Advice to Young Ladies [pp. 249-253]

SOUTHERN LITERARY MESSENGER.
PUBLISHED MONTHLY AT FIVE DOLLARS PER ANNUM-JNO. R. THOMPSON, EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR.
VOL. XV. RICHMOND, MAY, 1849. NO. 5.
ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES.
BY ARBOR VITS, ESQ.
If the following pages should not be found to
possess that interest for the public, which is requisite for their admission into your valuable
journal; or if, being there published through
your courtesy, they should not be favorably esteemed by yourjudicious readers, the result would
be extremely mortifying to my sensibility. And
this, sir, would be the effect, not so much of
wounded pride, for a modest estimate of my own
talents has ever been one of my characteristic
distinctions; but of disappointment in my efforts
to aid in the culture and development of the
most lovely of Earth's productions, the spring
buds and blossoms of womankind.
No other motive, indeed, could have prevailed
with me to enter the field of literature, at my
period of life, unskilled as I am in what may be
called the science and art of mental horticulture.
But I have been persuaded by the solicitations
make sure of either: but, like the unlucky sportsman, who fires right and left to no purpose at
the retreating covey, she is left to deplore the
lavish expenditure of caps and powder, without
the satisfaction of displaying a single feather of
the birds so long and anxiously pursued. Some,
indeed, convert themselves into human revolvers,
and go off, in rapid succession, with random
shots at every point in the compass: but, notwithstanding much noise and smoke, the aim of
these weapons is too unsteady, and their range
too short, to be effective, without the help of extraordinary accident.
I have already remarked, that few are so fortunate as to attain both of the great aims of female ambition. She, who is followed and courted
by a multitude of admirers, is not often to be
envied in her choice of a protector for life. There
is much wisdom in proverbs. We are told by
the highest authority, that the race is not always
to the swift: and we are often reminded of the
homely illustration, the heroine of which, after
fastidiously rejecting all the straight canes in the
forest, is at last obliged to be content with a
of friends, that a long and intimate acquaintance crooked stick, picked up at the end of it.
with polite society, as well in foreign capitals And there are causes obvious enough, which
and courts, as in the circles of our own country, conduce to this result. The love of admiration
joined to my habitual association with, devotion is an appetite which grows by indulgence, and
to, and study of, the most fascinating of the other which, like other morbid appetites, seeks gratifisex, has fitted me, in a peculiar manner, to im- cation, rather in the quantity, than the quality of
part useful advice to the young sisterhood, now its food. The belle of the day is invariably surentering upon the untried scenes of the world. rounded by a crowd of fops and flatterers, whose
I am solicitous to repay, in the only way now only chance of attracting notice is to flourish in
left to me, some part of the obligations I owe to the sphere which her presence illumines. The
their predecessors; and if the performance should rules of social intercourse oblige her to receive
not correspond to the expectations of those who them civilly: while policy and convenience
have encouraged the attempt, I trust to meet prompt her to encourage them by particular
with some indulgence, not only on account of marks of favor and condescension. They are
my laudable design, but in consideration of my useful-these exquisites-in their way. They
having foregone the accustomed aids of natural can handle a fan, or a bouquet-they can regisgrace and elocution, which contribute so much ter engagements for the quadrille-select a box
to the charm of polished conversation, and which at the opera-have a pretty taste in jewelry and
I have been accounted to possess to an enviable costly books-and sometimes sport fine horses in
degree. a newfangled and dashing equipage. Some
The young lady who makes her debut in the can trill opera airs melodiously from beneath a
world of fashion and of pleasure, is generally well-dyed moustache: and many more are skiloccupied with one, or both, of two great objects- ful in the foreign dances, which display to such
to wit-to secure the admiration and homage of advantage the voluptuous elegance of form.
our sex, and to form an advantageous alliance with Now it seldom happens that a young man of
some favored suitor, before the close of her day solid merit is distinguished for his proficiency in
of triumph. Very few succeed in attaining both theseartsofthepetit mditre. Somepossesssuch
the glittering prize, and the substantial reward, happy quickness and versatility as to acquire a,
of feminine ambition. Too many, alas! fail to competent share of graces and accomplishments,
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