Extracts from the Journal of an American Naval Officer [pp. 767-782]

Extracts from the Journal of an American Naval Officer.
A friend, who stood by me in this emergency, as overcome; but I made this compromise with conhe had done in all others, I appointed to liquidate science. I determined, that stand or fall, I would
the debts I owed-for which, fortunately, I had I not aim at the life of my adversary. Frail changesufficient due from the Purser. In the event of lings that we are! What frivolous pretexts, what
death, for any deficiency in the funeral expenses, It slight provocations, are sufficient to turn us from
trusted to the generosity of my country, even while our purpose-particularly when that purpose, good
I was about to violate one of its most positive in itself, is assailed by the passions!
enactments. The morning had been cool, but in the afternoon
I did not sleep well that night; and yet, I can- it became warm; and near the appointed hour, I
not remember, nor does my journal present one stole out of town, with the pistol and a canister of
expression, from which to infer that death, as death, powder, as studiously concealed beneath the ophad any terrors. It was not the parting, but the pressive folds of my cloak, as if they had been felomanner of it, from which my mind, deeply imbued niously obtained. My friend was unavoidably dewith the precepts of a pious mother, involuntarily, layed, and I went alone fearful of being too late.
shrunk. I felt, and it is recorded on the'pages of He overtook me just before I reached the ground.
my journal, that I would have cheerfully exchanged The other party was there before us. The word
the chances of escape, for certain death in the and distance were arranged, and the ground meacause of patriotism or humanity. sured. My pistol was objected to by the opposite
It were useless to transcribe the conflicting sen- party, and one of a pair was substituted, cumbrous
sations which are recorded on the leaves before as a horseman's, and so large in the bore, that it
me. With an abiding conviction of the probable was necessary to wrap an ounce ball in buckskin
consequences, my mind never, for an instant, fal- to fit it. With the purpose I had formed, it was
tered in its purpose. The feeling was nearer akin immaterial to me what weapon was placed in my
to remorse for errors past, than a hesitation be- hands; but I was rather nettled, that, with the adtween good and evil. In other words, "I knew vantage of superior skill on his side, my antagothe right, and would the wrong pursue." nist should evince so little magnanimity; still, when
Towards morning I sunk into a heavy sleep, I took my stand, my resolution was unaltered, to
from which I awoke late and unrefreshed. My receive his fire, and in a manner not to be susfriend hurried me through breakfast, that I might pected, throw away my own.
practise a little with the pistol, to which I was un- While, with relaxed grasp, I held my weapon
accustomed, while my adversary was considered by my side, my mind was wandering far from the
an excellent shot. He had procured for me the scene, and with a consciousness of how completely
pistol, with which Decatur, mortally wounded him- they were thrown away. I was listening, as in
self, had so nearly killed his antagonist. early boyhood, to the beautiful precepts of my
It looked so much like deliberately seeking ano- mother, when the words "Fire!" "One!" startled
ther's life, that I refused to practise until satisfied, me. Looking instantly up, I caught the eye of my
that the odds being so much against me, no efforts antagonist. The expression was not to be mistaof mine could materially diminish, much less change ken. With eager avidity to take my life, was
them, in the intervening time. I went into the ad- mingled great anxiety for the preservation of his
joining woods and tried three shots, either of which own. I could not resist the feeling which impelled
would have been fatal, had I been confronted by an me-but as his ball whizzed by my ear, and before
opponent. the last word "three!" was uttered, I had fired
Returning to the town, we met the funeral on its with an aim as malignant as his own.
way, and joined the procession. At the burial ser- As the report reverberated above and around us,
vice, by some accident, or, as it appeared to me at I looked eagerly forward, expecting to see my adthe time, by some fatality, I found myself standing versary fall. Half encircled by a spiral wreath of
at the foot of the grave, one hand holding my cloak, smoke, to my mortification, (yes, to my present
to conceal the pistol which was grasped by the shame I record it)-to my mortification, he stood
other. To my distempered imagination, the des- unscathed before me. Had I retained the pistol
tined tenant of the grave appeared to burst his which I brought to the field, his death would have
cerements. The madman, now infuriate in his been inevitable. The aim was unerring, for it was
wrath, now distorted with grimaces, seemed, while vindictive, and the hand is ever faithful to the eye.
he scowled or chattered, to regard me as a greater The fault was in the weapon. As it was, both
madman than himself. It seemed, indeed, as if shots were ineffectual; and before we were preProvidence, in merciful warning, permitted me to pared for a second, my antagonist tendered such
stand upon the brink of the sheer precipice, and to an apology, that the matter was adjusted.
look far down the yawning gulf, into which I was I have transcribed this, not for the incident itabout to precipitate another or myself. self, which is uninteresting, but to give a faint idea
Pride, an undue regard to the opinions of others, of the tone of thought and feeling elicited by the
and tIe fear of ridicule, were too powerfil to be occasion. I know not how others may feel at such
1842.]
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