The Third House, Letter IV [pp. 46-47]

VANITY F'AIR.
Hie wants to know, you know.
Mr. [JOHN SIDFLL, we observe, wishes to
know of the Senate, whether "JOHN B.
FLOYD at pres ent fills the office of Secretary
of War." We presume the next thing he.
will be saying to J. B., will be something
like the Irishman in the fight, to. his adversary.: "Ef yure net -in airnest, JIMMY, let'
go yure Holt."?'. -..
. -White Gunpowder.
The ship Albino-appropliate name- has
just arrived at: this. port'with a: cargo of
white gunpowder. It is described in the invoices as Salt for the Cure of Sedition.
We hope the federal bacon may be saved
without it.
Rather Classioal.
The difference between Fort Sumter and
South Carolina is antithetical. Fort Sumter
representing the Union,- melturm in parvoGreat in a Little South Carolina -i a little
ingrate.
Newest Arithmetic. X.
Nullification is vexation',: —
Secession is as bad,-.
The Chivalry dothpuzzle me.
And Charleston makes me mad.
A Word to the. Wise (H. A-.)
Shut up., -......
The Best Liberty-Cap,
A Good Percussion.
be done- with potash,; something about the tariff,l.I thinik.. I
believe they-wanted" to -make it free of duty, or to raise the duty,
or something of that sort, but' am- not certain.. But I know t'hat
JOBSBY has the interests of potash at heart, and' this little dinner
was for potash. I half'expected the servant, when he slid the
folding doors back, to remark that potash was on the tabl'e, bt
he onl:y'said:dinher.. I took in FANY:' EPETTS, to her-evident disappointment.' There was a time;:'"Mi s':when: But that's
neither here nor there. A very'nice dinner, indeed.' J'ust't'he
right number of people. We hbad a.-athin French soup made of
little crisps of toasts, and::]rownish,saglt'?water; "t hree raw " all
round; roast turkey chops and green peas sweet-breads and
ditto duck,' questionay:canvas-back,partri'dge or quail,'whi'hever name you please, we had what CA(A'WAY LEE facetiously calls
cold vittles," meeaning ice-cream; we had..- Uharlo.te Russe, that
vile lathery insult to thememeory:of the excellent lady in question,
we had blanc-mnange (why.do they have blanc-mange?. Does it taste?
I deny it,) we had apples,and. orange.s,. which:nobody was expected
to eat, but of which Mrs. JOBLEY proceeded to appropriate the finest
specimens "for thel children-","and- utsiamd raisins, and oh! anything that they have at well regulated dinners. -We were waited
on by messengers from- the'Departments-olored'dgentlemen of
unimpeachable dignity.- " ALOSZO,"I said to one of them, in the
middle of an awkward pause,."I'll t.ry-a.little more of that
potash."
"Sir!" says the puzzled but immovable ALONZO.
"What do.es,h-e say?", cries, M.rs.'' S'.YA:
"Oh,, you wicked man," simpers, FAN.. "':on'D t'min dt' him,
Mrs. SPUYDERS; /t's only one of-is,.awf:ul jokes.''; --,'
JOBEsBY glares befogged resentmet.'t,., ("-'M.ust.be a. d.-.-d fool,':' I
overhear him remark afterwards,. quite illogically, "what's he
mean by talken that way? H'm'?) "I only asked for the claret,"
I explain innocently; "t I'eminds me' of'some wine I had one
day in Constantinople. I was dining with.my:-fie d'.the, Sultan,
just en fam ille, you know; and., ays he' MOTLEY, old boy'-he
always called me by my first name-' MOTLEY, old boy, try some
of this old KIOSK. Some of the very best in-the country,-Sir, made
for my own private minaret' " -.
............
.THEIUPPER':-TENDENCY.'
'BAWB, A'iAw DON'T LIKE GOING TO WAR TO FIGHT IN TWENCHES AND TITINGS. AW
THINK AW SHALL GO AS A VIVANDIERE, AND QAWWY A LITTLEKEG OF MAWASCHINO."
"Kiosk.''What'in. the -world is -that'iinterposed SPUYDERS.
"Light wine of Turkey," says I, "puire juice.of the jannissary
grape; has a-fez about it that'is.perfectly delicious and" -"I thought Mussulmon didn't drink. How about the Koran?"
says-,AR s. t
( —neverhiougt' ofthat.)'- -...-;:
I laid the forefinger of my-right-/hand gently against the side of
my nose, as if I were about to sneeze out of one nostril and'wanted
not to..
WILtA-' app'ared to'b' pleased with the explanation.
-, Well,:at:the pioper time there-'was a general moving of chairs
and-:the, ladieb,.Z -ustled! into:the parlor, leaving us men to:- our wine
an&,:cigars.(. Then~i, as' ~e _setttledd osilyi down to: smoke, and as I
leisurely sippedthat i c,rous i old brovwni sherry, that SpYDERSs-got
so cheap.at the Siibe,~an Miniister'bs sale; (I nver rdrink- champagne,
ift fizzes up:agains..the',bridge'; of:-my'nose and-then headaches,) I
k-now~:t-hat the-,bdnusm ess ~f the' e.even'g' wae to be done.!:That -ittle
potiish: affair,was. to be fixed. i,How JOBSBY glowed over, it. He
.wasi't interestd in it;at~1, alhimslf; coh.dear no! N "ot,in the
least, though-h-e hada g'reat many good friends in the business, he:
must onfesis, but then it -,wass-ssurely a; sinan.d a shame to.see how
potash had been neglected. He must say that if.our pu,b]ijc. men
gasve a little' —more: attention to-such subj ects,,it:wquld be. agreat
deal bletter'for the:cdunt,, etoeteri' etetet,etecra. t. And the
broiwns;her.ry'wtsr-ealylcapital. D''''''
TY'-.he faot is, tI'did~nt exactly understand. —all he said, but I knew
that when the ceenm.e.;in.I took:mine iWithi a-reassuring conviction that potash was.all.right, a le.ast, and the country safe for a
few days, at all events..
i"'Ii Y'oi, adb'een;'ther'e''"-'<IT- said t'o CARHAwAY, when I got
back t m" roofm ianfunddf:-:him w'i'tin'g;for mesas isual';'"'it
was such a nice little dinner.";;
.-.As-for. 5estphalia!.
The bursting up, of a Cincinnati; Pork-House is your real West
Failure... -;.'.- -
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47
JANUARY 26, 1861-.]
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