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- Miscellaneous Front Matter - pp. iv
- Preface - pp. 1-2
- The Primpenny Family, Chapter I - Fitz-Hugh Ludlow - pp. 3-5
- More of It - pp. 5
- Fort Moultrie Spiked! - pp. 6
- Five Dollar Diplomas - pp. 6
- Cartoon—Captain Bobadil - H. A. Wise - pp. 7-8
- The Third House, Letter I - pp. 9
- The Japanese Bill - pp. 9
- Old Bachelor's Traps - pp. 10
- The Last Order - pp. 10
- The Japanese Boys - pp. 10
- An Extravagant Thief - pp. 11
- Gunny Bags and Cinders - pp. 11
- Book Notice - pp. 11
- The Music of the Union - pp. 12
- Oh Dear! - pp. 12
- The Primpenny Family, Chapter II - Fitz-Hugh Ludlow - pp. 13-14
- Artemus Ward on His Travels - pp. 15
- The Pugs of Merry England - By One of 'Em - pp. 15
- Mr. Lincoln Has Spoken - pp. 16
- Boole Among the Books - pp. 16
- A Lover's Letter - P. Gasus - pp. 16
- Ten Years After - pp. 16
- Webster's Statue - pp. 17
- Letting Him Down Easy - pp. 18
- From the Hub - pp. 18
- There's a Lower Depth - pp. 18
- Howell Cobb - W. A. S. - pp. 18
- Cartoon—A Good Boy - pp. 19-20
- The Third House, Letter II - pp. 21-22
- The One-Pony Express - pp. 22
- Ledger, Ledger, Ledgerest - pp. 22
- The Æsthetics of Books - pp. 23-24
- Once More unto the Breach - pp. 24
- Not So Bad for Brooklyn - pp. 24
- The Primpenny Family, Chapter III - Fitz-Hugh Ludlow - pp. 25-26
- A Few Nursery-Rhymes - pp. 26
- Extract - pp. 27
- The Gallant Buccaneer - pp. 27
- Miserrima - pp. 28
- Good Company - pp. 28
- The Third House, Letter III - pp. 29
- The Rising of the Afrite - pp. 30
- Cartoon—The Rising of the Afrite - pp. 31-32
- Rarey - pp. 33
- A New Crotchet - pp. 33
- Our Chinese Correspondence - Myduck - pp. 34
- Something to Be Thankful For - pp. 34
- Woke Up the Wrong Passenger - pp. 35
- The Renegades - pp. 36
- Little Jimmee - pp. 36
- Artemus Ward - pp. 37
- Sanford Again - pp. 38
- Cheap Literature - pp. 38
- Simon Says Down - pp. 39
- Vanity - pp. 39
- The French For It - pp. 40
- Mr. Everett Speaks Decidedly - pp. 40
- Treason in Carmine Street - pp. 40
- Salt - pp. 40
- The Northern Star - pp. 41
- Before the Restaurant - pp. 41
- Seasonable Thoughts - pp. 41
- As of Old - pp. 42
- Cartoon—Like Meets Like - pp. 43-44
- The Back Trail - pp. 45
- The Twin Devils - pp. 45
- Our Eagle and Our Flag - pp. 45
- The Third House, Letter IV - pp. 46-47
- Brooklyniment for Sore Consciences - pp. 48
- No Law and Yet a Great Deal of It! - pp. 48
- The Jolly Millers - pp. 48
- A Nursery Rhyme - pp. 48
- Three Blind Rats - pp. 48
- The Primpenny Family, Chapter IV - Fitz-Hugh Ludlow - pp. 49-51
- Æsthetics of Hanging - pp. 51
- The Great Lunacy - pp. 52
- Il Giuramento - pp. 52
- Call the Roll - pp. 52
- Holy See-Cession - Tim Moore - pp. 53
- Footy - pp. 53
- All Hail Montgomery - pp. 54
- Down - pp. 54
- Fernando First - pp. 54
- Cartoon—Cameron at Springfield - pp. 55-56
- The Third House, Letter V - pp. 57
