Ultrawa [pp. 71-81]

ULTRA WA. WH,AMPLE'S IVA YS.
ULTRAWA.-No. IV.
WHAMPLE'S WAYS.
WO spots in Bay Coast are all
agog this afternoon. One is the
'"Long-Shore Tavern." Its critics call
it the "Cavern," and the villagers the
"Larng-Shore House." The other is
the dwelling of Mrs. Charger, and her
daughter, Harriet Amanda. Perhaps it
may not be amiss to mention the additional circumstance, that the husband
of Mrs. Charger, and father of "our
Hatty Mandy," is an inmate of the same
abode. Said inmate wears a dejected
look at this hour, not without occasion, for Mrs. Charger has laid out his
"clean things" upon a chair, and bids
him put them on. He feels put upon,
already, by the bare thought. That mysterious institution, which Mrs. Charger
calls "common decency," compresses
him as with a straight-jacket. The collar that should be stuck up on either
cheek, sticking under his chin, clamps
him like a garrote.
It does seem to him, that, for a well
man, a sane man, a warm and comfortable man, to be undone in such a fashion,
at high noon, is needlessly abject, and
suggestive of sickness or surgery. He
sympathizes now with those innocent
babes that screech against being washed and dressed, and protest upon the
lap of Fortune, with blazing foreheads
and hopeless but indignant kicks. As
for his hands and face, "they have both
been washed once to-day a'ready," is
his timid snarl to Mrs. Charger. "O0,
wot's the use? There's no sense into
it. And wot are they all a - cumin' here
again to-dayfur? It was only last week
that the hull lot wus together to Mis'
Caddingt6n's. Bodder to it."
"Bodder to it" is Mr. Charger's pet
proverb, except when, with remarkable
contradiction, he sets it crosswisenamely, "Don't bodder." On rare occasions, he doubles it up and redoubles
it, "Don't bodder bodder to it!"
At present his opinions may be said
to be filed, as undoubtedly his thoughts
and features equally are rasped; for Mrs.
Charger, as he says, "suspects comnpany to tea," and her suspicions are wellfounded. The feminine society of the
neighborhood take tea together, it appears, "oncet or twvicet every week."
Another husband and father is wont to
complain that "they are all the time
goin' out to take tea."
Upon these festive afternoons it is exacted of the lord of the manor that he
get home early, don his best raiment,
and "sit up"-usually on the extreme
edge of a chair-"to help entertain."
The spectacle might be entertaining to
the heartless-the spectacle of a lone
man amid a group of busy-tongued women; but it was rather rough on him, inasmuch as no male visitors were expected to arrive until the moment came to
"sit up to tea"-that is, to sit down at
table-vwhich did not take place until
five o'clock, in quality-circles; and, in
the exclusive presence of ladies, no chivalrous Charger would be caught saying
"Bodder to it," nor even "Don't bodder," however apposite these phrases
might appear; but merely such courteous words as these, "No, marm- no
marm, no;" or, "Yes, marm, yes;" or,
"It is but dusty," and "\What a powerful sight of rain we had last year this
time; " "How is your husband and children, Mrs. Jonres?-and Mr. Jones, how
is he?" "It is a great blessing to have
good health."
This afternoon, however, Mr. Charger
1873.]
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