MSS. of Benjamin Franklin [pp. 293-296]

SOUTHERN LITERARY MESSENGER.
lator ofour actions, give us peace and tranquillity within
our own minds, and render us benevolent, useful and
beneficial to others.
LETTER FROM ANTHONY AFTERWIT.
Mr. Gazetteer,-I am an honest tradesman who never
meant harm to any body. My affairs went on smoothly
while a bachelor; but of late I have met with some
difficulties of which 1 take the freedom to give you an
account.
About the time I first addressed my present spouse,
her father gave out in speeches that if she married a
man he liked, he would give with her 2001. in cash on
the day of marriage. He never said so much to me, it
is true, but he always received me very kindly at his
house,and openlycountenanced rycourtship. Iformed
several fine schemes what to do with this same 2001.
and in some measure neglected my business on that
account; but unluckily it camne to pass that when the
old gentleman saw I was pretty well engaged and that
the match was too far gone to be easily broke off, he
without any reason given, grew very angry, forbid me
the house, and told his daughter that if she married me
he would not give her a farthing. However (as he
thought) we were not to be disappointed in that manner, but having stole a wedding I took her home to my
house, where we were not in quite so poor a condition
as the couple described in the Scotch song,, who had
Neither pot nor pan
But four bare legs together,
for I had a house tolerably furnished for a poor man,
before. No thanks to Dad, who, I understand, was
very much pleased with his politic management; and
I have since learned that there are other old curmudgeons (so called) besides him, who have this trick to
marry their datug,hters, and yet keep what they might
well spare, till they can keep it no longer. But this by
way of digression, a word to the wise is enough.
I soon saw that with ease and industry we might live
tolerably easy and in credit with our neighbors; but,
my wife had a strong inclination to be a gentlewoman.
In consequence of this, my old fashioned looking glass
was one day broke, as she said, no one coutld tell wchich
way. However, since we could not be without a glass
in the room,.My dear, saith she, twe alay as well buy a
large fashionable one that Mr. Such.a-one has to sell. It
will cost but little mnore than a common glass, and will look
much handsomer and niore creditable. Accordingly, the
glass was bought and- hung against the wall, but in a
week's time I was made sensible by little and little, that
the table was by no mteans suitable to such a glass; and a
more proper table being procured, some time after, my
spouse, who was an excellent contriver, informed me
where we might have very handsome chairs in the way;
and thus by degrees I found all my old furniture stoqwed up in the garret, and every thing below altered for
the better.
Had we stopped here it might have done well enough.
But my wife being entertained with tea by the good
women she visited, we could do no less than the like
when they visited us, and so we got a tea table with
all its appurtenances of china and silver. Then my
spouse unfortunately overworked herself in washing
the house, so that we could do no longer without a maid.
Besides this, it happened frequently that when I came
home at one, the dinner was but just put in the pot,
and many dear thought really it had been but eleven. At other
timnes when I came at the same hour, she wondered I
would stay so long,, for dinner twas ready about one and had
waited for m?e these two hours. These irregularities occasioned by mistakling the time convinced me that it
wvas absolutely necessary to buy a clock, which my spouse
observed was a great ornament to the room. And lastly,
to my grief, she was troubled with some ailment or
other, and nothing did her so much good as riding, and
these hackney horses twere such wretched ugly creatures
that-I bought a very fine pacing mare which cost 201.;
and hereabouts affairs have stood for about a twelvemonth past.
I could see all along that this did not at all suit with
ny circumstances, but had not resolution enough to
help it, till lately receiving a very severe dun which
mentioned the next court, I began in earnest to project
relief. Last Monday, my dear went over the river to
see a relation and stay a fortnight, because she could
not bear the heat of the town air. In the interim I
have taken my turn to make alterations, viz.-I have
turned away the maid, bag and baggage-(for what
should we do with a maid, who beside our boy, have
none but ourselves?) I have sold the pacing mare and
bought a good milch cow with 31. of the money. I have
disposed of the table and plt a good spinning wheel
in its place, which methinks looks very pretty: nine
empty canisters I have stuffed with flax, and with some
of the money of the tea furniture I have bought a set of
knitting needles, for to tell you the truth Ibegin to want
stockings. The fine clock I have transformed into an
hour glass, by which I have gained a good round sum,
and one of the pieces of the old looking glass squared
and framed, supplies the place of the great one, which
I have conveyed into a closet where it may possibly
remain some years. In short the face of things is quite
changed, and methinks you would smile to see my hour
glass hanging in the place of the clock,-what a great
ornament it is to the room! I have paid my debts and
find money in my pocket. I expect my dear home
next Friday, and as your paper is taken at the house
where she is, I hope the reading of this will prepare her
mind for the above surprising revolutions. If she can
conform herself to this new manner of living, we shall
be the happiest couple perhaps in the province, and by
the blessing of God may soon be in thriving circumstances. I have reserved the great glass because I
know her heart is set upon it; I will allow her when
she comes in to be taken suddenly ill with the headache,
the stomach ache,faintingfits, or whatever other disorder
she may think more proper, and she may retire to bed
as soon as she pleases. But if I should not find her in
perfect health both of body and mind the next morning,
away goes the aforesaid great glass with several other
trinkets I have no occasion for, to the vendue that very
day-which is the irrevocable resolution
Of, Sir, her loving husband and
Your very humble servant,
ANTHONY AFTERaWIT.
P.S. I would be glad to know how you approve my
conduct.
aqnswer. I dont love to concern myself in affairs between man and wife.
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