- More Pap for Government Babies - pp. 58
- Cardiac Affections - pp. 58
- Posthumous Patriotism - pp. 59
- Dust to Dust - pp. 59
- A Voice from the Pit - pp. 59
- Political Mother-Gooseries - pp. 59
- The Professor of the Tea-Table - pp. 60
- P. P. C. - pp. 60
- The Primpenny Family, Chapter V - Fitz-Hugh Ludlow - pp. 61-64
- Bella Hinkley - pp. 63
- Hæc Fabula Docet - pp. 63
- Affairs in Italy - McArone - pp. 64
- Snaix - pp. 64
- Blood-Money - pp. 65
- Peculative Chivalry - pp. 65
- On the Gaff - pp. 65
- The President of the United States. December, 1860 - pp. 66
- Cartoon—Richelieu - pp. 67-68
- The Third House, Letter VI - pp. 69
- To You Who Read - pp. 70
- Our Scientific Department - pp. 70
- Weathercock Journalism - pp. 71
- Gaudeamus - pp. 72
- Tremendous Idea - pp. 72
- Regrets - pp. 72
- True Enough - pp. 72
- The Primpenny Family, Chapter VI - Fitz-Hugh Ludlow - pp. 73-75
- The Reverend Roscius - pp. 75
- Our Compromise - pp. 76
- By All Means - pp. 76
- Law of Master and Servant - pp. 77
- Mother Goose-Berries - pp. 77
- A New Song of Sixpence - pp. 77
- We May Be Happy Yet - pp. 77
- The Express Upon Skates - pp. 77
- What the Nation Said to Its Servants - pp. 78
- Cartoon—Abolition Tracks - pp. 79-80
- A Letter From the Hermit at Nixon's - pp. 81
- The Third House, Letter VII - pp. 81
- Affairs in Italy - McArone - pp. 82
- The Vassar Female College - pp. 82
- The Right Man in the Right Place - pp. 83
- The Other "Abou-Ben-Adem" - pp. 83
- Vanity Fair Sees Martha - pp. 84
- The Rum Old Commodore - pp. 84
- The Primpenny Family, Chapter VII - Fitz-Hugh Ludlow - pp. 85-87
- Affairs in Italy - McArone - pp. 88
- An Epistle from an Outraged Alderman - pp. 88
- P. F. - pp. 89
- Mutton, Considered as a Fine Art - pp. 89
- Mr. Lincoln's Tour to Washington - pp. 90
- Cartoon—The Great Show at Montgomery - pp. 91-92
- Mobile Advertising - pp. 93
- Wikoff - pp. 93
- Artemus Ward, Letter VIII - pp. 94
- Police Items - pp. 95
- Nicely Japanned - pp. 95
- To Dr. Bellows - pp. 96
- Quem Deus Vult Perdere - pp. 96
- The Primpenny Family, Chapter VIII - pp. 97-99
- Swinging Up Somewhere - pp. 99
- Southern Heraldry - pp. 100
- Affairs in Italy - McArone - pp. 100
- Vanity Fair Sees un Ballo in Maschera - pp. 101
- Progress of Mr. Lincoln - pp. 102
- Wirey - pp. 102
- Cartoon—The Inside Track - pp. 103-104
- A Metallic Voice - pp. 105
- Boston and Its Pictures, No. II - Wolf Mahlstock - pp. 105
- Grist to the Mill - pp. 105
- A Kick for the Union - pp. 106
- Mr. Kellogg of Illinois - pp. 106
- A Story with a Game Flavor - pp. 106
- An Outrage - pp. 106
- Our Manufactures - pp. 106
- The Song of the Presidential Pilgrim - pp. 107
- The Third House, Letter VIII - pp. 108
- The Primpenny Family, Chapter IX - Fitz-Hugh Ludlow - pp. 109-111
- The Man Who Blows the Bugle - pp. 112
- Affairs in Italy - McArone - pp. 112
- Movements of Mr. Lincoln - pp. 113
- Something Like a Husband - pp. 113
- That Salute - pp. 113
