Foolometers, Part Second [pp. 467-474]

Foolometers.
more fatal and less laughter-provoking
result.
The Diogenic cry, a la lanterne, struck
terror into dishonest politicians; and the
light thus shed upon the progress of the
great cynic in former times, by his disciples in gay France, proves that his foolometer, like that of Procrustes, was also,
in some degree, and when in proper
hands, a foolkiller of the most effective
kind.
No one can deny that the Septemberers,
whose atrocities preceded fitly the Reign
of Terror, were true cynics, in both dress
and temper, and possessed a dog-like propensity to shed blood. Indeed, they may
be said to have been rabid, and their
madness was an epidemi"c.
Itad Diogenes lived in our day, or had
he positively sought for fools instead of
seeking them by a negative process, (he
sought the honest, consequently those rejected were foolish,) we can well iniagine him to have used another instrument than a lantern. Our fancy would
picture him going forth on a fool hunt,
his hand filled with a large and brilliant
mirror!
'We do not hold with Procrustes and
Diogenes, that all men are fools, and
should be told so; some exceptions should
be made, and we approve rather of the
course pursued by another great master
of our science, whose name is still highly
honored, and whose fame as a foolkiller
has descended to the present day.
At this pause, the crowd ask one another, Has he found his honest man, and
are these the only honest men in Athens?
Perhaps self-congratulatory smiles have
mantled the faces of those old councillors,
with the same hope of praise expressed.
When, without regarding either the murmurs of the crowd, or the smiles of
the Areopagites, Diogenes passes rapidly
through the court, flashing his lantern
about him, without stopping; and going
out on the other side, announces clearly
that, in his opinion, there is in Athens
no honest man to be found.
The mob applaud; the noble and the
wise join in the merriment; the satire
was too universal to strike any one in
particular, and as all were assailed, it
was esteemied a jest, and nothing more.
Those who at first felt it most keenly,
were most anxious to have this construction put upon it, and passed off the deserved censure as the crazy joke of an
ill-natured madman. In fact, the censure
was too universal to be felt, and few saw
how much truth there was in the queer
philosopher, and how much real satire
there was in the walk of Diogenes. No
one took to himself what was received
by all. Like the rain falling from heaven, no one finds fault with it, although
it inconveniences all; while a small share
of such fluid, thrown from a window upon one, to the exclusion of others, would
have incensed him, because of the specialty of the insult. Such is the effect
of censure when partially or generally
applied.
Diogenes erred, as his predecessor had
done. HIe made too general use of his
foolometer; although, as the application
of it produced no bodily pain, it was not
destroyed, nor was its possessor maltreated.
There was no Theseus then in Athens.
May we not say, that in a city somewhat resembling the ancient Athens, in
the combined intellect, frivolity and bloodthirstiness of its inhabitants,-we mean
the modern Paris,-there has been some
resemblance to this Diogenean trait, when
the populace, disgusted with the dishonesty of their rulers, and anxious for a
change, used a similar test, only with a
We regard Socrates as the chief of our
class, as most prominent among those
who have devoted themselves to this
science, and as the chief ornament of
that honourable race of men who have
endeavoured to instruct mankind without
making to themselves a party, or striving to aggrandize their persons, or their
families.
Peruse the history of his contest with
the Sophists, and you will at once see
that he was a most effectual fool-killer.
No more complete destruction —no more
sure decapitation-ever occurred, than
in that contest in the Lyceums of Athens.
468
[DECEMBER
SOCRATES, AS FOOL-KILLER.