The Honorable Jerry [pp. 23-27]

OVERLAND MONTHLY
"Laudable be hanged! Kathleen's swate
on him. Does he want me to throw her at
his head, and he not dacently Irish even?
No, if you plase, he won't so much as be
civil to me, for fear I'll misconstruh! Meescon-struuh!" he drawled, ending in a laugh
at his own choler.
"After all it's a mighty change, to see
the little schoolhouse all over the land, — a
change from my day. I remember wance,"
(his eye began to twinkle, a story was forthcoming, and my lady not here to hear, — as
well, perhaps,) "the first ould dominie that
came to Ballyhaughna, a little village where
I was born, he never taught a figure or a
letter without the help of his twelve-inch
ruler, as thick as my two thumbs, and rale
blackthorn polished.
"'Twice wan?' he'd ask with a whack,
whack!
"'That's two for yez.
"'Twice two? that's' (whack, whack,
whack, whack!)'four, you say.' And so we
learned the toime of day.
"It got to be fashionable to know your
letters, and Widdy Maloney was determined
that her Larry should larn too. Poor Larry
he had half his toile off a great overgrown lout, and the day he first came to
school (they tell me, for I was bird-nesting)
he was a particular soight to say, for he
was nigh as tall as the dominie, but his
breeches were half up his legs and his coat
half up his back, and his scarlet head had
niver had a comb through it till that same
morning.
"The dominie began with poor Larry to
wanst.
"'Stand up there, Larry Maloney. Look
me in the eye. Answer the truth,- How
many Gods are there?'
'Larry scratched his poll, and finally
stammered,
"'Thray! your honor,' mindful of the
blessed Trinity.
"Whack, whack, whack!'Take that for
your thray Gods. Now, Larry Maloney, how
many Gods be there now?'
"But Larry louped through the open window, and went willabalooing like the wind,
and did n't stop for a mile, till in fact he
came to the stepping-stones of the strame,
where I was on the middle one, trying to
jump over, and miss one if I could.
"'Hold there, Jerry Ryley,' says he. I
was a bit afraid, he looked so wild. With
that he comes up, eying my slate on the
stone in front of him, with a bird's nest on,
and the old tin can with a dozen tadpoles
in, and then looking me over from head to
foot.
"'Stand up there, Jerry Ryley. Look me
in the oye. Answer the truth. How many
Gads are there?'
"'Why, only wan, to be sure,' I said.
"'Sure an it's hell ye'll taste up there,
with yez wan God I said "Thray," an' it
did n't save me from the ilegantest thrashing
that ever I had."'
The thing was as old as the hills, but he
dished it up so neatly that we enjoyed it
better than a brand new one.
Just then the man arrived with the hanging lamp.
0, you've got it thin. An' is he coming
to the dance, or is he afraid I should meescon-struuh?"
"He is coming, he says." The man
grinned, evidently well aware of the whole
play.
Soon after, the ladies returned with the
cambric, so for one hour every soul that
could be, by her ladyship and the Honorable
Jerry, pressed into service was set to work
decorating that barn, which soon presented
a festive appearance. My lady deftly cut
out an immense shamrock, which was tacked
on a sheet, and a great harp, which was
pinned on another. I found time to tell her
the story of Kathleen and the schoolmaster.
It was a little late when the schoolmaster
arrived, but he had brought the flag with
him, and as "Old Glory" went up, from the
Irish contingent there rose a mighty whoop
that told of the love they bore it. It was
more than a piece of bunting; it was the
emblem of liberty.
What a night it was! The harp and the
fiddle, which did at last arrive, —and sober,
-that is, enough to play! The lungs of
the man who yelled the changes of the
dance! The good time all round, the
awfully good time the very stout ladies had,
who danced unceasingly. And my lady and
the schoolmaster were missing for one ten
minutes by my watch! That witch managed it by hook or by crook, for up went
my schoolmaster, yea, straight up to the
Honorable Jerry, and tackled him there and
then. What the schoolmaster said, heaven
knows, the last few words were overheard: "For God knowswe love each other so.
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