- Vanity Fair Sees Rigoletto - pp. 114
- Cartoon—Our Great Iceberg Melting Away - pp. 115-116
- From the Ten Cent Lady - pp. 117
- A New Thing on the Programme - pp. 117-118
- Exit Jacobus - pp. 118
- Half Baked - pp. 118
- The Heavy Weights of Light Literature - pp. 119
- Weston - pp. 119
- The Third House, Letter IX - pp. 120
- The Primpenny Family, Chapter X - Fitz-Hugh Ludlow - pp. 121-123
- A Wail from Philadelphia - pp. 123
- Murder by Fire - pp. 123
- Natural History—The Pelican State - pp. 124
- Vanity Fair to Mayor Wood - pp. 124
- A Lay of the Sunny South - pp. 124
- Affairs in Italy - McArone - pp. 125
- Letter from United States Senator Lane - pp. 125
- Reflections - pp. 126
- Musings on the Morning Papers - pp. 126
- Cartoon—Daring Leap - pp. 127-128
- Miserere! - pp. 129
- The Æsthetics of Boots, No. III - Aldi Borondi Fosca Phorniostious - pp. 129
- Our Would-Be Minister to Sardinia - pp. 130
- The Herald Jenkins - pp. 131
- Our Foreign Missions - pp. 131
- Quiet Comfort - pp. 131
- The Grammar of Art-Gossip - pp. 132
- Rather 'Stonishin - pp. 132
- Shrunk - pp. 132
- The Primpenny Family, Chapter XI - Fitz-Hugh Ludlow - pp. 133-135
- Uncle Sam and a Coercionist - pp. 135
- East Side Theatricals - pp. 136
- Sia Felice - pp. 136
- Affairs in Italy - McArone - pp. 137
- Amusement Extraordinary - pp. 138
- Cartoon—Prof. Lincoln in His Great Feat of Balancing - pp. 139-140
- Cruise of the Polly Ann - Artemus Ward - pp. 141
- Metallic Influences - pp. 141
- The Grand Concert - pp. 142
- Schurz - pp. 142
- The Strawberries - pp. 143
- All Is not Gold that Glitters - pp. 144
- Musings on the Morning Papers, No. II - pp. 144
- The Primpenny Family, Chapter XII - pp. 145-147
- H. G. upon Weed - pp. 148
- Lo! The Poor! - pp. 148
- Specimens of Secessional School Books - pp. 148
- Affairs in Italy - McArone - pp. 149
- Operatic - pp. 149
- The Tangled Webb - pp. 150
- J. B.'s Petition - pp. 150
- Cartoon—Open Your Mouth and Shut Your Eyes - pp. 151-152
- Philip, His Hand-Book - pp. 153-154
- The Right of Search - pp. 155
- Cui Bono - pp. 155
- Wretched Indeed! - pp. 156
- Startling Improvements in Arms - pp. 156
- The Primpenny Family, Chapter XIII - pp. 157-158
- Sunset - pp. 158
- Too Gushing - pp. 158
- Sound Principles - pp. 158
- Every One on His Own Axis - pp. 159
- Give a Dog a Bad Name - pp. 159
- The First Kick at the Lion - pp. 159
- New York Exhumed - pp. 160-161
- Our Boston Correspondence - pp. 161
- You're Another - pp. 161
- Seward "Talks Turkey" to Webb - pp. 161
- Philip, His Hand-Book - pp. 162
- Cartoon—The Noblest Roman of Them All - pp. 163-164
- Look Out for this Bird! - pp. 165
- Answers to Correspondents - pp. 165
- The Third House, Letter X - pp. 165
- How to Keep Canaries Dedicated to Miss Nancy - pp. 166
- Affairs in Italy - McArone - pp. 166-167
- Down With the Flag! - pp. 167
- On Writing History - pp. 168
- The Primpenny Family, Chapter XIV - Fitz-Hugh Ludlow - pp. 169-171
