The Favorite Poison of America [pp. 411-415]

TiHE FA VORITE POISON OF AMERICA.
days who "reproached the schools, thinking that
they do nothing but play!" And this work was
kept up six days in the week except "one part
of an afternoon for recreation."
The directions for the manners of lads were
very minute; those for personal cleanliness not
less so. The poems edited by Mr. Furnivall
leave the impression that the boys were dirty,
ill-amnnered gawks, who were civilized and
Christianized by water. It must have been a
dirty, ill-mannered nation, and only bathtubs
and a strict discipline which their vigorous flesh
could endure, brought them out. The Englishman of to-day who lashes his bath-tub atop of
his trunkl when he crosses the channel, carries
with him one of the emblems of his civilization;
the'other is the mighty rod by which mighty
schoolmasters have whaled the brute out of
him.
In Henry-the Eighlth's kitchen scullions lay
about naked, and tattered, and filthy, and the
fair inference is, that matters were infinitely
worse in humbler houses. Erasmus ascribes
the plague to the filthiness of the streets and
the sluttishness within doors. "The floors,"
says he, "are commonly of clay, strewn with
rushes, under which lies a collection of beer,
grease, etc., every thing that is nasty,"
There is much more on this head in Mr. Furnivall's collection; but the subject is not convenient. But his characteristic comment is worth
quoting:
"But it is not for one of a nation that has not
yet taken generally to tubbing and baths, or left
off shaving, to reproach his forefathers with
want of cleanliness or adherence to customs
that involve contradiction of the teachings of
physiologists, and the evident intent of nature
or the Creator. Moreover, reflections on the
good deeds done and the high thoughts thought
by men of old dirtier than some now, may prevent us concluding that because other people
now talk tlArouzgh their noses, and have manners
different from our own, they and their institutions must be wholly abominable; because otlhers smell when heated, they ought to be slaves;
or eating peas with a knife renders men unworthy of the franchise. The temptation to
value manners lrbove morals, and pleasantness
above honesty, is one that we all have to guard
against."
And yet there were croakers who sighed over
an older time of purity and strength. Good old
Harrison thus lamented:
"When our houses were builded of willow,
then we had oken men; but now that our houses
are come to be made of oke, our men are not
onlie become willow, but a great manie, through
Persian delicacie crept in among us, altogithler
of straw, which is a sore alteration. Now have
we monie chimnies, and yet aur tenderlings complain of rhleumes, catarhs, and poses. Then
had we none but reredoses, but our heads did
never ake. For as the smoke in those days
was supposed to be a sufficient hardening for
the timber of the house; so it was reputed [that
is, the smoke] a far better medicine to keepe the
goodman and his familie from the quack or pose,
wherewith as then verie few were oft acquainted."
And yet the boys came out of the "oken"
houses who have sent England's morning drumbeat ringing round the world.
THE FAVORITE POISON OF AMERICA.
"A NATIONAL poison? Do you mean
slavery, socialism, abolition, Mormonism?"
Nothing of the sort. "Then, perhaps, tobacco,
patent medicines, or coffee?" Worse than these.
It is a foe more insidious than these; for, at
least, one very well kno'vs what one is about
when he takes copious draughts of such things.
Whatever his own convictions may be, he knows
that some of his fellow-creatures consider them
deleterious.
But the national poison is not thought dangerous. Far from it. On the contrary, it is
almost synonymous with the domestic comfort.
Old and young, rich and poor, drink it with
avidity, and without shame. The most tender
and delicate women and children are fondest of
it, and become so accustomed to it, that they
gradually abandon the delights of bright sunshine and the pure air of heaven, to take it in
large draughts. What matter if their cheeks
become as pale as the ghosts of Ossian; if their
spirits fors'ake them, and they become listless
and languid! Are they not well housed and
collfortable? Are not their lives virtuous, and
their affairs prosperous? Alas, yes! But they
are not the less guilty of poisoning themselves
daily, though perhaps unconscious of it all the
time.
The national poison that we allude to is notlhing less than the vitiated air of close stoves, and
the unventilated apartments which accompany
them!
"Stoves" exclaimn a thousand readers in the
same breath-"stoves poisonous? Nonsense!
They are perfectly healthy, as well as the most
economical, convenient, labor-saving, useful, and
indispensable things in the world. Besides, are
they not real Yankee inventions? In what
country but this is there such an endless variety
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