Miscellania [pp. 70-71]

70 MISOELLANIA.
MISCELLANIA.
BY PROFESSOR LARRABEm]E|
GENTLE READER, it is a long time since last we met.
Spring, with its ethereal mildness, and its budding
beauty, has come and gone. Summer, with its sunshine and flowers, has passed away. Autumn, with
its ripe fruits, and its falling leaves, has given place
to winter, that now is spreading its white windingsheet over all the beauty of earth.
Let us sit down together before the blazing fire
onil the cheerful hearth, while the winds are whistling without, and talk over the scenes of the
past year. How have you been this long time?
There is on your brow that which speaks of change.
There is yet a sweet smile on your lip, and a merry
light in your eye; but there is much of the serious
and the sedate in your appearance. Have earth's
changes borne heavily on your heart? Have the
deep, dark shadows of the grave passed before you?
Let me not, however, revive sad remembrances. Let
them sleep on deep in your bosom, and let not me,
by any ill-advised word, recall them to life.
My friend, the Editor, has greatly amused you by
describing some of the strange incidents that befell
him in his perilous pilgrimage last summer. I have
a mind, also, to take you along with me on a brief
excursion, to see if we may pick up by the way
something for amusement or instruction.
DANDIES AND DOGS.
One morning last summer, awaking earlier than
usual, I found myself lying in a berth on a steamboat moored at the city of Cincinnati. An hour or
two afterward, I was ascending rapidly along the
banks of the beautiful Miami. About noon I found
myself at Springfield, a place I had never seen before, but of whose beauty I had heard much. An
omnibus was ready at the depot, and I was soon
set down with my baggage at the hotel. Soon dinner was announced. The day was one of the most
delightful imaginable. The scenery along had really inspired me with some feelings of poetry. I
was at peace with myself and all the world, and
felt much like enjoying a good dinner. We were
ushered into the dining-room, where the table was
spread with provision sufficient, in variety and
quantity, to satisfy reasonable men, and were seated promiscuously, as is usual in hotels accommodating transient travel. Just as I was about to
commence operations, I cast my eyes up and down
the table to observe the company. Nothing appeared particularly interesting till I happened to
look directly across the table to my neighbor opposite me. Alas! that look spoiled my dinner. There
sat a man, whose features might have been handsome, if you could have found them. But his chin,
cheek, and upper lip, were so hairy, that when he
tried to eat, you could only see, where his mouth
ought to be, something that looked red. So greatly
did the hair impede the admission of food to the
mouth, that I really was afraid he would dislocate
his jaws —he had to open them so wide. For all
this, however, the thing might have been tolerable,
but for an appendage in the shape of a hairy, dirty,
gray-whiskered, sore-eyed dog, which the man, or
thing wearing man's clothes, held to his breast in
his left hand, while he tried to eat with his right.
Now I have no great objection to good-looking dogs:
indeed, I am rather fond of them. I have long kept
a large, noble, magnanimous, brave dog, the protector of all the children about the lot; and so great
is my regard for him, that, fearing it might be too
hard work for him to do all the barking, on account
of the great number of visitors to whom he had to
pay the canine salute, I procured a smaller one to
help him. But such a dog, in the arms of such a
man, in such a place, and at such a time, was equal
to a dose of ipecac. I arose from the table, paid
the door-keeper his half-dollar for looking at the
dinner and the dog, and congratulated myself on
being well out of that scrape.
At that time the distance from Springfield to
Urbana was passed in stages. There were lots of
passengers to be sent along, and not knowing when
my turn would come, I waited patiently until my
name was called, when I stepped into the stage,
and took the only vacant seat, being the middle
one. What was my dismay, on looking up, to find
facing me, on the front seat, that same old dog, in
the lap of the same biped. If a man finds himself
in a perilous position, the safer way is to face the
danger manfully. It also is wisdom to improve
every opportunity to acquire knowledge; and being
somewhat fond of natural history, I thought I might
avail myself of the two hours' ride, to ascertain
whether the biped with the dog was one of the descendants of Esau, or an improved species of ourang
outang, or, what was most likely, a new genus of
animal.
The result of my investigation was, that it was
neither of these, but a new variety of humanity,
of which I had before heard, but had never found
a well-authenticated specimen, called the French
Dandy. I learned that he belonged to the migrating animals, and was now on his way from New
Orleans to the north. I learned, also, that a welldefined woman, in appearance, sitting on the back
seat, acknowledged him for her husband, "De gustibus non disputandum." She was, however, about as
snappish and unamiable as the dog. I did really
hope they were not going north for the same reason
that fish go up stream at certain seasons of the year;
for I should not want to see any more of the same
sort. Arriving at Urbana, I observed that the man,
dog, and woman retired to a chamber, as I supposed, for the night. I, therefore, resolved to go on
to Sandusky that night, thinking my tormentors
would not leave till morning. I had just got well
fixed in a comfortable seat in the car, and was con gratulating myself on passing a night as pleasantly
as could be hoped on a railroad, when in came the
man, woman, and dog. To my utter consternation,
he placed his wife in the seat before me, and thrust
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