Castor Oil Candles [pp. 199-200]

1842.] ew Ligts. 199
to see, at the same time, a disposition manifested
to ridicule this lubricous patriot. A spirit of
satire, instigated no doubt by the spermaceti inte rest at Nantucket, or by the holders of hog's fat
at Cincinnati, has already sprung up, as it is always
sure to do when deep discoveries are made known,
and great genius developes itself. We care not
for others, and shall always make up our own esti nmate of great men upon our individual responsi bility, without stopping to inquire into the opinions
of contemporaneous criticism. It would have been
a great thing for Galileo if he could have had the
benefit of our countenance and encouragement,
when the besotted ignoramuses around him voted
his philosophy a bore and an imposture. WTe should
have seen at once into his philosophy, and beaten
all the boobies out of their opposition to the "new
lights." Just so we intend to act on the present
occasion. It is our intention to take this Western
philosopher and his Castor candles under our special
protection, and permit none of the false philosophers to blow them out, till the world blazes into
an illumination as bright and as brilliant as the
prairie which was set fire to, by a stray spark from
the imagination of Mr. Fennimore Cooper.
It will never do to tell us that there is any humbug in this business, or even that it is a mere lightning-bug. We have more faith, and have better
studied the "lights of the age," than to cramp the
inventive faculties of Mr. Marsh, the illustrious
inventor. We just as much believe that he can
make good summer candles from Castor Oil as we
believe in a great many other "improvements,"
ancient as well as modern. The philosopher of
Laputa believed he could extract very good sunshine (or moonshine, we really do not recollect
which,) from cucumbers; and we have very little
doubt he did, though Swift leaves us in the dark
as to the final success of that sublime experiment.
We have heard of another gentleminan of "an ingenious turn of mind," who proposed to concoct
Congressional speeches of "thrilling eloquence"
from the "brawler's common-place book;" and of
another, who took out a patent for making rainbows
from the sediment of a chimney sweeper's tumbler of sour ale. It is understood that an Eastern
savan, "located" somewhere among the granite
hills of New-Hampshire, has nearly brought to
perfection a cheap plan of digging double the quantity of potatoes out of a hill that could ever be
coaxed to grow in it; an intelligent operative
at Lowell has actually extracted an excellent cough
candy from the devil's own turnip; and a gentleman
of " great scientific acquirements," in one of the
Hoosier towns, has contracted to light the streets
with gas obtained from the natural deposites of
the village stable. We have even heard it asserted,
and we believe it as religiously as we believe in
Castor Oil candles, that there is a fellow "down
east" who can make first rate quince jelly from a
T he clematis droops, the willo w is bending
To kiss the green sod that covers thy breast;
The last rose of Summer its perfume is lending,
And the first sigh of Autumn is breathed for thy rest.
"Rest here i f in peace!" in the dark hour of danger,
No sight of the loved ones, to thy dim eye, arose;
Yet sweet seems thy sleep, tho' the land of the stranger
Doth cradle thy form in its dreamless repose.
Green fields are around, and the blue skies are free,
Where the earth-wearied spirit is chainless and blest.
Then sleep, till a voice from above shall restore thee
To thine own kindred band, in the mansions of rest.
The quickstep march of modern mind
Is leaving common sense behind,
And all the Gods from Pan to Mars,
Now make their trips in rail -road cars.
The Muses —nay, the very Graces
Have paid theirfare-for early places;
And sooth to say, their votaries seem
To travel, now-a-days, by steam,
And strain-although the boilers burst,
To be at Bubbleton, the first.
No matter who deserves to win,
The cripple only can get in!
The sure of foot and sound of limb
Must not, of course, compete with him!
So rapid is " improvement" now,
It goes ahead, (no matter hot,,,)
T'Vith such a fifty savan-power,
Y,ou get to heaven in half an hour,
By merely locomotive preaching-On the high pressure plan of teaching:
And by the same in shorter space
May reach, God wot, the other place.
Who now, would think for once of earning,
By labor's toil, the wealth of learning?
Or who propose to go to school
For knowledge-but a fool?
Not even the baby Prince of Wales
Is soft enough to kill the whales,
To light him to his pap-when gas
Is grown in every meadow-grass.
And when wax candles of the best
Are from the castor beain-pod prest?
Lay of the Last Tom Toddle.
1842.1
New Lights.
199
NEW LIGHTS.
CASTOR OIL CANDLES.
Some friend of the human family at the West
one of your Utilitarian gentlemen, who are constantly upon the qui vive for a chance to extract
the " essential oil" of mortal happiness from those
grosser productions of nature, which seem in their
crude state to be little better than so many fuizgl
upon her fair face-announces the fact that lie can
manufacture first rate candies from Castor Oil, and
the local newspapers express a conviction, as clear
as the wick of one of the iiiveiitor's own fabric,
that they are abundantly better than the bay-berry,
sperm, wax, or even mutton tallow! We are sorry