Fallen Fortunes, XXXVII-XXXIX [pp. 266-274]

6APPLE TONS' JO URNAL.
: God bless you, Kitty!" he said.
"God bless you, Jeff!"
He looked so handsome, so honest, and so loving,
that there was a struggle even in that self-sacrificing
bosom to add something more; but she did not.
She heard him run down-stairs, and Jenny call
out "Jeff!" as he passed in vain, and Tony cry,
"Jeff! Jeff! where are you going?" without reply;
then the front - door was opened and closed very
quickly, but gently too, as though he who went forth
had not, even in his haste, forgotten it was the
house of sorrow.
Kitty moved to the window, but too late because
of her little burden; there was nothing to be seen
save the thickening dusk and the slow-falling rain.
He had gone.
When Jenny entered the room half an hour afterward-she had been talking tenderly and gravely to
Tony in her own chamber-she found Kitty at her
mother's desk. It had not been opened since her
death, but now the neat little account-books and
the memoranda of their scanty incomings were all
spread out upon the table, with already a note or
two of Kitty's own. Jenny took in the situation at
a glance.
"Kitty!" cried she, with a burst of penitence,
"I have been very wrong. It is you who have the
responsibility, and the trouble, and the care of us;
while I have only indulged my passion and my pride.
If it is not too late-if the mischief I have done is
not irreparable-pray, think no more of my opinion,
of my prejudices."
"Hush, hush, my darling! you have done no
harm, or at least nothing wrong, which is the greater matter."
"You are an angel; you are like our mother,"
answered Jenny, vehemently; "and I am unworthy
to be your sister. Henceforward, I will never oppose what you think right.-How is it with us, Kitty? Are we very, very poor? Will it be necessary
-shall you ask Mr. Campden for that money?
"For some of it, darling; I am afraid we must."
"And Mr. Holt? We need not take that-that
loan he offers; need we, Kitty? at least not yetthere may be brighter days."
"No, dear; we will not take Mr. Holt's money.
No, no, no!"
There were a calmness and decision in Kitty's
tone which were rare with her; her face was very
pale, and wore a set expression which was new to it.
Jenny looked at her sister for a moment with
wondering eyes, then rushed into her arms.
"0 Kitty, I am so glad, so glad!" she cried,
bursting into tears. "Dear Jeff will be dearer to me
now than ever."
"Be silent, Jenny; don't speak of him; I can't
bear it," was the unexpected reply, delivered with
strange vehemence. Then, in gentler but firm tones,
she added: "Forgive me, darling, but you have
given me pain. You are wrong, quite wrong, in
thinking-what you said.-Here are the bills and
the banker's book; let us look over the accounts together."
CHAPTER XXXVIII.
KITTY'S DREAM.
THAT cynical phrase about "not being able to
afford to keep a conscience" has a solid foundation
in fact. There are some, indeed, who would rather
perish than do anything contrary to their sense of
what is right (though even that is a sacrifice which
varies with the value men set on individual exist
ence); there are as many more who would perish
rather than endure a humiliation-who would take
poison rather than swallow their pride. It is only
the popular religion-a very different thing from
Christianity-that has made death so terrible as to be
weighed against shame; but, when it comes to the
pinch, Necessity, or what we choose to consider such,
overrules the law of the mind. This is a matter
upon which drawing-room philosophers and comfortable divines are no judges. It seems so easyand is so easy-to be independent, chaste, and honest, when there is only a temptation to be otherwise;
but when the temptation becomes an alternative-on
the one side poverty, debt, ruin, for example; on the
other hand competence, not only for ourselves, but
for those we love-that is quite another matter. Conscience has then a new antagonist, the first of his
own laws; a sense of right, almost as strong as himself, which, allying itself with these various opponents, generally succeeds in overthrowing him. That
"second thoughts are best," among all lying proverbs, holds the preeminence; second thoughts in
morals are never best, but only, as it is natural they
should be, second best.
John Dalton had so left his affairs that, if he
should now be dead and drowned, as it was almost
certain he was, he had paid up his legal liabilities,
as he imagined, to the last shilling. Even the scoundrels who had " floated" the Lara mine could never
point at his children as the offspring of a defaulter.
His shares would have been paid up in full to the last
penny. But his efforts to effect this had left him impoverished, indeed; all that his family had to live
upon was the interest of some two or three thousand
pounds and a certain small sum which he had left
for emergencies in his wife's hands. Moreover, he
had unhappily omitted to reckon a few outstanding
debts, such as always attend a rich man's expenditure, almost unknown to himself, and which he generally settles with a sudden check and a malediction
upon his own forgetfulness. The creditors were of
that agreeable kind-may I instance one's tobacconist?-who do not plague us quarterly, nor even
half-yearly, for one's little account; but who, when
we start upon a sudden for Brazil, and are likely not
to come back again, get naturally nervous, and would
like to see the color of our money. When I said
that Mrs. Dalton's correspondence had much fallen
off in number since the family misfortunes, I should
have made honorable exception of these gentlemen,
who had not failed to send in their bills to her with
the remark that "an early settlement would oblige."
Of course, she had acceded to these requestswhich, indeed, were only reasonable-but in so doing
had not left enough money behind her to defray her
own funeral expenses.
This was the conclusion that Kitty was compelled to arrive at, after a careful study of the financial position of the family. Jenny did her best to
assist her in the investigation; but she was not so
good at figures, and chiefly confined herself to "approving" what her sister made of them, like any
city director, except that she did not get five hundred a year for doing it. They had enough, they
reckoned, to go on with in their humble fashionespecially as Lucy was going-but for the present
ready money was indispensable. Under these circumstances, there was nothing for it (even Jenny
owned) but to apply to Mr. Campden for some portion of that loan which he had voluntarily placed at
their disposal, and which Kitty at least had certainly
not unconditionally declined. She therefore dispatched a letter to the squire, very warmly and
gratefully worded, but at the same time expressing
herself as practically as she could with respect to
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