Weathercock Journalism [pp. 71]

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A Bit of Information.
It has been widely stated that Mr. RAREY
can subdue the most obstinate horse without putting a Bit in his mouth. This may
be so; but in every instance that came uinder our own observation of the great hippogogue's power, we remarked that he gave
his horse a couple of Rolls before he had
done with him.
Philologico-Idealism.
Perhaps the best proof of the real unrcality of apparent existences lies in our commonly-accepted language of description.
Thus, we all know that an Unspeaklable
delight, is, after all, Nothing to Speak Of.
By Our Bowery Contributor.
Why did the Pope procure a certain General to subjugate Italy?
Because he thought he could, with his
assistance, Lamin-her easier (Lamoricidre.)
A Most Unsatisfactory Con.
Why were the gold-fields of California,
in 1845, like those of Australia in 1850?
Never Mined! X
A Nut for the Times.
Who was CHESTNUT'S political progenitor?
A. BURR.
C =
Advice for the guidance of Hens during
the Winter months.
Lay Still.
i PLEASANT HALLUCINATION. ~
Equestrian-.-" AH, YES! THAT'S THE CRUISER TAIL. DOBBIN IS FREQUENTLY TAKEN
roR CRUISER, NOW; AND I DON'T KNOW WHFTHHR IT'S THE WHISKERS, OR WHAT, BUT
TIHE BOYS SIIOUTED "RAREY!" AFTER ME JUST NOW, AS I RODE THROUGII THE PARK!'

WEATHERCOCK JOURNALISM.
The Washington Correspondent of the Herald is an extraordinarily prudent person. He is bound to get at the truth of every
report that comes up in the City of Magnificent Distances, so he
gives each side of each rumor, one after another, with a refreshing
gravity, and impudence, swearing to the truth of every one as it
appears.
The following, we have every reason to believe, was written, by
a young man, a pupil of this indefatigable journalist. The
success with which the scholar has emulated his teacher's manner
is remarkable. As to the means by which we came into possession
of the document, we leave the reader to guess:
"TELEGRAPHIC CORRE9PONDENCE for a-Daily paper; WASHINGTON,
MONDAY: There is not the slightest doubt but what a well-organized
conspiracy is on foot, having the capture of the Capitol and public
buildings for its object. In fact, it is openlyacknowledgedby many
of the Southern senators, and is a common topic for hotel-discussion, etc.
"TUESDAY: The report in yesterday's Herald, concerning the
conspiracy to seize the Capitol has created the greatest excitement
here. The plot is so deeply laid and well managed that hardly
anybody knew of its existence, until informed by the Herald.
"WEDNESDAY: I have been tracing the "great conspiracy" story
to its source, and can state positively that no such plot exists.
The people of Washington would rise as one man, to quell any
attempt at an outrage of that nature.
"THURSDAY: New developments have come out, showing the
conspiracy to capture Washington, on the 4th of March, to be
much more serious than was at first imagined. All the preparations are completed, and a force of 2,000 men are now perfecting
themselves in the use of arms. The ringleaders are, some of
them, men in high places. I am not permitted, at present, to enter into details.
"FRIDAY: The "conspiracy" hoax is just now the theme of
talk and laughter here in all circles. General SCOTT informs me
that with a force of fifty men, the city could be held against a
mob of ten thousand. The story originated with one of the cheap
scurrilous lobby organs.. a paper whose columns are notoriously
venal. Evidently the alarmist dodge is about played out.
"SATURDAY: A secret investigation is being held, with a view
to ferre'ing out the real facts concerning the proposed besiegement
of Washington on the 4th of March. Much startling intelligence
bas come to light, and the Mayor informed ne, last night, that he
was willing to bet ten to one that LINCOLN would never be inaug'
urated here. Next week, I shall doubtless be at liberty to disclose
all.
"SUNDAY: The Committee of Inquiry into the Washingtonseizure conspiracy, have settled the whole affair beyond' a doubt.
It is an absurd canard, invented by some newspaper-correspondent
in want of a sensation-paragraph."
Lucus a non Lucendo.
Calling a boy a shaver becaLuse he has no beard.
Or establishing a stationery business in Walker street.
Or setting up a policy Fence in Wall street.
Or supposing that a BRIDGET can become a good Katerer.
Or believing that your clothes will not become Seedy because
your wife has a Sowing M,achine.
"If th is be Tre aso n."
Though the remedy's old still its virtue will hold,
Wheneve r th e olive- branch fail s
When men, armed for treason, our letters may seize on,
Llie HOLT try suspending the mails.
Washinrgtor.
Whenever a Washington paper publishes an original Joke, guns
are immediately fired in the outskirts of the city. There hasn't
been a gun fired in the outs,iirts of Washington for many, many
years.
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V ANITY
F5IIR.
FFEBRUARY -9, 1861.]
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