The Lady of the Ice, Chapters XI-XIII [pp. 454-459]

1870.] LITERATURE, ScIENcE AND ART 455
"You seem hard hit, old man,' naid I. "Where is it? Who
is it?"
Jack groaned.
"Has Miss Phillips come.
"No.,,
"Is it the widow?"
"No."
"Number Three?"
Jack shook his head.
"Not duns?"
"No."
"Then I give up."
"It's Louie," said Jack, with an expression of face that was as
near an approximation to what is called sheepishness as any thing I
ever saw.
"Louie?" I repeated.
"Yes-"
"What of her? What has she been doing? How is it possible?
Good Heavens! you haven't-" I stopped at the fearful suspicion
that came to me.
"Yes, I have!" said Jack, sulkily. "I know what you mean.
I've proposed to her."
I started up from the sofa on which I was lounging-my pipe
dropped to the ground-a tumbler followed. I struck my clinched
fist on the table.
"Randolph!" said I, "this is too much. Confound it, man! are
you mad, or are you a villain? What the devil do you mean by
trifling with the affections of that little girl? By Heavens! Jack
Randolph, if you carry on this game with her, there's not a man in
the regiment that won't join to crush you."
"Pitch in," said Jack quietly, looking at me at the same time with
something like approval. "That's the right sort of thing. That's
just what I've been saying to myself. I've been slearing like a
trooper at myself all the way here. If there's any one on earth that
every fellow ought to stand up for, it's little Louie. And now you see
the reason why I want you to attend to that little affair of the gravestone."
At Jack's quiet tone, my excitement subsided. I picked up my
pipe again, and thought it over.
"The fact is, Jack," said I, after about ten minutes of profound
smoking, "I think you'll have to carry out that little plan of yours.
Sell out as soon as you can, and take Louie with you to a farm in
Minnesota."
"Easier said than done," said Jack, sententiously.
"Done? why, man, it's easy enough. You can drop the other
three, and retire from the scene. That'll save Louie from coming to
grief."
"Yes; but it won't'make her come to Minnesota."
"Why not? She's just the girl to go anywhere with a fellow."
"But not with Jack Randolph."
"What humbug are you up to now? I don't understand you."
"So I see," said Jack, dryly. "You take it for'granted that because I proposed, Louie accepted. Whereas, that didn't happen to
be the case. I proposed, but Louie disposed of me pretty effectually."
"Mittened?" cried I.
"Mittened!" said Jack, solemnly. "Hence the gravestone."
"But how, in the name of wonder, did that happen?"
"Easily enough. Louie happens to have brains. That's the
shortest way to account for her refusal of my very valuable devotions.
But I'll tell you all about it, and, after that, we'll decide about the
head-stone.
"You see, I went up there. this evening, and the other girls were
off somewhere, and so Louie and I were alone. The aunt was in the
room, but she soon dozed off. Well, we had great larks, no end of
fun-she chaffing and twitting me about no end of things, and especially the widow; so, do you know, I told her I had a great mind to
tell her how it happened; and excited her curiosity by saying it all
originated in a mistake. This, of course, made her wild to know all
about it, and so I at last told her the whole thing-the mistake, you
know, about the hand, and all that-and my horror. Well, hang me,
if I didn't think she'd go into fits. I never saw her laugh so much
before. As soon as she could speak, she began to remind me of the
approaching advent of Miss Phillips, and asked me what I was going
to db. She didn't appear to be at all struck by the fact that lay at the
bottom of my disclosures; that it was her own hand that had caused
the mischief, but went on at a wild rate about my approaching'senti mental see-saw,' as she called it, when my whole time would have to
be divided between my twoJfiancges. She remarked that the old prov erb called man a pendulum between a smile and a tear, but that I was
the first true case of a human pendulum which she had ever seen.
"Now the little scamp was so perfectly fascinating while she was
teasing me, that I felt myself overcome with a desperate fondness for
her; so, seeing that the old aunt was sound asleep, I blurted out all
my feelings. I swore that she was the only-"
"Oh, omit all that. I know-but what bosh to say to a sensible
girl!"
"Well, you know, Louie held her handkerchief to her face, while
I was speaking, and I-ass, dolt, and idiot that I was-felt convinced
that she was crying. Her frame shook with convulsive shivers, that I
took for repressed sobs. I saw the little hand that held the little
white handkerchief to her face-the same slender little hand that was
the cause of my scrape with Mrs. Finnimore-and, still continuing the
confession of my love, I thought I would soothe her grief. I couldn't
help it. I was fairly carried away. I reached forward my hand, and
tried to take hers, all the time saying no end of spooney things.
"But the moment I touched her hand, she rolled her chair back,
and snatched it away "And then she threw back her head "And then there came such a peal of musical laughter, that I
swear it's ringing in my ears yet.
"What made it worse was, not merely what she considered the fun
of my proposal, but the additional thought that suddenly flashed upon
her, that I had just now so absurdly mistaken her emotion. For, con found it all! as I reached out my hand, I said a lot of rubbish, and,
among other things, implored her to let me wipe her tears. This was
altogether too much. Wipe her tears! And, Heavens and earth, she
was shaking to pieces all the time with nothing but laughter. Wipe
her tears! Oh, Macrorie! Did you ever hear of such an ass?
" Well, you know she couldn't get over it for ever so long, but
laughed no end, while I sat utterly amazed at the extent to which I
had made an ass of myself. However, she got over it at last.
"' Well,' said I,' I hope you feel better.'
"' Thanks, yes; but don't get into a temper. Will you promise
to answer me one question?'
"' Certainly; most happy. If you think it worth while to do any
thing else but laugh at me,'I ought to feel flattered.'
"' Now, that's what I call temper, and you must be above such a
thing. After all, I'm only a simple little girl, and you-that is, it was
so awfully absurd.'
"And here she seemed about to burst forth afresh. But she
didn't.
"' What I was going to ask,' she began, in a very grave way,
'what I was going to ask is this, If it is a fair question, how many of
these little entanglements do you happen to have just now?'
"' Oh, Louie!' I began, in mournful and reproachful tones.
"' Oh don't, don't,' she cried, covering her face,' don't begin; I
can't stand it. If you only knew how absurd you look when you are
sentimental. You are always so funny, you know; and, when you
try to be solemn, it looks so awfully ridiculous! Now, don't-I really
cannot stand it. Please-ple-e-e-e-e-ease don't, like a good Captain
Randolph.'
"At this she clasped her hands and looked at me with such a grotesque expression of mock entreaty, that I knocked under, and burst
out laughing.
"She at once settled herself comfortably in her easy-chair.
"' Now that's what I call,' said she, placidly,' a nice, good, sensible, old-fashioned Captain Randolph, that everybody loves, and in
whose affairs all his innumerable friends take a deep interest. And
now let me ask my question again: How many?'
"' How many what?' said I.
"' Oh, you know very well.'
"' How can I know, when you won't say what you mean?'
"' How many entanglements?'
"' Entanglements?'
"'Yes. Engagements, if you wish me to be so very explicit.'
"'What nonsense! Why you know all about it, and the
cause-'
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.LIrTERPA TU_RE,. SCIEIVCE, AND ART.
455