Long Dresses and Tight Waists [pp. 232-233]

232
THE LADIES'
discussing they had a contempt for custom-house
annoyances, and entreated the ladies not to "smug gle" the most trifling thing-denounced gloves and
lace as feminine rubbish, and talked very big of the
folly of risking impertinence and detention for the
sake of useless trumpery. The ladies promised, and
kept their word-the custom-house officers passed
them without leaving a suspicion attached; but alas
for the strength of manhood! each of the gentlemen
was detected with such an unwarrantable number
of cigars carefully concealed, that loud altercation
and seizure of the " useless trumpery" resulted, af fording the ladies ample room for sly allusions to
masculine weakness and masculine philosophy of
luggage.
That there is philosophy in luggage we are con vinced; we have known people who traveled with
unnumbered boxes and bags, and yet were without
essential comforts, and we have held pleasant com pany with those who had extremely compact arrange ments, yet needed nothing. Some persons are as
diffuse and unmeaning in their packing as in their
conversation. We have seen a bit of top-string put
round a chest of two hundred weight; we have seen
an address left on a valise indicating that it was to
be sent to Bristol, when the owner fully intended it
at the present time to go to Cambridge; we have
seen hampers burst open at the most awkward mo ment, and parcels "come undone," when it was
impossible to do them up again, whereat the "lords
of creation" generally "get in a way," and make
speeches as sharp as their razors. Somehow, men
seldom put up heroically with trifling annoyances.
They can look a bankruptcy in the face with the
courage of a lion, and often bear the death of a wife,
who brought them ten thousand pounds, with Spartan
resignation; but give them an ill-cooked dinner, ask
them to wait for you five minutes, or let a parcel, as we
have stated above, run restive in their hands, and one
might think a linchpin was coming out of the world's
axle, by the fuss and fume they make; poor things!
they are but human, after all. Certainly, it is very
provoking to find ourselves at a railway station, as
the reputed proprietor of divers adjuncts, nobody
knowing exactly what or where-trunks uncordedl,
bags unfastened, brown paper bundles in most equiv ocal security, cloaks here, rugs there, and umbrellas
out yonder. One gets into a heated bewilderment,
that leaves us in our corner seat, with our "back to
the horses," in a state somewhat between scarlet fever
and nettlerash.
Be assured, that philosophy and luggage have an
affinity that yields great personal comfort, and we
advise all who "pack-up" for general traveling excursions, to do with as few packages as they can,
and keep those packages as concentrated as possible.
Strap all loose wrappers together, and tie up all
parasols, sticks, and the like, closely and firmly,
yet so arranged that they are easily available in
case of requisition, and put plain addresses on every
package.
[Eschew all the impeding animalcula of locomotion-such as indescribable baskets filled with every
thing that is never wanted, bunches of flowers that
are dead long before they reach the hands they were
intended for-bags of biscuits which you never eat,
REPOSITORY.
or, if you do, only remind you of the possibility
of getting bread from saw-dust. Carry no more
books and papers than you can put in your pocket,
and above all, as the highest practical point of the
"Philosophy of Luggage," renounce bandboxes.
LONG DRESSES AND TIGET WAISTS.
BY AN~ OLD DOCTOR.
I IREIE premise that I utterly disclaim any admira tion of the exaggerated and ridiculous caricatures
exhibited on the stage and in our shop-windows,
under the title of "Bloomer Costume;" such a the atrical style of attire is not to be desired, nor would
it be imitated by sensible women; but a modified
phase of the proposed reform may be very judiciously
and becomingly substituted.
I am a tolerable philosopher, and not easily dis turbed by trifles, but when I see expensive silks and
satins go about doing the work of crossing-sweepers'
brooms-when I see several inches of rich dresses
trailing through the heterogeneous offensive gather ings of city streets-when I see shoes and stockings
one mass of mud-when I walk in a choking cloud
of dust raised by the fair beings around me-really
my equanimity gets slightly irritated, and I am
inclined to apply a pair of scissors to the "part
affected."
I have witnessed indelicate exhibitions from at tempts to keep long skirts out of the muLd, that
offended good taste and refined feeling more than
any reasonable adoption touching Turkish trowsers
could have done. I have seen women get out of an
omnibus on black, sloppy days, when one of two
results was impossible to avoid-either the drapery
must serve as a mop to the steps, or there must be a
very uncertain degree of personal exposure; in the
first case, there is the spoliation of a good dress and
great annoyance to the wearer; in the latter, the un avoidable "indelicacy" is a subject of grinning de light to any empty-headed "gent" who may be
passing. Heaven forbid that I should, in the most
remote matter, wish to neutralize the exquisite and
charming constituents of woman's real modesty. I
have seen too much of the holy worth and moral
strength attached to woman's conduct, to be able to
do otherwise than worship and respect the innate
principles which prompt such exemplification. I am
no raving enthusiast, seeking to place man and
woman in false positions; but I am mentally convinced that woman might be invested with a fireer
and safer style of attire, without being disqualified
for any of her important relations, either as mother,
wife, daughter, sister, or citizen.
During my visits to the Great Exhibition, I had
multifold opportunities of witnessing the absurd extent to which the "fashion" of long skirts has been
carried. I accidentally trod on the frail muslin of a
young lady, and the consequence was a rent some
half yard in length. I apologized, but the girl, with
frank sense, replied, "aDon't name it, sir; ladies wear
their dresses so long, that it is impossible to avoid
treading on them." A little further on, I observed
the skirt of a lady in literal rags at the bottom-the
lining had been pulled and torn into small fragments,
and fell beneath the silk in dirty shreds, affording a
subject for laughter and contempt to all around, till
I
I