A Few Nursery-Rhymes [pp. 26]

VANITY FJAIR.
[JANUARY 19, 1861.
known as a snicker. In an instant the keen black eyes of all the
patriots were aflame in the direction of the bed-quilt, and a simultaneous shout burst from their lips of " Espia! Espia!"
"Oh the devil!'? groaned Mr. Muffles. "We're in for it."'
The sombrest of the patriots drew near the fatal- covert with a
step like the Avenger ini Bowery Melodramas. -He lifted' the quilt,
and silently: pointed: at the-. wretched:pair. One of them was
instantly- recognized..
"Mil Diablos'!"' hissed the fat poet: "You are zat' accursed
Muffel!" -,:......
"Si Sein'ores!" said the sombre man with- a- smile' of fiendish
cruelty,'' and ze accur'r-r-r —ged Muffel has one confederate. Yes
sir! Conte forth if you please. -Ve vi killki! you direct-e-ly."'
With' these encouraging words, the somibre marn' assist'ed Messrs.
Muffles' and -Primpenny into the extferior orld. The excited
throng gathered around them, threatening immediate extinction.
Several of the:younger members of tha Junta made bare their
sword-canes, and threatened at the same time the life of miscreant
and friend by making tragical lunges'without any particular -aim
at anybody. - -,...
"Muffel:," said the sombre man with that same old sneer that
meant horrible cruelties, "You -are. ze e-spy. of Despotism. I
have long in my'mind zink zat- zing, I, am no.. secure of ze
t-r-r-uth. Ze villain who be wit you, vot.. is his atr,-r-r-r-ocious
name" -
"Sir!" said Mr. Primpenny, picking the feathers.out of his hair,
"You are personal!' No man dares to calli me villain twice!
Don't do it again!"
Ha'!-to please you I call r-r-rascal:! polt-rrrrr-oon! zis time!
Now sir, you declare to me vat ze infamous gover-na-ment of old
Spain pay you to get under ze bed of Don Alonzo Fernando Miguel
Canastro de Bassuras?"
"By Heavens, Don Alonzo!" said Muffles, getting irritated.
"What do you think:Spain cares for your bed?"
"Care for my bed? Sir, it is a patriot's bed! And two vii Jains are ze men who get under it'! But you cannot assassinate
me, Muffel.! Nor ze other e-spy, your confederate! Confess it im me-di-at-e-ly! Or you two die on ze spot!"
At this instant the Junta closed in around their spok.esman,
some handling the sword-canes aforesaid and others suggestively
feeling in the bosom of their waistcoats. Mr. Primpenny and Mr.
Muffles advanced the right leg, and prepared to hit at least one
straight left before they died.
A piercing scream came throu:h the key-hole. "Fire! Murder!
Thieves! Help!" shrieked a female voice outside. The youngest
and most gallant patriot-of the Junta forgot revenge in chivalrous
regard for the weaker sex, and rushed forwardrand opened the door.
I do not say that Mrs. McCrowder's daughter, Ann Eliza, had
been looking through the key-hole. Mrs. McCrowder would have
scorned such an imputation with regard to any one in her house.
But it is certain that by some method Ann Eliza had become
acquainted with the peril -which hung over that fascinating young
man, Mr. Primpenny. The moment that a crack was sufficiently
open for the passage of her fair but somewhat robust person, she
rushed into the middle of the ferocious patriots, scattering their
slender forms on:all sides of her, and clasping Mr. Primpenny
around the neck, exclaimed:
"You shall not-no! you shall not kill this noble youth!"
After which the new Pocahontas fainted dead away in the arms
of the man to whom she had brought salvation. Vengeance was
nonplussed. Malice could not stab through the lifeless form of
Miss McCrowder.' The Junta bit their nails, and said devil-in Span ish a large number of times. But they permitted Mr. Primpenny- to
bear his unconscious burden unmolested into the entry, and unwill ing to act on the principle that half a loaf is better than no bread,
refrained for the present from immolating Mr. Muffles on the altar
of Liberty. Don Alonzo Fernando Miguel Canastro de Bassuras,
taking that unfortunate youth by the coat sleeve, ejected him after
Mr. Primpenfy,. hissing in his ear as he went, " Tomor-r-r-row S-s e-sire! Tomorrow!" ----
"I suppose you mean good-nlght," said Mr. Muffles. "Well,
Good-night, Junta."