- Fine Words vs. Parsnips - pp. 172
- Charmed Lives - pp. 172
- The Wharf Rat - pp. 172
- A Word for the Bird - pp. 173
- Before the Palace - William Winter - pp. 173
- Awake There! - pp. 174
- Cartoon—Principle vs. Interest - pp. 175-176
- Vanity Fair Book Review - pp. 177
- Bull-Rushes - pp. 177
- Litera Scripta Manet - pp. 177
- Affairs in Italy - McArone - pp. 178
- New Atlantic Telegraph - pp. 178
- Refuge for a Destitute Motto - pp. 179
- Too Good to Be True - pp. 179
- The Cab-Age - pp. 179
- Our Active and Efficient Police - pp. 180
- Soyez Sage! - pp. 180
- Maine in March - pp. 181
- To the Border Men - pp. 182
- The Coming Man - pp. 182
- Business Cards—The Jeweller - pp. 182
- Wendell Phillips - pp. 182
- Vanity Fair Book Notices - pp. 182
- The Turtle Train - pp. 183
- Napoleon's Tomb in New-York - pp. 183
- Not that Man - pp. 183
- Mr. Bull Contributes to the Harmony of the Occasion - pp. 184
- Affairs in Italy - McArone - pp. 184
- Raising the Hatchet - pp. 185
- The Jeremy Diddlers of the Army and Navy - pp. 185
- A Minotification - pp. 185
- It Still Lives - pp. 186
- Cartoon—The Last Advice - pp. 187-188
- Histrionic, if not Historic - pp. 189
- The Land of the Pine to the Land of the Palm - pp. 189
- Anderson at Fort Sumter - pp. 189
- Official - pp. 189
- The Spring Fashions - pp. 190
- More Trifles - pp. 190
- Stolidity of a London Police Magistrate - pp. 191
- Natural History—The Rejected Contributor - pp. 192
- Song of the Keys - pp. 192
- Local War News - pp. 193
- A Suggestion, to Major Anderson - pp. 193
- Gems of War-Journalism - pp. 194
- Thereby "Hangs" a Tale - pp. 194
- Dear Murdered Duncan - pp. 195
- Affairs in Italy - McArone - pp. 196
- A Word to the Milliner of the Period - pp. 197
- Advice to a Private Ear - pp. 197
- The Color of Romance - pp. 197
- Gone for Good - pp. 198
- Out and Fight - pp. 198
- Cartoon—Let it Be Ever Thus with Traitors - pp. 199-200
- The Fight at Sumter - pp. 201
- Words of the Day - pp. 201
- The Southern Confederacy Illustrated - pp. 202
- The Case of "Jasper" - pp. 202
- A Regular Son-of-a-Gun - pp. 202
- The Seventh - pp. 202
- Barney - pp. 203
- The Battle of Morris' Island - pp. 204
- Anecdotes of the War - pp. 204
- Latest from the Wind-Mill - pp. 204
- Baltimore - pp. 205
- The Rally! - pp. 205
- Affairs in Italy - McArone - pp. 206
- Hurrah for Butler! - pp. 207
- The Women of Our Union - pp. 207
- The Magazines - pp. 207
- The Throws of War - pp. 208
- Henry Ward Beecher - By Our Brooklinenite - pp. 208
- Ho! Men of the North! - pp. 208
- Væ Victis - pp. 209
- We Don't Know about That - pp. 209
- Get Out - pp. 209
- The Whereabouts of Gen. Beauregard - pp. 210
- Cartoon—Ain't There a Nice Crop - pp. 211-212
- Natural History—"The Rocks" - pp. 213
- Advice Gratis - pp. 213
- Fernando's Proclamations - pp. 213
- The Gun Making Rascals! - pp. 213
- Our Zouaves - pp. 214
- Mottoes and Maxims for the Times - pp. 214
