The Japanese Boys [pp. 10]

VANITY FAIR.
[JANUARY 5, 1861.
OLD BACHELORS TRAPS.
Editor Vanity lair:
pride the Japanese Boy. Look out, my Japanese Boy-you forget,
my fine fellow, that in this country of America, the future is apt
to come rushing along before you know it. Even You-degraded
as you are-may have some one to blush for you a few years hence.
If so,lGod keep you and them-for'nothing short ot a miracle will
ever lift from your name, and those of most of your fellows, the
mountain of Dishonor and Filth under which you have buried
them.
Reelected! Successful! Oh' yes-every abuse must come to a
head before it is reformed. But take care-BILLY MULLIGAN went
up. to Sing'Sing at last!
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THE LAST ORDER.
"All hands on deck to pray!"
I heard the Captain say
Was the order of the day.
The remedy was old'
But I knew that we were sold;
There was water. in our hold.
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ALAAM EFFENDI:-I wish to protest in the name and by the
consent of many Old Bachelors against the weapons that are -now
directed against us as a Single Body, by several literary-if not
literal-Amazons. The slings of fortune we care nothing for; we
are used to Slings. The brands of contumely we can bear; we are
accustomed to being Brandied. To be whisked about as nobodies
can be endured; for are we not often Whiskied up-and down?
To be whined over as reprobates we don't care for; we glory in
being Wined about. But, this bearing with all our foibles, and carrying us about as heroes, savors too much of the Porter; to be plain,
what Ails us is' simply this, we are Bearded in our dens, and hauled
out in JANE EYRE, NATHALI, Sir ROHAN's Ghost, and RUTLEDGE, as
the model men for young ladies to take after; and broad shoulders
and hair tinged with grey are so much the rage at present, that we
have not one moments' peace.- I look upon these Novel praises as
upon so much toasted cheese, which can be hardly regarded as the
Stilton; and in the name of Old Bachelordom inform the aforesaid
authoresses that we are Trappists, and Up to Trap. That we are
not to be taken in by honied words to drink the Meed of matrimony; and that we are too old rats to pass through the fire of
Caudle lectures and become Ratifiers- to any such marry the Gallows proceedings. See'em hanged first.
-Yours alone,
MONOTONE.

: THE JAPANESE BOYS.
VANITY FAIR calls solemn, serious, and sorrowful attention to
the following elegant extract
"A BOASTING ALDERMAN.-During the discussion in the Board of Aldermen, on
Monday evening, before the passage of the Japanese B3ills, Alderman BRADY boasted
that he had not been frightened by the criticism of the press, and that he had
been re-elected in spite of the newspaper denunciations. Nearly all the Japanese
boys, he said, had been re-elected. Aid. GENTr checked Mr. BRADY'S boastful
oratory by a hint in the spirit of the old adage, that "the less said the soonest
mended. "-N.'F. Sun, Dec: 26.
Mr. Alderman BRADY has been reelected by the vilest of the community, to a most emphatically bad-infamously bad-eminence.
Those who read the bound volume of VANITY FAIR a century hence
-and there are few among our many thousand readers who do
not preserve their copies-may learn that in the year 1860, a disreputable, degraded, and dishonored class of universally branded
city misgovernors attempted one of the vilest of swindles, in
attempting'to cheat New York in the bill for a most extravagant
and ridiculous entertainment of some Japanese officials. They
may learn from us too, that Alderman'BnADY, one of those miserable
and unfaithful servants, grinned and chuckled over the successful
swindle, boasting hilariously that THE JArANstE BoYs'had been
elected. They may learn that this ignorant and debased Alderman
crowed in exultation at the success of an act which every Honest
and Honorable citizen of New York has not, for months, heard
mentioned without a blush and without indignation.
Alderman BRADY-it is not Nice to be pinned up and shown to a
coming age as the Man who Exulted and Boasted over the Dirtiest
Swindle which has ever disgraced a civilized corporation. But Youi
were the man who did it. You are the one calling yourself in
Does he think-the dotard grayTo avert the judgment-day
By kneeling down to pray.?
As he walks the quarter-deck,Does he hope to save his neck
'Mid the cracking of our wreck.?
Let him shorten sail-or, crowd'
Every stitch-and man -each shroud
:- Though the winds blow ne'er'so loud.
'With our tough young.liive-:oak' craft,
And a stiff gale right abaft -
-. A good sailor would have laughed.
Though mutiny be near, -.
There are honest sailors here,
And the Captain need not fear.
True we've sprung a leak below,
-And through the break, I know
There's a constant, steady flow.
But it is not yet too late;
Send a carpenter and mate,'
To ascertain our state.
We have struck on many rocks,
And weathered many shocks,
Since we floated off the stocks.
We are good for service still,
If we meet no greater ill;
And please God we'never will.
For the righteous only, there
Is hope in earnest prayer;
And our page is not so fair.
Yet our star of hope is beaming
Forth this plain and simple seeming:
We may work our own redeeming.
Be courageous, firm, and leal!
Put your'own hand to the wheel!
And we'll show a steady keel.
But tell us not to pray;
For our life-blood flows away,
And we lose all in a day.
The Irrepressible Nigger.
We regret to say anything which can tend to aggravate the
present unhappy disturbance of the Union; but our duty as a
leading organ of public opinion, and our regard for the Constitution
of our country, forbid us longer to conceal a fact, the exposure of
which must shake the Nation from its centre! It is already wellknown that Mr. HAMLIN is a mulatto. We are now enabled to
state, from personal examination of the illustrated papers, that
LiNcoLN was actually born in A-shantee!
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