Politeness, to discover the origin of politeness , we would need to define it correctly, and this is not at all easy. It is almost always confused with  civility  and flattery , the first of which is good, but less excellent and less rare than politeness , and the second bad and intolerable when this same  politeness  does not lend it its charms. Everyone can learn civility, which consists only in respecting certain arbitrary terms and ceremonies, which are subject, as language is, to countries and fashions; but  politeness  cannot be learned without a natural disposition, which in truth needs to be perfected through education and experience in the world. It has existed at all times and in all countries, and what it borrows from them is so inessential that it can be felt despite an ancient style and the most foreign customs. Flattery is no less natural nor less independent of time and place, since the passions that produce it always have and always will exist in the world. It might seem that a high social position would be a guarantee against such lowness, but flatterers are to be found at every level of society. When the spirit and practices of the world teach us to disguise this defect under the mask of politeness , by making it agreeable, it becomes more pernicious, but whenever it is shown openly, it inspires contempt and disgust, often even in the people in whose favour it is used. It is therefore quite different from  politeness , which is always pleasing and is always highly esteemed. Indeed we can judge its nature by the term we use to express it, and will find nothing but what is innocent and praiseworthy. To ‘polish’ a work, in the language of craftsmen, is to remove what is rough and unattractive, and give it all the lustre and evenness of which the material that composes it is capable; in short, to finish and perfect it. If we give a spiritual sense to this expression, then again we find it contains what is good and worthy of praise. A polite way of speaking, a polite meaning, polite manners and conversation – does not all this mean that these things are exempt from the heaviness, roughness and other faults that run counter to good sense and to civil society, and that they are clothed in the softness, modesty and justice our spirits crave, and which are vital if society is to be pleasant and peaceful? Are not all these effects good when contained within just limits, and do they not lead us to conclude that the cause that produces them cannot be anything but good? I am not sure I know it well, but it seems to me that politeness is a mild and altruistic inclination in the soul that makes the mind attentive, and leads it delicately to discover everything related to this inclination, both to feel it in what is outside of ourselves and to produce it ourselves according to our capabilities; since it seems to me that politeness , like taste, depends on the mind more than on its extent; and just as there are mediocre minds that have a very sure taste concerning everything within their grasp, and others, very great, whose taste is poor or uncertain, so we also find first class minds without  politeness , and commonplace minds that have a good deal of it. We cannot conclude without examining in detail how this lack of politeness  makes itself felt, and how, if we may put it this way, politeness embellishes everything it touches. How attentive we must be to uncover the good things under a rough and ill-polished surface! How many people of solid merit, how many writings, how many wise and good speeches have been spurned and rejected, and whose merit can only be discovered with labour by a small number of individuals, since they lack this amiable politeness ! And on the contrary, what does this same  politeness  not help bring out? A gesture, a word, even silence, in short the most insignificant things guided by it are always accompanied by graces, and often become considerable. Indeed, leaving aside the rest, how useful such polite silence sometimes is in even the most animated conversations! It puts a stop to railleries just at the point they cannot pass without causing offence, and also sets a limit to speech that would show more wit than the people with whom one is speaking wish to find in others. Does not this same silence put a stop just as appositely to many witty responses that might risk becoming ridiculous or dangerous, either by prolonging compliments too far or by avoiding argument? This last use of politeness  raises it up infinitely, since it helps maintain the peace, and thus becomes, if I may say so, a kind of preparation for charity. It is also a great glory for politeness to be often used in writings and speeches on morality, even on Christian morality, as a vehicle that lessens, so to speak, the weightiness and austerity of the severest precepts and criticisms. I admit that since this kind of  politeness  is profane and corrupted, it often become one of the most dangerous instruments of ill-directed self-love, but in agreeing that it is corrupted by something foreign, we prove, it seems to me, that it is naturally pure and innocent.

It is not for me to decide, but I cannot help thinking that politeness  has its origin in virtue, and by enclosing itself in the use that it is natural to it, it remains virtuous; but that when it serves vice, it suffers the fate of the best things whose use is corrupted by wicked men. Beauty, spirit, knowledge – everything, in a word – are they not often employed for evil, but do they lost their natural goodness as a result? All the abuses deriving from  politeness  do not stop its being essentially something good, both in its origin and effects, when nothing evil alters its simplicity.

It also seems to me that politeness  is exercised more often with people in general, with those to whom we feel indifferent, than with friends, and in a stranger’s house more than in our own, especially when we are with our family, our father, mother, wife or children. We are not polite with our mistress; we are tender, passionate, galant. Politeness  hardly exists in connection with our father, with our wife; we owe other feelings to such individuals. Keen feelings that reveal intimacy, and blood ties, thus leave few occasions for politeness . It is a quality little known to primitive peoples. It hardly exists in the depths of the forest, between naked men and women, who are entirely taken up with their present needs; and in civilised peoples, it is often only the outer demonstration of a beneficence that does not exist in the heart.