A Final Pause [pp. 469-476]

4A FINAL PA USE.
It is almost twenty years ago that I
went up, on that sweet spring afternoon,
to tell him I wanted to get wisdom and
learning, and ask him if I could stay and
be led by him. I have scarcely thought
of that interview since, yet I can now
feel the soft blessing of that mild, sunny
day; I can smell the scent of the green
hills, and see the glory of the new foliage. It was near the close of the vacation; and I ventured into his presence without other introduction than my
young, and possibly earnest, face carried with it. And at that first interview
I was infused, first of all, with an unwonted respect. There I saw one who
met, more nearly than any I had seen
before, my idea of the Scholar. I can
now see that half of the good impression
upon my crude mind came from the
whole aspect: the gold spectacles, the
table at which he was writing, the dressing-gown I always thou,ght inseparable
from the schlolar, his mildness, his soft
sententiousness, and the silent wisdom
that seemed to superintend that brief interview. And though some after-foolishness half obliterated it, my first impression was indeed correct. There was
a basis for it which I did not then see,
but which a later thoughtful experience
enabled me more easily and completely
to comprehend.
But no young gentleman of callow age
ever wholly read or knew the character
or characteristics of that man from a single interview; and many a one who went
meekly to his ministrations, and glided
in silent submission to the unspoken expectations of a pious, petty tyranny, from
his entrance to the Academy to his first
Freshman days, neither knew nor guessed the depth of pedagogic faith in the
complete depravity of man, especially in
his youth. Neither could he suspect the
multitudinousness of his wide-reaching
suspicions, nor the amazingly profound
impracticableness and astounding ignorance of boy human nature.
I never knew who first dubbed him
"Uncle Sam." Not nephew nor niece,
I am sure, for the habit was of traditional age; nor did it come from the intensity of affection that possessed those he
taught, and fretted, and made afraid.
But to those who heard him called by
that name the first day they entered the
town, the last reminiscence of the Academy, and the pleasant old elms, and the
other temple where they leapt to a higher
view, will not come nor fade away without a distinct impression of every body's
"Uncle Sam."
Whoever possesses the strongest individuality will be most talked of, and
make the most distinct impression; and
in the very spirit of affection or revenge,
the world, that is mostly and always shallow and vulgar, is pretty sure to give him
a nickname. Boys recognize very early
the absolute necessity of some pleasant
familiarity with the name of one for whose
reality they experience the greatest awe;
and even those who were more sober
and discreet than the others, felt the appropriateness of that prxenomen, and
would have reproached themselves if
they had ever forgotten that familiar
name.
And yet, truly, he was never an uncle
to me. My first interview of ten minutes sent me back to my home, seventy
miles distant, satisfied to have merely
gained admittance; and when once directed to my place in the Academic
course, he and I had no occasion to meet,
and did not, for several days. One gets
easily into the routine of study in a new
place; and so did I. But my fortune
was not to be better than that of my
neighbors; and every one of those young
disciples was sure, sooner or later, to be
greatly surprised, perhaps startled, at the
methods of "mine uncle's" philosophy.
Fate was lowering upon me. and yet I
saw no speck in the sky, nor dreamed
of thunder from the clear heavens. I
had been an inhabitant on the hill, and
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