Fragment of a Forthcoming Work [pp. 298-312]

FRA GMENT OF A FOR 7HCOMING WORK.
own; and he explained that in the same campai,gn he had had
charge of an ambulance, but that, directly the fighting began, he
had been determined necessarily to jump on the box of the lar gest wagon and drive off as fast as the horses xvould go., Unlfor tunately this wagon contained all the ether and lint for the whole
ambulance, so the wounded had had a bad time of it. Some of
the Nogreni had wanted to hang him, bult he had published a
pamphlet showing that such a course would be grossly illogi cal, as it would imply that he had been to blame and therefore
guilty, and therefore free, which was against the first principles
of reason, morality, and religion. He promised to sell me a
copy of the pamphlet, which was considered a masterpiece of
logic and eloquence. He assured me it simply stultified the
Victoria Cross. However, he said with a chuckle of satisfac tion, he had atoned for that little contretemps by hitting on a
plan for finishing off the savages without further risk. Five
hundred of the chief warriors were invited to a grand banquet
and peace palaver. It was held in the open space in front of
the church. Five hundred chairs of state were prepared at
about a quarter of a mrnile's distance from the church-door, in
front of which was prepared a table with an olive-branch on it.
On one side was a grand stand for the ladies. The savages
were told to remain seated till a procession from the church
bearing the olive-branch reached them, after which a magnificent banquet, which was displayed opposite the ladies' stand,
would be theirs. The savages, who did not care much for peace,
but who did care for the banquet, wvere most obedient and
remained in their seats like statues. Presently the notes of
solemn music were heard, and a procession issued from the
church, closed by Brown himrnself, leading his daughter Bagnetha, then a lovely child. "Now," said he, "mark the ingenuity. In every one of the seats was a moderate charge of
dynamite, and all were connected with an electric battery under the table, so arranged that when the olive-branch was
raised the spark was sent along and exploded all the chairs
simultaneously. Bagnetha, not knowing anything, with a
sweet smile, at my orders raised the olive-branch, and —ha!
ha!" he laughed, "I assure you the results of the five hundred
did not fill six coffins. The ladies then did justice to the banquet. Some of the Nogreni were indignant and said'it was
dishonorable, but I wrote another pamphlet to prove that when
we abolished free-will we made honor a mere chimera. I'll
sell you that pamphlet also."
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