Blue-Eyes and Battlewick, Chapters XVIII-XXIII [pp. 273-294]

Blue-Eyes and Battlewick.
shaw weaker and weaker, the room darker
and darker.
"Curse the rats! Is THAT a rat?"
Certainly a prodigious specimen. Some
siX feet high; strange nose for a rat long and hooked; a dreadful moustache,
terrible white teeth-long and sharp; a
very, very black rat, with keen, beady
eyes, that twinkled devilishly.
"Your servant, sir," said the Rat.
Grimshaw, dumb with horror, made no
reply to this greeting.
"Don't be alarmed, don't be alarmed,
sir, dear sir, my very dear sir. We are
good friends, good friends, I trust. Only
a little matter of business with you. You
appear to be at leisure, and I will state
my business. You see this? This is a
bill filed in Chancery, filed as smoothly
as if you had filed it yourself. If you
please, we will take up this bill. You
shall be judge, I will be advocate; and,
in order to ensure a hearing, I will (pardon the liberty) insert this bill into your
Honour's ear-thus. It gives you no
pain? I thought not. Being sure of
my position, I will now press the bill, as,
for example, in this manner-"
Grimshaw groaned aloud,
"Pray, excuse me," said the RatFiend; "the bill seems to go against
your convictions. Perhaps your opinion
was already made up before I commenced
my argument. But let me see-yes-the
bill is marked' Somebody vs. Atwill,'
and must be pressed -THUS."
Grimshaw cried out in agony.
"Your Honor, I am sure, will excuse
me; the case, as you are well aware, admits of no delay. I think, however, I
may alleviate the uneasiness it seems to
give you."
Hopping in front of Grimshaw, the
Rat-Fiend made rapidly a number of
mesmeric passes at him.
"Now, your Honor will observe how
the case progresses. So. There. It is
all over now-I feel the end of the bill
through the other ear. It is true that,
in passing through the Court, the bill
occasioned the Court some inconvenience; but if'Somebody' was to make
anything out of'Atwill,' it was incum
bent upon' Somebody' to make it at once.
Your Hlonor is perhaps aware that Atwill has failed. Failures will occur. We
must make the most out of them, and
make it quickly."
Grimshaw wondered less at the cruelty
and impudence of the Fiend-Advocate,
than at his own inability to protest
against his proceedings, and to adjourn
the Court.
The Rat-Fiend continued:
"If the Court please, our cause has
triumphed, as the cause of virtue ever
will.'Somebody' has made out his
case' vs. Atwill.' Let us, then, drop law
and take up mechanics. Your Honour,
in time past, has no doubt had frequent
occasion to witness the effects of the
Screw upon your clients. With the
Lever, however, your hionour, I dare
say, is less familiar. I purpose, therefore, to divert your Honour's leisure with
a few practical illustrations of the power
of the noble instrument aforesaid, to wit,
the Lever."
"Your Honour will obser-e that the
bill, which I have had the happiness of
pressing through your Honour's head, is
no longer a bill, but a Lever. If I apply
the weight of my hand to this Leverthus-your Honour cannot fail to appreciate the effects. A perceptible elevation
of the upper region of your hlonour's
head ensues, and-I regret to say ityour Ihonour shrieks. Very good. It is
apparent from the magnitude of the
shriek resulting from this-the minimum of pressure upon the Lever, that
the power of the Lever will compare favourably with the power of the Screw-a
single turn of which, under your Honour's honourable and merciful hand, has
made many a devil, much poorer than
myself, shriek much louder than yourself shrieked."
"Is it not so? It is."
"Your Honour is charmed, and it
gratifies me to be able to say it, with the
similarity of the effects of the Screw in
your Honour's hands, and the effects of
the Lever in my own hands. It is a fine
example of a distinction in instruments,
without a difference in power. Yirtu
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