When Mr. Primpenny stood in the entry, he realized for the
first time what had happened to him. He had a young and lovely
female on his hands! Her light brown curls were straying over
his vest, on the watch-pocket side. Her eyes were closed, show ing their long silken lashes to the greatest advantage against a
cheek of pearly white. The color of the orbs beneath those fringes
was forunately not unknown to him; their dazzling blue had flashed
with the lightning of woman's heroism as she stood amid the
infuriated throng. Her small white hands were just disclosed at
the bottom of those long flowing sleeves, which gracefully depended
at her sides, in the abandon of unconsciousness, like limp-wet
han. dkerch}4fs from a summer clothes-line. Her right foot,
-~
~ adorned with a neat bronze slipper and a stocking handsomely
clocked, projected beyond the front breadth of her chine silk,
and suggested rather than disclosed its graceful continuation.
The young and lovely female rather' inclined to embonpoint-and
as the first excitement of the occasion passed by, Mr. Primpenny
realized this fact to the extent of about one hundred and forty
Dounds averdupois.,This amount of beauty was on his hands.
Now the question was, what to do with it?
Fortune at this instant favored the escape of Mr. Muffles from
patriotic fury. As he reached the head of the hall stairs, where
Mr. Primpenny was holding up his lovely burden, braced against the
wall, he half recoiled at the sight of Ann Eliza McCrowder-and
seemed hesitating whether, after all, it might not be best to rush
back and throw himself on the mercy of the Junta. But Mr.
Primpenny whispered entreatingily, "For heaven's sake, catch hold,
old fellow!" and with a sigh of fearfully'tried friendship, Mr.
Muffles assisted in bearing the insensible Ann Eliza down three
pair of stairs, to her mother's parlor in the basement. Here he
was-about to beat a precipitate retreat, but at that instant Mrs.
McCrowder opened her door. At first she cast a look of'agony
upon her offspring and then she fell.upon the shoulders of Mr.
Muffles, bursting into tears. After exhausting this feminine
means of relief, she dried her eyes, became composed, and invited
the two gentlemen into the parlor. Mr. Muffles entered like a
convict visiting Sing Sing for the first time. Mr. Primpenny
followed'him dreamily-both of them together forming a com pound expression of feelings united by Ann-Eliza as a hyphen.
Depositing that lady on the sofa, they stood facing Mrs. McCrowder,
in perfect uncertainty what to do next.
"Mr. Muffles, give your friend a chair, if you please," said Mrs.
McCrowder, in broken accents.'
"Oh, beg pardon!'-' replied Mr. Muffles; "Mr. Primpenny, Mrs.
McCrowder."
"Happy to know Mr. Primpenny," returned Mrs. McCrowder.
"Mr. Primpenny will you have the kindness to bathe Miss
McCrowder's head? Slap her hands, too, if you please. Mr.
Muffles, would you help me to bring some cushions and the smell ing salts? Oh, thank you! sorry to give the trouble."
Mr. Muffles followed Mrs. McCrowder in a rapid incursion into
the next room, uncertain whether she didn't mean some dreadful
operation when she got him there-smothering him with pillows,
like the babes in the Tower, for instance, and sellrig his clothes
afterward. But there was no help for him, and thus he retired,
leaving Mr. Plimpenny and unconscious loveliness- alone.
(To be Continued.j

A FEW NURSERY-RHYMES.
FOR GOVERNMENTAL INFANTS.
I
Rockaby J. B., at Government's stop,
Howe'er you may blow, the State's "on a Rock:"
When the banks break, and Cabinets fall,
Down comes Government, J.- B. and all t
II.
GODARD B-, his father's son,
Stole some Bonds and away he run;
This job so neat could not be beat,And bonds are selling onl the street!
III.
Sing a song for sixpence, of matters all awry,
Three-and-thirty Sovereign States knockcd intopi!
When the safe was opened the Indians had to sing..
Wasn't FLOYD a pretty man, to wink at such a thing?
IV.
FORNEY in the kitchen, eating bread and honey,
BAILEY in the Treasury, pocketing the money;
Luckily, BUCHANAN'S reign is nearly at a close,
hut what will happen next year, Goodness only knows!
Query.
-PAtRS, Dec.:.,-I.s. A'a,RTINE's paternal estate of Milly had at length been
sold.
Why does the sale o0f LAMARTINE'S paternal estate make him a
-very rich man?
Because, having ne'.er a Milly, he must now be a Milli'naire!
- -; "'' " f-'z - "'- - v -I - -. e
26
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