- Advice that Is Advice - pp. 214
- Tall Talk - pp. 214
- No Nonsense There - pp. 215
- Northmen, Come Out! - Charles Godfrey Leland - pp. 215
- Smead's Battery - pp. 215
- Vanity Fair Book Review - pp. 216
- The New Custom-House Regime - pp. 216
- Now Then, Move Along There - pp. 216
- Be It Remembered - pp. 216
- The Catspaw - pp. 216
- So Reported - pp. 217
- High Art - pp. 217
- Rent Free - pp. 217
- Awful Bad Ones - By an Only Daughter - pp. 217
- Ink Illæ Lachrymæ - pp. 218
- The Unkindest Cut of All - pp. 218
- The Yard-Arm Tree - pp. 218
- The Situation - pp. 219
- Beauregard - pp. 219
- A Oad - Goliah O'Gahaghan, By an Oye-Witness - pp. 220
- A Bas Sandford - pp. 220
- Able and Eloquent - pp. 221
- Bow-Wow! - pp. 221
- Scot Free - pp. 221
- The Downfall of Gentility - pp. 222
- Latest and Most Authentic - pp. 222
- Cartoon—Proposed Meeting of Ex-Presidents - pp. 223-224
- The Erl King - pp. 225
- Letter from Captain John Smith - pp. 225
- Hurrah for Blunt! - pp. 225
- All Abroad! - pp. 226
- Woe to the Traitor! - pp. 227
- Perkins's Purple - pp. 228
- Lord Lyons - pp. 228
- The Nightingale - pp. 228
- A Slight Mistake - pp. 228
- Artemus Ward - pp. 229-230
- Read! Read!! Intercepted Letter from Jeff D. to General B. - pp. 230
- America to the World - pp. 230
- An Incident - pp. 231
- A Colting - pp. 231
- Damascus Twist - pp. 231
- The Gentlemen - pp. 232
- A General Surmise - pp. 232
- A Special Edict - pp. 232
- This Side Up - pp. 233
- Sword and Plough - Charles Dawson Shanly - pp. 233
- Cash that Ought to Be Looked After - pp. 234
- A Pious Pair - pp. 234
- Cartoon—Bad Business - pp. 235-236
- Affairs in Italy - McArone - pp. 237
- Cocke-Adoodle-Doo - pp. 237
- Hurrah for the War! - pp. 238
- Free! - pp. 238
- Death, the Reaper - pp. 239
- Heigho! Says Rowdy - pp. 239
- Southern Infantry in Arms - pp. 239
- Terpsichorean Tactics - pp. 240
- Questiones Rationales - Frischlinus Tollenkopfius - pp. 240
- Shut Up There! - pp. 240
- "Old Virginny" - pp. 240
- A Question of Color - pp. 240
- What Fort Sumter Did for Me - pp. 241-243
- Big Thing in Maine - pp. 243
- Mother Goose for Jeff. Davis - pp. 243
- Our War Correspondence - McArone - pp. 244
- Pets for the Camp - pp. 245
- To the Tomb - pp. 245
- A House Built upon Sand - pp. 246
- Pocket and Principle - pp. 246
- A Word to Western Virginia - pp. 246
- A Sketch of the Southern Congress - pp. 246
- Cartoon—The Two Rogues - pp. 247-248
- Home Guards - pp. 249
- Dimick - pp. 249
- Vengeance Dire - pp. 249
- Wanted: The Facts - pp. 249
- The Volunteer's Soliloquy - pp. 249
- The Battle of the Skies - pp. 250
- Two Very Large Mice - pp. 250
- Artemus Ward - pp. 251
- The Night-Shriek - pp. 252
- The Recruits' Catechism - pp. 252
- Artemus Ward - pp. 253
- The Spoils of War - pp. 253
- The Turf - pp. 254
- Vanity Fair Book Review - pp. 254
- War! War!! War!!! - pp. 255
- Sic Itur Ad (-) - pp. 255
- Signs of the War-Weather - pp. 256
