake. Let vs vnite and be confederate states for the benefit of mens low countreyes, liue and loue together. Wine doth here enter into league with Tobacco.

Be.

And beere.

Al.

And Ale.

Tob.

Are you in earnest? why then Tobacco is so farre from pride, that he vowes to serue you all, and when I leaue to be a true friend, may fire consume me, and my ashes want a buriall.

W. B. A. and when wee falsifie, may thunders shrike vs dead.

The Dance.

In which wine falling downe, one taketh sugar by the heeles and seemes to shake him vpon Wine.

In the second passage, beere falleth, and 2 take Nutmegge, and as it were to grate him ouer beere.

In the Third Ale falleth, one bringeth in a Chafendish of coles, and another causeth Tost to put his breech to it; after∣wards it is dapt to Ale's mouth, and the Dance concludeth.

FINIS.