The Primpenny Family, Chapter IX [pp. 109-111]

MARCH 9, 1861.]
VANITY FAIR.
111
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Some Good Advice.
In dealing with an undertaker always pay him his prices,
and never screw him down,
for sooner or later, he will
surely find an opportunity to
retaliate on you if he waits till
the day of your death.
0
By our Compositor.
Why did not South Carolina
have the honor of furnishing
the first President to the new
Confederacy?
She contended against a
Quad-wrangle of States and
they out Jeffed her.
0
rimilia Similibus.
For Free Trade in the Southern Confederacy, administer
Free doses of sugar. Sweets
to the Sweet, You Know.
0 —
A SLIGHT HlINT.
-Lady of the I-iuse (log)-' 5O Mr. POPPLEWIT WfIAT SHALL I DO? TiiErE'S THAT SWEET GIRL Miss FINK WHO IS
STAYING WITH ME, HAS TAKE:N TWO OF THIE nFST PLACES IN THE GERMAN; THEY ARE DANCING THE FIRST FIGURES
AND SHE HAS NO PARTNER."
.LV. B.-Miss Finks is generally regaerded as the scourge of the German. Immense delight of Popplewit.
By Our Grammarian.
Why the President has no
mood of his own.
Because he is Simply Supine.
o
"Hio, Hsec, Hoc."
Grammarians are wrong.
The Hic always comes after
the Hock.
occasions she invariably saw me. Our eyes met and after that
moment of delicious rapture-dinner, sleep, peace of mind were
impossible! Once too, getting into the stage she showed me the
side of her exquisite face-that dreamy glimpse was worse than the
others-It was despair I"
"Well Muff-I'll tell you what we'll do. Give me yoursketches
to show the governor. He'll take an interest in them any way.He lives in coal-scuttles. If he still wants a partner, as he did when
he was so good as to ask me-perhaps he'll do something for you
after a While. At any rate, I'll try to have him. Meantime you
see the lady as often as you can, and if possible find out where she
lives. Who knows but Crowen may tell you? If he can't,, why
follow her unostentatiously up some day-"
"But what if I never see her again?" "Bah! one's always seeing girls again. There's no end to'em! That won't be your
trouble when you get a little older. I'll find some way to manage
an introduction for you, and here's my hand for all the subsequent help in my power. For the present eat breakfast. After
breakfast come round with me to the Governor's. I want to see
that dear mother of mine, and it will be just like her to ask us to
stay to lunch. Such lunches! She makes her own apple jelly,
and Oh! the deviled turkey of our cook-! Ris de veau aux champignons very likely too. Have you time? Where's old Chillgrin today?"
"Up at Special Term, goes to Court or Appeals by first express
this P. M. Yes-I have time. Don't say a word at home of what
I've told you!"
"Bless you, no! How Lottie would make fin of my old Muff
that I've told her so much about it, if she knew it had actually
fallen in love!"
The friends finished their steaks, drank a bottle of claret together, and then carrying the coal-scuttle designs set out for
Isaiah Primpenny's on the Avenue.
Reaching there they found the dear motherly Mrs. Primpenny
in, and Mr. Muffles was introduced to her. It delighted Mr. Primpenny to see how kindly she took to his frienid —how much his
gentle and pensive manner interested her. Men are always so
grateful when their lady friends appear to show this interest in
their gentlemen friends, with certain obvious exceptions. Why
can't the sweet creatures do it oftener?
As expected, Mrs. Primpenny invited them to stay to lunch.
Whe(n the time for that delicious divider of the day approached,
she asked them to walk in. to the white, flavorous, silvery and
odorous table, without waiting for Miss Lottie who was out shopping, and would probably take her little tiffin at the uptown Taylor's.
Mr. Muffles had scarbely divided his luxurious second joint of
devilled turkey-and was wavering be,tween the rival attractions of
the cranberry and apple jellies-when a merry laugh like silver
set to music resounded in the hall just outside. The next moment
the dining-room door flew open, and a rosy-cheeked apparition
bounded in, amid -a cloud of blue silk, at once to light, butterflylike, on her brother's lips, and send the blood back in a spurt to
the heart of Mr. Muffles.
"My particular friend, Mr. Muffles, Lottie dear."
Lottie stood silent for a moment-and then blushed to her eyes
-laughed to make it appear that that was the cause of the colortook Mr. Muffles' outstretched but trembling hand, and said "Havn't I seen you at Crowen's?"
"Yes, Miss Primpenny."
"A fortnight ago yesterday-"
"And six times since."
"To be sure!"
"Muff! you don't mean to say "
Yes I do, Stuyvesant," whispered Mr. Muffles, in a tone of
agony-Oh, for Heaven's sake keep still!"
So Stuyvesant mercifully did keep still for the present.
(To be Continued.)
Another Gooseberry.
Little boy Bu, come! blast your "Horn!"
The Bears in the cotton, the Bulls in the corn
What? is this the way you Mind your eye?
Asleep in the White House-under the Rye!
The Highest-born Lady on Record.
MINERVA: for mythology informs us that she made her first appearance on the top of JUPITER'S head.
By our Dreadful Contributor.
When COLSON sews on a button don't her'fingers become a
Singer's Sewing Machine?
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