Mark Twain [pp. 15-18]

1874.] ALARK TIJTAIN 15
We do not need, in this hour of fresh this business so much in Wall Street, that I
wounds and present suffering, to refer to will in future manage it all myself," and he
the government of large cities as an in- would have unlocked his millions, sent them
stance of the tyranny of republics. It is to the West, got his grain to market, and then,
written on every honest man's check-book having imprisoned a few dishonest speculain letters of blood. We need not refer to the tors, he would have saved his country, and
odors which taint the midnight air from the the honest men in it, from disgrace and ruin.
poisonous retorts of the gas-house-a wrong "Oh! for one half-hour of such a tyrant!"
so great that, in Berlin, a gas manufacturer But we give our President no such power,
was sentenced to ten years' imprisonment be- we are afraid that a bad manl would abuse it.
cause he burned his refuse in the night, in- But, has any one measured the enormous
stead of carting it away. Another wrong wrongs, losses, and abuses, which arise out of
which we patiently suffer in large cities is the irresponsibility? Would it not be a relief to
crowding the aisles of theatres with extra have some one whose head should work sin.
chairs and benches, cutting off all hopes of gly, even if blunderingly, occasionally?-is a
escape in case of fire. Until the catastrophe ship better, in the moment of disaster, for
of the world occurs, this wrong will go on. having no captain?
Now, in all cases of public humiliation Then there must be great comfort in hayand wrong, the American gentleman walks ing a one-headed tyrant to abuse, one head is
away with his loss, his disappointment, and more easily cut off than many; if we attempt
the insult, and knows that he has no redress. to cut off our tyrants' heads they grow again
Two or three years ago a gentleman of for- half a dozen at a time. A very good liver in
tune, having nothing else to do, determined New England once said that he liked to eat
to devote himself to the redressing of wrongs, mince - pie before going to bed, for then he
and to the finding out if the general crusade always knew what hurt him. Do we ever
which goes on perpetually against our patient have that poor satisfaction? Never; we are
public could be stopped. He pursued impos. our own Nero, and we can blame nobody but
ing hackmen, insolent car-drivers, dishonest ourselves. Too often, of late years, have we
servants, faithless impressarios, to the proper sat, like him, playing on harp and dulcimer,
tribunals of the courts. He wrote letters to while Boston and Chicago were burning, not
the newspapers, contradicted false statements, reflecting that, had we been more wise and
all in a most excellent spirit. He worked watchful, neither of those calamities would
hard and diligently, and, at the end of three' have occurred.
years, pale and weary, he gave it up in de- And so with the greater, more vital sins
spair. He was always in the right, and was which ravage the great republic-none of
always beaten. He went back to the sternest them would have got under such headway did
despotism hie could find, where alone, he says, every citizen feel his intense responsibility
the rights of the individual are respected. toward the state. There would be no corWhat is everybody's business is nobody's, rupt judge, no abusive press, no infamous
Iand nobody's business is generally misman- ring, no imperfect fire department, no finanaged. The policeman at the corner of the cial panic, no corruption in Congress, no op:
streets who helps the little girls over from pressive taxation then; but, until human naunder the feet of the horses, is a good-na- ture is very much improved, we cannot extured and excellent officer, but does hlie find pect this amount of public virtue.
your watch for you if it is stolen? In Paris, "To have unity, we must first have units,"
six years ago, if your watch was stolen in the said Margaret Fuller, and a better thing has
morning, you generally got it again before scarcely ever been said.
evening. The sleepless eye of the police But in the mean time, pending this expected
found it for you, and the thief wvas locked growth of virtue, which may be a long time
up. He got out in the days of the Commune, coming, would it not be better to sometimes
and he has not been caught since. There is strengthen the hands of those rulers whom
no doubt but that a strong government was we have? We have tried the bundle of
the best for Paris. fasces loosely bound, and some of-them have
In the early days of our war, how many nearly tumbled out. What if we should try
an aspiration was breathed, "Oh, for a half the more stringent bond?
