Memoirs of Mrs. Hawkes, late of Islington. By Catharine Cecil [pp. 239-271]

t1839.] M1emoirs of MJrs. Ilawekes. 267
some time stationary, began now to growv evidently worse;
and her nerves became exceedingly debilitated and deranged:
but still her confidence remained unshaken, and her peace
and hope was a constant cordial to her spirits; and ill the
midst of all her afflictions, she was constantly endeavouring
to be useful, especially to her numerous circle of young
friends. Providence did not leave her destitute of friends
and benefactors during, her long confinement. In several
instances she received important and necessary aid, bestowed
with such delicate regard to her feelings, that she never
knew from what source these bountiful streams issued.
The reader may be surprised to hear no more of the kind
attentions of MAr. and Mrs. Cecil to their suffering friend.
They were both gone to their rest, l\Mr. Cecil first, August 15,
1810, and Mrs. Cecil a few years afterward.
As late as August 1830, we find a long, and interesting
letter from Mrs. Hawkes, addressed to the Rev. R. Waldo
Sibthorp, who had requested a p)articular account of her religious views and experientces. After an introduction, in
which she expresses her gratitude to this reverend gentleman, for the interest which he took in her spiritual concerns,
she goes on to say:
"An attack of disease in the head has rendered writing, and reading, and
even much thinking, not only exceedingly difficult, but also dangerous in its consequences: and has proved a fresh occasion for the exercise of passive faith, and
sweet repose in the will of God, and in his fatherly love and compassion; in
which I am ashamed to feel I am so much wanting,-but which, I trust, I am
seeking to obtain in a way which you, dear sir, kindly point out,-that of not
resting short of a fuller measure of the blessed spirit of adoption; by which at
all times, and in the darkest seasons, I may cry,'my Father, my Father!' I
say a fuller measure,-for I surely am not wholly a stranger to this high privilege,-these most sweet drawings of the blessed Spirit to the bosom of a compassionate Father,-even while under the deepest smartings of his chastening
rod. Yet I am conscious that the spirit of bondage is not cast out as it ought
to be; but is still striving to rob my soul of that abiding peace, which is the
sweet fruit of a full assurance of faith.' I would, therefore, in self-renunciation,
prostrate myself at the foot of the blessed cross,-the holiest, safest, and hap.
piest station for all the soul's transactions with God,-and would earnestly enter
into the inquiry,' Is there not a cause?' It may be partly from the want of
such serious inquiry, that many sincere Christians rest short of this crowning
blessing of the gospel. In my own case,-setting aside a proneness to legality,
and many other cause- that operate to produce gloomy doubts,-I seem every
day to be made to discover and feel, that I know very little of what is real
Christianity, either in understanding or practice. And having been led, I trust,
by Divine teacing, and also by sad experience, to feel somewhat of the exceeding
sinfulness of sin,-as regards its own hateful essence, as well as the havoc and
ruin it has actually produced, and still does produce in the soul,-my mind and
thoughts more frequently revert unto, and dwell upon, what sin hath wrought,
VOL. XI. NO. 2. 35