- Colonel Ellsworth - R. H. Stoddard - pp. 256
- Cartoon—The Great Southern Peter Funk Shop - pp. 257-258
- Fuller Again - pp. 259
- The Romance of the Indian - pp. 259
- Dog or Cat? - pp. 259
- Grand Telegraphic Descent - pp. 260
- The Southern Malbrook - pp. 261
- A Representative Man - pp. 261
- Dispiriting for Consumers - pp. 262
- Gems from the Charleston Courier - pp. 262
- England and France - pp. 262
- Artemus Ward - pp. 263
- Curious Entomological Fact - pp. 264
- Non Angli, Sed Angeli - pp. 264
- The Concert "Saloon" - pp. 264
- Army Contractors - pp. 265
- Military Barber-ism - pp. 265
- A Boston Institution - pp. 265
- Sharpshooting and the Longbow - pp. 266
- The Ladle and the Lancet - pp. 266
- Cartoon—Not the Cheese - pp. 267-268
- King Cotton - R. H. Stoddard - pp. 269
- A Complaint - pp. 269
- A Wor Pome - Mr. K. N. Pepper, Esq. - pp. 270
- Our War Correspondence - McArone - pp. 271
- New Concert Hall in Broadway - pp. 272
- The Storming of Fort Pickens - pp. 272
- Moses, the Sassy; or, the Disguised Duke - Artemus Ward - pp. 273
- Linsey-Woolsey - pp. 274
- Cuffee Again - pp. 274
- The Hempen Cravat - pp. 275
- Special Camp Correspondence - pp. 275
- Diplomatic: Vanity Fair Remonstrates with the British Lion - pp. 276
- Cartoon—Design for a Statue of English Justice - pp. 277-278
- General Poetical Agency - pp. 279
- A Clouded Letter - pp. 280
- Letter from McArone - pp. 281
- The Seventh - pp. 282
- The Treason of Trask - pp. 283
- Vanity Fair Book Review - pp. 283
- New York Gone to Grass - pp. 284
- Bib-Bib-Berry - pp. 284
- Hardee Made Easy - pp. 284
- Contrabandbox of War - pp. 285
- Letters from the People, No. 2 - pp. 285
- Sympathy - pp. 285
- Great Bethel - pp. 286
- Tyng-a-Ling-Tyng - pp. 286
- Southern Prayeries - pp. 286
- Cartoon—The Idol of England - pp. 287-288
- The Society for the Suppression of Wit - pp. 289
- Victoria to Vanity Fair - pp. 289
- Trying Times - pp. 290
- Charge on the Twelve Hundred - pp. 290
- Our War Correspondence - McArone - pp. 291
- South Carolina's Desire - pp. 292
- Douglas - pp. 293
- Passiflora Americana - pp. 293
- The Wail of the Seventh - pp. 293
- Hardee Made Easy - pp. 294
- A Good, Sociable Idea - pp. 294
- The Two Armies - pp. 294
- What People Say about Gen. Lyon - The Corporal - pp. 295
- The Luxury of Giving - pp. 295
- Our War Correspondence - McArone - pp. 296
- A Right Pleasant Old Song - pp. 296
- The Great Davis Dinner on the Fourth of July - pp. 297
- Let Us Alone - pp. 297
- Dreadful to Think of! - pp. 298
- The Double Dearth - pp. 298
- Special Camp Correspondence - pp. 298
- Cartoon—It May Come to This - pp. 299-300
- The Stars and Bars - pp. 301
- Virtue Unrequited - pp. 301
- Movements of "The Committees of Safety" - pp. 301
- Plums for the Profession - pp. 302
- Rejected National Hymns - pp. 302
- A Little Ballad - pp. 302
- Index - pp. 303-306
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