hour of old Jackson! " How many would When the sea was calm, all boats alike
have welcomed back that indomitable will, Showed mastership in floating: fortune's blows,
and that fine old oath, " B~y the Eternal!" 77 When most struck home, being gentle wounded,
craves
Even the presence of Mrs. Jackson, smoking A craves
the cornstalk pipe by the domestic kitchenfire, would have been heralded with enthusi- We all know that a time of trial finds us
asm if she had brought the old general with unprepared. It did i our own war, it would
her. A one-headed tyrant has this great ad- in case of a foreign war. The lesser evils
vantage over the many-headed. He knows which grow out of the uncertain and headless
what he wants, and he can do it quickly. administration of affairs, and the light conAny thing is better than indecision and vague, flet of opinion as to where the powers begin
ness in the conduct of a great nation. In the and end, would be but parodies and carica late panic, a sensible tyrant would have tures of those greater evils which would be moved that grain for which Europe was wait- fall us then. Great Shakespeare says:
ing (with those bags of gold behind her for. " My soul aches
which we were also waiting) before the great To know when the authorities are up;
- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~Neither supreme, how soon confusion
tyrants, Januatry and December, came to close Nihrurm,hwso ofso
tyrants, January and December, came to close May enter'twixt the gap of both, and take
up tlie canals. He would have said (oh, much The one by the other."
prayed-for man!), "You have mismanaged M. E. W. S.
MARK TWAIN.
)NE of the pleaiastest offices of cultivated
thought is the study of contrasts in the
literatures of different peoples. The trained
power of the artist-eye derives no greater
pleasure in its discriminating observance of
landscapes than that resulting from the arran)gement and grouping of the recorded forms
of national -thought and sentiment, considered
purely from the picturesque stand-point.
If this be true of poetry, philosophy, and
art in general, it is peculiarly so of national
humor. For humor is a direct product from
the life-blood. It sucks its ingredients from
each hidden taint and essential virtue; from
intellectual perversity and moral insight; from
external environment and from internal fact.
Other forms of thought are the outcome
of single phases, standing together as symmetrical fragments of the individual or the
people. Humor comes the nearest to being
the one complete revelation, which subtends
all the complex secrets of Nature and habit.
The poet sings sweet songs to the world
that thrill or soften. But, behind the cloudy
forms which his incantations evoke and his
genius illumines, the individual fades away.
The orator storms, or pleads, or reasons, but
the attention slips by the man to fasten on
what he says or thinks. The essayist challenges interest for the most part by appeals
from the special to the universal.
Not so the humorist, whether the mouthpiece of his age and country, or the mere
witness of himself. Harlequin may wear a
mask, but under the shallow fold the face
plays hide-and-seek in vain. The heart beams
out in the mirth that quivers on the edge of
pathos, or the grotesque laugh, which needs
only a little deeper tone to become melan.
choly. It is the intense humanity and lifelikeness of humor, that set the ultimate stamp,
on its charm and significance.
Our literary inheritance from the princes
of humor is full of finger-marks, index-signs,
and marginal notes. We like to query whether Dean Swift, with his terrible scowl and
blighting satire, which seemi as if inspired
from some Dantean depth, where devils mock
and laugh, ever had the unctuous enjoyment
of roast -beef and mighty ale, that shows in
Dick Steele, Charles Lamb, and Charles Dickens? It is pleasant to speculate whether
Heine, with his acute French wit sparkling
on the current of deep German humor, ever
recovered from his infatuation for frisky
champagne and Parisian grisettes? Or, if
Jean Paul, "the only one," whose imagina.tion pirouetted on earth with as much agcity
and swiftness as it cleft the upper ahysses.
eagle-winged, never had the vertigo?
Would we not have known exactly how Ho —
garth looked, his grim features softened by a
funny twist of the mouth, even had he never
painted himself with an exceeding honestfaced but belligerent-looking bull-dog squatted
by his side? How we should like toe have
heard Rabelais, after he had set a nation in a,
roar of laughter, reading the "Adventures
of Pantagruel" to the jolly old abbot!
Or, again, let us overleap fthe wide abyss
of centuries, and stand amid the vast prai
15
1874.]
MX-4RK TWAlIV.