The Comedy of Conference [pp. 9-28]

I 882.J THE COMED Y OF COivFE~EKcE. 27
some energy, when he instantly observed the sounds and sensation of two rents. These were repaired by the village tailor,
who, to his dismay, put strengthening strips over the places of a
material foreign in color and texture to that of the garments.
Itumediately on receiving the aforementioned invitation to preach
his mind was equally engrossed by contemplating the courtesy
extended to him and wondering what would be the effect of his
attire upon the fashionables who would assemble to hear from
his lips the words of life. The Sunday came. When he arose
to preach he was seized with a fear that his clerical friend, who
sat immediately behind him, if he departed from the perpendicular, would notice the heterogeneous patch; and that if, in a
ilight of oratory, he raised his right arm his well-dressed hearers, especially a giggling young woman who sat just in front,
would see the coat-patch, which, as might be conjectured, was
exactly under the shoulder; and he inwardly vowed that neither
should be made visible by any overt act on his part. The result
might have been foreseen. The restraint under which he labored ruined his sermon. He was neaflng the end, and in the act
of taking a glass of water for the closing effort, when his clerical
friend exclaimed in a whisper: "A little more aniniation, Jocund,
and it's a success." Thus prompted, he was thrown off his guard
and at the supreme moment bent~forward and raised his arm!
A sound of suppressed mirth, followed by a cough and a clearing
of the throat from behind, was accompanied with a shriek of laugh
ter from the young woman before him, who, all along evidently
amused by his appearance, was now thrown into violent hysterics and was receiving the assiduous attentions of sundry deacons
and sisters. (Laughter.) What would he not have given at that
moment for a cassock, a gown, an alb, a cope, or any other convenient vestment! (Laughter.) All the millinery of a Roman cardinal would have been acceptable to him on that trying occasion.
DR. BOUNCE was not altogether averse to vestments. He
could not forget that the Word of God, according to the nineteenth chapter of Revelation, was "clothed with a vesture
dipped in blood," and that the armies which followed Him were
"clothed in fine linen white and clean," which showed that vestments of contrasted colors were not unknown in heaven, how
ever distasteful they might be to any of the brethren present.
DR. WHISTLE thought much of what might be termed the
romance of religion would fail were the mind brought to contemplate the heroes of the stately religious ceremonials and processions of the middle ages-the era of romance-clad in the